True Love Isn't Conditional
by futureMT
Summary: Jacob starts going to Forks High, meets the Cullens and then falls hard for Edward. there will be more than a boy on boy love storyline but the beginning with be how they fall for each other and get close. No sex in the until later chapters.
1. First Boring Morning

**REWRITTEN CHAPTER**

_**The story is about Jacob and Edward being together..**_

_**The beginning chapters will be how they meet.**_

_**They will eventually get together ;] but not right away.**_

_**Maybe im old fashioned but I like people liking each other first lol.**_

_**Rated T now, but rated M for when the yummy love happens.**_

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**Jacob's POV**

It was my first day at Forks High. I got kicked out of my school on the Res for drinking on school property. I wasn't looking forward to going here but at least I knew Bella. Me and Bella had known each other since we were younger, her dad and my dad had been friends for a long time so me and Bells would be forced to hang out when she came to visit Charlie. But she had stopped coming here during the summer a couple years ago. But now, because of her mom and step dad moving and traveling so much, she decided to move out here for good.

I was going to miss my boys on the Res but its not like I had to move to Forks. I still lived in La Push, so I could just see them when I got home. It was just annoying having to start over here, meeting people all over again. But I was always good with people so I didn't think I would have a problem. One thing I was shocked to hear is that I had the learning level to skip a grade. They taught things alittle early down in La Push, so I learned this year what the juniors were learning here. I decided to skip the grade and maybe if I liked it here I could just finish high school next year, but I wasn't counting on it.

Once I pulled into the parking lot on my motorcycle, I was already getting looks. I parked across from where I saw Bella.

She ran across the parking lot and yelled, ''Hey Jake.'' and gave me a big, tight hug.

''Hey Bells.'' I said as I was hugging her.

''So, how upset are you?'' She was concerned but giggling.

''I've been better. Lets just leave it at that.'' I answered back.

''ugh. I feel bad for you. You must have gotten up so friggin early.'' She said with compassion.

''Not really. My school started early.'' I said. She didn't realize that being that my school started earlier than hers, than I was pretty much waking up at the same time, just skipping the breakfast and cartoons to make up for the longer drive.

''Oh yea, I forgot.... Oh theres Jess.... Hey Jess!'' Bella screamed across the road.

We walked across the street and met up with Jess who was talking to an asian boy. ''Hey Bella.'' They hugged. ''Who's this?'' She said smiling and giving me flirty eyes.

''Don't you remember me talking about Jacob Black from the reservation.'' She talked to Jess like she had described me good enough to where Jess should have known already.

''Oh yea. Nice you finally meet you. Bella always said how tall you were but I thought she was just exaggerating.''

''I'm only 6'3.'' I said flattered, trying to sound modest. I had always loved my height.

''Only.'' The asian boy said to me. ''I'm only 5'8.''

''That's still tall.'' I said to the boy, chuckling alittle.

''Hi, i'm Eric.'' He held out his fist, I hit it.

''Hi. Bella's talked about you before. You were like the first person she talked to.'' He looked happy that he was actually talked about.

''Yea. I knew from the beginning me and Bella would be good friends.'' He smiled at Bella. Did every guy in school like her? Damn.

Bella just gigged and looked at me, alittle embarrassed. ''Ugh is it just me or do these people have a staring problem?'' I asked, trying to change the subject.

Everyone was staring at me, whispering and gawking. It was weird. I mean I was popular at my school but that was just because im awesome. But this seemed more like they either saw a ghost or a celebrity.

''No, its staring problem. Remember, thats what they did to me in the beginning.'' Bells said, equally as annoyed.

Jess just rolled her eyes. She just didn't know that I already knew she was guilty of that problem. ''Yea. They are like so immature.''

Eric looked at me and held back a laugh. She was clearly bitter about not being the most popular person in school.

Eric and Jess let me and Bella know that the bell was going to ring soon. I told them id probably be late because I had to go get my schedule from the office - which I probably should have done already - and told them I would see them later, not knowing if I actually would being that I didn't know if I had any classes with them.

After I got my schedule from the office and a map of the school, they told me to get signature from all my teachers and return it at the end of the day. I guess they didn't trust the student enough to believe they'd actually go to all of their classes. I looked at my homeroom teacher and I _thought_ that might be Bella's homeroom but I wasn't sure.

Once I got to the class, I knocked quickly on the door and walked right in. He had just called Bella's name and I was ecstatic.

''Hi. Are you Jacob Black?'' The teacher asked mid roll-call.

''Um yes I am. You are Mr. Angovich right?'' I said giggling in case he wasn't.

''Yes I am. We were just doing attendance so why don't you wait right here in this front seat and you can introduce yourself after im done.''

''Ok.'' I sat down sighing. I hated introducing myself.

After he called Carrie Yattum, he told me to come up to the front and introduce myself.

''Um what would you like to know?'' I said, trying to sound confident and silly, just so no one knew I was annoyed.

''So your Jacob Black, we know that. Why did you transfer here so late in the school year?'' I thought that question was alittle person but I sucked it up and ... lied.

''My dad thought this school system was better. They are pretty strict down there and im not smart enough for it.'' I laughed, playing the humor card. It worked, people laughed, well the guys laughed, the girls giggled, thinking I would actually notice one of them.

''I'm sure thats not true. But why not somewhere closer?'' Damn, this guy wanted my life story.

''Well I actually already know Bella. Our dad's are friends so we thought this would work.'' I said, pointing to Bella.

She started blushing and I knew she was embarrassed because she looked like she was sinking in her seat.

''Okay Jacob. Nice to have you in our homeroom. You can take a seat wherever. The Bell is going to ring soon.''

I went to the back and sat with Jess and Bella. Bella was giving me the death stare. ''I hate you.''

''I know.'' I just smiled at her.

Well apparently I had homeroom at least with Bella. For the next 2 minutes of homeroom I compared schedules with Jessica and Bella. I realized I had 3 classes with Jessica and 6 with Bella. Only 2 classes without her. That was a relief. Charlie had promised he would try and pull some favors to get us alot of classes together but I didn't think they'd go for it.

Once I got to my first period, with Bella and Jessica, we sat down together with Eric. He looked at my schedule and said that he had only 3 periods with me, he looked sad. But I was thankful that I had lunch with all 3 of them.

All through second period, Jessica, Bells and Eric told me about how they eat with at lunch, the latest gossip about who was and wasn't popular. While walking to third period, I asked who the popular and unpopular clicks were. First she told me I was stereotypical but I was only human, I could admit I wanted to know which clicks owned this school. She would point to a person or different groups of people and tell me if they were high or low in the food chain at this school. It was actually kind of fascinating. It wasn't the usual football players and cheerleaders who ran the school. It was the dance team and the lacrosse team who were the most famous here. That was actually cool. I loved lacrosse and I always thought dancers were cuter than cheerleaders anyways.

Once me and Bella got to third period I had to introduce myself again. I ended up meeting one of Bella's friends Ben. He was cool. Next was gym.

I had it with Bells but her class was doing shit on the other side of the gym. The weather was crappy outside, so we stayed inside with about 8 volleyball nets throughout the gym. Half the class was playing volleyball and the other was playing badmitten. I wanted to play and show these people my skills but I decided not to draw anymore attention to myself. I just sat in the bleachers with a few other people, non athletic I assumed, and just watched. 3 guys came running over near me, they were getting a ball that got flung over here and they threw it back to the game. The climbed up the bleachers and sat next and in front of me. They introduced themselves as Tyler, Adam and Mike. Tyler was black and dressed pretty cool, he seemed my type of guy. Mike was a blonde pretty boy, who dressed ALITTLE preppy for my taste. Adam was dark haired, tall and skinny, he dressed like he really weight 300 pounds. They seemed cool.

''So you must be Jacob Black. The Jacob Black.'' Mike said.

''Yep. How'd you know. I don't think we had classes together.'' I replied.

''Nah I haven't had any classes with you but seriously everyone is talking about you. I knew it was you by the long, gorgeous locks of black hair'.'' Tyler said, saying the last part in a girls voice.

''AH!'' I slapped my hands in my face. ''They are seriously saying stuff like that?''

''Yep. These chicks are pretty ridiculous over you. But their boyfriends on the the hand aren't so happy.'' Adam let me know.

''Oh, that sounds fun.'' I said sarcastically.

They, of course, like everyone else, took my schedule and talked over each other about what classes they had with me. All I got from what they were saying is that they had the same lunch as me, which I guess is all I cared about.

When the period was close to over, one of them mentioned Bella. I wanted to make sure it wasn't bad, but stupid me actually had been tuning them out for a while so I didn't know what brought her up.

''You guys know Bella?'' I asked.

''Yep. We sit with her at lunch.'' Mike said with some authority that I didn't understand. ''Do you?''

''Uh huh. thats why my dad wanted me coming here instead of another school. We've known each other for years but only have been really close since she moved here.'' I said back not looking in Mike's direction.

Then something clicked. This was the Mike Bella always complained about. She said he was a blonde pretty boy. Wow, now that I realized who he was, I wanted to laugh out loud but it would be pretty awkward explaining the random hysterics.

''Oh true. So like you guys ya know..?'' Tyler said while making simulated sex movements.

That was weird to hear but I guess thats what everyone thought about us. ''No no no. We are just friends, nothing else. Like in the beginning we had kind of a crush on each other and we kissed once but there wasn't really a spark.'' I said. When I looked over at Mike. He looked so pissed.

Adam wanted to go play volleyball, so he left laughing after I had my 2-second awkward stare down with Mike. ''Oh. Bella doesn't seem like she would go for guys like you.'' Mike said.

I opened my eyes in shock. I didn't know if that was a put down or not. I looked at Tyler who was trying to hold back a laugh. ''What do you mean, guys like me?'' I asked.

''No no. Nothing bad. Just doesn't seem like the type whos into the typical 'hottie.' Mike said nervously with air quotes. I wasn't going to make anything out of it. I could tell he liked her so I couldn't blame him for hating Bella's best guy friend. But I also wasn't going to get to close to Mike.

''Don't mind him. He just has a huge crush on Bella.'' Tyler burst out laughing from having to hold it back so long.

Mike kicked him. ''Thats not true. I mean Bella's cool. I would totally date her. But I got other girls on my list first.'' Mike said. I was going to get really pissed at him about making a comment like that but I knew he was just trying to be cool. I didn't want to embarrass him anymore by kicking the shit out of him.

The rest of lunch Tyler and Mike showed me who was 'cool' and 'uncool'. Basically they made me believe they were the coolest, which maybe was true, but it wasn't about how cool they were that would make me hang out with anyone. Anyone was cool if they hung out with me. I giggled to myself at the thought. They pretty much told me to stick with their crew and ill be good but of course I was still going to keep my options open. They also showed me the girls that were off limits - either girls they've been with, girls they want, or girls I would get my ass kicked for hooking up with - and which girls would put out easy. I mean, I totally wasn't a prude but it was pretty nasty the way he talked about these girls but as long as they bit their tongue when it came to Bella, they would stay unharmed.

I got along with Tyler pretty good. Me and Mike just made little snooty, nonchalant remarks to each other the whole time but we still got along. Adam and their friend Mario joined us in the locker room and we just talked about normal guy shit, nothing special. I really liked the guy Mario, he was totally my style.

Once we were done we walked out of the locker room, into the crowded hallway. Now we had lunch, I looked down the hallway to where the girls locker room let out and saw her coming out with a brunette girl. We walked down to see her. Mike Saying an eager hi first, he was so pitiful it actually made me feel bad for him.

''So, you met the boys?'' Bella said to me with a comical disgusted face at Mike once the boys were distracted.

''Yep.'' I rolled my eyes jokingly and laughed.

''So wheres the cafeteria. I don't want to get out my map.'' I asked.

I had looked over most peoples head and saw doors swinging open with tables inside, I figured that was the lunch. Since I already knew I tuned out Bella's, "Right there.''

We walked to the lunch room and sat down at the empty table they always sat at, they thought they owned it. The lunch room had big round tables and they took 3 and put them together so they could all talk.

The rest of the 'gang' came in 2 minutes later. We had pretty full tables, I was shocked to realize that they were a pretty big, popular crowd. I already knew Jess, Eric and Ben but they're were a bunch of others that I didn't know or only had a class with. Lauren was a girly girl princess, didn't like her. Angela, who was the girl Bella was coming out of gym with, she was sweet and apparently Ben's girlfriend. The rest were kinda far for me to really get to know them but they stared at me the entire time. Once we all got our stuff put on our seats we went to go get lunch.

I sat next to Bella but didn't have much luck talking to her because Mike wouldn't shut up. She got a couple questions in at first but then Mike eventually got her attention back. I kind of felt out of place but comfortable at the same time. I kept to myself mainly unless I was asked a question. Mike was obsessing over Bella. Tyler and Mario were talking about their lacrosse game this friday. Lauren and Jess were talking about girls they didn't like a couple tables down. Ben and Angela were flirting and being cute. I liked them as a couple, she was a very average shy girl but he seemed cool and popular and I liked the fact that that didn't matter.

I sat back in my chair. Ate my lovely lunch and wondered how the rest of my day would go.

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**This is a rewritten version of this chapter because I accidentally deleted the other one.**

**If you are reading this story for the first time, just know that.**

**But its not like I changed much, just added alittle more than the first one.**

**Edward's in next chapter =]**


	2. Interesting Lunch

**Edward's POV**

I went to my car after 4th period. Not in a rush to be on time for lunch and do the same thing I did everyday, - pretend to eat, listen to everyone gossip about us and pretend I give a crap about anything Rosalie says, it was old. In the car next to me, I once again heard a group of girls still talking about the new kid from the reservation. I knew it was Jacob Black, I had never met him before but I obviously knew who he was. He'd been pretty much my 'enemy' since he was born, even though I never considered the Quileutes to be my enemies but technically they were. So I was in no rush to head to the cafeteria after hearing he was in my period lunch. GREAT, just what I need.

After sitting in my car for a good 10 minutes, I could hear their thoughts.

_Ugh he's so depressing, what could possibly be wrong this time? Do we have to come babysit him everytime he's being a pouty, whiny baby. He needs to get over himself._

I knew that was Rosalie obviously.

_Aw poor guy, is he ever happy? Wonder if its cause of Jacob Black that hes acting so agitated._

I knew that was Alice, my only sibling with alittle compassion. It wasn't like I was in here to get my siblings to come after me and ask me whats wrong. I honestly wanted to be alone but just because I wasn't as happy as they were, they thought they had to come rescue me all the time and that wasn't what I wanted.

_Maybe I should get him from behind next time.._

With that, I knew it was Emmett. Although the comment sounded like a sexual innuendo, I knew he was referring to the bear he almost didn't kill. After that, I just drowned his thoughts out because I already heard enough of this at home.

Finally after trying to walk at human speed, they got to my car and Alice asked why I was sitting in here.

''I don't know, I just ain't in a rush to go in there, thats all. I don't eat the food anyway, I don't know why any of us go to lunch.'' I said to Alice as Rosalie huffed and walked away thinking more thoughts about me being a whiny baby. Emmett followed her.

''I know but why don't we just go in. That new guy Jacob Black is in there, why don't we go say hi, its not like we are on his land or anything.'' She said with alittle sarcasm but amusement in her voice. I thought she actually wanted to go say hi but then I heard her thoughts which echoed mine about this situation possibly becoming a problem.

''No, I mean its not like im scared of him but I don't want to make any unnecessary problems that none of us need right now. I'm trying to avoid ever meeting him... I wonder if he knows we go here. I cant hear his thoughts anywhere but then again I don't know what he sounds like.'' I said actually realizing that I couldn't find any thoughts that related to being a new kid here but I shrugged it off. There were so many people in this school, even as strong as my powers were, I wasn't going to hear everyone all the time.

''I wonder that too. I bet he's heard of us obviously. I mean he's probably been brainwashed from hour 1 of his life to hate us but I wonder if he knows we're like a couple yards away from him.'' Alice said kinda intrigued.

''He's probably to overwhelmed by these star struck, obsessed fan girls to even have time to think about us being here. He's probably thought about it at home but we gotta remember that he doesn't need any problems here either, so maybe Edward is right when he says we should avoid him best we can even though we're not on his land.'' Jasper added very thoughtfully.

''Ok, can we go to lunch now? I'm bored sitting on this curb.'' Rosalie complained.

''You can go in, not like you're any help out here anyways Rose,'' I spit back before adding. ''I'd prefer you go away anyways.''

I tried saying it in a whisper but I knew she could hear and wanted her to go away.

''No shes right, lets go inside and eat todays delicious meal they have for us.'' Alice said sarcastically.

''Ugh fine but im NOT saying hi to him, looking at him or anything.'' I said annoyed.

''Ok ok. Wasn't going to make any one of us talk to him duh, I was kidding before. And you need to take off your grumpy pants and put on your happy khaki's.'' She said in the cutest voice and I couldn't help but laugh and do as she said.

''Fine, fine lets get this over with.'' I said as I huffed.

As I walked to the cafeteria, there was a new scent I hadn't smelled in a long time. It wasn't bad, but it was different. I knew it was Jacob, the smell was so strong, stronger than any other smell i'd smelled on a person. It was intoxicating, I felt dizzy and alittle to intrigued by the smell. I inhaled before getting to the cafeteria, because if the smell was this strong outside, with wind and everything, I knew the stuffy stagnated air from the cafeteria would make the smell too intense. So after my deep breath I didn't breathe anymore. I looked around but couldn't find the boy. I wasn't about to breathe and inhale the scent to find him so I just went and sat at our table. I'd been wanting to not find him and avoid him the rest of my life a couple minutes ago but now I was so addicted to the scent, I was seconds away from inhaling the smell to locate this bastard.

**Jacob's POV**

I didnt mind these people but I was alittle out of it, I didnt pay much attention to the conversations they were having. I tried talking to Bella, the only sane person at this table, but Mike took all her time, inviting her to parties that she would never attend with him, movies that she would never see with him, restaurants she never planned on eating at with him, well alone at least. I just wanted to YELL '_get the hint, she don't fuckin want you' _but I couldn't. I was going to see a lot of these people and didn't want any problems. I liked Angela, Eric, Ben, Mario and Tyler but the rest I would just settle for acquaintances, nothing more. As I sat staring into space while pretending to be listening to Jessica's story, I suddenly heard her say 'Cullen' so I came from my trance and listened to her. I think she noticed my NEW interest in what she was saying.

''Do you know the Cullens Jake?'' Jessica asked happy that I was now actually listening.

''Um ive heard of them. I heard they are rich and antisocial and think they are better than everyone else.'' I spit out, not wanting to tell them exactly everything I knew about them.

They all stared in disbelief that even an out-of-towner knew the Cullens all too well. ''Um yea exactly,'' Jessica said kinda pleased that I said more than one sentence. ''they really do think they are better, they talk to no one but each other. And they are just way too attractive, im sorry but no one should be that goodlooking and be in this small town.''

''Hey!'' Tyler said nudging her, implying he was good looking, which he was but the cockiness of all these people got alittle annoying sometimes. But I guess I couldn't be a hypocrite, I had my self worshiping moments.

''Um, why did you bring them up?'' I asked trying not to cut them off with their little flirty argument about Tyler being or not being goodlooking.

''Oh .. yea .. I just said they weren't in their seats today. They sit at the same table everyday and they are either too early or fashionably 5 minutes late to make an entrance. But its been a half an hour, guess they aren't eating here today.'' Jess said pointing at where they usually sat.

''Um maybe they weren't here today.'' I said not caring, hoping they weren't but then another part of me kinda craved alittle drama, I think, and wanted to see them.

I had never seen the Cullen 'kids' before. I'd seen the doctor before though, the 'dad' Carlisle was in the newspaper a lot and I had met the 'mother' Esme at a grocery store one day when I was in Forks shopping with Charlie and my dad.

''No, they were. Alice is in my 3rd period class.'' Tyler said and Eric adding. ''And Emmett is in my 2nd period and he was here.''

''Oh well maybe they actually have lives and go out for lunch.'' I said looking up and realizing I sorta offended everyone alittle by saying they were the people you hang out with if you have nothing else to do. Even though I didnt mean that... completely anyways.

''Dude, um we're awesome and we don't go out.'' Tyler said again with that hint of cockiness but I started to feel like hes conceit was alittle bit of a front because everytime he said something self centered, he waited for conformation, telling me he was more insecure then he led on.

But after my little episode of psychoanalyzing Tyler, I responded, ''No no, thats not what I meant but come on, wouldn't you guys rather be like out of this crowded cafeteria? We should like go out every once in a while.''

I slightly wondered to myself if they'd even want to talk to me after this but my paranoia was washed away when Adam said, ''Hell yea, all of us should go like smoke some blunts down near the beach one day. You smoke Jake?''

I rolled my eyes while he said it, realizing that he was the pothead of the group, which I vibed for some reason when I met him - glazed over eyes, funny laugh and took a very long time to put his sentences together - but maybe I was being to stereotypical. I nicely replied, ''Nah, I have but I don't like it much, makes me dizzy and lethargic.''

Adam stared at me, probably wondering what lethargic meant and said, ''Man, your missing out. Do you drink?''

Bella giggled alittle, obviously referring to my explusion but I gave her the 'look' and she said, ''Ugh. I thought he said we should go out and EAT one day, can we chill sober please?''

Adam made a joking offended sound and teased, ''I resent that miss tightass.''

''Who told you about that?'' Mike added pervertedly while winking. Which almost got me to flip shit on him but I kept my cool, I was just having a big brother syndrome episode. But Bella did my job and elbowed him in the ribs making Jessica pout alittle bit at the 'flirting' they were doing.

Once again blocking out everyone's conversation, I started wondering why we were talking about this. I remembered that it was talking about the Cullens that sent us this direction of talk. Then, all of a sudden I smelled.... leeches. I had remembered the smell from meeting Esme but this was way stronger and I figured it was most likely because there were FIVE vamps somewhere in here. I didn't want to look because I wasn't sure how I would react to seeing them.

''OH, there they are. They are here and theres only 10 minutes left of lunch, they are idiots.'' Jessica said not sounding as annoyed by the vamps as she tried to sound and I remembered Bella telling me one night that Jess used to have a crush on Edward Cullen and he never gave her any attention.

''They probably ate already and are just waiting for the bell so they can go to class.'' Angela added politely, defensive in a way. Angela seemed the type not to judge anyone, even a stuck up, asshole family.

I felt myself pretty much hyperventilating. The smell was too much, not a bad smell, just strong and different. Knowing where they're table was, even though I did all I could from letting my curiosity get the best of me, I turned to look in that direction.

Bella nudged me with her elbow and whispered. ''Whats wrong? Why since they came in are you freaking out? Do you not like them or something?''

Bella had known about me being a werewolf. It took me some guts to tell her but I trusted her like she was family. I shifted in front of her once and her weird ass self was only alittle shocked. I mean most people probably would have passed out from fear and this girl cared more about my dirty paws then anything else. Ok, thats exaggerating, she was alittle freaked out, not realizing there was such a thing as werewolves but even when we were kids she was very into the supernatural.. But I had never told her about vampires, not wanting her to become too interested and do something stupid. Plus, I never thought there would be a situation like this, I planned on telling her sometime, just NOT now.

''No, I just think that food was bad or something, I have cramps.''

''Oh come on mister high maintenance, the food ain't.. that bad. Not all school's can get the kind of cuisine your school gets.'' She said teasingly.

''I know, im just not used to it and trust me, the res didn't have THAT good of food.'' I said as Mike caught Bella's attention, telling her a joke. I was relieved cause I wanted to have my panic attack in peace.

I felt eyes on my back. I KNEW they were looking at me, I just knew it. I wanted SO bad to see what my enemies looked like. It was like a car wreck, I didn't want to look but stupidly I did. I turned and saw 3 out of 5 people sitting at the table the Cullens sat at. The 2 others covered by people standing. Obviously they were the Cullens but thats all I knew.

I saw a blonde pretty chick giving me a death stare, a big buff jock looking at me then back at the blonde, it looked like he was trying to calm her down. Then I figured they knew who I was, GREAT, does the drama ever end? The one in the middle was very shy looking, staring at the table in front of him. After looking at him and wondering why he looked in pain, I saw the girl next to him as one of the people blocking my view walked away. She was very pretty, very cartoonish almost. She was smiling at me, she looked nervous but amused at the same time. And as the next person walked away, I saw the 5th vampire...

He was gorgeous, nothing id ever seen before, I couldn't look away. I started to hyperventilate even more, my mouth began to dry, I didn't know what was going on with me, none of the other leeches made me nervous but this one drove me insane.

He was staring at me, the others were too but not like this. There was something different about the way he was looking at me, he didn't even blink and he didn't even try to make it unobvious that he was looking at me. I, on the other hand, tried being more nonchalant by looking away or turning my head back to my table. But I was drawn back in seconds, only looking at this bronze haired, gorgeous vampire. I didn't know why I found him so attractive, I mean I wasn't homophobic or anything but I had never looked at a guy like this. But I was confused, wasn't I supposed to hate these people? Wasn't I supposed to be in attack mode when I look at them? I mean thats the reason I avoided ever meeting them in the first place. WHY? Why was I so drawn to them, to HIM?

''JAKE!'' Bella yelled at me, I assumed she tried calling me a few more times before this. ''What are you staring at, good lord you're like stalking the Cullens.''

''No I was just .. um Caleb was telling me something over there.'' I said TOTALLY making that up. Luckily, there was someone from my 3rd period class sitting at the table next to the Cullens but I never talked to Caleb. So I tried to keep talking so they wouldn't figure out my lie. ''So which Cullen is which?''

''Um the one on the left is Rosalie, shes a total bitch, more stuck up than the rest. The one next to her is her boyfriend Emmett, hes like always waiting on her hand and foot.'' Jessica said seeming alittle annoyed, probably pissed because she didn't have a guy like that.

''The one in the middle, Jaspar, is in my history class. He NEVER talks but he is like so fucking smart, hes never ever gotten less than an A in anything, NERD ALERT.'' Mike said thinking he was funny. I laughed to myself because im sure all the Cullens had straight A's in every class, especially history. God knows how many times they took these classes.

''The feathery haired one next to him is his girlfriend. Shes definitely the friendliest out of all of them. I've actually talked to her a couple of times, shes in my math and gym class.'' Lauren added.

''And that one is Edward.'' Jessica said sounding alittle smug. Oh god this girl made all her emotions way too obvious.

''Yea, hes soooo the hottest. Oh my god, he's in my class 8th period and oh my god, oh my god, hes so fucking hot dude.'' Tanya, Jessica's other friend, said all hyped up and horny apparently.

''They are all really hot hun, but I think Emmett is the cutest, his muscles oh my god.'' Lauren said, obviously a fan of meat heads.

''Nah nah Rosalie is sexy.'' Ben said.

''Well your a guy, obviously your going to say that.'' Tanya said with all her attitude.

''Nah. I can admit if I was a fag, that those 3 would be butt sex material. But nah, Rosalie got a hot ass body dude, shes in the gym class, wooooo.'' Ben said and everyone looked at him funny after him saying he would fuck the Cullen boys if he was gay. I didn't care but it was funny that he said it out loud and everyone was laughing calling him a fag. I was more concerned about his safety as I turned and saw the look on Emmett's face.

The bell rang after that. We all got up and the girls were hugging, the guys were fist pumping and I just said bye to everyone, while Bella stayed at my side until everyone went separate ways. Bella asked me once they were gone why I was acting weird. I just simply said ''I wasn't'' and she didn't take that as an answer and said we'd talk about it later because she wanted to get into the hallway so she could make it to her locker and still not be late for class.

As I threw my stuff in the garbage near the cafeteria door, I waited there, letting everyone out before me cause I hated crowds. I didn't need to be early or even on time, I didn't give a shit. People totally took advantage, so the cafeteria was almost empty except for a few.

I sensed them close to me, I didn't want to look around but I couldn't help it. I saw them coming towards me to leave the cafeteria, the blonde and her man walked passed me first, blondie giving me a dirty look. Then Edward walked by me, looking at me, kinda of smiling but then frowning too. He looked as nervous as I felt, he was acting funny. He tried to get away so fast that he kind of rudely pushed people out of the way to get into the hall way. I cringed, as much as I wanted to do the same, it still kind of hurt and offended me. I wondered what his problem was but I knew it was because of who I was and that annoyed me but hey, at least he was acting the way he should be unlike me, who for some reason was upset by the fact that the brunette vamp didn't act alittle nicer to me. After he was out, the next couple came, Jasper staring at me alittle worried whispering something to his girlfriend, I kind of heard what he said but not completely, he said something about someone being upset and hurt and I REALLY hoped he wasn't talking about me. Alice then just smiled a playful smile at me and just looked away grinning into her lovers arms.

UGH thank god this torture and COMPLETE awkwardness is over. I hoped the next couple days would be less uncomfortable but I wasn't very sure of that. I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes and realized the hallway was walkable and I started going to my class which was down this hallway I was stepping into. So I figured I wouldn't be late anyways.


	3. Crappy Afternoon

**Edward's POV**

I tried my hardest to get out of that cafeteria as fast as I could but, of course im in a school with slow ass humans who stop in the MIDDLE of the hallway to talk to each other. Once I got to my locker, which was in this hallway, I started to freak out, why was he here?! Why couldn't I hear his thoughts?! Why did he smell GOOD?! Those doggies weren't supposed to smell good. All the others i'd ever been around smelled disgusting, he didn't, he smelled amazing, earthy and manly and I couldn't stand it. I didn't know how to feel, I wanted to hate him and, in some ways, I did. I hated him for being here and ruining everything. I just wanted to go through high school here, 'graduate' and get the hell to another town. But NO, now this, now this stupid puppy had to screw everything up and make me only think about him and nothing else. I hated him because I wanted to know him, hated him because I wanted to be near him, I hated him because he smelled so damn amazing, WHY?! Why was I so drawn to him?!

I was pretending to get things out of my locker when I saw Jaspar and Alice walk past me, there minds thinking about how Jake was really hurt by the way I stormed out and that just made EVERYTHING worse. GREAT. Now, on top of wanting him so bad, (whether the want was wanting to suck the life out of him or to rip his clothes off ... I wasn't sure) I had to feel bad about offending him. FUCK, I wanted to hate him, I wanted him to hate me so I could hate him but no, now he had to be upset.

Alittle while after Jaspar and Alice walked down the hall, I was still looking in the direction they came from at the few people walking down the hall when I saw Jacob coming my direction. Oh my god, there was only 2 classes between him and the end of the hallway and one class was mine. I prayed and hoped that he wasn't going to be in my class. He looked at me with a million different looks on his face, he looked sad but nervous but angry and I didn't know what it was and on top of, that I still couldn't hear his thoughts, I never had malfunctions like this with my mind reading, I wasn't sure what was going on, was this temporary or was this the first person ever that I couldn't hear at all.

He walked past me into my classroom. SHIT. FUCK. DAMMIT. CRAP. THIS IS FUCKIN RIDICULOUS. WHY?! Why was this happening?! If breathing was a necessity for me, I would be near hyperventilating. I couldn't take this, I was 2 seconds away from using my superhuman speed and getting the fuck out of this school. He smelled so damn amazing and intoxicating that I couldn't stand myself.

I decided not to be a coward and go to the class. While thinking that, the bell rang and I took a deep breath because I planned on not breathing this entire class and went inside. FUCKKKK!! He was sitting in the seat next to mine at my lab table. NO, I wasn't sitting next to him, I refused, I looked around and saw no open seats. OF COURSE, the ONE day where no one was absent. The only empty seat was NEXT TO ME, go figure. I had no choice, now that the teacher saw me, I wouldn't be able to skip but I was wondering if I really cared at this point, if I got caught skipping I wouldn't give a shit as long as I got away from this DOG.

But I walked to my seat slowly with my head down. Shit, the window next to my seat was open and it blew his scent towards me and this was too much. I was about to jump out the window, my throat was burning, my head was hurting and I was so thirsty.

I walked around the front of the table and sat down. I just stared out the window, breathing in the fresh, cold, clean air. I wanted so bad to say something but I couldn't, that would require alittle breathing and I wasn't going to take the chance, plus he probably hated me now. Hell, he probably hated me before he met me. NO, I wasn't going to say anything, not today.

I was so torn, I couldn't figure out the exact reason for why he made me so edgy. Was it because we were natural enemies? Our amilies hated each other? Our species in general hated each other? Was it because I was so thirsty and his scent was the most intoxicating thing i'd ever smelled? More than any other human id ever met and considering he was only part human, I could only imagine what he'd smell like fully human. Was it because he was tall, dark and handsome or muscular, gorgeous and perfectly bronze colored? Was it because I knew I should hate him and I didn't? Was it because I couldn't read his thoughts? I didn't know, maybe all the above. But whatever it was, it was driving me mentally insane. If I was human, I would probably have had a panic attack and fainted.

I wanted to suck him dry but at the same time I almost felt protective of him, which contradicted each other. As I was thinking of the million different feelings I was feeling, the million different ways to fix this same class scenario and a million different things I needed to tell Carlisle, I heard him get called up to the class to introduce himself.

I felt bad from the poor guy because I know being the new kid was hard, I couldn't believe I was feeling sympathy for a stupid mutt, someone I should hate. As he walked up there, I couldn't help but be in awe of his tall, muscular body walking away from me. He was so manly and confident in how he carried himself, I felt the hormonal side of me acting up, he was so attractive, I had never found ANYONE so attractive and appealing, let alone a guy.

He started to speak and I was stunned, his voice so deep and seductive, I was feeling lightheaded. He was amazing, like a native american statue, I just sat and listened as he spoke trying to control myself. I got lost in this moment but I remembered in the back of my mind that this couldn't happen everyday, I would go crazy, I had to try and fix this but for now I just listened.

**Jacob's POV**

Oh my god, if I have to do this in one more class, im going to snap and refuse. Its ridiculous, I promise that theres nothing that interesting about me that I need to explain to anyone. But I sucked it up, stopped complaining to myself and went to the front of the class.

''Um i'm Jacob black, I was going to school down on my reservation but my dad preferred me to go here. I actually was in 10th grade there, so im probably younger than everyone. Um yea thats about it. I know im the only tan person in this whole school but I promise thats the only thing that makes me any different than you people so yea, im really not that interesting.'' I said, trying to add alittle humor so I wasn't standing up here in awkwardness. It worked, people laughed and my teacher let me sit down.

Ugh, this was the one class I didn't mind introducing myself, it gave me an excuse to get away from this bastard who was murdering me with his eyes. I didn't understand what the big deal was, I mean I had always known that the Cullens were my enemies but I never planned on being an asshole to them and creating drama. I just wanted to get the fuck over with this year and go back to my other school for 12th grade.. or 11th, I didnt know how it would work when I went back there. But this stupid leech couldn't even put problems aside and even pretend he was civil with me.

I was always a very straightforward person and wasn't afraid of confrontation. So eventually I was going to ask him why he was being such a dick but I didn't want to right now. The teacher put on a movie so there was no way we could talk. But tomorrow, unless we had another class together today, I was gonna let him know he was pissing me off and ask him why he had to be so dramatic just because I was here and that I wasn't to fond of his ass either.. as I said that I realized that I wasn't as convincing as I could have been. I really didn't hate him and the reason I was so irritated by his silent, rude treatment was because deep down, I wanted him to like me and as I said that I almost threw up in my mouth. What if I shifted and the pack heard how I felt about him, they would probably hate me and not let me in the pack anymore. Why was this bloodsucker so damn sexy?! Like I had never thought someone was 'beautiful', I had never used that word to describe someone but he was beautiful, gorgeous.

The whole time during the movie I don't think he looked at me, breathed or unclenched his fist once. He was obviously uncomfortable and hated my guts. He looked like he would kill me right now and he probably wanted to.

I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye and sometimes would 'look out the window' so I could see him better with my peripheral vision. He wouldn't even peek in my direction, now I starting to get to panic attack level, I couldn't take this. I was honestly about to ask to go to the nurse and not come back but I realized how pathetic that would be and I sucked it up.

Time went by very slow, the movie was finally over and the teacher was reviewing what we just watched. I ignored him and was thinking about just trying to control my breathing so I wouldn't pass out. While the teacher was telling us our homework assignment, Edward walked up and started to walk out and in that same SECOND, the bell rang right after he stood. I didn't know how he knew exactly when the bell would ring but I knew he probably had some freaky vampire senses so I just rolled my eyes because I wasn't a fucking disease like he treated me. He was the one who fed of living people, I should be the one disgusted by him but I .. wasn't

I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay any attention to my next classes. I had to go through 2 fucking more hours of this school and I was nauseous and hating this. I got up and went to my locker and tried to get my anxiety attack under control.

Just like I had figured, my next 2 classes went by slow and I didn't listen to a word of it. I was so frustrated and anxious and I wanted today to be over with and on top of everything, I couldn't tell ANYONE about this. I didn't have any outlet for my anger, so I knew I was going to explode soon.

At the end of the class I had gone down to the front office, returning the schedule I needed signed by all my teachers. When I was walking to the office, I smelt him, he was around here somewhere or had been around here. When I went inside, I realized I was right and there he was, talking to the front office lady. He almost looked like he was flirting with her and I listened to him asking if he could change his 6th period class. Fuck him, did he have to act like such a baby. Then I had realized I had planned on asking the exact same question when I came down here. But when I heard it from him I was offended and wanted to call him out right here but I didn't

The front desk lady just told him it was to late to switch classes and they didn't have any other biology classes open during 6th period anyways and it would take to much time to rearrange the schedule. As she was saying this he turned his head slightly, probably realizing I was in here and just responded, '''Whatever, ill just deal with it.'' and walked out past me.

''Ok hun, im sorry I couldn't be more of a help.'' She said, looking kind of offended by his cutoff of her sentence and storm out exit. Guess that was his thing today, offending people.

I felt so uneasy and felt like I could actually throw up right now. He was making his disgust for me so obvious and it made me selfconsious but I just kept reminding myself that he was acting the way he should be when meeting me, I was the one acting unusually calm and not angry. I should want to kill him but I didnt and that wasn't normal.

''Oh Jacob, I was just wondering if you forgot to come hand in your paper.'' She said like the cute old lady she was.

''No, I didn't forget. I almost did though.'' I said trying to be as friendly as possible to this poor lady, who just got a cold shoulder from Edward.

''Ok, everything looks good here Jake.'' She said after I handed her the paper. ''Oh you have 6th period with Edward Cullen, do you know if hes okay? Is he having problems with the teacher or anything?''

''Um no its not the teacher. But I think I know why, I think he just is having a hard time getting along with someone in the class.'' I said looking like a girl telling her friends her boyfriend just broke up with her.

''Oh ok, well can you tell him tomorrow that if its that bad that ill try and help him work something out.'' She asked politely.

''Of course.'' I responded just wanting to get out of here and get some fresh air that I needed.

As I went out to go to my motorcycle, I saw Edward at his car with his siblings, he looked like he was telling a child a very vivid bedtime story, the way he was throwing his hands around. I literally felt like I was on stage in front of a million people giving a speech. I was so nervous to walk past them, I wanted to die right now. I didn't know how his family was, all I knew was he was probably telling them how much he hated me.

I got to my motorcycle and I could feel 5 sets of eyes on my back and when I straddled my motorcycle I peeked at them with my helmet on so they wouldnt really see me and they were staring at me just as hard as I thought they were. When they realized I was looking they got quickly into their cars and actually started their car and drove away faster than me, and I was already on my motorcycle, helmet on and ready to ride away and they got out quicker. Damn they were dedicated to making me feel like a lepper.

Before I started up my bike, I heard Bella call my name. She came up to me and was asking me how everything went today. I lied through my teeth saying 'fine' but she didn't buy it.

''Uh uh, what happened?'' She said curiously.

''I don't know, I don't like that Cullen guy.'' I said not being very specific.

''Which one? Theres 5 of them.''

''Edward, hes in my 6th period and he was acting so fucking weird. I mean I had 8th period with the short haired girl Cullen, Alice right? Yea and she was alright towards me but he was a fucking monster dude. Like he couldn't even pretend to be cordial with me.''

''Um Jake, hes honestly like that with everyone, he speaks to nobody and seriously acts like hes better than everyone, I really don't think its you''

''Whatever Bells. Listen I know its me, I cant really explain. Like he knows who I am even though we've never met, our families don't like each other but at least I have enough respect to be civil with him and not cause problems.''

''Why don't your families like each other?''

''They just don't, ill explain it some other time but I just need to get home and take a cold ass shower before I pass out.''

''Um ok but you have to tell me later, okay? Like im not letting it go, alittle gossip is always fun.''

''Ok ok I will, ill see yah tomorrow Bells.'' I gave her a hug and sped away.

The whole drive home, all I could think about was this stupid vampire and I was also scared that if I ever shifted and couldn't keep my thoughts hidden that something bad would happen between me and my pack and I wasn't ready for that kind of drama, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I was stressing too much and my bike started swerving. I tried to calm down so I wouldn't crash, I just tried to take in the fresh, cool air. I just cleared my mind and listened to the loud wind pass me as I literally sped down the road to my house. I was going to have a lot to think about and I probably wasn't going to sleep tonight.

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**I didnt want to make Jacob AS disgusted by the Cullens as he probably would be but oh well, i dont want them EXACTLY like how they are in Twilight.**


	4. Enemies Or?

_**okay finally done with the first day of school. boring i know but had to get that in so the story makes sense lol**_

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**Edward's POV**

''Okay can we PLEASE get in the fucking car? Hes staring right at us and can probably hear us'' I said annoyed that they were making it so obvious that we were talking about him.

He was looking in our direction, with his helmet on trying not to make it obvious and I finally just exploded. ''You know what FUCK you assholes, im driving home now, with or without you guys.''

Ugh the ONE day in forever we all took the same car to school just had to be today. So now I had to wait for them. Although I doubt it'd be that hard for them to run home.

After already getting my subtle line of questioning outside the car, which I didn't answer any of, they started right back up the minute we drove away and the questions got alittle more intense.

''What was going on with you in the lunch room dude?, Like you were STARING at him the whole time, what the fuck, I mean I know hes our enemy but you didn't have to try and scare him off with that death stare.'' Emmett asked. Alice giggled after he asked the question and Jasper looked at her shaking his head alittle.

''What are you laughing about Alice?'' Rosalie asked.

Alice's head popped up and just said ''Nothing.'' but she kept giggling.

''Seriously you guys whats funny about this, hes a mutt. We can't have trouble with him and Edward is already starting with him.'' Rosalie kept going on.

''Okay heres the thing. The feeling I had coming off Jacob was attraction, im not saying it was sexual or anything, but I know hes very intrigued by Ed.'' Jasper responded and I was glad I didn't have to explain it but I still didn't want Emmett or Rosalie knowing about this.

''Even with knowing who we are.'' Alice added quietly.

''He also was very embarrassed and offended or maybe even hurt by the way Edward stormed past him in the cafeteria.'' Jasper said looking at me

''Good he should know that we aren't going to ever be his friend and hes lucky we were even in the same room as him.'' Rosalie said still being the stubborn one of the group.

''STOP Rose. He hasn't done anything for us to hate him but its not like I plan on being his friend anyways, so don't worry, your life will stay perfectly perfect the way it is.'' I said huffing looking out the window.

We were at our house now, Carlisle and Esme were home and I was wondering if it'd be Emmett or Rosalie's big mouth that blurted out all that happened today.

Although I was definitely the fastest of all of us, I stayed behind going into the house, almost ashamed like I did something wrong, which I didn't but it was how I felt. I felt almost like I had ruined everything and made things complicated for my family when all I did was come to the same class I did everyday which unfortunately had a new student. I had no control over any of this, I didn't even talk to the wolf but somehow I felt like I was just complicating things.

As soon as we got inside I heard everyone start going on and on about today to Esme and Carlisle and when I got inside I had all eyes on me.

''What? I didn't do anything, this isn't my fault.'' I said not liking all the attention on me.

''You did nothing wrong.. I want to talk to you alone Edward.'' Carlisle added calm as usual.

''Sounds GREAT.'' I said in Rosalie's face as I passed her.

''And Esme, honey, make sure theres no spying going on, I want to talk to Edward with no audience.'' Carlisle added raising an eyebrow at Emmett and Rosalie.

''Okay sweetie.. come on you guys lets go race up the mountain.'' Esme told the other 4 knowing any kind of competition would get there minds off anything else.

''Ok Edward come in my office in case they come back and we're not done'' Carlisle told me as we went up the stairs to his office.

Once I got in and sat down, he quickly got right to the point and also sat down. ''So Jacob Black is in your class. How did that go?''

''I don't know, I just, I don't know. I saw him before that in lunch and he just kept staring at me and I couldn't read his mind, thats never happened before.''

''Really, maybe its because hes a werewolf''

''No i don't think so. Ive been close enough to those doggies and ive heard them before. You remember.. before Jacob was born, when we made the treaty, i heard everything they thought''

''Oh yes, i do remember that. Well i don't know how to get an answer for that but for now just tell me what happened to make Rose freak out like this.''

''Ok first of all, Rose wants any excuse to have alittle drama in her life so shes not so bored. Its Jasper's opinion thats really got me freaked out.''

''What does Jasper have to do with this?''

''Well I saw in his mind after lunch that Jake was offended by me giving him alittle attitude and that really freaks me out because hes supposed to hate me, hes supposed to hate us and I know he knows who we are, so why would us giving him attitude bother him?''

''Well maybe hes not as up to date on this 'feud'.'' Carlisle said while doing air quotes with his fingers. ''Maybe he just wants to get through high school with no problems. Or maybe just maybe he actually has a mind of his own and thinks this whole werewolves vs. vampires thing is stupid as do we.''

''Maybe, I don't know but then in the car Jasper like said that the vibe he got off Jacob was attraction and intrigue. Like I don't understand what that means.''

''Wow this ive never heard of, ive heard of a werewolf being CIVIL with a vampire but not attracted or interested in one''

''Well anyways, im just curious in the kind of attraction, i don't know if its like how you'd feel about a haunted house or a circus freak or if its.. like.. no nevermind, thats not possible, he CANT be gay, i mean hes the like manliest guy ive ever seen.''

Carlisle was smiling partially at me. ''And whats your opinion on Jacob, how do feel about him because as you said before, Jacob should hate you but he doesn't and that you think that isn't normal but im not sensing very much hate coming off of you either, you don't seem to mind him.''

''Yea so, I mean, no I don't hate him because ive always thought this whole rivalry was stupid and he hasn't done anything wrong but I don't particularly like him or wouldn't go out of my way to be friends with him.''

''I understand that Edward but i just want a straight answer.. what are your feelings toward Jacob?''

''I don't know, confusion maybe. Like i don't know how i feel about him, like hes seems cool and like a pretty fun guy but we could never be friends you know''

''Okay I wont sugar coat anything. Jacob being in the school now seems to have riled you all up but you seem like your saying you have no problems with him, so what is the reason you don't want him here?''

''I don't want problems for us. I don't want to get to know him and it turn into a family feud. I want to keep peace, I want things to stay safe and normal. but with him sitting next to me everyday for the next couple months, I don't see how I will never get to know him or talk to him and a part of me thinks we'll get along if we do end up talking and I don't want that because then i don't want to be in a position of 'choosing sides' and I don't want to befriend someone that I know I wouldn't be able to pick his side if it ever came down to it cause you are my family.''

''So your fear is knowing him, liking being his friend and then that causing problems with our families and then you guys just not being able to be friends anyways?''

''Um yea thats exactly it. You said it way less complicated then me.''

''Your nervous and have never been in a situation like this, so i know you don't know exactly how to deal with it.''

''Yea. Damn your the only one that understands.''

''You can come to me anytime, I wont judge you Edward, you know that.''

''Thanks Carlisle and you know what else I was thinking about today. He smells... good, like most of the wolves ive smelled before smell horrible but he smells amazing.''

''Oh no Edward..''

''No no I don't want to eat him, shockingly he just smells good and when I was around him, his smell made me thirsty but I wasn't tempted to hurt him or anything. Its almost as if his smell just .. reminded me I was thirsty but it wasn't actually him wanted.. I don't know its hard to explain.''

''So temptation to kill him wasn't there?''

''No actually, like I could smell his blood and it smelled like it would be really.. um tasty but i didn't want to hurt him though.. it was almost like dessert for someone who just ate a big meal... like I didn't want to hurt him but he smelled amazing and I knew that if I drank it, it would be so good but I wasn't needing it.''

Carlisle started laughing, ''That makes sense but im trying to figure out your little metaphor.''

''Ugh I just mean like humans like dessert but if they are full they don't want it but they know it'll taste good and that they'd want it if they weren't full.. like I know he'd taste good but I can deal without it. So its almost like im full... oh nevermind I get.''

Carlisle was still giggling ''okay that makes alittle more sense.. but what are you going to do about school tomorrow?''

''I don't know if I should go or wait a couple days before I go back. I'm confused.''

''Well I think you should just go. Waiting a couple days isn't going to make a difference but then again would hunting help ease your anxiety?''

''No, being thirsty isn't the problem. But yea I guess I will go. But can we keep this conversation to ourselves because Rosalie is going to be on my ass if she knows i don't hate the mutt.''

''Of course thats why I wanted them out of the house. And I think Rose just looks out for us and wants us to be able to live in peace. I don't think she means to come off the way she does.''

''Well yea I know, I see it in her head all the time that she just wants us to be safe but still she doesn't have to act out all the time.''

''I know, I agree but everyone isn't as composed and calm as us Edward.''

''Apparently... oh great they are home.. can we talk about this again sometime once i find out more or something else happens.'' I said as I saw our house in there minds meaning they were close.

''OF COURSE! Edward, why would you even have to ask.''

''Thanks Carlisle.'' I said as I smiled at him and left.

Esme was right at the door asking if we were done and if everything was okay.

''Yea we're fine honey, come on in.'' Carlisle said to Esme as I left.

I went to my room, avoiding explaining anything to the rest and just laid down on my couch and listened to music and was going to stay here till school started.

**Jacob's POV**

I rode up to my house seeing quite a few people walking around in my living room. GREAT, this is not the day I needed company. I just wanted to have alittle something to eat, shower and go to bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone and explain to them about my day. And I didn't want to accidentally mention that me and Edward had a class together, that would be a long conversation.

Once I got inside, I saw the Clearwaters and my dad. My dad, Harry and Sue were in the living room talking and Seth and Leah were in the kitchen making food. Ugh! I totally wasn't in the mood for this. I wanted to get my night over with early but now I would probably have to mingle with the Clearwaters for alittle while before I could even shower.

I walked in the door and the first person to say hello was Seth. ''Hey Jake. Damn how late does your school get out?''

''Well I have a pretty fucking long drive yah know.'' I snapped back.

''Alright, alright sorry.'' He apologetically said back.

''Sorry dude, I didn't mean to snap, just stressed out.''

''JAKE!, how was your first day at Forks?'' My dad asked, giggling to Sue and Harry. It pissed me off that he had no idea how stressed out and here he was laughing and joking like everything was fine and funny.

''FINE!'' I shot back going straight for the linen closet. I wanted to take a shower now, I didn't want to mingle. I wasn't in the mood and I was allowed not to be. I felt everyone go silent as i stormed out and that made things awkward but I didn't care anymore.

Once I got in the bathroom I could hear them start whispering again which bugged me more than anything. I didn't like people talking behind my back but I tried being rashional and realized id be whispering to people if someone stormed out like a child.

I turned on the water, undressed and got in. The water was too hot, I needed a cold shower after the stressful day I had. I changed the temperature and cleaned my hair, my body and everything else. Once I was done cleaning, I just sat in the tub letting the cool water spray on me. I didn't want to go out to my living room just yet and have to face them right now. I was liking the way the cold water calmed me down. I laid my head against the wall and just thought about everything that happened today.

Did he hate me? Why was he being such a dick to me? Why did I care?!? That was the part I couldn't understand. I had always been a stubborn person who TRULY didn't care what anyone thought about me but I couldn't believe that a bloodsucker, a murderer, a disgusting leech was making me feel this way. When it came to thinking about Edward, I had lost all my stubborn, strong opinions. Lost all my anger and hardheadedness and actually wanted to be civil with the Cullens, well Edward at least. I couldn't comprehend why I, of all people, someone that always hated just the thought of a vampire, let alone being in the same class as one, cared so much about what a vampire thought of me or how he treated me.

But I couldn't lie to myself, I could lie to ANYONE else but not myself. I wanted him to like me, I wanted him to talk to me. I didn't want him to treat me like a disease but WHY DID I WANT HIM TO LIKE ME? WHY DID I GIVE A SHIT IF HE WANTED ME DEAD? Thats how I should feel, thats how I ALWAYS felt before meeting him and now I found myself thinking 'he seems cool, who cares if hes a vampire' and I wanted to punch myself in the face for even thinking that.

After a lot of thinking I decided I should probably get out, last thing we needed was an expensive water bill. I dried myself off, brushed my hair and thought of something believable to tell them, explaining my bad mood.

I went into the livingroom, knowing that going into my room would just make me seem more like a child. ''Okay listen, im sorry about storming off like that, I just miss the school here and the people there are so different. I just don't like it at Forks.'' I declared, making sure I got the first word in as I sat in the open recliner.

''Its okay Jake. We knew it was going to be different there. We told you that but you got to pay for your mistakes, once you've paid for them, things will go back to normal.'' My dad told me trying to be helpful.

''Ugh I know, I know but still. Everyone drinks, why did I have to be the only one to pay for it?''

''Well because you were doing it on school property you moron.. but lets not get into this, this argument wont turn out well because you did a stupid thing and you cant convince me otherwise.''

''Fine whatever dad. Just watch your tv, im going to bed.. Sorry you guys, I wish I could have been in a better mood but next time you guys come over maybe ill be alittle more pleasant.'' I said looking in the direction of all the Clearwaters.

''Its okay sweetheart, we understand how changing schools can be.'' Sue said being understanding unlike my dad.

''Yeah, it sucks but ill get used to it. Seth, you wanna chill this weekend?'' I said, hoping Leah wouldn't invite herself.

''Of course dude, and you can tell me all the shit going on at your school!'' Seth said seeming very excited.

''Watch your mouth son.'' Harry yelled at Seth. Harry had always been old fashioned and didn't want his kids growing up as 'hoodlums'.

''Sorry dad.'' Seth said, cowering down alittle.

''Alright, im going to lay in my room, maybe watch tv or something and then im going to bed, ill see you guys later.'' I said, looking at everyone but trying to ignore my dad.

I went in my room, did the history and english homework I had, each assignment taking about an hour. It was about 6 o'clock now, the Clearwaters were still here and I heard a knock on my door. ''Can I come in?'' Seth asked.

''Sure.'' I said back rolling my eyes. Although I loved Seth a lot, I mean the guy might as well live here and be my brother but I did remember telling everyone I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be rude again so I said he could come in.

Seth walked in and sat on my Seattle Mariners chair and said, ''So are you okay? Honestly. You don't have to tell me anything but are you okay?''

''Yea, I mean I don't like the people there but the work is alittle easier. Well easier but I guess to make up for that, they just give you a lot.'' I said showing him the papers I had just finished.

''Damn if thats easier than I didn't realize how hard our school was.'' Seth said shaking his head, laughing. Seth was only a freshman so he didn't understand how hard junior and senior year got.

''Mhm. Yeah, its ridiculous.''

''What don't you like about the people there?''

''They are stuck up little white folks, who only gossip about each other 24/7. Like dude you know im not racist but these girls are such typical white bitches, ditsy and dramatic. Girls at our school weren't AS bad. Emphasis on the word AS.''

''Yeah I know, but I doubt its cause of there race, you racist.'' Seth said laughing. I knew he was kidding so I didn't get mad that he called me that. ''But the way they teach there is probably different and the discipline at our school is worse so it keeps us in check and plus we more like a family than anything. We're like a big community at our school, so if we gossip, it doesn't really turn into a brawl or anything.''

''Ugh. Okay man, stop reminding me how much better that our school is than this one.''

''Well my school.'' Seth said laughing, thinking he was funny but this time I wasn't laughing with him because I just felt like everyone wanted to kick me when I was down. Like this whole new school thing wasn't punishment enough, why did they really have to keep adding fuel to the fire?

''I didn't mean to say that. Or to make you upset.'' He said noticing my unpleasant death stare.

''I know, I just feel like everyones making one big joke out of this and its honestly not funny. I mean I kind of expect it from my dad because he wants me to really learn from this shit but dude seriously, like I don't want to be reminded how much this sucks okay?''

''Alright dude, ill keep my mouth shut.''

''I know. People think its not that bad but im really stressing out over this. Like today was so .. I don't know but I don't like it and I want to be where im comfortable and im not comfortable here.. at all. Plus I cant even chill in the morning, I have to get up earlier because of the drive. I mean its not that much earlier but I don't even get to lounge around and eat my cereal and watch cartoons anymore.'' I complained with a pouty face.

''I know, I know. I just sometimes don't know what to say cause I so know it sucks and I cant make this shit better. All I can do is try and be funny.'' He said smiling

''Well maybe you should think of something else. We all know you're not funny.'' I said, noticing that we were getting to sensitive and acting like girls with our emotional talk. I just wanted to lighten up the mood before we started talking about our feelings and crying together.

''Hah, im hysterical and you know it.. But yeah I came in here to say bye because my dad wanted to get to bed early, so ill see yah this weekend and you gotta tell me more shit about the people there. Tell me about the hot bitches.'' Seth said.

Right after we heard Harry Clearwater yell, ''WATCH YOUR MOUTH SETH OR ILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CUSS ABOUT!''

''Okay dad sorry.'' He said, wincing.

''You're such a pussy with your dad. You are flinching and he ain't even in here.'' I said laughing but whispering so Harry wouldn't consider socking me in the jaw too.

''Well hes scary dude, you don't understand.'' He said giggling while trying to be quiet.

''Ha! Mhm PUSSY!'' I said lip talking ''But yea this weekend ill tell you shit okay? Will that make you happy mister nosy.''

''Mhm it will.''

''Okay now leave you douche.''

''Fuck you.'' Seth said while opening the door. While he opened the door his back was turned to it and I saw Harry standing there obviously hearing the 'fuck you' he threw at me. I started to bite on my lip to hold back an extremely loud and heavy laugh.

Seth turned and bumped into his dad ''Oh!''

''Mhm, so do you want me to use the liquid soap or the bar of soap?'' Harry said while folding his arms at Seth waiting for an answer.

''Um how about I do the dishes when I get home?'' He said hoping Harry would accept that.

''And pick the weeds but next time im going with the bar of soap.''

''Okay.'' Seth said while his dad held his shirt and pushed him down my hallway. He waved and said bye to me.

''Bye Harry. But Harry, I think you should know that he says a lot worse to me, I mean hes got a truck drivers mouth, its horrible.'' I said giggling.

''Hmm I bet it is, little idiot thinks hes so cool, don't he?'' Harry added making his voice higher on the last couple words so Seth could hear.

''What did I do now?'' Seth whined from the living room.

''Don't you talk back to me Seth. I just heard through the grapevine that you cuss all the time you little hoodlum.'' Harry said winking at me, obviously he realized I was just messing around.. even though it was the truth, I would never want Seth in real trouble because of me.

''Ughhh.'' Seth groaned.

''Alright Jake we're gonna go now. I hope the next couple of days are better than today.'' Harry said saying what I needed to hear.

''Yea I know but you know when your frustrated everything seems like it'll never get better. Its just stupid there but im probably still just bitter that I got caught drinking this time.''

''This time?''

''Shhhh please don't tell.'' I lip talked to Harry. ''It was only 1 other time.'' I lied.

''Alright, alright but if it happens again I cant help you out there son, you know that, just don't do that again. I mean, I know when I was your age, I drank, im not a prude, just be safe about it and do it at your house or something cause you guys could get in bigger trouble you keep this stuff up.''

''Yeah I know. Thanks Harry, finally come encouraging words.''

''Your dad just knows how thick headed you are and knows you got to be pushed and hastled about things for it to sink in. You know how stubborn you can be, sometimes you just need alittle repetition for things to hit home thats all. He feels bad for what you gotta go through, he really does but he knows if you do stupid things, he cant baby you, hes got to let you know they are stupid. Don't hold anything against him, he really was worried about you today. He doesn't want you to be stressed.''

''I know I just sometimes feel like I get picked and poked at when people know im upset, its almost like people want me more upset. But I think im okay now. I think im going to go to bed soon, maybe I wont be so cranky tomorrow.''

''You better not be because I think me and Sue might come by tomorrow okay? You don't have to talk to us but im just letting you know beforehand so you don't look as annoyed as I know you were today.'' He said smiling at me, obviously the only person who understood my mood today.

''Yea, ill probably be better tomorrow.''

''Okay you better.''

''I will, don't worry.''

''Alright, see you tomorrow.''

''Alright, BYE SUE, SEE YOU TOMORROW.'' I said louder so she could hear me.

''BYE SWEETHEART HAVE A NICE DAY TOMORROW.'' Sue said sweetly.

''Okay and BYE LEAH.''

''SEE YAH LATER JAKE.'' Leah yelled back.

They all left and my dad rolled by on his wheelchair to my door and asked me if I wasn't as grumpy anymore. So I just rolled my eyes and said. ''I'm fine now.'' Not wanting to argue with him.

''Alright, well im going to go to my bedroom and settle down.''

''Dad, its only like 6:30. Do you need any help?''

''Um yeah, could you give me a hand? My arms are alittle sore and I just want to get to bed early tonight because I don't want to wake you up if I have trouble later. I know your gonna crash soon.''

''Hell yeah I am.''

I helped my dad change into his PJ's and then got him into bed. I went into my room, turned off my light, set my alarm and turned on the tv. It turned onto HBO, which I had been watching last night and GUESS WHAT WAS ON, 'Interview With The Vampire'. And with seeing the Cullens today I was sort of interested in vampires now. I watched alittle of it but when I saw how different tv and real life vampires were. I didn't want to watch it anymore and plus all the sucking and drinking of the blood was making me sick. I turned it to MTV, it was an episode of 'The Real World' from last week so I left that on and got under my covers. It was about 7 now, I watched alittle of the show but was getting very tired. I just couldn't fall asleep just yet because my mind was racing.

I went into my drawer and took one of the sleeping pills I had taken from my dad when he didn't notice. I knew my body would burn up whatever kind of pill I took in but I knew even if it got me to fall asleep and wore off that I probably or hopefully would just stay asleep. Now I was watching a re-run of 'The Hills' and the show made me laugh because the girls reminded me so much of the girls from Forks High. It happened to be a marathon of re-run,s so after watching about one and a half I started to get sleepy. It was almost 8 now and I knew I wouldn't make it much longer. The pill starting to take effect and I was out.

_All I could see was a bright white room. There was nothing in it except for an empty white bed. Everything was shining and bright, almost blinding. All of a sudden I could see myself appear naked on the bed, eyes closed, maybe as if I was sleeping. But I wasn't sleeping, I could see my head start turning and my mouth opening and closing. I was making noises but everything I heard felt like it was echoing and almost like I was hearing it from underwater. Then I saw a hand massaging up my bare chest, a blinding white hand. It tickled its fingers around my pecs and each of my abs but all that was there was a hand. I didn't know who it belonged too. Then there were 2 hands, then arms coming up to my neck, still no face and body to the arms. Who was it that I was having a blow job dream about? Then all of a sudden everything was darker, still only a bed in a room but it was dark. There was a window all of a sudden and light coming threw, obviously the moon, shining onto my face and neck. All that I could see now was my shoulders and up. There weren't anymore hands on my neck. Now I could see the back of someone's head come up to my neck, kissing it and all of a sudden teeth locking into my skin. I could feel the pain, it was burning but somehow I was turned on, it hurt but I liked it. I WANTED the person to bite me. Then I could feel my legs being pulled up and the other person was naked as well. I still didn't know who this person was. Now the room was different. There was pillows all over and netting over the bed. It was a romantic mood, there were lamps dimmed on each side of the bed. Now I could see the person's body. It was a man, I could tell by the muscles in the back and shoulders. He still had me naked with my legs locked around his waste. He was still kissing and sucking on my neck, I was excited, turned on. I liked feeling the pressure from the blood pouring out of my flesh and I felt myself being rubbed against him. He was bucking his hips into mine and now I was really aroused. I couldn't take it anymore, I was about the blow, this was too much. Then he stopped sucking on my neck, he pulled his face to mine, blood dripping down his mouth, going down his chin to his neck. It was EDWARD!. Now we were outside, in sand, probably a beach. We were still in the same position just outside now. He started kissing me, blood, all of a sudden off his face. I could feel the breeze hit me everywhere that was exposed, which was.. well everywhere. Now I felt a different pressure, a more painful pressure in my lower body, was he?, were we? ..._

And I woke up startled, I actually woke by sitting straight up like in movies where you go 'no one wakes up like that'. I couldn't breath, I was scared because everything in the dream felt so real, I almost believed it was. I could feel EVERYTHING that happened, it was almost like as if I was raped while drugged. It was really hard to believe it was just a dream. I looked at the guide on my tv and it said it was the same date I fell asleep to and I almost laughed at myself for having to check the date on my tv to make sure it was a dream. I also noticed it was only 11:30 pm. I laid back down taking off my shirt because I was sweating so much. EDWARD? What the fuck, why was I having sex with him? Why was I okay with it and enjoying it? And why the fuck did I like him sucking the blood out of my neck? I was always disgusted by the way vampires fed, it always seemed so disgusting and vulgar and hard to even watch it sometimes on tv but I was liking it. I wanted him to keep sucking more. Did this mean I was attracted to Edward? Was this the frustration I felt towards him that I wasn't able to figure out today? Was it because deep down I wanted him and was into him LIKE THAT!? I couldn't believe this, I couldn't be, everyone always says dreams aren't really meant the way they seem but I just could NOT figure out how it could mean anything else besides being attracted to him.

Once I stopped panting and wasn't sweating anymore. I, then, realized that my body reacted the same way as it had in the dream. I definitely did get excited by my dream and luckily woke before I had to change my sheets and boxers but now I was frustrated because I wanted it to go away. I didn't want to be excited over this but the pressure of it was frustrating me. I needed to relieve it but I knew the whole time I would be thinking of my dream and I didn't want to admit more to myself how much my dream turned me on.

So I went into the bathroom. Threw some cold water on my face and then got my hands extremely cold and tried to get it down that way. It worked but took a while and alot of 'thinking unsexy thoughts' before it went away. I figured I should just go to the bathroom while I was at it.

I took another sleeping pill once I got into bed. I knew that probably wasn't what I should do but it calmed me down the first time. I watched alittle more tv, now watching a movie on HBO. I was hoping I could fall asleep fast because I was too tired for my mind to race and for me to figure out my feelings about Edward. I watched about 15 minutes of tv and fell back asleep.

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**that was my first attempt at writing boy on boy action but its just a dream, ill make the real stuff juicier ;]**

**and im also going to be changing the content from M to T and T to M. so if its not in M, its in T, just so people who don't search M can read it and vise versa because i wouldn't consider my story M yet**


	5. Better than Yesterday

**Jacob's POV**

I woke up early tuesday morning because I had gone to bed very early the day before. So at least today id be able to eat my cereal and watch my cartoons this morning. I knew my dad was still sleeping because I usually would be able to hear him making tons of noise in the kitchen, so now I could chill out in the living room for alittle while.

Once I got out of my bed, I got dressed and did all my shit in the bathroom, brushed my hair and went to the bathroom. I wasn't going to brush my teeth until after I ate. I went into the kitchen, made my cereal, then went into the living room, sat on the couch and turned on the cartoon network.

I was trying to avoid thinking about school yesterday, how school was going to be today and my dream. But those 3 things seemed to be all I could think about. I still was very shaken up by my sex dream but thankfully, after I went back to sleep my dreams were all random, stupid and pointless, so I was happy about that.

I finished my cereal so all I had to do was brush my teeth. I knew I didn't even have to leave for about 20 minutes but I didn't really want to stay in this house, bored and doing nothing but thinking about Edward. So I decided, maybe I could meet up with Bella at her house. I texted her phone and she was just waking up and I asked if she wanted me to meet her at her house and of course she replied with a 'yeah!! =]'. So that was the plan, I would go to Bell's house and go to school with her.

I brushed my teeth, got my jacket, noticed my dad was waking up, asked him if he needed help and when he said 'no' I just said bye and rode off in my motorcycle.

It took about 20 minutes to get to Bella's house and from her house school was only like 10 minutes away. I knocked on the door because she clearly wasn't ready since she wasn't waiting outside, girls always took forever to get ready so I shoulda figured I wouldn't get here with her ready to go. Charlie, of course, answered the door and greeted me with enthusiasm. ''JAKE!! What are you doing here bud?''

''Well I woke up pretty early and I got dressed pretty fast. So I asked Bella if I could come by and go to school with her.''

''Oh thats good, come on in.'' He pointed to his couch, he was watching the early morning Sports Center so I sat and watched tv with him. ''So how was school yesterday Jake?''

''Um interesting I guess. I don't know, the school on the Res was way different, more down to earth, thats all. I guess I just got to get used to it here.''

''Did you talk to anyone?''

''Yeah pretty much half the school wanted to know about me, it was kind of annoying.''

''Oh yeah right, you know you love the attention,''

''Ha. Nah I really didn't, because it seemed fake, almost like fan girl fake you know. Like more obsessive and annoying than flirty and just interested in ME ya know?''

''Yeah, I know what your saying but you know they did the same thing to Bella and I think they aren't doing that to her anymore so give it a couple weeks and you'll just be yesterday's news and people will leave you alone.''

''I hope so man, if this was an all-the-time thing, I would kill myself.. Where the heck is Bella? Does she even know im here?''

''YES. I know your here and im not deaf so stop talking about me..'' Bella said walking down the stairs.

''No, your just nosey.'' I spit back jokingly.

''So, we taking my car or your motorcycle?''

''Oh, I thought I was taking the motorcycle and you were taking your car but your car is fine as long as you guys are okay if I leave my motorcycle here and pick it up after school?''

''Yeah thats fine, right dad? Yeah its like cold outside anyways so its best we be in the car''

''Yeah sounds good, just let me go put my motorcycle next to your house.''

''Okay. I forgot one of my books anyways, be right back.''

I went and put my motorcycle around to the side of the Swan's house. Then I could here Bella saying goodbye to Charlie and then she was starting up that loud ass car I gave her. I walked over to the car, yelled at Charlie 'Bye!' and got in the car.

''So what made you want to come to my house today instead of just sleeping in or whatever?'' Bella asked before even starting to drive.

''Oh, I went to bed mad early last night and I woke up early too. I didn't want to sit around, bored and your house is on the way so you do the math... Why?''

''Oh no reason, just asking mister paranoid.'' She said laughing.

''Oh,'' I said giggling, alittle embarrassed that I got so defensive. ''sorry.''

''S'all good. So whyd you go to bed early? Like everytime we talk im always the one who says I have to go to bed and then you stay up like way later.''

''Oh yeah, school just wore me out and my dad was annoying me so I went in my room. I took a sleeping pill actually to help cause I was all anxious but I don't know, just nothing else to do except sleep.''

''Oh my god, I know. Being at home is so boring, we gotta chill more outside of school because being in this house is driving me nuts.''

''Ha, tell me about it. Oh my god, that homework was hell last night. Damn, like I know the school I was going to was more advanced then Forks but I never got that much homework though.''

''Ugh I know Jake. Its ridiculous but at least we only got a couple more months and then we can chill all summer when it isn't so cold and we can actually do fun shit.''

''Yeah I know, you can come down to La Push and come to the beach and shit with me and the boys.''

''YAY. I want to meet your friends Jake, like ive been here for a month and only met Quil that one time.''

''Yeah I know. Its just school being so hectic and I dont want to make you drive that far, it would just be easier during the summer but you can always come down to La Push anytime you want. Its not like we have a restriction against white people.'' I said, laughing.

''Ha ha me? I'm not white, duh. What makes you think im white?'' She said trying to look serious but totally failing at it.

''Well it could be your transparent, milk colored skin. That kind of gave it away.''

''How you know im not like albino African American or suthing. Stereotyper!''

''Oh shut up Bells, your to hyper this morning.'' I said, still laughing laughing. We were both pretty hyper and laughing the whole time. I was glad, she was keeping my mind off what I was stressing about.

We were about 5 minutes away from the school when she asked about Edward. Ugh, I knew I spoke too soon about keeping my mind off of him. I had just remembered why I didnt call her last night.

''So what did Edward do yesterday that made you all mad?'' Bell asked turning her head completely towards me when she asked.

''I don't know. Nothing.''

''Um thats not an answer buddy. Try again.''

''Yes it is.. Nothing, thats what he did.''

''I'm confused.''

''Bells listen, he didn't say ONE word to me and we sit next to each other in bio and you know its hard not to talk to whoever you sit next to. He didn't even look at me and even before that he like stormed past me with the dirtiest look when he went out of the cafeteria. It was like I just killed his child or something.''

''Ha I know, sounds like Edward but I know, I know ,don't say it, 'he knows who you are and doesn't like you already' I get it but still you shouldn't take it that personal, your being too sensitive. So what ,one person in the entire school didn't like you, hes an ass and everyone in school knows it.''

''I know but I didn't do shit but happen to be a part of a family he don't like. I'm not the reason they don't get along so he should back the fuck off.'' As I was talking I, then, realized how much I really did care about what he thought. I mean, I already knew I cared but now saying it out loud to someone I realized I cared even more than I would admit to myself.

''Why do you care what he thinks? Like you sound so offended by someone you don't even know and you've never cared what anyone thought, let alone some pretty boy who's rude to everyone.''

''I don't know, its complicated. Ill explain it some time but its a long ass story.''

''Alright, well just don't worry about it. I'll stay with you during lunch and I wanna see how he really acts towards you but when you get to bio just either sit somewhere else or put on a front and act like you don't give a shit, which you shouldn't.''

''I will, don't worry and you don't have to look out for me, im just not used to it here. id just appreciate alittle more politeness from someone I did nothing to, thats all.''

''I know, your right, he has no right to be an ass to you but oh well. And yes, I will look out for you, thats what you would do if I was new to the school down in La Push.''

''Yeah thats true. Fine, you can look out for me but still its not a big deal, I just don't like attitude for no reason.''

''I don't either, I was alittle offended when I met him too but I think ive talked to him once and I never see him talk to anyone else anyways so I knew it wasn't me he had a problem with.''

''Yeah.'' After that there was about a minute of silence before we pulled into the parking lot of the school.

Once we parked, I was slow to get out of the car. I got my stuff out of the back seat and me and Bells went over to one of the benches across the parking lot in front of the school because her and Jess always waited for each other before going into homeroom. I was always alittle confused because Bella would always tell me that Jess would seem alittle two-faced sometimes and give Bella some weird looks but it seemed like they were best friends. I mean, I didn't even wait for my friends out in front of my school but I just figured this whole on and off, back and forth friendship was a girl thing and didn't really think or care about it.

Bella was talking to me about someone in her class and some funny story about what he did but as much as I loved her and wanted to listen to her, I blocked her out alittle. Now that I was in school, I started feeling anxious and nauseous. Then Jess finally came and Bella restarted telling her story to Jess. And before I knew it Mike, Tyler and everyone were sitting and standing around us. I wasn't listening to anyone, just staring off into space waiting for him to get here.

I heard 2 cars turn sharply around the corner and by the speed of the 2 cars and the um, expensive-lookingness of them, I figured it was the Cullens. I recognized the one they drove yesterday but now they were also driving a Hummer as well as the silver Volvo.

My heart felt like it literally went up into my throat. I had burning pains go down to my stomach and I just tried to compose myself and breathe. I didn't want to make it obvious how nervous I was.

I saw the 4 other Cullens get out of the Hummer. I figured the Volvo was Edward's and he was taking his time getting out which was making my anxiety worse. I attempted trying not to be so nervous and negative and started thinking about the fact that they always walked like Santa's reindeer. Rosalie and Emmett with his arm around her in front, behind them was Alice wrapping herself around Jasper's arm and then Edward always stayed behind them. Although, iIstarted thinking, 'well shouldn't he be in front, I mean he would be like Rudolph wouldn't he?' And then I laughed out loud that, through all my anxiety, I was actually comparing them to children's Christmas story characters.

They had parked their cars accross the street from Bella's car and pretty close to where we were sitting. The first 4 Cullens walked right past me, Rosalie once again giving me a huff and eye roll. Alice giggling at me. Edward walked past me and actually looked at me, normally I would have looked away and pretended I wasn't staring at him for 5 minutes but I couldn't help but stare at him staring at me.

He did alittle half smile, not a happy one, there was alittle bit of friendliness to it but it was quick and he looked right away before anyone noticed our little stare down. I was shocked, yesterday the only look I got was the one you get before you get murdered but today I got alittle bit of a smirk, I didn't understand. Was he like bi-polar or something? Whatever it was it made me alittle less nervous about today but for some reason my stomach was still in knots.

Not realizing that all this had happened in only about 3 minutes. Mike and Tyler both snapped me out of my trance by saying 'whats up' and giving me the 'man hug' as I call it. (hand shake with alittle back slap and shoulder to shoulder action)

We all were talking about the homework and thankfully, last night's seemed unusually hard to them so I figured it wouldn't always be like that, I was relieved. We all went to our homerooms. My morning went by pretty much the same, just without the introductions in every class. Everyone was still asking me more questions and pretty much interviewing me. Guys were still asking me to chill with them, girls were still flirting with me. But all in all my first 4 periods were fine. I actually talked to some people I hadn't the day before who were actually decent and cool. I figured they weren't as fake and 'starstruck' because they didn't bombard me yesterday, so at least that was going better today.

Now it was lunch and I was starting to get tense. I, once again, walked with Adam, Tyler and Mike and met up with Bella to walk to the cafeteria. We all sat down at the same table, same people came and sat with us, they pretty much talked about the same thing for a while and the Cullens weren't here yet either. It was like deja vu of lunch yesterday so far. So I just got bored, zoned out again, tried talking to Bella, Mike still dominating that job and tried to think about next period and what I should do about the situation with Edward.

**Edward's POV**

I was waiting at my locker, I wasn't in any hurry to get to lunch. I knew Rose and Emmett were at their Hummer but I knew Alice and Jasper were coming to talk to me, so I stayed where I was.

_Hey Ed, we going to lunch today or no? _Alice thought.

I could see her in my view, so I just nodded my head yes.

_YAY!_

I didn't know why Jacob didn't bother her either, she was almost excited about seeing him. It kind of freaked me out, I wanted to ask her why but I didn't want her in any trouble with Rose so I never asked. Her and Jazz were now standing with me, Jasper telling me what my mood was, like I didn't know that ha.

''So why do you want to go to lunch today?'' Jasper asked.

''I don't know, its not like I can skip lunch and 6th period everyday, might as well start getting used to the little pup now.'' I said back rolling my eyes, frustrated that that was my only option.

''You like him, don't you?''

''What?!"

''Like you don't mind him, I can tell you thinks hes cool.''

''Well of course I don't mind him, he hasn't done anything.'' I said kind of relieved that he didn't think I liked him in a romantic way because that was a question I didn't even know the answer to.

''I know but just remember who he is and don't get in to close to him, because that might only turn out bad.''

''No it wont.'' Alice added quickly covering her mouth and giggling like she didn't mean to tell me that.

''What!'' I yelled out.

''Nothing, I don't know. I mean I know theres ways it could turn out good but I don't know, nevermind.'' She said nervously.

''Tell me what you mean Alice, I know that you didn't mean to tell me that.'' I said getting frustrated.

''Its nothing, im just saying, stop being so pessimistic, theres way you guys could be friends.'' Alice said but with that I saw her mind. She showed me visions she had had about a week ago. I could see Jake with our family but thats all Alice got out of her vision. I looked at her shocked that I hadn't seen this before. Clearly she hid this vision from me good.

''Listen, Jazz knows, we didn't think much about it because I honestly didn't know who he was when I had the vision. I get unimportant visions soemtimes and ones that don't come true also so I didn't think it was some big deal, but when I saw him at school, I got all excited because he was the one in my vision and I saw the way he looked at you. Jazz felt how he felt about you and his feelings are even stronger today. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I just wanted to know the meaning of it before I let you see it.''

''Ugh whatever, im glad I was the last to know about this.''

''No you weren't, we didn't tell Rose, Em, Esme or Carlisle. I only told Jazz and now you. I should have told you even before Jasper but didn't want to make something out of nothing.''

I just shook my head, confused at what this meant. My mind started racing, what if we ever became more than friends? I quickly shot down that idea. Alice's vision was probably nothing, I couldn't even see how we could become friends let alone.. Anyways it wasn't possible, I was a monster and I would hurt him and he'd never be able to accept it because of who our families are.

''Wait. What are his feelings today? You said they are stronger.'' I saw it in his mind but let him say it out loud anyways.

''Well im feeling a lot more desire in a sense. Once again I don't know what kind. I don't want to say sexual and I be totally wrong, he could just desire your attention or friendship but I don't know. It seems like more to me but I cant be sure.'' Jasper told me almost like he was telling me a family member died.

''Okay Jazz, I see the doubt in your head, you forget I read minds don't you? You're telling me it might not be romantic desire but in your head you KNOW it is. Tell me the truth okay? I cant be messed with like this.''

''I know, im sorry but me being in doubt is my opinion not a fact. I just feel him gravitating towards you but im not POSITIVE what exact way.''

''Okay but seriously if you feel something that is a fact please let me know or show me. cause if he is a part of my future..'' I said looking at Alice. ''I need to know these things.''

''Okay.'' They both said at the same time.

''Okay, Rose and Em are in the cafeteria now, so lets just go and get this awkwardness over with.'' I said while looking in Jasper and Alice's mind, they were laughing and implying in their mind that I WANTED to see him instead of 'getting it over with'. ''Oh shut up you guys, seeing in your heads all the time is getting really inconvenient.''

''I sorry.'' Alice said pronouncing it 'sah-wee'.

We walked into the lunchroom and I saw Rosalie and Emmett staring at Jacob and his friends. They looked like they were listening, they looked pretty concentrated. I started to look in Jake's direction and the poor guy looked so out of place. Then Jasper confirmed my thoughts by saying, ''He totally cant stand hanging around some of them, its pretty funny.''

''What are Rose and Em staring at, is he going to do a trick or something?'' I said giggling to Jasper.

''I don't know but Rose doesn't really seem mad so..''

''Oh I know, Rose is just trying to hear if he says anything about me or us.''

''So why'd you ask?'' Jasper elbowed me in the ribs, playfully of course.

''I don't know, sounded good I guess.''

We sat down at our table. Rose and Alice started talking about clothes or something and Jazz and Em were talking about hunting this weekend so I just looked and wondered about Jake. The more Jasper hinted to there being 'romantic' feelings involved, the more I actually thought about it. For the past hundred years I had never even looked at a girl in any sexual way and here I was actually toying with the thought of being attracted to a MALE werewolf. I had never thought or cared about labels for sexual preference because I never expected to be with anyone for the rest of my life. So its not like I ever shot down the idea of being with a man but I had given up hope on ANYONE a couple decades ago.

Jacob just gave off this very interesting vibe, he was obviously a very attractive man, most people could attest to that but it was something more. He gave off this independence, this superiority and this confidence that was very... attractive. There was something about Jacob Black that just made me not be able to think about anything other than him. No one in my entire life as a vampire ever appealed to me like Jake did, not even close. The feelings I had looking at Jake scared me, I didn't know exactly what type of feelings they were but they were INTENSE. They were so intense it almost hurt.

As I was trying to figure this out in my head, I caught myself noticing little things Jacob would do, things I never would notice on other random people. Whenever he was bored, he would bite his nails and play with the part in his hair. Whenever he was embarrassed he would bite his lip and look down to the bottom corner of his eye. When someone complimented him he would laugh, raise his eyebrows and pucker out his lips, almost flirting back which oddly made me alittle uneasy, the same way every girl's thoughts about Jake made me.

I heard Jake tell his friends that he was going to throw something away. Once he got up, he threw his trash away in the trashcan that was a lot further away from him and a lot closer to me. I didn't know if I was just flattering myself but it seemed like he did that on purpose, once he was walking back to the table, I heard Jazz, Em, Rose and Alice suddenly go silent when Jake looked in my direction. He smiled alittle and pulled his hair back behind his ears. I didn't need Jasper to know what mood he was in.

I heard Jasper tell Em. ''Did you see him blush, that was so obvious its ridiculous, he totally likes Ed.''

''You guys know I can hear you right. It doesn't make a difference if you whisper, actually it doesn't make a difference if you don't even say it at all because I can just see it in your head.'' I snapped back, getting frustrated because I didn't want to start thinking about something that wasn't ever going to happen.

''Ed calm down, I wasn't trying to keep it from you, just didn't want the whole cafeteria hearing about it.'' Jasper said.

''Oh.. sorry. But Jasper come here actually.'' I said motioning for him to come outside with me.

We got outside and as we walked, I, of course, felt everyone's stare on me. And in my 'siblings' mind I could see that Jake's was on me too. Once we got outside I made sure no one was around and got to the point quickly.

''Okay Jasper, straight up, do you feel romantic feelings coming off of him?''

''Edward, why don't you just look in his mind, you'd prolly know more than me.''

''You know I cant read his mind.''

''WHAT!? No I didn't. You never told me that.'' He hissed.

''Oh, oh yeah I told Carlisle, not you. But yeah, I cant read his mind. I haven't been able to once. Now what do you get from him. At this moment.. besides boredom.''

''Okay, like honestly, what I get from his is very strong attraction but honestly I don't even think he knows what kind because I also sense like an inner struggle almost, if that makes sense.''

''Like hes confused?''

''Exactly, I get all these different emotions off him, hes so complicated.. you guys would be perfect together.'' Jasper laughed while he was looking in Jacob's direction.

''Shut up, okay. Hes probably attracted to me as a friend and is confused about whether he should be my friend or not because hes a wolf and im a 'leech''

''That could be exactly it. All I know is that hes got multiple emotions, everytime im around him they seem different but ive felt his vibe in the hallway when your not around and all I get is anxiety and boredom. The minute you come around I get passion almost, like hes really intrigued by you for whatever reason I cant be sure. Like I said, I think it seems like hes curious in a sexual or romantic sense but I cant be sure, my abilities aren't as straightforward and accurate as yours Ed.''

''Yeah I know, im sorry im putting so much pressure on you, its just frustrating, ive never had issues with my mind-reading like this and its driving me up the wall.''

''Maybe thats why you are so interested in him. I mean for goodness sake, you guys have only seen each other for 2 days and haven't even talked and you guys are acting like obsessed with each other.''

''Shut up, im not obsessed, hes just interesting.''

''I know, I didn't say it was a bad thing, im just saying, its weird how fast you guys have found interest with each other..''

''Jazz lets go farther away. I want to ask you a stupid question.''

''Okay I love stupid questions.'' He said laughing and rolling his eyes.

We went past the parking lot but not quite into the woods, we sat on a bench and I made sure no one was around. The minute we sat down I hesitated because I was nervous about what he would say and nervous about saying it outloud anyways.

''Okay. Um like you are probably the most uneasy when it comes to humans, werewolves or anything different then us and thats understandable but Jake seems different, if we became close, friends or whatever, would that make you resent me or anything?''

''Honestly, I would be pretty uneasy about it, because I don't know this kid, you cant even see in his mind to know if he'd be a good friend and it would be hard having someone around that I didn't completely trust. I wouldn't resent you but I would be very against the idea though.''

''Oh.'' I said turning away from him and leaning my back against the bench. ''Yeah. I just wanted to know because I kind of figured you'd be the hardest to get to be comfortable with that IF it ever happened.''

''Yeah but it would be out of my control, its not my life and if I didn't like it, I could leave if I wanted to. But Ed, I really don't think this whole thing is a good idea.''

''I know, I know but I mean, I have a class with him and its going to be hard not to ever talk to him.''

''Why don't you switch classes?''

''Okay well, that leads me to my other question. I WANT to talk to him, he seems really cool and for some reason im drawn to him and when im drawn to someone which like never happens, I cant control it. Now, to the question part, im not completely sure, im still fucking confused but I thought about it ALL night... what if I was drawn to him in a romantic way, what if I found him alittle more attractive than I should?''

''Wow. Umm, I don't know, first of all, when I was human ill admit I was very old fashioned and judgmental, I always believed it should be man and woman together but ever since this life I had chosen for me, ive realized theres feelings and urges that are IMPOSSIBLE to control. I, no longer have a 'criteria' of what and who a relationship should consist of, my problem isn't that hes a man, ive always thought you were gay anyways,'' Jasper said laughing which his teasing was putting me in a better mood. ''its the fact of what SPECIES he is. Hes a werewolf, your a vampire, natural born enemies, its not meant to be like that. Him being a man is not a problem but the wolf, vampire thing is.''

''But you JUST said theres feelings impossible to control and that you don't have a 'criteria' of who should be in a relationship together, so its like you are contradicting yourself Jazz. Ill say it outloud, I like him.'' As I said it out loud, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders but now reality set in at the same time. I LIKED Him, I WANTED him.. I NEE.. no I didn't need anyone.

''ED, listen this CANT happen, we'll end up in some vampires vs. werewolf brawl and thats not fair to the rest of us.''

''Fine, whatever. Yeah, not fair to YOU guys. The one person in a century I find appealing and actually not in a 'I want a piece of him for dinner' way and im not allowed to feel that way, thats unfair. The one time I have any sort of interest in ANYTHING, ive got to just ignore my feelings, thats unfair. I'm going to go, the bell is going to ring in a second.'' and with that, the bell rang and I was already near the school doors.

I walked through the cafeteria and Jake was standing about 5 feet away from me. I was caught off guard but after my little fight with Jazz, he started getting me all paranoid and feeling stupid about my attraction towards Jake. I was out of there the second Jacob started looking in my direction. I was stuck in the crowded hallway with nothing to do but really think about the conversation with Jasper and what I had admitted out loud. I liked him and I couldn't deny it, the feeling was too strong but now I felt like a bad person and it was so unfair that the first time in my life I felt excited just looking at someone, I wasn't even allowed to feel good about it, like I was the only one not allowed to be happy and it just wasn't fair.

**Jacob's POV**

Oh great, still getting the cold shoulder apparently. Edward practically flew out of here to get away from me. I guess the disease I had was flaring up again. I didn't get it, yesterday- ATTITUDE, this morning- friendly smile and now- ATTITUDE AGAIN. The dude was more confusing than a PMSing girl. And it just didn't help that I knew I had to sit next to him for 45 minutes after this, I was hoping it wouldn't be as awkward as yesterday.

I, once again, waited for the hallway to get alittle more mobile before I went into it and once again, the other 4 Cullens walked passed me with the same looks as yesterday except for the scared looking one, he was looking at me more concerned and actually alittle angry almost. I didn't understand what I did for Edward to run off the way he did and Jasper to give me the look Rosalie always gave me.

I got into the hallway finally and went to the classroom, Edward was in his seat staring out the window. I didn't want to sit in another seat because that would be me being a pussy and running away from conflict and I didn't want that. Either he was going to be nicer to me or I was going to confront him in class, if there was a chance to, or after school. I wasn't dealing with anymore silent treatment. This stupid parasite thought he could get away with being an ass to ME, no, if there was going to be anyone with attitude, it was going to be me towards him. I mean, he is the one that sucks the life out of living beings. As I said those angry thoughts in my head, I caught myself feeling alittle sorry for even thinking them but had a right to think those things, they were true.

I sat down in my seat, I was early and so was Edward and there wasn't many people in the class, maybe 3 but they were in the back rows. The teacher also wasn't in here just yet, we had about 4 minutes till class so I thought maybe this is the time to say something to him but I lost my balls and didn't say anything. Instead, I felt eyes on me and heard a deep breath taken and then the words ''Hi''.

I looked over and Edward was looking at me, pressing his lips together, seeming nervous or even embarrassed. Then I realized it was because I hadn't said anything yet.

''Um hi.'' I looked away quickly. Alittle nervous and shocked by him saying hello to me.

''I'm Edward.''

''I know,'' I said looking away but I knew I was being rude out of nervousness and then added, ''I mean you know every single person tells me who you are, so id need alzheimers to not know you.''

He laughed, which made me feel like I had alittle heart burn. I didn't understand why talking to him was making me so nervous. I had always been outgoing with everyone and never felt anxious talking to new people but I was very uneasy while we were talking, even though I was glad he wasn't avoiding me any way he could.

''And your Jacob Black..'' He said saying it as a statement and not a question. Then I realized I hadn't even introduced myself back. Damn who was really the rude one out of the 2 of us.

''Oh yeah, sorry. I just thought you knew because of me having to get in front of the stupid class yesterday.'' I said, not even able to look him straight in the eye, my heart was pounding and I was trying not to make it completely obvious how nervous I was.

''Oh I know who you are.'' He said smiling at me, I was shocked at his change towards me from yesterday's class.

''Yeah. Unfortunately I am Jacob Black.''

He scrunched his eyebrows together. ''What does that mean?''

''Hmm?'' What did what mean? I was confused.

''Why is it unfortunate?''

''I don't know, just wish I wasn't here.'' I said feeling almost weird saying that because I wasn't unhappy at all right now, just scared and confused.

''Oh, well why are you here? I mean, the school year is over in just a few months, why the school change and such a far school change at that?''

''Oh. Um, my dad just wanted me to go somewhere else and I knew Bella here so I thought this would be best.'' I said totally realizing how bad of a liar I was.

''Is that really why?'' Man he was good.

''Why I left my school?'' I asked, and when he nodded 'yes' I added, ''Mhm.'' Sounding totally unconvincing.

He kind of laughed but it was more like a sigh. ''Oh well this school is alright I guess, just the people aren't as bright as they could be but you get used to them.''

He actually made me laugh. ''Yah think? ... I think completly shallow morons is more like it.''

And with that, I also made him laugh. ''Or that.. Well I was trying to be nice about it but you're right.''

I sighed and didn't know what to say. It was easier to talk to him than I thought but I was still freaking out inside, he was actually cool and it felt natural talking to him but my nervous were going crazy. I wanted to keep talking to him but at the same time I was hoping the bell would ring soon so I could calm myself. How was he doing this to me? I had never been this nervous around anyone, an enemy, a hot chick, authority, anyone. But NO I had to go crazy around this meaningless, pointless leech. And again, I noticed myself wincing alittle thinking bad things about him.

''I'm sorry I didn't say hi yesterday. I was in kind of a bad mood and was alittle on edge with everyone.'' He said, finally breaking the short awkward silence.

''Its okay, I guess in a sense, sitting next to someone who didn't like practically interview me during class was alittle refreshing.'' I said telling the truth but also leaving out the part of how bad it hurt.

He giggled again and that made my heart pump alittle harder. Just when I thought I was calming down, here I went again.

Then the teacher came in and wrote a lot of stuff on the board and the whole time I was peeking out of the corner of my eye at Edward. And every other time he would be peeking back at me. Most of the class was lecture so there wasnt much time to talk to him. The whole lecture I would take notes and look over at Edward who had notes already written on everything he was saying before he even said it and then I took another look while he was writing and noticed that he was pretend writing, the words were already there, he was just tracing over them. I giggled silently and started wondering how many times he's probably heard this lecture. I had every once in a while pretended to look out the window just so I could peek at him better . I realized how pathetic I was acting and I got mad at myself. I was always a somewhat self centered person, you could say and I always just focused on myself and never gave other people tons of recognition but with Edward, I was so interested in watching him 'write', seeing him mess around with his pen and stare at the table. All these little things he did made me smile and I didn't know why!

I started to calm down alittle towards the end of the lecture but I started to get alittle uneasy during the end of the class when he was telling us our homework assignment. I put all my shit away and Edward got off his chair before me and touched my back to get passed. I honestly felt shocks go up my back and back down my stomach. It was like nothing else, I didn't know if it was because he was FREEZING or because it was from him touching me. I didn't want to think about it but now I felt myself almost hyperventilating and he turned alittle and waved goodbye. I just nodded back, not knowing what to say or do. He was so nice and I didn't want to think anything bad about him but he was my enemy, a killer. I couldn't like him, could I?

I went into the hallway and he was turning the corner and right before he disappeared he smiled at me, which made me smile even though he didn't see. Then, Alice walked passed me going his direction and also gave me a big smile. She was cute, I had to admit. I always forgot she was a vampire because she was so cute and bubbly like human girls but she was still a vampire and, same as with Edward, I shouldn't like her at all.

My next class was a snoozer. Me and Bella got caught talking a lot but talking to her was the only thing that kept me awake. Then my 8th period class was okay, I had it with Bella and I also had it with Alice Cullen. Today she sat in the desk in front of me and she actually spoke to me.

''Hi.'' She said, totally confident that I wouldn't blow her off.

''Hi.''

''I'm Alice.'' She said, holding her hand out for me to shake it.

I shook it. ''I'm Jake.''

''I know. How are you today?''

I couldn't help but just like her, she was cute and really polite to me. Icouldn't hate her. ''I'm alright, pretty bored but im fine.''

''Oh yeah, I know how you feel. Do you even realize how many times ive had to put up with this?'' She said smiling and winking at me. I was shocked that she had just made a vampire reference to me and, once again, confident for some reason that I wouldn't find that so disgusting.

''Ha I bet.'' I said back, trying not to make anything as obvious as she just had.

She was still turned around. ''how are you Bella?''

''I'm good I guess. I want to sleep but im good, you?'' Bella said.

''I'm good. I've had an interesting couple of days.'' She said turning her eyes, but not her head, in my direction.

I was wondering what the conversations at the Cullen house were like about me. I didn't even realize that Bells and Alice were actually talking alittle, I think they were talking about a test we were having this friday.

When the lecture was over, so was the class. The bell rang in his mid sentence so he would have to finish this lecture tomorrow. As I got my stuff together Alice yelled, ''Bye Jacob, ill see you tomorrow.'' And she smiled and walked out the door.

Bella grabbed my arm and said, ''Why does she like you so much, I bet Jasper wouldn't like this.'' I giggled to myself because I highly doubted Alice had any interest in me.

''I don't know. Shes just nice I guess.'' I said as I shrugged.

Me and Bella went to our classes and 9th period was a snoozer too. After it was finally over, I took my time at my locker and went to the bathroom so by the time I got outside, the cars were pretty much cleared away except for a couple. Bella's, of course, was still there because she was waiting for me since she was my ride home. As I walked to the car I heard a girl yell ''BYE JAKEY!'' and I realized it was Alice and I yelled back ''BYE!''

Then I looked at Edward who was smiling at me and I took a chance and yelled ''BYE EDWARD! ILL SEE YOU TOMORROW'' and I felt my heart and stomach twist in a knot. He smiled back and said ''BYE. YOU SHOULD COME CLASS EARLY AGAIN!'' and he laughed.

My heart dropped. "OKAY!"

When I got to the car Bella looked confused and she asked, ''Is there anyone who doesn't like you? Like if you can get the Cullens to talk to you, especially Edward then that says a lot.''

I just giggled and got right into the car, ignoring her so I wouldnt have to start explaing anything just yet. I sat in the front seat while she started up the car and just stared out the side mirror watching Edward pull out of his parking spot. He smiled at me before he drove off and I smiled involuntarily and sat my head against the seat and sighed.

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**these first couple chapters might seem alittle slow but i just like paying attention to detail**

**the chapters will become more faster paced but i want the beginning to be specific**


	6. She has to Know

_**no Edward in this chapter ='[ **_

_**but Jacob actually considers telling Bella the truth, so thats always fun =]**_

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Jacob's POV**

As me and Bella drove to her house, I was pretty silent but shockingly not unhappy. Today had been a lot better than yesterday. I wanted to tell Bell's so bad about what the Cullens were but I knew I couldn't. Then I started to think, 'hey what would be the difference if I told her now then in a couple of weeks or months', I mean I was going over her house and this could be the best time to tell her. I didn't know how she would react. I didn't know if she wouldn't want to hang out anymore, I didn't know if she would even believe me and just think I was crazy.

She broke the silence by telling me a story Jess told her about a girl in her class that was in 2 periods with us. I zoned out because it ended up just being gossip because Jessica clearly didn't know anything about anything else. I couldn't stop thinking about today and what I should do about Bella not knowing anything, I wanted to ask her advice but she wouldn't understand the complexity of me and Edward unless she knew he was a vampire.

I guess she noticed I wasn't paying too much attention. I was just nodding and saying 'yea' and 'I know' every once in a while, so she changed the subject.

''So how was Edward with you today in class?''

''Oh.. Um he talked to me today''

''Ha I kind of figured by his little 'come early to class tomorrow.'' She said trying to imitate a man's voice but she ended up just sounded like a mentally challenged she-male.

I smiled. ''Yeah, hes not so bad. Hes not really an ass when you actually talk to him. Hes just shy because even when he was talking to me he was very like quiet and timid.''

''Well I have no personal problems with him but hes never been especially nice to me for me to like him so I don't even really think about it. Oh my god, I don't think I told you but I totally had a crush on him when I first met him.''

''You didn't tell me but you made it obvious enough.'' I said making a laughing/grunting type sound.

''Oh shut up. Hes hot and you know it.''

''Well, for a guy I guess''

''Oh my god, you and your manliness. You can say a guy is attractive without being gay. I say girls are hot all the time and im not a lesbian.''

''Nah I mean ill admit guys are good looking, I mean he definitely is, like I can see why GIRLS like him but not for me.'' I said realizing how unconvincing that was. And that made me start thinking like what if I really find this guy like physically or romantically or even sexually attractive. Ever since my dream i'd been really confused on my interest in him.

''Yeah well, I bet he can turn any guy gay, hes like a small town Brad Pitt.''

''Ha.'' I said looking out the window. ''You can't 'turn' someone gay Bella.'' She giggled.

A couple minutes passed in silence and I turned the radio on. We were pretty close to Bell's house.

''So are you staying over tonight or just getting your bike and leaving?'' Bella said turning down the music.

''Charlie would actually let me stay over the night?''

''Maybe, I mean you'd definitely have to sleep on the couch but i'm sure he'd be cool with that. I mean its pretty cold out and he probably wont want you driving in it and getting sick, even though me and you know that wont happen but he doesn't know that.''

''Yeah I could I guess but I don't really want to wear these clothes 2 days in a row, ugh, so I mean I will just go home tonight but ill stay for a little while if you want.''

''Oh alright. That'll be fine I guess.'' Something told me she just wanted to talk about Edward for some reason. She was very insistent I stay the night.

''I could stay over tomorrow night if you want?''

''Sure and we'll ask my dad just so he doesn't get mad at me for assuming he'd say yes.''

''Alright, that sounds good.''

Then I started thinking, should I tell her tonight? So if I freak her out I can just leave or tomorrow night when we'll have all night to talk about it? Ugh, this was confusing and my mind started racing and then I started thinking, should I even tell her at all?

As we pulled up into the driveway, I saw that Charlie wasn't home and that we could talk about it now in privacy. I made up my mind. I would tell her he was a vampire tonight but not into any details until tomorrow. Good, that was a plan and I was going to wait till alittle before I leave so I don't get too carried away with my story and I wanted one more day seeing Edward to see if I could understand my feelings for him better before explaining my confusing situation to her.

Once we got inside. She went right to the kitchen and pulled out some left over dinner and started heating it up. She asked me what I wanted and I told her that I would have some of the spaghetti that she was having. She put our stuff on the recliner and we sat on the couch. We turned on the tv and put on some weird horror movie but we weren't really watching it. When the food was done, we went and got it, I doused mine with every salt, pepper, garlic and spice she had and we watched some of the movie in silence.

When we were done eating we put our shit away and sat back on the couch, just chillin and talking about school and our home life to each other, like we were close girl friends. As much as I hated feeling like a total emo crybaby or a PMSing girl, it was nice to be able to talk to someone about what was frustrating me at home, with my pack and reservation friends and at school, well everything not concerning Edward. We talked for a long time and then the phone rang. Bell's answered it and it was Charlie.

''Oh hey dad, where are you?''

...

''Oh alright, Jake is over. We're watching 'Silent Hill' on HBO. Its scaring the crap out of me dad, you should watch it.''

...

''Okay. And dad its Jake, I wouldn't kiss him if he paid me.'' She said sticking her tongue out at me. Charlie was obviously telling her to keep me out of her room or some paranoid dad stuff.

...

''School was fine,'' ... ''yea Jake had a better day today.''

...

''Alright, thats fine, love you dad'' ... ''okay bye''

And she hung up.

''Hes out with the Clearwaters, they are having dinner so he wont be home for a while.''

''Oh true. Yea ill leave before he gets home though.''

''Ha I bet, he probably wont be back till like 9 or something.''

''Yea, i'll probably be asleep by then.''

''Ha so will I, gym was hard today.''

''You're such a girl, gym is too easy for me. I wanna play like rugby or something hardcore, no more fucking volleyball.''

''Yeah, your gonna end up like crushing the ball though. But like wouldn't you really hurt someone in rugby, like that would be almost unfair for them because you have beyond human strength so, you'd need to be on like a werewolf league or something.''

''Yeah I see those advertised everywhere.'' I said in a mocking voice. Werewolf league? Ha, should I be so lucky.

I was happy because it was so easy to talk to her about the werewolf thing, and I was hoping that that meant telling her about vampires might not freak her out. But something just made me think telling her about the vampires might not be such a good idea.

We were now talking and watching 'Knocked Up' and that gave us some good laughs for a little while. It was about 5 now and I figured I should be out in about an hour and I really wanted to get this whole informing her about the leeches thing over with but I had to admit I was scared, she was probably my closest friend, probably closer than my own pack mates and I didn't wanna risk her being too freaked out by this or maybe her thinking I was just being an ass. Or she just might not believe me.

When the movie was over, she put on a music station on the tv and we listened to some music. I turned the sound down when she went to the bathroom, getting myself ready for how I should tell her this. I knew I should start by making sure she really trusted me.

She came back from the bathroom, sat down and started turning the sound back up but I stopped her.

''Listen, I need to tell you something but I got to make sure of something.'' She looked really interested so she gladly turned the tv to something on MTV and turned the sound down. Clearly, she liked suspense.

''What is it Jake, is it bad?'' She sounded way too excited.

''No its not bad, just complicated. I need to make sure that you're open minded.'' She scrunched her eyebrows and widened her eyes, sort of offended.

''Okay you are freaking me out. And obviously im open minded you ass.''

''Listen, its nothing that will be that bad as long as your open minded, don't worry, im not dying or moving away, nothing of that sort. Its just kind of has to do with what I am and what else is out there.''

She looked scared and anxious and also pretty excited, crossing her legs and sitting completely turned towards me. ''Jake im very open minded you know that. I mean, it was shocking finding out what you are but I wasn't scared or angry or anything negative. I want to know what you want to tell me, is anyone in trouble?''

''No, its just a complicated situation, ill tell you the whole story tomorrow when I stay over but tonight I just want to fill you in on the main parts of it.''

''Okay, honestly please tell me, we're best friends. I would never tell anyone if thats what you are worried about.''

''Its not even that. I just don't want you to involved in the 'supernatural' part of my life, it can become dangerous. It was a risk letting you know about what I am but there can be scary parts about what I am.''

''You don't want me in the werewolf part of your life?'' She said looking really hurt, which made me feel upset.

''No, thats not what I meant. I don't mind you in my werewolf life, its getting involved in something else's life that I don't want.''

''I'm really confused, your totally dancing around what you want to tell me and its scaring me. I'd rather you just get to it before I honestly have a heart attack.'' She said looking serious like she would really go into cardiac arrest so I tried speeding this up.

''Okay, how freaked out does the whole werewolf thing make you or like how hard was it believing it?''

''I was shocked but im open minded, I believe theres a lot of things out there we don't know about and plus you SHOWED me so it was hard not to believe you.''

''Okay and if I said theres other things besides werewolves out there, would you be freaked out?''

''Okay like what, like witches or ghosts or what are you talking about?''

''Um okay, like is there anything that you wouldn't believe is real?''

''Um.. mermaids, I don't know and maybe theres those too. I don't know, it would depend but if you knew it for a fact I would have to believe you because I trust you... Your honestly scaring me now, I want to know whats out there that I should know about.''

''Its not that you should know, in all honesty you probably shouldn't find out but your my best friend now and things might get alittle complicated and I want you to know so I don't ever have to lie to you.''

''Okay and thats what I want. THE COMPLETE TRUTH. I'm a big girl and by what I know about you, I know you'll keep me safe and if you cant then so be it.''

''Okay don't say that. I'm not letting anything happen to you and the people or things or whatever you want to consider them, they aren't a harm to you but theres others out there that are harmful. But ill make that that they aren't ever a problem.''

''JAKE! The heart attack, I can feel it coming!'' She said breathing very heavy and I knew she wasn't messing around.

''Okay, you know Edward and his family... they aren't.... normal.''

''WHAT!? Really? I just thought they were stuck up but I mean I guess thinking about it, they are alittle weird.... are they like wizards or witches or something?''

''Ha, no they aren't witches.. they're..''

''Superheroes?''

''Oh my god Bella.'' I said laughing and wondering that if witches didn't freak her out maybe vampires wouldn't be so bad.

''Come on Jake. I don't know what else they could be. Are they like demons or something?''

''Bella, oh my god, no they aren't demons you idiot.''

''But Jake, thats how your making this sound, like they are the devil's messengers for goodness sake.''

''Well, I can tell you they aren't that bad.''

''Well I would hope so, anything is better than that!'' She said laughing and I hoped and thought this might be easier than I thought.

I took a deep breath and said, ''They are...'' almost in a whisper. ''and im not fucking with you, im not lying to you, I know for a fact that they are.. ''

''JAKE!''

''Vampires.'' I blurted out.

She looked at me for a couple seconds with the same look as when I told her what I was, just not as bad because this was the second, not the first, movie character she was finding out was real.

''Like real vampires, like Dracula vampires?''

''Well the movies get a lot wrong but yes, they are actual vampires.''

''They like honestly sleep in coffins, like REAL vampires. I thought vampires were like a total joke like witches and mermaids. Like they are honestly real?''

''Yes, not just freaky S&M people who suck each others blood out of kinkiness. Like they were TURNED into vampires by other real vampires.'' I emphasized each other like it was its own sentence.

She took a deep breath. ''But vampires always scared me dude, that was one thing that always freaked me out. Okay, you know the movie 'Interview with the Vampire', did that movie get it right because you know Brad Pitt was really irresistible and thats how the Cullens are.''

''Oh god Bella. They get some stuff correct but the Cullens don't sleep in coffins.. they actually never sleep.''

''WHAT!? Never?''

''Never, they don't need sleep, their bodies don't ware down.''

''Oh my god and do they burn in the sun because the Cullens are known for 'going camping or hiking','' she said with air quotes. ''on sunny days.''

''No they don't burn, they like shine or something, like too shiny where its like noticeable and abnormal but ive never seen it, the Cullens are the only vampires ive met and I only met the Cullen 'kids' yesterday.'' I also said with air quotes.

''Okay so what makes them vampires then. Like I just keep thinking of like the old Dracula movies in my head and its like how can they possibly be real.''

''Well the movies have to exaggerate everything, you know that. But they obviously suck blood like normal vampires.'' I said watching her mouth drop and her eyes widen and I figured she probably hadn't thought about that part until I said it.

''OH MY GOD. Are you fucking serious?''

''Yes but the Cullens only drink animals blood, thats why I said they aren't harmful but theres others out there that do feed off humans and those ones are scary. The ones I don't want you ever coming in contact with.''

''I honestly find this more shocking then when you told me about you because the movies make vampires seem so disgusting and scary and how do you know they don't just drink blood?... Ugh I don't know.'' She said obviously not being able to find any other excuse for blood drinking.

''Listen Bells, I know what they are. For a fact. I wouldn't tell you something like this if it wasn't true. Theres things out there that are only talked about in movies but are actually real. Vampires and werewolves are real Bella. I know they don't seem like in the movies but movies are fiction okay, they have to make it more interesting but the fact is, its REAL. The Cullens ARE NOT HUMANS.''

She still stared at me probably scared that she had talked to a real live vampire before. ''Like do they have like a heart or anything?''

''Yes but it doesn't beat''

''Oh my god.'' She said covering her mouth.

''Yeah I mean they can be scary, ill admit it, I mean not the Cullens but vampires in general. They are indestructible and thats why if ANYTHING EVER comes up involving the human drinking vampires, you are OUT OF HERE and with Charlie, they will..'' I didn't want to say kill and scare her too much but I needed her to know this was no joke and to not get to involved. ''hurt you, theres only one way to kill them and your not capable of it so you need to understand that if that scenario comes up, you do as I say and don't be stubborn, when it comes to the other vampires, theres no pride involved, I wont put up with your stubbornness, you hear me?''

''Okay Jake, okay I promise.'' She said looking on the verge of tears. ''Like do they come around often?''

''No but im only telling you this because like I said in the beginning of this conversation, I don't want you too involved with vampires, even with the Cullens if we can avoid that. Its not common for vampires to come around but they like small towns and theres been some that have come through here before and a couple of those 'serial killers' you see in the paper aren't really just dumb humans but I DO NOT want you scared or to do anything different with your life okay, they aren't going to wait outside your house to eat you. I can sense them and my pack is always on the lookout and nothing will happen to you but ive got to warm you just in case something ever, god forbid, happened okay?''

''Um okay, Jake I don't want you leaving tonight.''

''Oh man. I didn't want to scare you, honestly. I wanted to let you know the truth.''

''But you said I couldn't defend myself if I ever met one.''

''I'm telling you right now, me, my pack and the Cullens will all know if theres vampires in our town and I would be right at your side in a second, just do everything the same tonight and ill tell you actual details tomorrow okay?''

''Okay, so theres definitely none in town right now?''

''No theres not. And you are totally safe and ill chill with you tomorrow and tell you everything I know even though I don't know everything because the whole situation has been going on since before I was born.''

''Okay, yea, I want to know everything, I know I seem scared but I can handle the truth, really.''

''I know you can but I think im going to go home and get my homework done and shit. Ill see you tomorrow and make sure you ask Charlie tonight to make sure I can come over tomorrow.'

''Okay.''

We stood up and she gave me a big hug and I kissed her on the top of the head. I went and got my motorcycle to come around front, went back inside to get my backpack and told Bells not to worry about anything. She told me she'd be fine and that she wanted me over tomorrow no matter what Charlie said and I was on my way.

The whole ride home I was thinking about our conversation and I kind of scared myself by what I told Bella. I didn't want to admit it but if it ever came down to a fight with the bad vampires, I don't know what the outcome would be and that scared me but I put the thought out of my head and just started replaying me and Edward's conversation in my head over and over again and I laughed at myself because I was acting like such a girl.

Once I got home, I chatted with my dad for alittle while, watched a basketball game with him, took a shower, then did my homework and chilled in bed all night watching tv. Tonight I was in a little bit better of a mood but my heart and mind were still going crazy. I don't think I had ONE other thought cross my mind not relating to the Cullens, Bella, vampires or werewolves. I tried to watch some movies to get my mind off of it but it didn't work. The whole night I didn't once pay attention to the movies and shows I was watching. I didn't need any sleeping pills to fall asleep tonight. I was very tired and could feel myself getting into a different bedtime/wakeup time routine. I watched tv till about 10 and passed out quickly after that.


	7. Saying it Out Loud

**Jacob's POV**

_I was outside and it was very dark. I was laying on the ground looking at the stars in the sky, they were pretty much dazzling me. I was staring and then over me was HIM. Edward looking down at me, so.. seductively. He was GORGEOUS, literally like a painting, he was so bright, shining. I grabbed his face and our lips crushed together, literally, close to breaking our jaws. I wanted him so bad. Once again we were both nude. I rolled him over so now I was on top, now that seemed more accurate, I was no ones bitch. I was pinning him down and we were wet for some reason (dreams always confuse me), oh it was raining. That just made it so much hotter. I picked up his thighs and was pinning them to his chest, he was basically rolled in a ball. I got myself ready and then was inside of him. It was rough and aggressive and exactly how I would like it. He liked it too, he was making faces but once again I didn't really hear sounds. He was grabbing hold of my thighs, that were next to his hips, and clawed his fingernails into them, I started to bleed. I was beginning to get to the end but something happened, there was a different look in his eyes, he looked angry almost. All of a sudden he threw me off of him. He crouched and sprang at me. He took a huge bite out of my leg, spit the piece out and leaned in to guzzle the blood spurting out of my leg. It hurt, he was angry and thirsty and I was scared. He was so strong and I couldnt get him away.._

I woke up panting. The dream, once again, seemed so real but now as I was waking up I could only see flashes of it but the flashes I remembered were hot and scary. I didn't know why I ended up bleeding in every dream about him. Well I guess it could be the whole VAMPIRE thing but I didn't focus on that to much. What I was focusing on was the difference in the reactions my body had.

This time I didn't wake up in time and I ended up having to change my boxers and the whole nine yards. Great, now this stupid asshole was giving me happy endings in my dreams. Imagine what would happen if it was in real life, imagine my reactions then. I quickly got that thought out of my head, I didn't even know exactly how I felt about him, let alone what way my body would react to having sex with him.

I got dressed, did everything I usually did, minus the extra tv time, and left. I didn't stop at Bell's this time, just went straight to school. I wasn't as anxious today, I was more like bubbly almost and wasn't having an anxiety attack, that was a nice little baby step.

I got to school and Bella was waiting for me where we usually parked, she was standing outside her car, arms folded with her head down. I didn't know if she was just cold or if last night freaked her out alittle too much. She saw me and she didn't look scared, she smiled and stood straight, getting off her car and that made me happy. I didn't want to give her paranoia over my story.

I got off my motorcycle and went around to her car and she said ''Hey!'' and hugged me.

''Hey, so you ight?'' I asked, alittle scared, wondering if I should bring up last night.

''Yea, why wouldn't I be?''

''Oh, I dont know, my little confession was pretty shocking. I didn't know if you got over it through the night.''

'Oh yeah, I mean it took me a while to go to sleep but I kind of like this supernatural stuff but its honestly still hard for me really to believe. I guess that might be why im not as freaked out, because like the reality hasn't really set in yet but yeah. What did you think, I was going to stop being YOUR friend because of what THEY are? That makes no sense.''

''Yeah.'' I said laughing, realizing that that was kind of stupid.

''So you still gonna tell me the details tonight?''

''Mhm, wait, so Charlie said I definitely can come over?''

''Mhm told you he would, but yeah you definitely got to sleep on the couch.''

''I didn't know there was another option.'' I giggled. Why on earth would I even think her room was an option. Charlie had some issues.

''Well I would of let you like sleep on my bed and me on the couch or on my floor but my dad doesn't even want you in my room even if im not in there, hes so weird.''

''Yeah that is alittle weird, like what fun would your room be without you in it.'' I said winking and making a sexy face at her. ''Ha just kidding, just kidding.. but no seriously.'' I said making my face serious and raising my eyebrows.

''Ha ha your funny.'' We both were laughing. ''Okay I want to go get breakfast from the cafeteria before we go to homeroom.''

We went to the cafeteria, then to homeroom and the rest of the morning went smoothly. Classes were easy and I wasn't feeling sophocated like I had yesterday. Once it was lunchtime, we all pretty much had a routine down. Me and the boys met up with Bells and then we always got to the table first and then everyone else piled in around our table.

I hated to admit it but I started feeling comfortable. I had just easily fit right in and as much as these people did get on my nerves and how different they were than me, they were growing on me. Jessica still annoyed me but the boys and Angela were pretty cool.

I waited the extra couple minutes realizing that the Cullens never seemed to get to lunch right on time. As I figured, they were about 10 minutes late but they all came together unlike yesterday and they didn't seem angry, not as far as I could tell anyways.

I tried not to stare but when Edward passed me to go get his lunch, I couldn't help but do just that. He was just mesmerizing and I wasn't a fag or anything but he was gorgeous.. for a guy. Everytime I told myself, 'just for a guy' I would feel like I was lying to myself. It was a cop out or something and a part of me just wanted to repress the part that found Edward so attractive but the other part just wanted to accept it. I was very confused because whether I was gay, bi, bi-curious or straight, I DID find him attractive.

When he walked back, he smiled and nodded at me, I smiled back and I felt myself blush. I looked around to make sure no one noticed and the only one looking at me was Bella. She looked shocked and still alittle shaken up at how that was a vampire that just walked passed her. She asked me in a whisper 'Why are you smiling at him?'. And I just said 'Well hes in my class, I don't want to be rude.' I was completely lying because I wanted him to acknowledge my existence unlike monday.

Lunch went by fast and I tried not looking in Edward's direction the whole time so I wouldn't make myself look to pathetic. I did as Edward asked and I planned on going to class early. While I was ,once again, waiting for the hallway to thin out of people (they needed to make this hallway wider), he came up behind me and asked if I was coming to class early with a smile. His family walked passed us, same looks as always, Emmett not caring about anything, Alice giggling and Rosalie and Jasper looking worried and kind of angry.

''Um yea, that was the plan.'' I said trying to play it cool and act like he was just any other person, even though he was so beyond a regular person.

''Good.'' He said smiling at me.

My heart sank, was he flirting with me? Thats what it felt like but I highly doubted that. I never got nervous around someone I was interested in. I was always super confident and had game and knew what to say but not with him. He totally took away all my confidence and I was acting like a freshman girl being asked out by the senior football player, it was pathetic.

We walked together, not talking but he was always right next to me, never in front or behind me. Like he wanted everyone to know we were walking together and not just randomly near each other in the hallway. We got into the class early and we didn't speak to each other until we sat down.

We were sitting for a minute or 2 with an awkward silence but then he spoke to me first. UGH why wasn't I the forward one? I usually was.

''So um how was your day today? You don't seem as nervous and annoyed as you did yesterday and monday.'' He said looking straight at me, turned pretty much completely towards me.

''Yeah. I mean, I knew it would just take a couple days to get used to but complaining isn't going to get me out of here faster and id rather spend the rest of time time here with friends and no enemies. So I just gotta suck it up and stop whining, I mean its my fault im here.'' I said now positioning myself to be turned his direction.

''What do you mean its your fault? You said your dad wanted you to go here, how is that your fault?''

''Oh, um well I kind of just said that so I wouldn't have a 'bad boy' rep and so people wouldn't ask to many questions.'' I admitted totally forgetting that the only person who knew that was Bells.

''What did you do that would give you that reputation?''

''Nothing big, I was just drinking on school property and they are pretty strict, so it wasn't suspension, it was expulsion. But I mean, don't say anything because some douches will be friends with me cause they will think im a 'party guy' and other people will think im just trying to be a bad ass and not want to chill with me.''

''I wouldn't say anything, not like I talk to anyone anyways.'' He looked so sad saying that.

I knew why he didn't talk to anyone but I just wanted to have a conversation with him so I asked. ''Why don't you talk to anyone?''

''Oh Jake, I know you know, you don't have to pretend.'' He said, sort of pulling his lips up into a smile.

''Well I mean yeah, I know that part but if you can be in a classroom with tons of people, how come you cant just add words to it? Wouldn't make that big of a difference.''

''I know but I just don't want to get close to anyone, I don't need any human attachments.'' He said whispering because more students were coming in.

''Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense, you must hate it.''

''Nah, im used to it.'' He said and I totally felt my heart sink realizing how miserable he really was and at that moment I regretted everything I ever said about him. Poor guy went, who knows how many, years talking to no one.

''Well don't worry you're not missing out on anything. I wish I had an excuse to not talk to anyone.'' I said laughing, he was laughing too.

The bell rang while we were laughing and that was the most conversation we would have all day. He said bye on his way out of class with a smile.

The rest of my classes went by fast because all I was thinking about was him and our conversation and everything I could of said but didn't and ugh I was so crushing. It was extremely hard to admit to myself but it was true and I was realizing that it wasn't just a little one-period/one-day phase. It was the 3rd day seeing him and I got more and more interested in him. At the end of the day I walked passed him in the parking lot and he said bye to me and waved but I think he was trying not to make us befriending each other to obvious... at least thats what I told myself when we only said one word to each other.

When I got to my motorcycle, Bella wasn't at hers yet so I waited and watched the Cullens leave. Edward was still smiling at me and I just wondered how he was so comfortable with me and how he knew I was even trustworthy but I didn't question it too much because I wanted his trust. I didnt want him to think of me differently because of my wolf side.

Bell finally got to her car. We didn't say much to each other because we knew what we were doing and where we were going and we had all night to talk. I totally beat Bells to her house, when we got inside, Charlie wasn't home yet so we chilled and watched tv on her couch. She made me something to eat and I tried avoiding the subject as long as possible and didn't want to talk about it just yet.

A couple hours passed, we watched tv, we ate more, we did our homework because we're such good kids HA, and when Charlie came home, Bells went in her room, she wanted me to come but Charlie said 'hell no' and I watched alittle bit of the basketball game with him.

When it was about 9, Charlie went upstairs to his room with some food and called Bells to go downstairs and 'entertain our guest'. Bells came downstairs and sat on the couch with me.

''Why'd you go upstairs?'' I asked, nudging her because I pretty much knew why.

''Um because hanging out with my dad, watching sports all night isn't my idea of exciting.'' She spit back.

''Okay but he said I couldn't go up there so what was I supposed to do.''

''I don't know, make him go upstairs.''

''And how would you have liked me to do that?''

''I don't know, shut up.'' She said, giving up on the little argument.

''What were you doing anyways?''

''Listening to music and reading.''

''How exciting, much more interesting than sports... Okay um do you want to talk about the you know what?''

''YEAH! But hold on, I want to get some popcorn and turn all the lights off.''

''Oh my god, we're not watching a horror movie Bells.'' But she went and did that anyways.

We left the tv on but turned it down. We knew Charlie wasn't a problem because I bet the neighbors could hear his tv. I would hear him mute it every once in a while which I figured that was him just making sure he didn't hear any certain kinds of noises. The 'mood' was set to my little 'ghost story' and she sat facing me with covers over her and some popcorn looking like a giddy child.

There was alittle bit of silence but she broke it by saying. ''Okay so your a werewolf, the Cullens are vampires but they are .. nice ones? But theres bad ones out there too.'' She looked alittle scared with the last couple of words.

''Yes, thats the basic stuff. But theres more complicated things about my situation with Edward.'' I said referring to the fact that I was attracted to him and that was the worst thing that could happen.

''What do you mean? Is it bad?''

''Bells, none of this will effect you negatively, don't worry about yourself okay. You are fine, things with me and him could get complicated and im freaked out. You're my best friend and it would be nice to talk about it with someone and I have to be completely honest for you to get the complexity of it.''

''Okay, I want the truth. I'm not going to get scared, just the way you explain things makes it seem scary.''

''Its definitely not scary, its just inconvenient, I guess you could say.''

''Alright but wait why cant you talk about it with your pack mates?''

''Well that has a lot to do with the complexity of it but ill give you the basics. You promise you wont think of me differently about anything, because I don't know how I feel for sure.''

''Of course. Nothing you could really tell me would make me think differently of you unless you like killed a child... you didn't kill a child right?'' Her eyes narrowed in at me.

''NO, you freak. This isn't even close to that bad.''

''Okay good, now just tell me.''

''Okay. Well vampires and werewolves are enemies. In my packs mind, vampires are the worst thing out there and in their eyes we are an inconvenience to them. Its gone a long time back, werewolves and vampires hating each other.''

''Okay yeah that does suck, so like they don't know your talking to him?''

''No I haven't phased since I met Edward. They will totally bust me for befriending him and I don't know what they would do to me or .. him.'' As I said that I realized how much I didn't want anything to happen to him.

''Oh I see. Yeah that sucks. Like would they kick you out or would they like hurt you..?''

''I don't know. Both maybe, I don't want to find out. But I cant just not phase forever.''

''Can't you just keep certain things from them or like not think about it?''

''HA all I do is think about him.'' I completely let that slip and she gave me a funny look.

''Woah, that sounded weird.'' She said giggling. ''That was so gay.''

''Yeah I know. Thats the other part.'' As I was saying that, the smile came off her face. ''I am... not gay but its weird. Like with Edward, I like don't ever stop thinking about him, ever. I even have had.. dreams about him the past 2 nights. Like its crazy, the minute I saw him I literally haven't not thought about him once. It was like a trigger went off when I looked at him. I'm like borderline obsessed with him and it scares me because if I like him as more than just a friend or person, my pack would really go to the extreme to deal with it.''

''Wait you think you like him.. LIKE THAT?'' She was holding back a smile.

''I don't know. I know I am interested in him but I don't know in what way.''

''WOW, so you like someone that you should be wanting to kill?''

''EXACTLY. I'm like 'why am I not wanting to charge this fucker and kill him', like I didn't understand. I knew he was a leech from the second I met him, I could smell it but I didn't feel hostility towards him like I had always thought I would feel meeting a vampire. I've never been such a .. pussy around someone. Its pathetic, I get nervous around him and I get so offended when he doesn't talk to me.''

''Well you like him, thats fine.. actually thats kind of hot.'' She said putting her finger to her mouth and laughing.

''You're weird. But its not like anything will happen, we can't even be friends let alone lov.. anything else.''

''But you said you aren't sure how you feel. But I think you are sure, you just don't want to admit it.'' She was sticking her tongue out alittle, biting on the tip.

''I know, I know I like him like that. I know I find him really attractive and cant keep my mind off him but it scares me because ive never been this submissive or non aggressive towards anyone I ever liked. Its like hes melted that hardheadedness and confidence I always had.''

''Well thats not a negative thing, its nice to be nervous sometimes.''

''But its HIM, I cant like him, I will be killed or thrown out and they will probably try and kill him too and I cant let anything happen to him because I like him.''

''Aw the way you talk about him is soo cute.''

''Ugh shut up. I'm not used to this mushy stuff, it weirds me out.''

''You are the one saying all the mushy stuff.'' She was giggling and she was right, it was me being mushy.

''Shut up, I hate this corny stuff.'' I threw my head against the couch and put my hands over my face. ''I'm so confused, how can I like him after only 2 days?''

''Well didn't you say that when you guys imprint, its like love at first sight?''

As she said that my mind started racing and I was shocked I never had that thought cross my mind. ''Well we imprint for breeding purposes or whatever.. me and him clearly cant breed.''

''Well maybe thats what they just think, maybe you can imprint on the same sex and they just say its breeding purposes because 2 guys have never imprinted on each other.''

''Ugh stop making sense woman but its not possible. And I was so confused when I met him. They said they know the second they meet the person.''

''Yeah but you said a trigger went off and you did nothing but think about him. Maybe your friends just KNOW that they CAN imprint, so they realize faster but maybe since you never considered imprinting on a man, maybe your mind just went straight to 'oh my god what am I feeling?''

''Oh boy, I cant consider this, ill fucking drive myself crazy because if I truly imprint on him, nothing good will come out of it.''

''Except for you being with him.''

My stomach started turning when she said 'being with him'. My heart was racing because I was now actually thinking about being with him and now I regretted talking to her because now I actually realized my feelings. I hadn't wanted to know my feelings.

''I don't know what that would be like and the one thing we're both forgetting right now is I have no idea if he even likes me back. I could be wasting my time, giving myself anxiety, risking getting thrown out of my pack for someone who might not even like me.'' I said getting frustrated that she was being so optimistic.

''He doesn't talk to anyone and he actually talked to you, thats bigger than you think.''

''Yeah im sure it is but ugh I don't know, I want to fucking scream right now dude. I'm gonna have a nervous break down for real.'' I said really feeling an anxiety attack coming on.

''Calm down. Okay why don't you chill with Edward and see if he likes you.''

''Oh my god, you aren't understanding, I CANT be with him, as bad I as I want to be.'' I was on the verge of crying because I was realizing what I was saying. How could I seriously fall for a GUY VAMPIRE in 2 DAYS? Why was this shit happening? The one person I ever felt this way about, mushy and submissive and nervous, had to be everything I wasn't allowed to be with. I told her I needed some air and I went outside because I needed alone time before I started crying in front of her, that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to be a total pussy in front of her.

She of course followed me, but at least she waited a couple minutes. ''Brr its cold out here''. She said walking around the side of the house where I was.

''Then go inside Bells, I just need to get some air. I'll be in in a couple of minutes.''

''Were you crying?'' She said hearing the cracking in my voice.

''No.'' I was totally unconvincing.

''Wow you really like him, don't you?''

''I don't know. This is the most confusing and scary situation ive EVER been in. I cant take it and I cant tell anyone and I have to phase sometime and I don't want them seeing in my head and hurting him.''

''Well just tell them you have been so busy with school that you don't have time for your wolf duties.''

''But then ill lose my friends because they will think im ditching them.''

''Honestly, if they will stop being your friend over something like this, then why be friends with them?''

''Oh my god, why do you make it seem so simple. And something like this? You make it sound like its not a big deal. They would have every right to rip me apart for caring for him.''

''WHY?!''

''Because its been this way for decades and they shouldn't have to change things because ive done this.''

''You act like you killed someone, all you did was fall for someone your family doesnt like, you cant help that and if you get thrown out you are ALWAYS welcome here, because MY friendship with you isnt CONDITIONAL and I wouldn't ever hate you for something you couldn't help so don't give me this shit. They have no right to hate you for this, it was your ancestors problems and you shouldn't have to fight for problems that you aren't even involved in and your not changing my mind.''

''Fine I wont. But you just don't understand, they are like my brothers and we are all supposed to stick together and fight for the same thing and im going against all of that.''

''Why the fuck are you fighting for anything, you are 16, you should be partying and having fun, not searching for and fighting vampires. Thats ridiculous.''

''Fine, don't try and understand.''

''I'm trying but you have to give me more to understand because saying im 'supposed to hate the vampires because my ancestors did and I deserve to be hated because I, unintentionally, fell for one'.''

''I know it is unfair but why should they change the way they are because of me.''

''They don't have to and don't they understand that the Cullens are only animal eaters, its not like they hurt anyone.''

''Yeah they know, our ancestors made a treaty with them. They never bite a human or cross onto our land and we wouldn't have problems with them.''

''So whats the problems then?''

''Ugh whatever, im not explaining this anymore, they just would, fair or not. Whether I understand it or not, its the way it is and they are my family.''

''I do understand that, all im saying is if anything negative happens with them, you can always come here, you know that right. And I totally am happy with you wanting to be with him and I would totally help you out, if you would let anyone help you.''

''Yeah definitely don't, I want to try and stay away from him.''

''Ugh, this is retarded, so you have to stay away from someone you really like, but they can fall for whoever they want and be happy.''

''Yea, but their love isn't a danger to anyone, mine would cause problems.''

''How do you know it would, maybe you should take the chance and tell one of them.''

''NOOOO, thats out of the question. The plan is im going to not phase until I stop thinking about him.''

''Ugh that will never make you happy, you'll be miserable.''

''Listen Bells, im glad you listened and that you aren't judging me. I mean I know ive been blowing up at you but I know you just want me happy and I do really wish I could be with him but sometimes you got to sacrifice things, thats all im trying to say to you. I'm not mad at you, its just I know your right and I feel the same way but I cant screw everything up for everyone just to be with someone who might be totally wrong for me.''

''Yeah I understand that. I just get frustrated that you cant be happy because of some old ass little issue your families have with each other.''

''I know, and I thank you for not hating me after everything ive told you these past 2 nights.''

''You know I wouldn't hate you for anything Jake.''

''Except killing a baby.'' I said getting my sense of humor back alittle bit.

''He he. Yeah except that. I love you, you're my best friend and if it wasn't for this whole wolves and vampires hatred of each other, I would totally help to hook you guys up.''

''Ha thanks. Ugh I honestly haven't realized how much I like him until talking to you, I don't know if that makes me mad or relieved.''

''Sorry.'' She said sarcastically

''No, its just I haven't said any of this out loud and now that I have, I really realize how real and scary this whole thing is.''

''Yeah but don't worry about it YET. Maybe it is a fluke, maybe hes just different and that interests you and it could go away OR maybe he likes you back, you can be together and you'll be really happy. And you being a typical male and wanting what you think you cant have is a total possibilty.'' She was giggling.

''OR I could be with him, have my pack find out once I phase and they kick me out of the pack and kill him.''

''You're so pessimistic.''

''How can I not be in this situation? Usually I am but I cant think of any way this can turn out good.''

''I can but ill keep my optimism to myself.''

''Okay good... Okay I think you should go to bed now, we both should.''

''Okay but you are going to actually stay here tonight right? Not run out or whatever.''

''Cant promise anything.''

''Ugh then no, im not going to bed until you are okay.''

''Bells im fine, im not suicidal or anything, I just don't want to sleep yet.''

''Then at least come inside.''

''Fine''

We went inside. She asked me if I was okay and she set up my little area on the couch that came out to bed a bed. My big self needed the bed part, so I helped put that together and she went upstairs. I laid down watching tv. I couldn't sleep for hours, but I felt alittle better being here. I didn't feel lonely like I did at my house. It was almost like ever since I met Edward I didn't feel as close to my boys and family. I felt like Bella actually understood me and if I had a nervous breakdown I could always have her to vent to.

I actually cried alittle bit while trying to settle down, I honestly couldn't believe how much of a wreck Edward was making me, it was ridiculous. My mind was racing, I couldnt stop thinking about him. I wanted to know him, I wanted to be in his life somehow. Even the mention of his voice jolted my whole nervous system. I didnt know how the not-talking-to-him thing was gonna work.

I also thought about what Bella said about imprinting, I had always been told imprinting was for 2 people who could make the strongest offspring or whatever the word is. But it was the only explanation I could think of for my total obsession over him.

I finally fell asleep.

_Me and Edward were laying together in the woods, kissing and cuddling and everything couples do. All of a sudden I hear noises in the bushes and 6 wolves come out and stand right in front of us. They stare at us growling and Edward tells me to run.. All of a sudden we're running through snow up the mountain and they catch up to us. 3 hold me back and 3 get Edward and start trying to really hurt him, they made me watch. I was strong but not strong enough to get away from these 3 holding me. I was struggling to help him and then it happened. They killed him, after they had ripped his limbs and head off, one of them started a fire and burned him and I had to watch the whole thing._

I woke up so scared and I was hyperventilating. I don't think I had ever had a dream more disturbing than this one. I felt sick to my stomach and I started crying again. This dream could totally be reality if I was with Edward and I wasn't letting that happen. I didn't go back to sleep until about 4 in the morning.

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**i wanted to make their conversation between them longer but im super tired and maybe ill eventually add more**

**i just figured Bella in the book seemed so openminded about everything, i just used that and made it easy for her to accept**


	8. Years of Emotions

_**this beginning part in Edward's POV goes back to earlier in the evening**_

_**not starting where Jacob's point of view leaves off**_

_**but i think thats pretty obvious when you read it =]**_

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Edward's POV**

The evening was long, I was so bored. I played on my piano for alittle bit while all the others hung out in the living room. Even though I knew we all loved each other, I always felt like the odd ball. Always the 7th wheel, always alone, always having their great relationships smeared in my face, I hated it. I wanted to get out of this house, so I did just that.

I went running up and down the mountains, running along all the streets, running everywhere possible. When I got to a certain point in one of the streets, I smelled Jacob. Subconsciously, I followed the smell, knowing he lived in La Push and that I wasn't allowed there. But his smell was addicting, it was close to impossible to turn away from it.

I followed his scent for miles and when it stopped I noticed I was at Bella Swan's house. His smell was stagnant right here so I knew he was in her house, a part of me was outraged because I saw how close they were and was so jealous of all the time she spent with him. I calmed down so I could hear the conversation or at least listen to Bella's mind for what he was saying.

I got as close as possible without showing myself. I could hear their conversation. They were talking about me and Bella knew everything now and I was kind of pissed, she could get in trouble for knowing our secret and Jake told her anyways but I knew he didn't know the danger of telling her. He was telling her how much he cared for me and I was shocked and my non beating heart went crazy. I was scared almost, as he apparently was. I liked Jacob Black and I knew it and now hearing that he liked me back just made everything so surreal.

As my mind started racing, I heard their pitch get higher and Jacob stormed out. He started kicking shit around and then started crying. He sat on something next to Bella's house, he was mumbling things to himself and he was crying hard. I wanted so bad to run up to him and hug him and make him better but I was on the same page as he was, we couldn't be together. I would ruin his life, he would lose his friends and family. He would get hurt, whether it was me, by accident or his friends, on purpose and it would cause problems for my family as well.

My feelings for Jacob were so bitter/sweet, I didn't know how to react to them. I didn't know whether hearing him say how much he cared about me made me happy or scared to death. I listened to his and Bella's conversation outside, and then they went in.

I watched as he tried to go to bed, he was still crying on and off but he would laugh at something every once in a while on the show he was watching and his laugh made me melt, almost literally.

When he finally fell asleep, I watched for a while, I went closer to stand right outside the window. After a few hours, he started getting restless. He looked scared and angry and he was moving a lot. He started saying things like 'STOP', 'PLEASE DON'T!' and then... he said my name. I stood motionless, staring, he was dreaming about me but was I hurting him? Was he dreaming of me hurting him? Then I heard 'please guys, leave him alone, this is my fault' and then I realized someone was hurting ME and he was sad and trying to help me and I wished so bad that I could see his dreams.

I was 2 seconds away from going in there and waking him up. I wanted to go in there and tell him it was just a dream and that I was okay but I could never do that. We were doomed from the minute we saw each other. Clearly he had the same reaction I did when I first saw him, it was like love at first sight for me, ever since the SECOND I saw him, he is the only thing that crosses my mind but we couldn't be together. We were enemies, our families would fight for us to not be together. I couldn't ruin his life like that, I WOULDN'T.

He woke up after that for alittle while, he was crying again. My stomach couldn't handle watching him cry. After he went back to sleep and I saw that he settled down, I ripped myself away form that window and went home. This was the most interesting, the most perfect guy and I couldn't have him, go figure!

**Jacob's POV**

When I woke up, I was very out of it. Bella woke me up and I just moped around while she got ready, I did not want to go to school today but I knew staying home and thinking non stop about Edward wasn't going to make me feel any better.

I wasn't in the greatest mood, my conversation with Bells last night had me all riled up and then my dream, and the fact that that could be real if anything were to come of me and Edward, had my heart aching from the reality. Everytime I even considered anything happening with Edward, I had to mentally punch myself in the face to get it out of my head, we weren't meant to be but I didn't understand how I could feel this psychotically INTENSE over someone without there being a future. BUT THERE WASN'T GOING TO BE A ME AND EDWARD and I had to realize that.

''Are you ready grumpy gills?'' Bells said, clearly in a better mood than me.

''Mhm.'' Was all I said back, I didn't want to talk to anyone today. I was contemplating sitting by myself at lunch today but I knew that would just draw attention to be and everyone would think I was an attention hog which was far from the truth.

''Okay lets go.'' She said as we walked outside, her to her car and me to my motorcycle. I don't think I said a word to her before I took off.

We got to the school and I got off my bike quick and started walking without her. I felt bad about treating her like this but I didn't know if I was capable of pretending to be happy today.

''Wait up Jake... god you act like everything is my fault.'' She said running to catch up to me.

I turned facing her when she got up behind and sternly said to her, ''We aren't talking about last night okay! Pretend it didn't happen.''

''Ugh whatever.'' She walked away spotting and walking over to Jessica. I was fine with that, I loved Bells but I wasn't in the mood to even talk to my best friend today. I felt like I was a balloon that just got the air let out of it. I didn't feel anything, I wasn't even mad or sad and I definitely wasn't happy, I was EMPTY almost.

I got to all my classes early, I had gone out for lunch and I skipped 6th period. I had to drag myself out of the school to do it but I knew that my feelings would only get stronger. I went to the rest of my classes and they went by soooo slow. I wanted out of here so bad, I felt like the whole day was one big anxiety attack. I hadn't seen Edward once and I knew that that was part of the anxiety but I wasn't going to admit it.

When it was time to go, I rushed out of the school, pretty much getting to the parking lot before everyone else. I got on my motorcycle and peeled out of there before anyone else left. I didn't wait for Bella today, I wanted to go home and shower and take a long ass nap, screw the homework.

I did everything as planned. I went home and didn't talk to my dad besides the generic 'hello' when I walked in. I felt all my anxiety building up and I just wanted to punch down a tree or something. I was going insane over this VAMPIRE I had only met 3 DAYS ago. I had never felt my emotions so out of whack, even more than when I was first going through my change from human to werewolf.

My dreams shockingly didn't have him in it but I barely remembered them anyways. I woke up the next morning and I felt ALITTLE better because of having a good nights sleep for once but I still felt empty. I walked around my house wanting to break everything in my way. I knew I was being overly dramatic but I knew as 'emo' as it sounded, my frustration was to keep from crying like a little bitch, like I had 2 nights ago.

It was now friday morning and this week felt like a year. I hadn't had this many emotions in my entire lifetime and I was experiencing them all in one week. I got ready for school and got their early, I waited in the cafeteria, eating a cinnamon bun and waiting till the bell rang. I wasn't going to be an ass to Bells today but I wasn't going to be fake and if thats what she wanted then I would just go do my own thing because as much as I didn't want anyone to know I was upset, I really felt like it was impossible to fake it.

I talked to Bells throughout my classes, she constantly asked me what was wrong in all of them and I just always said 'im fine'. There was no feeling in my voice and everyone who spoke to me all morning noticed it. Even in gym, I sat out and even only being here for 5 days now, people knew me sitting out for gym wasn't normal and that there was something wrong.

Once gym was over I didn't want to wait with Adam, Tyler and Mike, I just wanted to go sit at the table. I got to the doors and I looked behind me and Bells was with the guys pointing in my direction, clearly annoyed that I didn't wait, when she saw I was looking, she shrugged her shoulders and mouthed 'what the fuck', referring to me being almost in the cafeteria without her.

I went in the lunchroom ignoring her and saw Edward outside. I told myself 'NO'. I couldn't go out there... but he was all alone and so was I and... NO I couldn't. I battled myself in my head and even though I tried my hardest not to, I went outside where he was.

''Um hey Ed.'' I said sounding nervy and stupid.

''Hi Jake.''

''How come your never in the lunchroom before me.'' I said trying to sound happy and nonchalant.

''I don't know. You know I don't 'like' the food here.'' He said with air quotes and laughing alittle.

''Um are you going to come inside?''

''I don't know.'' He said those words so emotionless.

''Oh okay.'' My heart was thumping but I went for it.. ''Do you want to sit with us?''

His face was a mixture of anger, anxiety and confusion, I guess worried would sum that all up. ''Um no, I don't think thats a good idea.''

''Oh. Okay.'' My heart broke, I felt it almost literally break. I felt embarrassed that I had attempted to be forward and he didn't even want to sit with me at lunch. I could feel the knot in my throat, that feeling right before you start ballin your eyes out. Even though I wanted to be reasonable and think 'oh hes referring to being close to humans' or 'maybe he didn't mean anything by it', I knew that I couldn't be optimistic, I took it as rejection and I was hurt so bad.

He looked at me with a sad face and walked away. I was on the verge of breaking down but I didn't, I went back in to the lunchroom and sat with everyone. I didn't say much but I attempted to keep a smile on my face. Bella knew something was really wrong, more than before but she just made an 'im sorry' face with her mouth and I felt embarrassed that my misery was so obvious.

I walked slowly to 6th period, nervous to see Edward but when I got in there he wasn't there yet. After a while my anxiety was building because the teacher had come in and Edward still wasn't in here. Then the bell rang and no Edward and when the teacher called attendance and he marked Edward absent I felt like the whole building just fell on me. I knew he wasn't here because of me and I felt humiliated and so hurt.

After just a couple minutes of lecture, the teacher handed out the test. It wasn't a test-test, it was like a quiz thing. I couldn't concentrate, everything felt like it was spinning and my chest was literally burning from the anxiety. I felt almost like I would phase in class, I needed OUT of this room. I needed air. I raised my hand and the teacher came to me asking what I needed help with.

''Um its not about the test, I need to get some air, I need to go to the nurse or something, I can barely breath.'' I said it in a whisper but he could see the real panic on my face and my sweating and heavy breathing and he knew I wasn't faking.

''Are you sick?'' He asked looking concerned.

''No, I think its like anxiety or something, I don't know, i'm just about to like pass out, like I feel suffocated.'' I hated complaining to someone like a drama queen but I really needed him to know I needed out of here.

''Okay im going to send you to the nurse, do you need someone to go with you?''

''No, I think i'm okay by myself.''

''Okay come to the front and ill give you the slip and you can go to the nurse.''

''Okay, thank you so much.''

''No problem, you remember how to get there?''

''Yeah.'' I barely got the word out, my air supply was running short.

I walked out, on the verge of tears but I kept them in, when I got to the nurse, I was literally ready to pass out. She took me in and noticed my 'fever', well even though my 'fever' wasn't the problem, I wanted any excuse to get out of here. She asked if I needed to call my dad and I said I was okay to go home myself. She made note of me going home early and gave me a slip to give to the front office. After I gave it to them, I was out of here.

I got outside and sat on a bench until I cooled off. After that I rode my bike down the main highway going towards my house but I took a detour to the woods, I needed to blow off my frustration I had been holding in since wednesday night.

I stopped the bike on the side of the street and went deep into the woods, as I was running I felt the anger boiling over and I just stopped. I literally kicked and punched every tree over while cussing and crying. The whole area I had stopped in looked like a purposely deserted camping site or something.

I fell to the ground because I was drained, I spilled out every emotion I had been building up and now my crying was calm and quiet, just tears spilling down my cheeks with no force to squeeze them out. I started staring up at the sky and I noticed that I started talking to myself, repeatedly asking 'why?', 'why cant we be together?' over and over again. My mind raced for hours, I cried frequently, knocked over more trees and went over every scenario that could make us work and none of them seemed realistic. And then the new problem of him pretty much hating me, well thats how I felt, was eating at me.

After it got dark, I decided I should probably go home, I had cried out every tear I had left in my body, so I hoped that meant I wouldn't cry like a girl in front of my dad. When I got home I took a shower, ate a lot and sat in my room all night watching too much tv and thinking too much about Edward.

I had remembered telling Seth I would chill with him tomorrow and I didn't know if I still wanted to, I mean he wanted to know things but the only things that had happened were things I couldn't tell him. I just got tired of watching tv and was kind of relieved I had no school tomorrow, maybe I could get over it during the weekend.... well I wish it would be that easy. And I was out.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**alittle bit short but there needs to be some short ones every once in a while so you don't get bored lol**

**ive been arguing with myself about who i want to be the standoffish one**

**right now i'm obviously leaning towards Edward because thats how he was in the book**

**but i kind of like the book Jacob being so stubborn but i think im going to keep it like it is**

**Jacob's hard stubborn exterior can just be a facade hehe**


	9. Emptiness

**Edward's POV**

After lunch, I quickly ran home. Jacob was getting too close to me. We were getting too interested in each other. This wasn't good, as much as that was exactly what I wanted. I had told Carlisle everything when I got to our house and when Rose, Em, Jazz and Alice got home I left. I didn't want them giving me a hard time about what I was going through, mainly Jazz and Rosalie.

I went out hunting, finding the toughest and biggest challenge I could find to blow off some steam. After I was full I ran up a mountain and laid up there hoping no one would find me. I stayed up on the mountain until it was dark, I laid there thinking about Jacob and our situation and wondering how it was possible to be with him even though I knew it wasn't and I was also wondering how it was possible to stay away... which I also knew wasn't.

My mind raced for HOURS. I wanted to go find Jacob but I had to get control of myself. I was thinking more with my unbeating heart then my mind. I needed to do what was right, not what I wanted, even though I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything.

I heard someone's thoughts close by and once they got alittle closer, I realized it was Alice. She popped out of the bushes and asked what I was doing.

''Why are you out here Edy?'' She said as she plopped herself down next to me.

''Cause I just wanted to be alone.'' I told her back, trying to hint that her being here meant I wasn't alone.

''Well im not leaving until you talk to me.''

''Fine... see I talked.''

''Man love makes you moody.''

''Is it that obvious.''

''Edward, come on. Someone in a coma could tell that you guys are in love.''

''We're not in love.... well.... we CAN'T be.... right?''

''I dunno, anything is possible and love doesn't have rules but you sure as heck seem in love to me.''

''I feel like I am but I don't even know what love feels like so, I don't know, im so confused.''

''Theres nothing wrong with that. Love usually is confusing and scary.''

''It wasn't for you.''

''Well I was ready for it and saw it coming before it happened, I had time to accept it.'

''Its not that I don't accept how I feel, its that I KNOW I feel it but I know I shouldn't.''

''Well I know everyones fear is a big brawl between werewolves and vampires and some of us will die and that then you couldn't be with him anyways. But im telling you, I haven't seem that in any of my visions so far.''

''Key words- so far.''

''But I have had visions of him with our family so..''

''Yeah but your visions aren't helping me out very much Alice. I want to know how he will be in our life, IF he will be. I don't know if its possible to be only friends and its not safe to be in a relationship so im just frustrated, I hate not knowing and being this unsure.''

''I know, but all I will say is if there ever is a you and him, I approve.'' She said with a childish, cocky smile.

''Thanks for your permission.'' I said giggling alittle.

''You're welcome. And I TRULY do want you happy and with someone. I just think having your mate and someone to be with will be the only way you'll ever be happy and maybe the happiness is worth the effort and problems.''

''Thanks Alice. I wish but my fear is hurting HIM, its ruining HIS life, its having HIM lose HIS friends and family. I want him happy and I doubt I would make him that way.''

''Your such a pessimist.''

''Okay Alice, I know everyone thinks im this huge drama queen and want everyone's attention but I am really just lost! I don't know how I can make a situation like this work. I honestly cant stop thinking about him. Hes gorgeous, hes masculine and hes really nice and I don't know, hes just amazing from what ive seen but I think even if he wasn't amazing on paper I would still care for him. Its deeper than oh hes hot and funny, its something beyond that. I feel like I physically cant stay away from him.''

''Wow this really is the real thing for you isn't it?''

''I've never loved anyone, not even when I was human so I don't know how it feels but from the second I saw him, its like I felt chained to him, like wherever he went, I would go and I just wanted to know everything about him and I wanted him to talk to me and trust me and like me. Its like I finally feel the way I always dreamed of feeling and its for the one person I can't be with and it tears me up Alice, I don't know what to do.. what do you think I should do.''

''I think you should stay away from him for a couple of days and test him and yourself, see how deep and real these feelings are, time apart might make you realize how serious this is. If he is truly the person for you and you guys REALLY cant be apart then let fate take its course. Thats what I think.'' She sounded so proud of her words of wisdom.

''I mean that does sound good but you know sometimes caring for someone makes you illogical, if he were to care for me and had to make a choice and he chose me, he would lose everything in his life, all his family and all his friends and he still is only human, what if he fell out of love with me and regretted everything and then it was too late.''

''Well thats a good point and the fact that you are looking out for him is totally cute but his kind are known to find love and keep the bond forever. I haven't heard of many wolves divorcing or whatever. They seem to develop true connections to their mates.''

''But, okay first of all we need to not get ahead of ourselves, we don't even know exactly how he feels about me but even if he did, his kind imprints on the person that could create the strongest offspring.''

''First, I think he cares for you like a lot and second, no one knows that for sure. No ones knows that that is the reason. I mean it could just be good old fashioned love-at-first-sight.''

''Maybe but I don't know. I think ill try what you said, maybe I wont go to school this week and see if he can get by on his own, which I bet he can and then I think me and him should actually talk about this.''

''Good plan.'' She said with a thumbs up, most likely just approving the last part.

''Okay, don't tell everyone about how much I care for him, I don't want them on my ass, this is hard enough as it is. And I think we should go back home, its late and Jazz is probably getting frustrated that you've been gone so long.''

''Okay.''

We left and went home, I was going to take her advice, as tough as it would be to be away from him for a week and just wonder what hes doing and who's hes with and what hes thinking but it was good advice. I just didn't know what I would do with myself for a week or so without seeing him.

**Jacob's POV**

I woke up the next morning, it was pretty much afternoon actually. I still wasn't in a great mood but I needed some alone time today. I felt nauseous and still little tired, I was completely drained from the last 2 days and I didn't know when I would start feeling better. After I ate breakfast my dad came out of his room and told me that the Clearwaters were coming over, all but Leah and that made me remember that Seth wanted to chill. Great! there goes my alone time.

''Um are they staying here or are you guys going out?'' I said as I fell onto the couch putting on some VH1 show.

''Well me, Harry and Sue are going out and they brought Seth because you guys were supposed to hang out today.'' My dad said while rolling out of his room.

''Well I aint going to be much fun. I don't have to entertain the little bastard right?''

''Hey don't call him that and definitely don't talk like that in front of Harry. He's gonna start handing out beatings like candy to a child.'' He laughed while he said that.

''Ight, note taken.'' Normally I would find that thought funny but I physically couldn't laugh.

The Clearwaters got here about a half an hour later and it was 1 in the afternoon. We 'chatted' for alittle while, then my dad, Harry and Sue left. Me and Seth watched tv for a while and he told me little things that were going on at school and a girl he was getting into, I loved Seth and normally would have liked talking to him but I blocked most of what he said out because I just wasn't in the mood. Then came questions which I was hoping he would avoid.

''So are their any cute girls at Forks besides Bella?'' Seth asked and the last part had been referring to the mini crush I had had on Bella when she first moved here. Now it seemed pretty silly.

''Yeah they are cute, but they are complete airheads, they are pretty stuck up but not everyone, the nice ones just don't talk to me because they have respect for privacy unlike the ones who do crowd around me.'' I said still laying on the couch, sloppy and lazy, not even looking at him when I was talking.

''So is it that bad?''

''It could be worse, ive just been stressing about you guys not being around, like I miss my boys and I miss how it was and I always come home tired and frustrated and not in the mood to chill and I don't like that.''

''Yeah it sucks. Everyone misses you, its like we lost a piece of our puzzle you know, Quil misses you most dude, hes your beta and hes nothing without you.'' He said laughing, probably at the same thing I was thinking- is Quil in love with me? Ha.

''Yeah I miss him too and Embry. I mean I miss everyone but I mean I can deal without Paul for a couple weeks at a time but everyone else I miss, chillen and doing all our wolf shit together.'' I said, letting alittle smile make an appearance at the part about Paul.

''I know but after this school year is over, it'll go back to normal, just got to get through these couple of months.''

As he said that, I started to feel weird and anxious, of course I wanted things back to normal but I couldn't see how they would be, I couldn't see me happy not having Edward around and if he was around, I wouldn't have my pack, so no matter what I did, I was losing someone.

''Are you okay?'' He asked, noticing my mood change.

''I'm fine, school is just complicated, im just not feeling myself. I feel sick and anxious all the time and i'm going to lose my fucking mind.''

''Oh well, tell your dad that you really cant stand it there and he could figure something out, maybe talk to your school or just transfer you to another one.''

''Seth, its not the school or the people itself, I mean they annoy me but it kind of makes me laugh how dumb they are sometimes.''

''Then what is it?''

''I, I cant tell you. Thats all I can say, maybe eventually I can but I cant right now.'' I knew right then that that I let alittle to much slip. Telling someone you can't tell them something always made them more curious.

''Is it bad?''

''I don't know. I have no idea how it is, its complicated. But its something I can't tell anyone so I hope you understand that and don't push and push for it because you wont get it out of me.''

''Um okay, is that why you haven't phased since you've been in school because theres something you ant tell us?''

''No.'' I said, not wanting them to hound me too much about phasing to keep a secret. ''Just havent had time to phase.''

''I just don't understand how there could be something you couldn't tell us, we are like your brothers.''

''I wouldn't mind telling you, I do think your the one person who could handle it but I know Sam could find a way of getting it out of you so know thats the only reason I can't say anything and PLEASEEEE don't tell Sam or any of them im acting like this, I mean I shouldn't have even said anything to you but I do trust you, I can right?''

''Of course.''

For the rest of the evening, we threw back some of the beer I had in my room and I got alittle tipsy and so did Seth. I hoped we could hide it when the parentals came home. We talked and he didn't hound me about what I couldn't tell him. Me and Seth got closer everytime we hung out and I really saw that I could trust him but the true test would be seeing if he let it slip that I had a secret. After the Clearwaters left, I went in my room and Bella started texting me. I had had too much to drink and fell asleep kind of early.

Sunday, I worked on my other motorcycle I had beeing fixing up and walked around the woods near my house, it wasn't exciting, it was a very laid back day and I didn't talk to anyone. My thoughts were on one thing and I don't think another thought crossed my mind once. I was becoming obsessive with my feelings and attraction for him, it was pretty pathetic. All sunday evening, I wanted so bad to find a Cullen's trail and go to his house but I knew that was asking for trouble and school was tomorrow anyways and I could just see him then. I went to sleep actually pretty late sunday night and had no Edward related dreams which was good.. I think.

Monday morning went the same as every other day, all first 4 periods were exact routine as usual but this time I tried to fake a good mood and talked and hung out with everyone, unlike thursday and friday. Edward wasn't at lunch the WHOLE time and that concerned me, I wondered if it was because of our last little talk. I started wondering if he even liked me at all, I mean he smiled at me a lot and talked to me in class but maybe I was imagining his 'flirting', maybe he knew I was coming onto him and he didn't like it. FUCK, that thought hadn't crossed my mind until now. Maybe he was pissed and was planning some kind of attack on the gay werewolf who hit on him, I knew I was going crazy when I started thinking like that.

I got to 6th period and SHOCKER, he wasn't here. I almost started crying in class and the teacher asked me if I was okay, great, he was going to worry about me all the time and everyone will think im a big drama queen. Alice was in 8th period, she smiled and talked to me and I asked her where Edward was. And she told me he didn't feel like coming today but she tried to make that sound like an answer I wanted to hear but that was the one I didn't want to hear. At the end of the day, I chilled with some of me and Bell's friends after school but after about a half an hour I went home, extremely depressed and disappointed at how today turned out. I got home did my routine and fell asleep, crying of course because I was a total fag now that I met him.

I woke up tuesday morning with no hope. I figured he probably wouldn't come today and when I got there, I found out I was right, he wasn't in lunch and he wasn't in 6th period. This time Alice didn't talk as much to me about Edward, I didn't ask either, not wanting to sound pathetic.

Wednesday and thursday went the same. He wasn't there, Alice didn't mention him and I didn't ask about him, I felt like a part of me was just lost, like I felt like my brain was mush from all the anxiety and disappointment I felt this week. Tuesday, wednesday and Thursday night, I went to bed early, finding nothing interesting to do with my night. Every night I had had dreams with Edward in many of them, they weren't all love/sex dreams, he was just in like everyone of them, I couldn't even stop thinking about him in my sleep.

When I woke up Friday, I really was considering skipping school completely, I had no reason to go. He wasn't going to be there, I would be bored and miserable all day. I ended up getting convinced on text messages by Jessica, Mario and Bella to come to school. I listened to them, wishing I didn't. When I got to school we hung out, I actually attempted to be bubbly and outgoing today, it sort of worked, the dumb ones bought it but Bella didn't. Bella was so empathetic, she always knew when I was hurting, even when I was smiling and laughing.

He, surprise, surprise, wasn't there but this was the one morning I didn't think he would be, all other days I had alittle hope that he might be there but today I just expected him to not be. I went outside on the bench for lunch, Alice came and talked to me, sitting herself right next to me.

''How are you Jake?'' Alice asked smiling like she always was.

''I could be better, not myself lately.''

''Is it because of anyone in particular?''

''How do you know its a person?'' I asked, sounding like I was accusing her of something.

''Because I have my ways, and plus the only problems boys your age have is over girls or.. boys''

Now I knew she knew the whole thing. ''Do you know what im upset about, you sure seem like you know?''

''Um well I have a pretty good idea.''

''You're not angry?''

''Not at all, some of the rest of my family might be alittle freaked out but im definitely not.''

''Your whole family knows, is that why Rosalie and Jasper look at me that way?''

''Well I know Jazz doesnt mean any harm and Rose treats everyone like that but actually yes, that is why you concern them.''

''But im supposed to be someone you hate, how is this not a problem for you Alice?''

''Okay can we just put it out there, we are thinking the same thing right? This is about you and Edward?''

''Yes.''

''Okay just making sure, but I don't know, not much shocks me anymore.''

''Wait, does he feel like I feel?''

''You'll have to ask him that, im not sure.''

''But he hasn't been here all week.''

''He will be here next week.''

''Really?''

''Mhm, talk to him, I cant speak for him. I have no idea whats going on but he doesn't hate you.''

''Oh. Okay good.''

''Sure is but ill see you in 8th period, Jazz is waiting for me.'' As she said that she walked away smiling at me.

I didn't know what to think about any of this, all the Cullens knew, which meant Edward knew and that meant he either felt the same or she was sparing my feelings and just not telling me that he was avoiding me because he didn't like me. Now I just felt like I was going to have to wait all weekend just to possibly have my heart completely smashed, it was hard for me to be optimistic, she didn't say once in our conversation that he felt the same, just that I would have to talk to him about it, which meant I could be rejected to my face by him. But maybe thats what I needed, maybe I needed some closure, maybe I needed to be TOLD there was no future to be able to move on. The only facts I had were that the Cullens knew about my feelings, Alice didn't hate me for them and Edward would be in school on monday and he would either reject me or... I didn't know another option, even if he said he liked me back, there was still no us!

I went straight home after school, now having my new anxiety of waiting all weekend just to possibly be humiliated. I couldn't sleep until 2 in the morning, I was having bad anxiety all night and I had actually gone outside and let off some steam by knocking over some trees. After I came back to my room, I fell back asleep.

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**edward and jacob will talk in next chapter =]**

**sorry things take so long but i get really into detail**

**i have a storyline in mind and i think it could be extremely long so i dont know if eventually ill make it more than one story or just make it one very long story**


	10. Can't Take This Much

_**can't promise sex scenes too soon but i can promise a relationship is blossoming hehe =]**_

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**Edward's POV**

By the time friday came, I was going nuts. I felt like an alcoholic in rehab and Jacob was my bottle of tequila. When Alice came home from school everyday, all I could do was ask her questions about what he said and did and what he looked like when he said and did it. I realized this was real and it wasn't going away anytime soon. I knew Jake had an attraction to me, Jasper could feel it, I heard it when I spied on him at Bella's house but I didn't know how deep it went, I didn't know if he was as obsessive as I was.

When Alice came home friday afternoon, this was the day I didn't feel to pathetic for the little questionnaire I was gonna give her. I knew a week away from someone you like wasn't going to make your feelings go away but I just needed to see if I was able to function without him around and if he was able to be happy and normal without me.

I wanted to talk to Alice with no one around. I brought her deep into the woods behind our house. ''Okay, so I see that you talked to him but I need you to explain it to me because your mind is thinking of a million things at once Alice. You are a spaz.''

''Hey, am not... Okay. I talked to him and he honestly seemed pretty miserable. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing, im assuming bad but thats what I got out of what he said.'' She said, seeming like she thought that was a good thing.

That wasn't what I wanted, I wanted him but I didn't know if I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to be normal and a typical teenage boy doing typical things, the last thing I wanted for for him to fall for a monster like me. I could deal with being miserable, I did it for a hundred years but I didn't want to bring him down with me.

''Um that doesn't seem like the answer you wanted. I mean, I know you want him to be happy but a part of you has to be alittle happy that someone you care for cares for you back.'' Alice said after I didn't answer her back.

''Deep down, yes I do want to be with him but I don't want him to be with me if that makes any sense.''

''Uh not really.''

''Well I want him, I care for him and wish the situation was different but I don't want him to be with me. I'M the monster, hes just a normal teenager and he needs a normal life. Life with me wouldn't be normal but I know, no doubt, I'D be happy with him but I wouldn't be happy with ruining his life.''

''Hmm I guess it makes sense but sometimes you have to just let nature take its course. I think if 2 people are meant to be, avoiding each other is NOT going to make the feelings go away, its just going to cause hurt for both of you.''

''I don't care if I hurt. I don't want him hurt.''

''Okay well giving him the silent treatment and attitude doesn't make him feel oh so happy Ed and what makes you think hes better off without you?''

''Because being with me would make him lose everyone else in his life. Me trying to stay away at least lets him be able to think he has no choice but to get over me.''

''Okay whatever Edy. I think you guys are going to be together. I haven't had any secret visions of you 2 kissing and getting married or anything but I have seen him a part of our life and being with you is the only way I see him being in it.''

''Well, we'll see.''

''Okay. If he TRULY was to be happy with choosing you even if his friends were to hate him, would you be with him?''

''No.''

''WHY?!''

''He would regret it, even if in the moment he was happy with it. ANd what if us being together made someone else hurt him, whether it be our kind or his or what if I was the one to hurt him?''

''Oh so thats also a part of your problem?''

''Yes, obviously. I mean, ive been able to control myself but what if one day I get too carried away because the boy drives me insane . I wouldn't be shocked if lost control with him.''

''Well you have to trust yourself.''

''Well I don't.''

''Fine don't. I try to help and you just be your pessimistic self. I know you're used to being lonely and unhappy but im getting kind of annoyed because this is one time I can see you being happy and you are just pushing it aside. Do you like being miserable and alone or something?''

I felt myself become angry because I didn't like when any of them used my misery in an argument. ''I thought you understood me. You didn't have to say shit like that. I'm sorry I wasn't as blessed to find someone of my kind. Your just spoiled, what if Jasper being with you ruined his life and he lost everything just to be with you, would you be selfish or would you want him to have a normal life even if it meant you hurting every single second?''

''Ed, you act like I don't understand, I do but happiness comes with sacrifice and yes I know I didn't have to sacrifice much, I was lucky but most people have to compromise.''

''Well if it means ruining the other person's life and possibly getting him hurt then those sacrifices are just too drastic and id rather be my pathetic self.''

''I didn't say you were pathetic, you always are so negative, you don't even realize. I mean I want you to have someone, I want you too feel complete. I don't want you too have to sit around and watch us be happy with our mates and you be alone when you deserve someone more than any of us.''

''Ugh I hate you. Now I cant even be mad at you. I understand you feel that way and I appreciate it. I promise ill be more optimistic, if you come down to reality and realize things aren't perfect.''

''I know they aren't. Do you think I don't know that we could all have a better life than we have but I would be miserable like you if I always thought about the bad.''

''Well, at least I don't get disappointed because I always expect to be let down.''

''Okay, well maybe that works for you but not for me and im going to go find my Jazz and you can come or sit and think but I told Jake you guys could talk. So you decide what you are going to do.''

''YOU TOLD HIM WHAT?!" And as I said that she sped off.

Great, now I would either have to talk to him and have us fall for each other more or let him down and ditch him. Why did Alice have to try and be miss matchmaker? She had already tried that once with Tanya and that didn't turn out like she'd hoped but then again I never cared for Tanya but I cared for him.

For the rest of the night I did my best to keep myself occupied and not get myself in trouble by crossing the treaty line and going to his house.

**Jacob's POV**

Once I woke up in the morning I didn't feel as empty, I felt TOO MUCH. I could barely eat because it made me want to throw up, I couldn't lay down because I was too restless. I couldn't break anymore trees because I would end up killing the entire forest. I wanted so bad to hang out with my pack buddies but I didn't want to be confronted about my not phasing for 2 weeks. I also didn't want to take the chance of accidentally or unintentionally phasing and them seeing my thoughts, which consisted of nothing but Edward and seeing him monday.

I worked out in my garage. I was close to breaking everything in there so I figured I should give it a rest before I phase and get caught. I went inside thinking about something I had been thinking about all night. How could I really fall for someone in ONE week, like I know love at first sight exists, I mean it happens to a lot of wolves. But I mean, this was almost psychotic, the way I thought about him nonstop was like a virus in your computer, you don't understand how it got there, you don't know how to get it out and it ends up ruining and erasing everything and trust me, my hard drive was 2 seconds from being totally fried.

But whatever I felt was real, there was no 'what ifs' or 'I don't knows' about this. But the true test to what we would ever be was going to come monday. I was nervous as fuck thinking about talking about 'us' out loud. A part of me was fighting with the other, I really didn't know if I believed he would actually come monday but I tried not thinking about that.

Saturday was just a day of avoiding... myself, pretty much. I tried to distract myself anyway possible. I fixed up my motorcycle, I blasted hardcore rap and rock music so loud I couldn't hear myself think. I tried doing my homework early, I played pretty much all my video games and by nighttime, all my brain activity today wore me out and I fell asleep pretty fast.

Sunday, on the other hand, it wasn't as easy to distract myself. I didn't want to play anymore video games because, well... I played them all. I listened to pretty much all my music, I didn't want to work out anymore, I didn't have anymore homework and my motorcycle was pretty much fixed. And to top off the stress I was already going through, I got a special, unexpected visit.

''GUYS! What are you doing here?'' I asked, trying to sound happy but I ended up sounding like I was saying hi to my girlfriend who just stopped by when my 'the other woman' was sleeping naked in my room.

''We came to see how you're doing. A WHOLE 2 weeks without yah dude, what the fuck is that?'' Quil said pushing me in the shoulder.

''Yeah im sorry about that, ive been super stressed out about school and im always tired which is weird.'' I said rolling my eyes as Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul and Sam walked in to sit on my couch. 3 actually on the couch, 2 on the floor.

''So how have you been Jake?'' Sam asked looking at me talking like he was a therapist.

As I sat on my recliner, I just said a simple. ''Fine... do you guys want anything to drink or eat?''

''YEP, get me some steak!!'' Paul yelled, thinking I was his slave or something.

''Well go fucking get it! Douche.'' I said trying to sound like I was joking but I really wasn't going to get HIM shit. He just rolled his eyes, took the remote and changed the channel. ''Okay well I was watching that.''

He just shrugged and Quil asked nicely for a soda and I got up and got him one.

''HEY!!!'' Paul yelled, trying to kick me when I walked by, obviously annoyed that I refused to get him anything but then got Quil a soda.

When I came back the sound was down and they were all staring at me. Quil started the concerned sounding questioning while Paul went to make some food. ''Okay like we are kind of worried about you, you've been very standoffish. You're not even really calling us, like only texting.''

''And you haven't phased and I know your tired but even on the weekends when you aren't tired, you don't phase or take lookout with us anymore. I mean ,you went to school here and found time to patrol with us.'' Embry added.

''Seth is also concerned about you, he said you aren't yourself and doesn't think you should go to Forks anymore.'' Jared said.

FUCK! Stupid little fucker. Why'd he have to say anything, I was just glad he didn't mention a secret of any sort. ''Well its the only school where I know anyone and its not even the school itself thats stressing me out, its just the change and it doesn't matter where I go, its going to be tough not being around here and being at this school.''

''I hope thats all but Jake, tell us if theres anything we can help you with okay?'' Sam added so sophisticated.

''YEAH, and try patrolling with us every once in a while, I want some fucking time off yo.'' Paul said as he was coming to sit back down with his face already full of food.

We all stared at him, he was just so stupid and immature, it kind of made me laugh because he didn't even realize it himself, he just sat with a dumb look on his face totally unaware of the unpleasant looks he received. He hadn't even noticed our little stare down so we just kept the conversation going and ignored his idiot self.

''Well, yeah, Paul is rightough th, we need some help.'' Jared said, actually agreeing with Paul.

''Okay enough guys, we want Jacob back because hes our friend, not because you guys are lazy idiots.'' Sam said always being the one that had to be mature.

''I know you guys. But I don't want to be around you guys and be the boring, miserable, tired one. I mean im not saying like 'oh im never hanging with you guys again' but I cant force myself to be in a good mood but I promise when summer comes, everything will be the same okay?'' I said totally questioning that to myself.

''Okay good.'' Embry said then turning towards the tv.

All night we chilled. We talked about how things were going with the pack themselves and if there was any new guys we knew who were starting to phase. The guys told me about girls they were seeing. Sam talked a lot about Emily and how she was doing. They told me more about how Seth was seemed closer to changing everyday. It was just a night of catching up. I mean we all knew we were only away from each other for 2 weeks but we also knew a lot could happen in that amount of time. I started feeling happier, I ACTUALLY got Edward off my mind for a couple seconds at a time. I was glad that me not being around didn't make our bond weaken. I realized that a lot of my anxiety had to do with possibly losing them and not just all about Edward, so a part of me felt a lot better now that I knew we were all still cool.

When it was time for bed however, anxiety came back at full speed. I couldn't sleep barely at all and I didn't want to be drowsy tomorrow. I laid in my bed from about 10 at night till 1 in the morning. I took some sleeping pills and finally fell asleep about a half an hour later. I had a couple Edward free dreams but I knew I wasn't going to get that lucky. This dream was sort of odd, and pretty disturbing.

_All my pack mates were up on high logs, they had ropes tied around their necks and villagers of some sort around them with guns. It looked almost like it could have been in the renaissance era or something. There was a crowd, the whole thing looked like a jousting field or whatever its called. I was sitting high up where I guess the 'king' would have sat (I only knew all this because I had been to a renaissance festival when I visited down south). Then more villagers brought in the Cullens who were being held by giant-like men, who were actually stronger then the Cullens, more men walked behind them with large swords. Then those same men went over to the other side, opposite of my pack buddies, and lit a huge fire, they held the Cullens near that fire. Then an announcer came into the middle of both groups and then the crowd stopped cheering. It, all of a sudden, turned night time. The announcer started yelling very high. 'JACOB, OUT OF THESE 2 GROUPS OF BEINGS, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SAVE?' in a very old-fashioned accent, and my head started spinning. I got it now, the Cullens would be cut up and burned and my boys would be hung and shot and I had to choose which ones would get their torture and which ones would live. And then the announcer went on almost reading my mind. 'IF YOU CHOOSE NEITHER THEN YOU AND EVERY ONE OF THESE BEINGS DIES' and then I noticed a man behind me with a large gun. The dream went on for a while, crowd screaming and I saw my dream in tunnel vision and all of a sudden I turned and took the gun and.. _

I woke up sweating my ass off. So this dream meant that I was going to have to choose, and if I chose neither, which in real life would mean neither OR both, I would be hurt and so would they all. I got up to do all my morning time duties. I had been having some very disturbing dreams since I met Edward, I almost needed psychological help for them. My other anxiety started beating out my dream anxiety and I started going all girly wondering 'what should I wear?'. I had never cared what I looked like and most of the time I was half or fully naked anyways. I ate breakfast and didn't want to get to school early, if anything, I just wanted to skip my first 4 periods all together but I was awake now and I wouldn't be able to sit here all day just freaking out about Edward.

I left alittle later then usual, trying to ride slow. My heart was pounding but I was getting used to this feeling. When I got to school, Bella was waiting for me at our little bench with pretty much everyone we hung out with. Man, I was like the glue now to our little group, like could they seriously not go inside without me. I didn't see the Cullens outside and my anxiety was growing but now it was more like anticipation then nervousness. I was scared to death about seeing him but I needed to in order to survive any longer without a mental breakdown.

My first 4 periods surprisingly went by fast, I thought they would go a lot slower. When I was in gym, I started feeling the panic really coming on, knowing that in just a half an hour, I would either be hurt by his rejection or confused and scared if he felt like I did. I didn't know what I would do for either situation. I had been trying to avoid thinking about it at all. Once gym was over I let everyone know that I might go out for lunch but that I wasn't sure, they weren't concerned or mad so I didn't have to worry about them thinking I was ditching them. Bells, Adam, Tyler and Mike met up with everyone else at their seats and I walked a lot slower because I didn't want to rush into the lunchroom if he wasn't in here at all and then look stupid.

Once everyone sat down I was walking near the table to possibly sit down if I didn't find Edward but then I saw him. He had just walked up to the cafeteria windows looking straight at me, nodding his head towards the opposite direction wanting me to come outside. OH SHIT, here came the nerves, here came the heart attack, here came the possible rejection and humiliation. He walked away when he saw me walking towards the door, Bella looked at me funny, not knowing why I was going outside.

When I got outside, Edward was in the parking lot. He was leaning against his car not looking at me with his hands in his pockets. He literally looked like he was posing for a magazine, he was so fucking sexy, I had never found a man this hot before. He looked up when he.. I don't know, he smelled me I guess. He looked scared as well but he looked more concerned and worried then just nervous. I slowly walked towards him, I didn't remember the last time I had walked this slow. When I got closer, he turned his back to me and started walking away. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know if I should follow or go back inside, I mean he didn't even speak to me. He turned towards me when he heard me stop walking. He nodded his head again in the opposite direction towards the trees, this reminded me of the part in the movie when the chick gets gang banged and raped. I was starting to get scared, this reminded me of a horror movie, he wasn't saying a word to me, it was like he was a ghost.

I started walking after him but he was a lot faster, he was in the trees before I got across the parking lot. Once I got into the woods I didn't see him at first but then I looked through all the trees and saw him about 50 feet deep into the woods sitting on a huge knocked over tree. He was just staring down at the ground, propping his elbows on his knees with his face in his hands. I seriously thought I was going to piss myself or go into cardiac arrest. I was still walking extremely slow and walking towards him felt like walking to my death almost and thats what I felt like I was doing, like was he going to slaughter me out here, did he hate me that much?

When I got about 10 feet away from him I stopped. This whole area looked like the woods on my land, it was an open space with quite a few knocked over trees. It was spooky, I looked up and saw all the trees touching at the top and not being able to see much sky, this was becoming creepy. When I stopped and didn't say anything, he looked up at me with a look I couldn't explain, he looked like he was going to confess a murder or something... well maybe he was... nevermind. He would not speak, he just stared at me and then stared in front of him. I walked over a couple more feet and now I was about 5 feet away from his right side.

I had to start this or I was really going to fall over and die RIGHT NOW. ''Umm you do want to talk right?''

He stared up at me looking nervous as all hell, I knew he didn't need to breathe but he was breathing right now and heavy. ''Yeah.'' He said with a shaky voice.

I sat on a tree trunk across from him, possibly where the tree he was sitting on started out, and I assumed thats why he picked right here so we could talk face to face but I wasn't good at talks like this and I didn't even know if I was going to be able to look at him.

''What about exactly?'' I said in a whisper.

''You know what.'' He said annoyed because he probably didn't want to say it out loud.

''Um, I know about what but whats there to talk about?'' I said gulping loudly staring at the ground.

''Well um I need to know how you feel.''

''Um about you?'' I said 2 seconds away from a full blown panic attack.

''About everything, me, us, the whole situation.'' He was pretty much talking in a whisper also not looking at me.

''Um I don't know. How do you feel?'' I said totally avoiding my question.

''I asked you first.'' He said totally not joking around.

''Um... well I know its really the only thing I think about.''

''Is that so. But what exactly do you think about... okay never mind, I wont beat around the bush.. do you have feelings for me in any sort of way?'' He said clearly getting frustrated but not raising his voice anymore then it was.

''Yes.'' Is all I could manage to let slip out or I would either die or start crying and I didn't know which was worse at this point.

''What kind?'' He said in a stern voice but still not making it any higher, I never saw someone be able to come off so intimidating while whispering.

''Of feelings?''

''Yes.''

''Um... strong ones.'' When he didn't say anything, I kept going. ''Um how do you feel, do you like hate me?''

When I said that he snapped his head up so fast. He looked confused and angry. ''Excuse me? Do I hate you? That couldn't be any farther from the truth and why would you think that?''

''Um well you have been avoiding me and you stormed away from me that one day I asked you to sit with me.'' I said with my voice sounding so innocent.

''Well thats not how I feel, ive known that you are attracted to me in some way, Jasper could feel it and I saw it in Bella's head and ive been trying to get away from you because there is no way we could ever work and I wanted to see if being away would make things different.'' He said now raising his voice ALITTLE.

''Well did it work, do you feel different?, WAIT... what did you mean, see in Bella's head and that Jasper could feel my feelings for you?'' I said raising my voice alittle bit, that made me very curious.

''We'll talk about the second part some other time but yes, I do feel different.'' And my heart dropped, as much as I knew we couldn't be together, I DID want him to have feelings for me. ''I feel stronger then before about you.''

As he said that I felt like the entire woods were spinning, I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to think about this. ''Me too.''

He looked down and so did I, we didn't talk for an entire minute. He ended the silence. ''What does this mean?''

''I don't know.'' I said almost letting a tear slip out.

''Me either, this couldn't possibly ever work.''

''I know.'' I said feeling sad and overwhelmed by the truth of it.

''Its not safe for this to happen.''

''Yeah.'' One or two word answers were all I could get out.

''What do you think?''

''I think, as impossible as it is to be together, it feels just as impossible to be away from you.'' I said totally looking in the direction of the school, not wanting to look at him and start ballin.

''I couldn't have said that better myself'.' He said. When I looked back at him he was staring at me almost smiling but still looking as hurt and confused as I felt.

We stared at each other for a long time, looking away every so often and I couldn't take the silence anymore. ''If there is any possible way to be together, ill take it.''

He stared at me and I totally felt like a complete girl by the way I was talking to him. I wanted so bad to go sit on the tree with him and be next to him. After a couple seconds of silence he finally spoke. ''So would I.''

''But there isn't, is there?'' I said pouting my lips and playing with a stick on the ground.

''I don't think so, only if you are okay with losing everything.'' He said and I realized that the only reason we couldn't be together had nothing to do with him but it had everything to do with me and what I could lose. I knew that already but I thought maybe he had different reasons then me.

''Maybe if I talked to them they would understand.''

''That would never work and plus I don't want you losing people just so you could be with ME and then regret it in the future when you don't like me anymore.''

My heart sunk when he said that. ''I doubt ill ever stop liking you and its a lot harder being away from you than them. If they don't accept it then they don't accept me.''

''Don't be stupid, you were all taught to hate us. You cant get mad at them for sticking up for what they were taught and I don't want to risk them hurting you.''

''Them hurting YOU is my only problem.''

''Don't be naive and dumb Jake. They are like brothers to you, im just a disgusting leech who, for some reason, you found.. what, attractive?''

''Its more then that. Its almost impossible to stay away from you.''

''I completely understand that but I would be selfish if I let you give up everything for me.''

''No you wouldn't, it would be my choice and I would deal with the consequences.''

''So are you telling me right now that you would be okay with losing everyone just to be with me for now.''

''Why do you keep saying for now? Like im going to stop liking you anytime soon.''

''Because you are 16 and you still are human and a MALE human at that, all those put together gives you an attention span of a couple weeks in a relationship.''

''YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!'' I said standing up, getting frustrated because he was telling me that I would just get over this soon and I KNEW that wasn't going to happen, I just could feel it.

He stood up and stared at me with a very loving look. Then he touched my cheek, I cradled my face into his palm and then I did something that I wasnt sure if he would react good or bad too, I kissed his wrist. He left in that second. I literally couldn't find him anywhere, I could smell him but didn't know where he went. I started to hyperventilate, I sat back on the tree trunk and put my face in my hands, not understanding what this meant for us. I almost started crying but I think I was too shocked to feel anything. I started staring at the sky, I felt like it was spinning, I couldn't take this anymore. I didn't want to go through the awkwardness of seeing him next period AND I didn't want to feel hurt if he ended up not going so I ran to my motorcycle, got on and left as soon as possible. All I could think about is this conversation led no where except my heart exploding. I didn't know where we stood and I didn't know where we SHOULD stand anyways. More sleepless, anxiety filled nights were ahead of me, that I knew.

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**yay, they talked!!**

**dont worry, there will be mainly Jacob AND Edward chapters from now on.**


	11. Getting Somewhere

**_keep the good reviews coming =] i love compliments, it makes me feel good lol_**

**_need to know how bad i suck, ha j/k but if i do suck, let me know. JUST BE NICE ABOUT IT lol_**

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**Edward's POV**

OH SHIT. That was all I could think from the minute I ran away from Jake till I got in 6th period. I didn't know what just happened. I didn't know what this meant for us. And HE KISSED ME, I know it wasn't a make out session but he made a move and that freaked the fuck out of me.

After I came back to the lunch room, I didn't say anything to my family but they seemed like they had an idea. I had considered not going to 6th period because I was scared to death of being in the same room with Jake after that happened but I didn't want to hurt his feelings like I had apparently been doing for the past 2 weeks.

I had never fidgeted before, I always had everything under control but I was twitching and shaking and petrified at the possible awkwardness of sitting next to Jake for an hour. The entire first 5 minutes before class started, I was having an anxiety attack, well close to one, if that was possible. When the bell rang he wasn't here, I wondered if he just needed time to clear his head and maybe he'd be late but even after the teacher took attendance, he wasn't here.

During entire class I was still hoping he'd be here but I came back to reality when it was 5 minutes away from class being over. I couldn't believe this, I upset him again. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but there was nothing else I could do, the closer we got, the more I wanted him, actually, the more I needed him and then the kiss on my wrist just added icing to my stressed out cake. I couldn't let us get to a physical level because then I figured there would be no turning back once we got past that point. When he kissed me I knew I was 2 seconds away from throwing him to the ground and doing everything I ever imagined with him but I couldn't so I had to leave. I wanted to explain that to him but he didn't come to class.

Now I had to wait till tomorrow, IF he even came. I didn't know if he would do what I cowardly did and not come for an entire week. I made such a big mistake by staying away from him for all those days because we ended up getting to this level already and clearly me being away didn't make a difference except hurt him. I was so close to running to his house and explaining everything after school but he just had to live in the one part of earth that I wasn't allowed to step foot on.

I knew I was falling hard for him, I had never found someone so interesting, attractive and perfect in my life, it was almost sickening the way I was starting to feel about him. I NEEDED to see him so I figured i'd talk to someone that i knew would gladly give him the message.

After class I looked through everyone's mind and found Bella coming out of the girls bathroom with Jess and Jess' friend Lauren. She looked at me and smiled, then looked away. From what i had heard from their conversation, she was okay with me and Jake's 'fascination' with each other.

I lightly grabbed her shoulder while she was walking away and she turned and looked shocked. ''Bella, can I talk to you outside?''

''Well, um, class is almost starting.'' She said so innocently.

''It won't take long at all.''

''Um okay.'' Bella said looking at Jess who was giving her an 'oh-my-god-new-hottest-couple-in-school' look.

We walked over near the doors but we didn't actually go outside. ''Okay I know you know about Jake and I and thats cool and im glad you are open minded so can I ask you to do me a favor?''

''Um sure.'' I could tell how nervous she was talking to a vampire.

''Okay, me and Jake just talked but I ran off because things got too intense.''

''Why do you always do that to him?'' She said angrily but then making sure she made her face look innocent so she wouldn't upset the vampire.

''Do what?'' I asked, knowing what the answer was.

''Hurt his feelings.''

''I don't mean to but you know our story, you know things are complicated.''

''Thats not an excuse to hurt someone.''

''I know.'' I couldn't believe a human was making me feel so low. ''Okay I know I was an ass which is why I want you to tell him something.''

''Why cant you tell him?''

''Because I cant be on his land and I don't know his number so can you please?''

''fFne, what?''

''Tell him to come to school tomorrow and that the only reason I left today was because I was scared of going to far.''

''Um okay... I guess ill call him tonight. Your sorry, didn't mean to hurt him, didn't want to get carried away and to come to school?''

''Exactly.''

''Okay.''

''THANK YOU BELLS.'' I said touching her arm.

''I can't guarantee he'll listen to me, hes pretty stubborn.''

''I know but just you trying means a lot but ill let you get to class.''

''Well no problem.'' She leaned in and whispered. ''And besides I want you guys together''.

We both giggled and... I had always thought she was the coolest girl in school but this made it clear as day, I definitely liked her.

After our little talk, I went to all my classes, dwelling on me and Jake's conversation. I didn't know what to do, he was completely right about one thing, as impossible as it was to be together, it was just as hard to be apart. I didn't know if it was physically possible to keep myself far from him. After school I went home and told Alice everything that happened, she was the only one I could be honest with, she of course accepted everything as I figured she would. She knew how much I was ..... in love with him and that was an understatement, I felt like he completed me and if he wasn't around, a part of me wasn't around. As pathetic and needy as that sounded it was definitely the truth.

**Jacob's POV**

Once I got home I was like a chicken with my head cut off. I couldn't sit still so I made about 2 meals and then blasted my music in the garage and worked out for about 2 hours. Once my attention span couldn't handle that anymore, I decided to stop trying to avoid thinking and just go inside. I took a shower because now I was disgusting and sweaty. After I showered it was still only the evening, I made some more food and watched some non romantic, non supernatural, non dramatic movie so I ended up finding 'White Chicks' on tv. After the movie, I did some of the homework from my first 3 classes and couldn't think of anything else to do.

After watching some more tv, my cell rang. ''Hey Bells!''

''Hey Jake, why'd you leave early today?'' She asked.

''Um. I didn't want to be there anymore, I don't know.''

''Okay im not stupid. I know you talked to Edward, he told me... what happened that made you so upset?''

My heart felt like it stopped when she said his name. ''Um I don't know, he just ran off after we talked.''

''Thats all.''

''Well yea. We were talking about our situation and I um, like he touched my face and then I kissed his hand... so he ran off.''

''Ooh, YOU KISSED HIS HAND?''

''Yea, im an idiot. I cant believe I did that.'' I said throwing my face in my hands.

''Why? I think thats pretty bold of you to have the guts to do that.''

''Yea. Well, I shouldn't of because he obviously didn't want me too.''

''Well thats not what he said.''

''Wait you talked to him?''

''Um yea, I just told you hes the one who told me you guys talked.''

''Oh, what did he say?''

''He said to tell you that he was sorry for hurting your feelings, the reason he left is because he didn't want to get carried away and that he really wants you to come to school tomorrow.''

''Yea right.''

''No really. He told me to tell you those exact things.''

''I don't know. I mean I was kind of embarrassed. Why would I want to see him after that?''

''Well clearly he wasn't turned off by what you did. He just didn't want to go to far, which that sounds sexy and should make you happy.'' She said as she was giggling alittle.

''Oh shut it Bells. He probably just said that in a didn't-want-to-kill-me way.''

''Or maybe he didn't want to rape you.'' She was still giggling.

''Oh it wouldn't have been rape.'' I didn't even realize I let that slip.

''Oooooo Jake is horny for some butt lovin.''

''Bells, when did you get hormones?''

''Shut up.''

''But its true. I definitely don't think I would have minded him laying me down right there and .. well you know the rest.''

''Yes, yes I do.'' She was giggling of course.

''Do you think I should go tomorrow?''

''YES duh.''

''I figured you'd say that.''

''So why'd you ask?''

''I have no idea.''

We talked for quite a few hours, it was nice, she helped me block out all the anxiety I felt. She actually got me to take my mind off him for a couple minutes and that was all I asked for from anyone. I decided that I should definitely go tomorrow because I didn't want to make him feel the way I felt all last week because I ACTUALLY cared about his feelings.. I knew I was being over dramatic but I couldn't be 100 percent sure he was as into me as he said, he still was a guy so I had a hard time believing he truly liked me.

I fell asleep early and when I woke up the next morning I felt refreshed from a nightmareless sleep with no middle of the night wake ups. I felt nervous about today but alittle excited, well anxious was a better word.

When I got to school, the first 4 periods when EXACTLY like every other day, they always did, it was 5th and 6th period that were always unpredictable. When I got to lunch Edward's family was at their table but Edward wasn't, GREAT, he lied, HE didn't even come so he obviously didn't want me to come. Then I saw Alice point her finger to her right towards the windows, with Rosalie letting alittle growl slip, and I saw Edward looking at me from a bench he was sitting on. He smiled at me so I figured it was okay to approach him.

When I got out there he said. ''Do you even want to talk to me anymore?''

''Only if you can stay till the actual end of the conversation.'' I spit back at him, clearly I was still bitter about yesterday.

''Touche' I deserved that.'' He said looking truly apologetic.

''Yea you did.''

''Lets go where we were yesterday.'' He said walking again a lot faster then me.

Once we got to our little spot he turned suddenly facing me really close. He grabbed my arm and huffed. ''Listen, im really sorry about yesterday, I really didn't want to offend you or make you think I just didn't want to be around you, its the complete opposite of that. I want to be around you too much and then when you kissed my hand, I knew that if I didn't leave we would get to close and im not ready for that'.'

I didn't know what to say, I wanted him to be okay with wanting me but I knew he had good reasons not to think we were a good idea. ''I know you didn't want to hurt me, but its like everything you do hurts me anyways.''

His face turned to sadness, he looked like he would cry... could he cry? ''Do I really hurt you that bad?''

''Yes.'' I said looking down, hating when people saw me upset.

He hugged me but I could feel his resistance and how he was holding back. ''I'm sorry.'' He whispered into my hair. ''I honestly don't mean to but Jake, if we become to close, someone will end up hurt, mentally or physically and I cant take the chance of that someone being you, you will lose your pack, your family and I don't want us to have our families go into battle mode, its not fair to them.''

''You don't think I know that. I totally do, I don't want to lose anyone and I don't want to ruin everyones life but I feel crazy when im not with you and I don't know if I can take feeling crazy like this for too long.''

We both started to walk to where we were sitting yesterday and we started to really talk about us. ''And I cant take the chance of... hurting you.'' He said and it completely shocked me, I could defend myself if he ever got out of control.

''And no, you may think you could hold your own against me but im pretty much indestructible when im out of control. I mean thats not me being cocky, iIjust have unnatural strength and you shouldn't have to defend yourself anyways, you should be 100 percent safe with someone.''

''How'd you know I was thinking that?''

''I just figured you were because all teenage boys think they can take on anyone.''

''Oh, well I don't care, danger is fun.''

''Ugh you are such a boy. Danger shouldn't be fun, I could kill you Jake. What part of that is sexy?''

''Okay your being over dramatic, you haven't gotten feisty with me once.''

''Because ive kept my distance and yesterday was a good example, if we would have gone too far, I would have gotten out of control, ive never been that close to someone, I don't know how I would react and I don't want to learn it the hard way.''

''I get that but you have to get that I don't care about that. My biggest concern and pretty much my only concern is my pack.''

''And thats a BIG problem.''

''Yah think. I know that but you possibly killing me, you being a man, you being a vampire doesn't even bother ME but the pack thing is the only thing im worried about so don't use any other excuse besides that because nothing else matters to me.''

''You're so stubborn, you don't even realize.''

''I know I am and im glad im that way. I'm glad I don't let people change me and change the way I think.''

''Yes, thats good but sometimes what we want to do isn't the right thing and you have to put that in your head, the right thing is more important then what you want.''

''Well I disagree.''

''Of course you do, listen im going to go back to lunch. Your not being rational, maybe we can talk tomorrow because im obviously not gonna get through to you today.'' And as he said that he was gone.

AGAIN!! He did this again. I was starting to not like him very much. He thinks I am stubborn but hes the one who isn't even listening to what I have to say. He won't even consider being with me, clearly he was scared of us, he was a coward. I understood his reasons but at this point the more and more i cared about him, the more I didn't care what I lost for him but clearly he didn't care for me that much.

Once I heard the bell ring, I went inside. I wasn't going to be alittle bitch like yesterday. I was going to face him but I WASN'T going to talk to him. He couldn't be the one who decides when we are talking and when we are not, so if he thought that we would just have a long conversation after he ran off AGAIN, he thought wrong.

I got in the classroom and he was there. Finally he didn't be a little pussy and ditch like he usually would. I gave him a death stare and hoped he got the point. When I sat down I turned myself ALITTLE so I was at a mini angle turned away from him. I heard him say my name but I ignored him, I wasn't trying to fool myself, I knew I wanted to talk to him and that I was tempted but I couldn't give in. He needed to know that I wasn't going to keep taking his little storm offs.

The entire class he would quietly say my name or tell me things but I wouldn't answer him. At once point even, he was like ''Okay I know what you're doing and I get the point.'' but I still didn't give in, I gave him the silent treatment and once class was over, I walked right out not saying anything to him. And I was off to my next class, it hurt to see him and not talk to him but it had to be done.

**Edward's POV**

Even though I knew he was doing it out of childish spite, it still upset me. I needed to clear up my leaving again, it was because I was frustrated, he didn't even realize how bad this could turn out and a part of me was paranoid that he would just leave me anyways, he was a human boy, last I checked, they weren't all for long term relationships. I wanted to apologize but he had to show his age and act immature but I guess I deserved it.

I went through my classes really frustrated and I met up with my family after school. We all went home and when we got there, they all wanted to talk about what was going on. Even Carlisle and Esme were in the living room for our little family meeting. When we all got a seat, it was Rosalie who had to start, go figure.

''Okay, I want the truth straight up, im not an idiot, I see whats going on but I want to know details.'' Rosalie said acting like I owed her something.

''Yeah dude, you only tell Alice things and of course she tells Jazz but thats not fair to the rest of us who have no idea whats going on.'' Emmett said, not sounding as victimized like Rosalie did.

''okay Edward, you don't HAVE to tell us anything but we would like to know so we could help you.'' Esme said with so much poise that she actually convinced me to tell alittle bit.

''Okay, well its really nothing..''

''Yea whatever.. cant you just be honest.'' Rosalie rudely interrupted.

''And can YOU just let me finish?'' I said getting really frustrated with her. ''I like Jake, hes interesting and not like most people but I haven't gotten too close to him so you guys don't have to worry about anything happening to you guys.''

''Its not about what happens to us, it'd accept it if it made you happy but I would care if it meant YOU being unsafe and in this case I think that could be the case. Thats all.'' Carlisle said, actually being able to make a point without being a bitch.

''I know but I only care about what happens to him, I don't care what happens to me. I only care about him getting hurt and he wont even listen to me about it. I told him we cant be anything but he doesn't listen.''

''Well hes a young boy, i'd be shocked if he wasn't as stubborn as a bull but sometimes YOU have to be the one who makes sure nothing happens, I mean I know you've said that you've talked to him about it but clearly hes not getting the hint.. what needs to happen is you need to give him more than a hint, tell him and don't give him a choice. And if that doesn't work then maybe just completely staying away from him is best.'' Carlisle added.

''I've told him straight up but according to you guys, we're already engaged and hes pregnant with my twins. You guys are acting like I want to put us in this situation, ive tried ignoring him, giving him attitude, not coming for a whole week AND I have told him flat out 'we cant be anything'. What else am I supposed to do?'' I said getting frustrated.

''Ha ha boys cant get pregnant.'' Emmett said trying to sound like he just told us something we didn't know and while he was laughing he didn't even realize that we were all staring at him with our eyes wide and giggling to ourselves. he said the dumbest shit sometimes but at least he lightened the mood.

''Emmett, he knows that. That was his joke. Oh my god you are retarded.'' Alice said giggling into Jasper's arm.

''Okay then. Back to me.'' I said pointing at myself.

''Isn't it always. Everything is always about your stupid ass mood swings.'' Rosalie said leaning back on the couch.

''Alright, listen im going to go to my room, ill figure out what to do on my own.'' I said speeding up the stairs, I heard them all call after me but I didn't care, they always said they wanted to help but when I tried actually telling them stuff they acted like I was a huge drama queen, I mean weren't they the ones that wanted a family meeting? Yes they were.

For the rest of the night, I did what I said and thought about everything on my own. I was 2 seconds away from saying 'fuck it' and being with Jacob but I had to be sensible, I didn't care what my family thought anymore, I didn't care what happened to me but i did still care about Jacob and I knew that his stubborn self wasn't giving in anytime soon, so I had to be the smart one and make sure nothing happened.

**Jacob's POV**

After school had been over, I had hung out with Bella for about an hour and went home. All night I was anxious but I kept giggling to myself at my attempt at making a point to Edward. I had really acted like a child but I was just glad I had something to laugh about tonight. I wasn't as anxious as usual but I knew that I would never be 100 percent calm so I would take 'alittle' anxious any night.

When I woke up the next morning I felt sort of pumped, I was almost enjoying the unknown about each day. But I think the only reason I was alittle happy is because he DID want to talk to me yesterday after our little conversation, I was the one who didn't want to talk. But I was ready to talk today and I was hoping he got my point and didn't think I was just done with him because I knew I wasn't.

When I got to school, I went through my entire routine, mornings here were never different, same people, same conversations, same non exciting events. So mornings always went by alittle slow because they were boring. When I got to lunch, I decided I couldn't take anymore conversations in the woods because they always ended up bad. It was like Edward read my mind because he didn't try and lure me to the woods today, he was sitting with his family, staring a hole in my back. The whole lunch I totally played up my happiness, I didn't want Edward to know what he did to me, I didn't want to look like a complete pussy in front of him, so I wanted him to think I could have fun without him but the key words in all that were, 'played up my happiness'. I wasn't really happy but it was sort of fun because I knew the entire time he was looking at me and annoyed, about time he was the disappointed and aggravated one... and hopefully jealous one.

Once lunch was over, I stood up and saw that Edward had gotten to the hallway already. So that kind of irritated me, I wondered how long he was actually gone. I got into the hallway, I wasn't patient enough to wait for it to thin out so I just pushed through everyone.

When I got into class, he was sitting there, staring out the window. When I sat down I made sure he heard me but he didn't look at me, oh please was he really gonna throw the silent treatment right back at me, now that wasn't very mature.

''Are you not gonna talk to me?'' I asked kind of having a giggle in my voice.

''What, you can give it but you cant take it.'' He threw back at me finally turning around.

''Oh whatever, grow up, you know I only did that because you left for a second time when you promised you wouldn't.''

''I know but you could have let me explain.''

''Well I didn't want to hear it, I was still alittle mad so can you not act like a child and DON'T YOU SAY 'I can if you can' or something immature like that.'' I said realizing I was starting to get alittle more of my outgoingness back.

He smiled and rolled his eyes. ''Okay, I guess ill talk to you.''

''Well too late, the teacher is here.'' I said annoyed.

We both sighed and the class was all lecture. It was the most boring lecture i'd ever heard. Every once in a while Edward would kick my foot and I would kick back and we started being able to be comfortable with each other and not stiff statues holding our breath, well me holding my breath, he didn't have too.

After class was over, we got our stuff and I told Edward, ''I think you broke my fibula''

He started laughing. ''Oops, my bad.''

''Sure is your bad, I didn't break my own bone.''

''HA, well Carlisle says people can function with a broken fibula, doesnt even need to be wrapped but anyways... um Jake do you want to have lunch tomorrow? I wanted to ask instead of looking like a dealer trying to take you to the woods and sell you drugs.''

''HA. Um only on one condition and if you don't follow it, I really wont talk to you anymore.''

''If I stay and don't run off?''

''Exactly, I mean you frustrate me too but I ain't gonna be a coward and run off.'' As I said that he made a sad face and I felt bad.. but WHY? It was true but I still didn't like hurting his feelings. ''Not saying your a coward but running off really annoys me.''

''I promise ill stay, we don't have to talk about US, just talk as friends, I mean we've been stalking each other around and we know nothing about each other.''

''Okay, I guess that sounds good but can I still get lunch and bring it into the woods?''

''We could go to a restaurant or something.''

''HA. Only if you paying cuz im broke.''

''Of course ill pay. I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't planning on paying.''

''Alright sounds good, I need some good food. But I eat a lot so you might wanna bring the big bills.'' I said laughing and winking at him. We both left but went separate ways because our classes were on opposite sides of the school.

This was the first day at school that I felt happy and relieved. I was actuallyexcited for tomorrow. The day went by faster than usual. I wasn't staring down the clock counting each second. I was smiling throughout the whole day and when school was over I hung wit Bells again and I told her id call her. I saw Edward leave and he waved to me and I finally felt content with how my day went, it only took 2 and a half weeks.

When I got home, I ate, took a shower and called Bella. I told her everything that happened and she was excited and so was I. I knew that tomorrow COULD possibly go bad but I wasn't letting my pessimism ruin my good mood. I watched tv for alittle while and I found myself relating every movie and show to my situation in some way. NOW I was truly a girl.. well on the inside at least, my body was still all man. I went to sleep and actually had GOOD dreams.

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**this chapter didnt have too much of a point but i wanted to show their progression**

**next chapter might be alittle short because its only going to be the day of their lunch conversation**

**but after that im going to start with more interesting stuff**


	12. Understanding Each Other

**_ended up being a longer chapter than i thought_**

**_its not AS many paragraphs, more quotes/conversation_**

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**Jacob's POV**

When I woke up I felt... happy to well, be awake. I was so looking forward to lunch. We were going to talk, to really talk and I had a feeling that for once it might actually turn out good. I didn't understand why I was acting like this over someone I barely knew, I had never been so giddy and excited to see someone.

All morning I was running around the house, pumped, not being my usual bored, depressed self before school. I wanted to look good, I brushed my hair nice, I made sure I used my conditioner last night, I brushed my teeth EXTRA good, cleaned under the tounge and everything. I also put on my good cologne and wore my best clothes, my loose jeans and a nice button up shirt with a guinea T underneath and I definitely was going to keep the shirt unbuttoned for lunch but i thought I should button them up for school or the girls would be drooling all over me. I was good to go but I was nothing compared to Edward, his hotness always outdid mine but I did what I could and i think I looked pretty damn sexy.

I put my hair in a pony tail so it wouldn't get messed up on the ride there and I was off to a hopefully good day for once. When I got to school I saw Edward out front and he was smiling so I figured we were still on for today and that he wasn't planning on bailing on me.

Everytime I saw one of the Cullens in the hallway in the morning they would just give me a concerned look, even Emmett, who usually didn't even acknowledge my existence. So apparently they knew we were having lunch and I hoped he wouldn't bail because they probably didn't think it was a good idea.

My fears were answered when Edward was waiting in the hallway outside the gym after 4th period. I had already told everyone I was going out for lunch, they were alittle jealous I got to eat real food but at least I didn't have to explain anything to them when they saw Edward waiting for me. He said hey to me and made sure I still wanted to eat together. Of course I told him yeah and we walked silently to his really sexy Volvo.

''How the fuck did you pay for that thing? I'd have to sell my family to be able to pay for the tires.'' I said walking around to the passenger seat while admiring every part I walked passed.

He laughed his sexy laugh, ''Well when you go decades not being able to do much, you just end up saving all your money.''

''Decades?'' I said shocked even though I figured he was probably pretty old but still, hearing it freaked me out.

''HA, ill tell you more about that later.'' He said while getting in the front seat.

I followed him and sat in my seat. I looked inside the car and it was even sexier on the inside. ''Damn I totally wouldn't hate like living in here.''

''Do you want it or something? I can get you one?'' He said seeming totally serious.

''Umm no i'm fine. I would never ask that from someone and plus, I like riding motorcycles better, more exhilarating.''

By now we were on the road. ''Well I can make this thing go pretty fast.'' He said almost like a threat or something.

''Yea ill believe that when I see it old man.'' I said teasing, knowing that he probably could go pretty fast and thats what I wanted, I wanted him to show me how fast it could go.

''Alright you asked for it, hold onto your head.'' And with that we were really speeding down the street that luckily had no cars.

''DAMNNNNN!!'' I said really thrilled with how fast we were going. ''This thing really can go fast huh.''

''Damn straight.'' He said totally giving me a really flirty look.

It only took about literally a minute to get there and I was glad because this restaurant was really about 10 minutes away if we had driven at normal speed. And we would have more time together to talk because I knew we only had to leave about 2 minutes before the bell was going to ring at school.

The restaurant was high class and really fancy. I felt out of place here, I had never been a rich person and I never ate in places like this. I was always very laid back and just ate what was given to me and at regular fast food restaurants or something cheap like that. I didn't know if I should consider this a date or not but it was a place that you would bring your girlfriend on your anniversary and I wasn't sure what to think.

I was almost speechless when I knew this is where we were eating, the appetizers were probably going to be 25 dollars each, let alone what the meals would cost. The outside of this place had a cabin-like feel to it, it was 2 stories and gorgeous, I didn't know if I wanted to let him take me here.

''Why do you look like that?'' He asked me as we were getting out of the car and I was staring up at the second story.

''Ummm because i've never eaten at a place like this.'' I said emphasizing 'like this'.

''Like what?''

''Like fancy and for rich people.''

''Well you look good enough to belong here.'' When I looked at him he was smiling at. ''But just so everyone doesn't stare too much, maybe you should button up the buttons, I don't wanna have to rip any 35 year old woman off of you.''

I hadn't ever realized that, at one point, I did unbutton the buttons, probably when getting redressed after gym. ''Oh yea, your probably right.''

We were walking up to the restaurant and when we got to the hostess in a waiting room type classy area, I heard him say 'table upstairs for 2 under Cullen' and I was excited that we got the upstairs, away from people. While I was sitting in the lobby area I was looking through some glass and saw that everyone in the restaurant looked pretty laid back, they were all laughing and pretty drunk so I was excited that it wasn't going to be too preppy of a place.

We didnt wait long and the hostess walked us upstairs, and I realized my thoughts downstairs were wrong. It was just the downstairs that was laid back, you didn't even have to make reservations for downstairs but the upstairs looked like it robbed a British mansion. It was classy, had chandeliers and bright lights, while I had noticed the downstairs was very dark and had a fire going and actually matched what the outside looked like but the upstairs looked like I needed to run a country to be able to eat here.

She gave us some flirty yet confused looks, probably wondering if the whole 'good guys are always taken or gay' saying was true. She flirted with both of us all he way until seating us, flipping her hair, giggling and asking us about 4 times if we needed anything. She was cute and i normally would have flirted back but i couldn't keep my mind off of how gorgeous Edward looked.

The seat she got us was all the way in the back and NO one else was up here, most people probably made reservations at night on weekends. The tables looked like they belonged in a museum of old fashioned furniture. It was amazing to thinkthat people actually ate here on a regular basis and could afford it. I felt out of place but when we were all alone, I forgot about the surroundings and just wanted to get to know Edward for real and not just what I WANTED to believe about him.

We got cozy and even as big as I was, I felt like I was drowning in this seat, it was long and low to the ground and the table was high up, like it was meant for a 8-people sized family who were all 7 foot tall. But I actually liked it, usually I would pretty much be holding up the table with my lap and ate with a hunch back.

''So do you like it here?'' he said, he could probably feel my uncomfortableness being here.

''Yeah, its nice.'' I said not wanting to make him think I didn't appreciate it.

''You look like you don't want to be here.''

''No, I honestly just have never been to a place like this, I feel like if other people came up here they would laugh at me and ask me to leave, like a 'Pretty Woman' type thing.''

''HA 'Pretty Woman'? Your funny but I know what you mean, do you want to leave?''

''NO no, I think its really nice but I just don't fit in here but I want us to talk and I doubt any other place is going to give us this much alone time.''

''Thats why I chose here.'' He smiled and was probably happy because he thought I hated it here and was glad he did something right, at least thats what I thought HIS point of view was because I liked it here and didn't want him to feel stupid about doing something nice.

I just smiled back because even though I was becoming more comfortable around him, he still made me a nervous wreck when he smiled at me like that.

The waitress came back with water and introduced herself as our waitress and asked us what we wanted to drink.

Edward nodded for me to go first and I said, ''Umm is it Pepsi or coke here?''

''Pepsi.'' The waitress said.

''Sweet, alright ill have Pepsi.''

''Um ill have the same.'' Edward said right after me. Once she left he asked me, ''Will you drink mine when you're finished with yours?''

''Um sure, why?... Ooooh nevermind, I know.'' I said back confused but then answering my own question.

''So you CANT drink human drinks or you just don't like them?''

''Wow the vampire questions already, didn't take long.'' He said, I didn't know if I offended him but then he laughed so I was relieved. ''Um I COULD drink them if I wanted but I wouldn't digest it because I cant so I would end up trying to throw it up somehow.''

''Ew thank goodness we aren't eating yet.''

He looked offended and sad, UGH I had to try and be more respectful to him, I had already figured out that he was very sensitive. ''I didn't mean to sound rude, but talking about throw up while im eating gets me alittle queezy.''

He smiled so I felt better. ''Yea I wasn't a fan of vomit when I was human either.''

It still shocked me how openly he talked about his vampireness to me. ''And um how long ago was that... if you don't mind me asking?''

''I'll answer what you want to know if I can ask questions too.''

''Of course.'' I said, I didn't have a problem answering werewolf kinds of questions, I just didn't want to give him to much information on the whole thing.

''Um okay, well i've been 17 for about 90 or more years.''

My jaw dropped. ''Oh wow, I was expecting 30 or 40 years, not 90.''

''I know, its probably really disturbing.''

''No its just shocking, I didn't know guys were that hot in the 1900's.'' I said laughing out of nervousness and my own adorable humor.

''That wouldn't be most people's first thought... im shocked that your dad hasn't told you everything about us.''

''I mean hes told us things but we try to avoid the subject of vampires as much as possible.''

''Yea, I don't blame you.'' He looked sad, I must have made him feel like a monster.

''I didn't mean to make that sound like that.''

''You don't have to ever apologize for anything. The only reason I get alittle upset is because I know what I am and how disgusting of a ... thing I am and I still wonder if I should even be here with you.''

Ugh not again, I didn't want him to regret being here with me but ill be damned if he was running out this time. But before he could have that choice the waitress came back with our drinks and some rolls and garlic bread. She asked us if we wanted any appetizers. I, of course, said no because I felt stupid about using his money but he quickly changed that answer.

''Um no, he'll have the mozzarella sticks and .. do you want anything else?'' He added, asking me.

''No, im okay.''

''And he'll.. we'll also have some of the BBQ chicken wings.''

''Well okay then, ill be back in a few with your appetizers.'' She said totally flirting with us as she left.

''Why'd you do that? I told you I was okay, I don't want to make you spend tons of money on me.'' I said kind of annoyed.

''Okay okay. Then don't eat it and save it for later. I just thought you'd want something good to eat unlike the cafeteria food.''

''I'm not some sort of charity case, im not some homeless guy on the side of the street begging for some food and money. You don't have to do this, I can fend for myself, I thought we came to talk, not to eat.'' I said starting to raise my voice to him, which I thought i'd never be able to do but I was annoyed.

''I'm sorry, I just wanted to do something nice. You're pretty big, I thought you'd be pretty hungry.'' He said with an apologetic face and then I felt like an ass because I was making him apologize for, what.. getting me food?

''Don't apologize, I just don't like people doing things for me, its annoying and I don't like people feeling obligated to do anything for me because then I don't feel like its real, I just feel like its people just trying to be saints and get praise for being a good person and it annoys me.''

''Do you want me to ask them to send it back? We can go to Burger King or something.'' UGH I was trying to be honest and tell him how I felt and the way he sounded so hurt that I wasn't happy made me melt and try to be nice.

''No this is fine, just don't expect me to order a 200 dollar meal.''

''Well the highest costing thing on here is 40 bucks, so i dont think that'll happen''

''Oh my god, the most ive ever spent on a meal is 10 dollars.''

''I don't mean to rub money in your face, money means nothing to me. I've had a lot of time on my hands and its nice to be able to use it on someone who can appreciate it and not Rosalie and Alice's clothes and me and Emmett's cars and other superficial stuff. I want to do stuff for you, im not trying to treat you like a charity case, I just wanted to go somewhere nice where we could be alone and you could have something nice to eat. Thats all''

UGH did he have to break my heart everytime he spoke, I felt like my heart was being tugged from the bottom everytime he made a sad face. ''I know your not like that but from what people have said, I figured you did flaunt your money around like you were so great because of it.''

''I know im not great and people just think we're snobby because we don't talk to them and the reason is because I don't want to make friends with anyone just to end up hurting them or leaving them.'' More heart tugging came when he talked about this.

''I didn't mean YOU weren't great in general, I meant no one is better than anyone else because of MONEY but i'd definitely say you are way more amazing than almost everyone i've ever met, except for your little temper tantrums and the way you walk away from conflict.''

''You just had to add that in there didn't you?'' He said smiling alittle now.

''I just have always functioned on the minimum, ive never had a problem living in a tiny house without tons of money, like im not poor, we have money, we just use it on necessity, not on 14 cars and a huge house that I don't even stay in most of the time.''

''Are you referring to us?''

''In a sense, yea but I hope that you guys know that I don't think your any better or worse because of your money because if you do then thats not attractive.''

''What keeps making you bring up money for? That has nothing to do with today, I had extra money lying around, why not take you to a nice restaurant with good serving sizes for a very large person and on top of it, we can be alone.''

''Why do you keep calling me fat?'' I asked, laughing because he kept calling me big but I knew what he meant but I just wanted to fuck with him.

''Oh shut up, I just mean muscular and tall.'' When he saw my smile, he smiled realizing I was kidding around.

We sat in silence for a few seconds, me drinking and him.. watching and the waitress came with the BBQ wings and mozzarella sticks and I immediately regretted arguing with him because they smelled better than anything I had ever smelled.

''Here is your mozzarella sticks.'' She sat them down. ''And your BBQ wings.'' Then she sat put those down. ''Do you know what you want to order for lunch?''

''Um not quite sure, we'll know in a few minutes, thank you.'' Edward said so politely, probably making the waitress weak in her knees, and she left. ''What _DO _you want for lunch, you haven't even looked.''

''I don't know, everything that looks really good is in the dinner section.'' I said searching for something.

The waitress walked across the other side of the room and Edward called her over here. When she came over he asked, ''Um do you guys make any of the dinner for lunch?''

''Um we could but it would take longer.'' Probably making that up to not upset the sexiest man shes ever seen.

Ubecause he only wants whats on the dinner menu.'' Edward said and I wondered why I wasn't talking for myself.

''No no its fine, ill have the turkey sandwich on toach with a side of fries.'' I said not wanting to put the restaurant out of their way.

''Um, do you want the smaller 4 cut sandwich or the bigger one cut in half?''

''Um the bigger one cut in half.''

''And would you like anything hun?'' She said turning to Edward smiling at him, I couldn't blame her but it was still annoying to watch her flirting with him.

''Um ill have the triple stacked burger with fries.'' He replied.

''Okay, ill be back with your sandwiches in alittle while.'' The waitress said before she left.

''Wow your actually going to eat?'' I said wondering why he ordered.

''Um, well I didn't want to make you feel weird so I ordered and you can eat it if you are still hungry after you're done.'' He said.

''Hmm okay well the food will probably take a while, so back to us... how did you guys become like a family? Were you guys related or something or what?'' I said trying to think of a question to start with.

''Um no, none of us are related, we became a family because we all had the same ambition to try and live the same way.. like non human eaters.''

''Oh.''

''We call ourselves vegetarians.'' He said laughing but I thought it made sense.

''Yea but how'd you find each other or however it worked.''

''Well Carlisle changed me, Esme and Rosalie. So thats how I found them, I was actually the first of the family, even before Esme. It was just me and Carlisle.''

''Oh wow, like why did he change you guys?'

''Umm well umm.. I don't know it sounds kind of weird.''

''Tell me.''

''Well we were all dying when he changed us and with me, he did it because I was dying of the Spanish Influenza and so were my parents. Right before my mom died she asked Carlisle to do anything he could to save me and that was the only way because I was so close to death.''

My jaw dropped, I couldn't believe that he was 2 seconds from death and he wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for him being a vampire. ''Um, wow so like you would be dead if it wasn't for you being a vampire.''

''Mhm, but sometimes I wish that Carlisle would have let nature take its course but he did what my mom asked and I don't hate him for following her wishes.''

''Wow so you havent had your real family for almost a century?''

''Mhm, it was a sad life. I hated it so much. I had no one, no family, I couldn't have any friends because I wasn't able to keep control of myself yet around humans and actually at that time, i, um, actually did kill humans sometimes and its hard for me to think about but i was such a sad and angry person, its almost like i didn't care about anyone, I didn't understand the point of life and I was being rebellious because I was so angry.''

I couldn't close my jaw or even blink half the time he was telling me this. ''Um you killed people?''

''Only in the begginging, I don't anymore, I promise. I didn't know how to control it then.''

''I'm not angry at you. I just never would be able to imagine you hurting an innocent person.'' Saying that, I knew I was going to hurt his feelings again. ''But I don't mean to sound harsh, its just I really cant picture it in my head.''

''Yea I cant imagine it either, I still have a hard time controlling myself 100 percent and thats why I stay away from people. I don't want to ever put myself in a situation where I could hurt someone. I couldn't live with myself.''

''Wow this is a lot more than I ever expected.''

''We don't have to talk about this.''

''No I want to know. Please tell me more.''

''Um well after a while Esme had tried to kill herself and her heart was close to stopping and he BARELY saved her but they ended up being lovers and in the beginning were like 2 teenagers with their first love, it was hard to watch. But then after more years passed, Carlisle found Rosalie lying on the side of the street after being beaten and raped, he changed her and Carlisle had brung her to our family to be my match, my lover but I never felt that way. It always annoyed her that I didn't feel that way because she was a very conceited and stuck up human and she wasn't used to rejection.''

''Wait wait, Rosalie was going to be your like wife?''

''She was intended to be but it never turned into anything. She eventually found Emmett losing a fight to a bear and changed him and they ended up being the ones who were meant to be. So there I was still alone.''

''And what about Alice and Jasper?''

''Um they weren't changed by any of us. They came to our house one day and Alice said we were all meant to be a big family and they just started living with us. We all tried to help each other out because especially for Jasper, it was hard to be vegetarians but we did it. We haven't slipped up since we all met each other.''

''And you haven't found a mate or whatever you guys call it?''

''No, there is this coven of vampires up north and there's a girl Tanya that has made plenty of moves on me and tried pursuing me many times but I never felt that way for her either.''

''Wow, you don't have very good luck huh.''

''No, I guess not.''

''So have any of the others killed humans.''

''Um Esme, Alice, Carlisle and Emmett haven't but Jazz and Rosalie have.''

''Really? I can actually believe that HA.'' I said laughing because those were the only 2 Cullens that annoyed me.

''Jasper has killed a lot of vampires and some humans, Rosalie killed the men who attacked her but ever since we've become a family, none of us have killed anybody.''

''Thats good, i'm glad Rosalie got those guys back, did she know them?''

''One was her fiancee.''

''Are you serious?''

''Yea, the others were his friends... some great guy huh?''

''Oh yea, shes better off with Emmett. He seems cool.''

''He is. Annoying and alittle dumb but hes cool. Rosalie has just been bitter because me and her have taken longest to accept this life. The others got used to it but me and her still hate it so I KIND of understand where her anger comes from but apparently she was just as bad human so I don't really feel bad for her.''

''Yea that sounds crazy and Alice, why did she just come to your house?''

''She could see it, she can see the future and knew we were meant to be a family.''

''ARE YOU SERIOUS?'' I couldn't believe he just said she sees visions of the future.

''Yea, but the visions are subjective, she only sees whats going to happen at the time but if someone changes their mind or whatever, the future also changes.''

''WOW thats creepy.''

''Yea''

''Not in a bad way.''

''Jake you don't have to explain what you mean, you haven't said anything that really offended me, only things that I know are true and im just insecure about.''

''Well from what I know now, I cant consider you guys monsters, I didn't realize it was death or being a vampire and you guys didn't even have choice, Carlisle made you guys be this. I really don't think I can hate what you are anymore because how could I hate someone who has a life they didn't decide on.''

''And trust me, i've tried suicide and it doesn't work with us.''

''Don't tell me that Edward.''

''As long as your here, I doubt ill ever try again.''

My heart literally went up into my throat, I was totally blushing. ''But I thought we couldn't be anything according to you.''

''I don't know. Its not a good idea but the more I talk to you, the more impossible it is to forget about you.''

''I told you, I know I could lose people and MAYBE im being irrational but I don't care, I want you in my life somehow. Its like some sort of bond, its like we're tied together, not literally but like..''

''Spiritually?'' He finished my sentence, he obviously knew I wasn't used to mushy talk but it was true, I felt spiritually tied to him and I couldn't be away.

''Yes exactly. I mean I don't know if this is temporary, I don't know if this is us being delusional or maybe just maybe its perfectly okay. I don't know but I don't want to think about the fucking future, ill deal with what I have to when it happens.'' I said being honest because the more and more I knew him, I couldn't care about what struggles would happen and I KNEW there would be some. Maybe I was blinded by the fogginess he put in my brain but I just didn't care about anything else besides him right at this second and I had never felt a connection like this with ANYONE, not even my pack mates, which is how I knew this was beyond a random friendship.

''I just don't want to be the reason your life gets ruined.''

''It wouldn't be your fault because im making a decision, its not you forcing me into anything.'' He looked at me for a couple seconds, frowning but then smiling and then frowning again. ''Are you okay?''

''Yea yea, I just am still confused.''

''Of course you are.'' I said taking a sip of my soda. ''I'm going to use the bathroom.''

When I walked away he asked if I was coming back and of course I was, I wasn't a coward like he was being. I was putting myself out there, becoming a mushy ass fagot and possibly losing everything because I was being true to myself and he was still gonna sit there and stare at me and say he didn't know what to do. I was getting frustrated, I was becoming unreasonable because I wanted him to just say once 'ill be there for you no matter what, I care about and will risk anything for you' but all he ever said was 'I don't know'. After I took a piss, I came back and he was staring down at the food that was done that he wasn't going to eat and he looked up at me with a really upset face and looked back down. I knew I was making him feel bad but he was doing the same to me.

I sat down saying nothing and digging into my food. He was watching me the entire time, it made me uncomfortable but I couldn't expect him to do anything else. ''You don't have to stare at me.''

''I'm sorry, what do you want me to do?... why are you so angry with me? Because im looking out for you.'' He said.

I didn't answer him quick, he knew why I was upset and I was getting frustrated that he was becoming weak and a coward, I hated weak people and thats how he was acting. I finally answered with a ''don't play dumb''

''What? How am I playing dumb, I don't know why you want me to be so okay with ruining your life because believe it or not, come back down to earth and realize nothing good will come from this.''

I was getting ANGRY. ''Don't fucking tell me this shit like you know everything about people, you know nothing about people, remember? Yea thats what I thought, so don't give me this shit.'' I stopped eating my food and started talking with my hands, I knew with the comment I just made that i was crossing the line but I was in a rage. ''You obviously know nothing and you know what, maybe I shouldn't waste my time on your ass because you are doing nothing to show me that you care for me even though you say you do. I'm killing myself over how I feel about you but at least im brave enough to say 'fuck it, this is my life, not my friends and family's lives' and you are being a fuckin coward.''

He looked like he was going to start crying, once I calmed down and realized he wasn't saying anything back, I quickly went right to defending myself and apologizing because I couldn't take the look on his face. ''I'm sorry okay, but im angry, im so angry because ive never felt like this for anyone EVER. I've always been independent, to myself, a leader and only relied on myself to get anything done and have never really put my trust in someone else or needed someone to like complete me as a person. But the minute I fucking met you it was like everything changed, I couldn't think about anything but you, I couldn't dream about anything but you, I was and am willing to lose things and people to be with you and ive never been this weak around someone before.''

''This is you weak? Wouldn't want to see your aggressive side.''

''This isn't a fucking joke. This is driving ME just as crazy as you, ive NEVER needed anyone, the only person ive EVER needed is MEE. I've never trusted anyone more than myself and I like it that way but now im like this little fagot that cries over you, YEAA i fucking cry, its ridiculous, I don't ever let my emotions show because no one needs to know about how I feel, its my business but with you, all I do is cry and mope, WHAT, all for someone who don't even give a shit enough to try and be with me. FUCK IT, its not fair, your a pussy and im 2 seconds away from phasing and ripping apart this entire restaurant.'' I couldn't breath, I felt myself so close to phasing, I was soo angry, I had been crying, depressed, anxious for 2 and a half weeks but never got to vent about it but I felt it all coming to the surface right this second.

''JAKE STOP, calm your ass down. Your right, im a coward, im weak, im a monster and im exactly what you shouldn't be with but I care for you and this is just as hard on me but im willing to try!.'' He said not yelling but I could tell he was making sure he enunciated every word so I would calm down.

I finally calmed down, I didn't feel the phasing coming on anymore, I realized that he was being effected just as much as me and we were more alike then I thought, he clearly has been alone for so long and never depended on anyone either. We both didn't understand NEEDING someone and now I felt like an ass. ''I'm sorry, I couldn't control what I just said, im soo sorry.'' I felt so ashamed for freaking out like that.

''Don't, I deserve it. Just, Jake hear me out, you can yell at me more after but please just let me finish okay?''

''Okay.'' I wanted too hear what he said. I knew how he felt but I didn't understand exactly.

''Okay, I honestly care for you, ive never cared for anyone romantically, ive barely cared for anyone as a friend. I mean ive been so alone for decades, not being able to talk to anyone, not being able to be close to someone. Also having to watch my family couple up and be so happy and have someone to count on. Ive always been by myself, I don't know how it is to be close to someone, I don't even remember how to relate to a teenager anymore. I do care for you and am so close to taking you over the shoulder and bringing you to some deserted island and being with you.'' When he said that I couldn't help but smile but i didn't say anything, I wanted him to finish. ''And besides just the relationship part in general, I couldn't look at myself ever if I knew that you chose me over friends and family and what if one day you regret it and don't want me anymore and you lost everything over someone you only wanted for a little while, you would be so unhappy and I would hate myself for it.'' I tried opening my mouth to talk but he kept going. ''and the worst part is ive kept my distance from humans for so long, I don't know if im as under control as I think and if I ever even as little as scratched you, I would hate myself, you shouldn't have to be hurt by someone you care about and I still hate myself for the people I hurt and I didn't even know them. I would be hoping to die everyday if I hurt you, you don't know the guilt that comes along with hurting someone, even if accidental and I couldn't bare to live with myself if I hurt you or worse.''

I felt alittle bit shocked at his exact response to why he was scared to be with me. I understood but was sad because he was so unhappy and miserable with the life he's had and he was even willing to be alone even longer just to keep me close to my friends and father. I felt horrible for calling him weak because it took a STRONG person to give up happiness to make sure someone else has everything they need.

''I am SOOOOO sorry for what I said to you. And DON'T say I shouldnt apologize, I didn't have any right to say any of that shit. I didn't really realize how you felt. I mean I was so wrapped up in wanting you that my initial and natural reaction was to feel rejected but I know you are giving up a lot of possible happiness to make sure im happy but I still, no matter how many times you bring up my family and friends, want to be with you or be in your life somehow. If they make me choose then they don't deserve to have me in their life.''

''Jake I know and I am still in shock that I found someone that cares for me in such an intense way and it makes me soo happy but im honestly scared to death to be with you and I cant take your life away. My life is a lonely life and you would hate it.''

''No.''

''Fine Jake, do you honestly want to learn the hard way?''

''Maybe but at least I tried. And if I lose everyone for nothing. Ill live by myself as a wolf for the rest of my life, I don't care.''

''JAKE.''

''Stop, im not changing my mind.''

''Fine, listen the bell is going to ring soon. We should get our check and go back to school. We can talk another time. I'm not running off but i think this conversation needs a bigger amount of time to get sorted out okay?''

''Fine but im holding you to it.''

We asked for the check, we didn't really talk at all. We got in his car and were in the school in a minute. We didn't talk all of 6th period. I just kept looking over at the misery on his face and I wanted to hug him so bad but I was still frustrated. After school he looked at me with confusion before he left. I went home and did my routine and I wasn't anxious or depressed, I was empty again.

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**review? yes please**


	13. Port Angeles

**_loving all the reviews.. keep them coming =]_**

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**Edward's POV**

Being that sleeping wasn't something that could kill the time for me, I just went down to the river in our back yard and over thought everything that happened today and that could happen tomorrow. The talk we had went good at first, I let him know things about my vampire life, which I hadn't done that for anyone and now, of course, I was being paranoid and wondering if I put him in danger by telling him our secret, but that was the least of my fears and anxiety.

He let me know that he cant live without me and at the time, my unbeating heart sank into my stomach and I felt so happy but reality sunk in after a couple minutes and i realized the more he cared, the more hurt he would be if i really stuck to my word and couldn't go through with this.

Jacob was one of a kind, he wasn't like any other teenager I had ever met. He was very low maintenance and appreciated everything he had, even if it wasn't million dollar cars and 3 story mansions. He had a good head on his shoulders, that head was also very attractive, and he was brought up great- well except for the being taught to hate me part.

I was just moping and complaining silently to myself when i heard Emmett's thoughts get closer and about me. He was coming to talk to me and he really did care even though he was too 'manly' to admit it and he wanted to know what happened with Jake.

''Hey Emmett'' I said before he even got half way to me.

''Hey bro. Why are you out here, this is boring.'' He added, not remembering how to be compassionate but it was okay, I didn't expect anything.

''I don't know dude. I'm so fucking confused right now, like to the point of being crazy. I like him and hes more attractive then any other human could possibly ever be to me.''

''I know but theres a problem with the last part.. hes not ALL human and his other side is like.. your, _ENEMY.''_

''I thought you were going to mention the 'hes a guy' part.''

''Nah, I don't care. I mean, im a vampire for heavens sake, I have no room to be judgmental now do I? And besides its not like I gotta watch but anyways, he seems cool, like someone I could get along with but family first man. I don't see how this could be good for any of us.''

''Why do you think I haven't given in?''

''Well I know most of it REALLY has to do with the fact that you have no clue how to be in a relationship.''

''That makes me feel a lot better, thanks Em.'' I said rolling my eyes.

''Oh shut up dude, you know its true. Your afraid you'll be bad for him, screw everything up by not knowing anything and losing the only person you've kept interest in for more than just 3 seconds.''

''Well yea but is that so wrong? Yea, I don't want to fuck things up with him, id rather sit here dreaming about what we COULD be, rather than about what we WERE after I ruined it.''

''Good point, good point.''

''And plus im still scared I could hurt him. I haven't really been close to a human in decades and although he thinks hes so tough, I could hurt him really bad.'' Em tried interrupting me but failed. ''AND he'll lose everyone, be stuck with boring ass me and I cant live with looking at him everyday knowing he has no one and is miserable and mad at himself for picking me.''

''Yea, those are all good points and that probably means its going to be a no-go with you guys. I mean I know you like are crushing on him but it could happen again with someone else eventually and maybe next time it'll be the right person.''

''Mhm, figured you'd say something of that sort. And I don't plan on taking it any further but i cant lie to myself, I know that its going to be a challenge making sure we're platonic friends, if that, and I cant guarantee i wont slip up and make a mistake and that scares me. Having no control scares me.''

''Duh, it scares all of us. I mean thats why we live away from people and don't hang with them.''

''I kinda got that a few hundred years ago.''

''I know that, im just saying, we all know how you feel on the control part and no, we don't know how it is to fall for the one person probably worst for you but you can talk to us about it. I mean you've always been reserved with how you feel but you gotta open up more, we all worry about you.''

''Well don't, im fine and you should go inside.''

''Why?'' As he asked that Rose screamed out the window for him to come upstairs into the house. ''Oh alright, well you ight by yourself?''

''Always am''

And then he was gone. I sat all night thinking of Jake, wishing he would sleep over Bella's more so I could watch him dream and fuss around in his sleep. Even though I hated my situation with Jake, he gave me something to think about besides my own misery. I liked being able to be distracted from the world just thinking about the way he smiles or walks. He was just sexy and attractive in every way possible from his looks to his feisty sense of humor to his strong personality to just the way he talked and carried himself. All I did all night was daydreamed about Jake and I liked how it made me feel, even if the happiness would never translate into reality.

**Jacob's POV**

When I woke up the next morning, I kind of felt sick. I didn't know if it was a nauseous sick or a stressing-myself-out-ulcer sick. All I knew was I wasn't hungry and just drank alittle juice in the morning and left pretty early. When I got to school, there was maybe 7 cars in the non-reserved-for-school-authority, or whatever its called, parking spaces. I got off my motorcycle and sat on the curb waiting for some more people to get here so i wouldn't feel stupid.

All night, all I did was replay our conversation and the million better ways it could have gone. And apparently thats what I woke up to. I couldn't stop thinking about him, he was the only thing worth thinking about anymore. I was so angry that he was not giving us a chance but I realized how much aching he was going through and that it wasn't just me. He did care about me, I wasn't sure how far it went and if it was even close to how I felt but I knew he cared in some form about me as a person, he was just scared. I didn't know if i should talk to him today or just let nature and time takes it course and not try and rush what will never happen.

More people got to school and after about 2 minutes, Bella got here. She was in Jess' car so I figured she slept over Jess' house. I got up because my moping and feeling sorry for myself was getting old. As soon as I stood up Jess called me over.

''Jake!, over here!.'' her and Bella were sitting at the bench we all usually sat at in the morning.

I got to the other side of the parking lot, where the school was, and sat with them. ''Hey bitches.''

''HEY!'' Jess said slapping my shoulder, completely and obviously flirting with me. ''Hi Jake.'' Bells added.

''Why are you guys here early?'' I asked.

''We're not here that early, but you were here even before us so look who's talking.'' Bella said.

''Yea i didn't see a point of being in my house.''

''Me either, thats why I slept over Jess' house.'' Bella said back .

''Yea I figured you were there since you were in her car duh!.''

''Your so annoying Jake.'' Jess said, still flirting with me.

''I know.'' I wasn't in the mood for comebacks today.

''Oh Jake.'' she startled me, I started tuning her out and then she just screamed my name.

''What?''

''Me, Bells and Angela are going to go to Port Angeles and Bella said that you had wanted to go up there for a couple weeks to get something for your bikes and I thought it would be a good idea if you came.'' Jess added.

''Um I don't know if im in the mood. When are you going?''

''Right after school.'' woah they made plans in short notice.

''Oh, I don't know. Well, I mean its friday, I guess its not like I have to get good night sleep. Why are you guys going?''

''Well we are going to pick up dresses for the dance, well me and Angela are anyways because Bells doesn't want to go.''

''Why not Bells?'' I asked laughing because I knew what kind of person she was.

''Because you know I can't and don't dance and cause I don't have a date.'' Bella answered.

''Only because you said no to everyone that asked you.'' Jess interrupted. ''Are you going Jake?''

''Doubt it, I didn't even know there was a dance coming up, I don't listen to the morning announcements. And I don't have a date either.'' I said non excited.

''Go with Bella, I mean I would go with you but Mike already asked me.'' Jess said while blushing alittle and trying to make sure Bella heard that.

''Well I guess thats probably the only way I would.'' Bella said.

''Yea yea come on Bells, then you can pick out dresses with us, please please please.''

''Would you really go with me?'' Bella said looking really cornered but flattered.

''Duh, I mean, I doubt ill have anything else to do and you the only girl I can spend more than 5 minutes with without needing padded walls... no offense Jess.'' I said interrupting her makeup touch up.

''Oh shush.. okay so its set, we're all going.'' Jess said after slapping me in the arm.

Once we were done with this conversation, we went to class. Bella was very thankful that she could do something with her girl friends but still not be traumatized by a boring or disgusting date. I was happy to go with her, i was an awesome dancer anyways. The whole morning I was thinking about tonight, maybe it was good for me to get out and do something with my friends but they will be very let down if they think that im even stepping foot into that dress shop and helping them to decide which color makes their eyes glow or which dress make them looks 20 pounds lighter and their boobs a cup size bigger, UH UH sorry I definitely wasn't doing that. Even though I was turning into an emotional, pathetic, fag, iI was still a man.

During lunch, we talked a lot about going to the dance and all the boys were happy I was going, I guess I honestly didn't realize how big this dance was, I must have tuned them out since i had been here. Angela was asking me about what I was going to do in Port Angeles after I told her I wasn't helping them with the dresses.

''Um im going to this store that has tons of car and motorcycle parts. I need shit for my other motorcycle thats almost done and no stores around here seem to ever have them.'' I answered.

''Oh thats cool and maybe if we get done early, we can get dinner so we can actually hang out.'' Angela said being so considerate.

''Sure why not. I'm up for a good meal anytime.'' When I said that back, I thought about my last lovely meal out and I got alittle depressed.

Once I got to 6th period, me and Edward only talked every once in a while, the way you talk to a stranger though, I wanted to talk more but i really didn't know what to say after yesterday. After school was over we all met at Jess' car. Me and Angela didn't want to leave her car and my motorcycle here so we drove behind Angela to her house and she got in Jess' car and then they followed me to my house and I dropped off my motorcycle, got some extra money, told my dad i would be out all night and i hopped in Jess' car too.

It wasn't a long drive and it was actually quite nice, they didn't play any cheesey pop music, they let me jam out to some hard rock and hip hop so I wasn't too annoyed on the ride there like I thought I might be. When we got there, the girls parked on the side of the street and put some quarters in the meter and they told me to meet them at a restaurant 2 blocks away after I was done and then we would all eat together.

It was still light out but it was calm and quiet like it was nighttime. It wasn't a busy city but it was big. The stores were very nice and there was lots of them. I walked down the street for 3 blocks and then i turned right to where the store I was looking for would be. When I got in there, there was sooo many car and motorcycle parts, I thought I died and went to heaven.

I was honestly in this store for about 2 and a half hours, I bought about 4 parts and chilled and talked to the guys who worked there, this was seeming like a good night out and I was happy. I bet the girls didn't even find a dress yet, so i walked around the town part of the city and stopped in certain stores that looked interesting. One was a music and video store, I was listening to samples and bought quite a few CDs, I also bought new headphones. I also stopped in a Best Buy and was in there about an hour checking out TVs, laptops and more CDs and DVDs. Throughout the night, I stopped at a couple other places here and there and had a lot of fun and bought like way too much stuff but it was stuff I would use and that was a good thing.

It was getting dark. I figured i'd start walking back to the restaurant but I was pretty far away now so I took a short cut where I didn't have to take any turns. It was behind a lot of buildings and there was a lot of alleyways and dumpsters and just a nasty area. Who knew a nice town would have nasty places like this behind it.

As I was walking, I passed an alleyway and saw about 5 guys all huddled around each other and giving each other stuff and whispering. They saw me and I turned away once they looked, I heard their voices get louder and now I heard footsteps. GREAT they were gonna try and fuck with me weren't they. I knew I could take these guys down but I didn't want to phase and then have one get away and know my secret, plus if they had guns I was screwed, so I stepped in one of the alleyways trying to take a detour to get back to the street but I heard them coming down this alleyway too. UGH did they just want my shit? because they weren't getting it so this might turn into a fight and ruin my secret but I wasn't about to get on my knees for these losers and give them all my stuff

**Edward's POV**

I had heard all morning in Jess, Angela and Bella's thoughts that Jake was going to go with them to Port Angeles. I was jealous that I couldn't spend time with him like that but I was more worried about all the shit I had been reading in the paper. There was a lot of shootings, stabbings and unknown killings. It was the unknown part that freaked me out because it was always possible that it was one of my kind and I knew he didn't stand a chance in that fight. I knew he could handle himself against the humans but I didn't want him to have to. He still was only human and could die just like a regular person.

I got in my car after thinking about this for too long in my room and I was off. I didn't care if my family thought i was being weird, I didn't care if this made me seem like a stalker, I had a bad feeling about this and even if nothing happened, at least I would be content and know for a fact hes okay.

It didn't take a while once I was on the main road because there wasn't any cars and I would slow down for a second if I saw any. I got there and the town was very quiet, it was nighttime now so I figured everyone who lived in the town was either relaxing in there house or inside the bars. I opened my window to see what i could smell, I smelled him but I smelled him just about everywhere in this town. I saw Jess' car and parked near her, this car was slowing me down, so I would have rather walked to find him.

I followed his scent but it went in many different directions and it didn't help that I couldn't hear his thoughts. Every time i passed a store or bar I would hear all of the people's voices, seeing if I could see him in any of there heads even if they were just subconsciously seeing him. NOTHING, I had no idea where he was. I passed the restaurant Bella and the girls were in but I didn't want to talk to them just in case everything went okay with Jake and then i humiliate myself by looking like a stalker. I saw in their heads that they were supposed to meet him at the restaurant but I must have come at the right time because they were all thinking and talking about the fact that Jacob hadn't texted them or met them here and they were going to eat without him.

Now I was alittle scared. He had been gone a while and hadn't texted the girls, I was afraid he was hurt. I went down more blocks to where there wasn't any people screaming in my head and I tried to listen and look around for thoughts that had Jacob in them. After I had pretty much walked around the entire town, I turned and went through the back way just to make sure my biggest fear wasn't true. I heard some noises in the alleyway and then I stopped to concentrate on the thoughts, I stepped into one of the alleyways but peeked my head around to see the faces that these noises and thoughts belonged too. I heard random guys talking about how they were gonna approach someone who had stuff and they were figuring out a plan. I was pissed now, even if it wasn't Jacob, they were going to hurt some innocent person and I had to do something about this.

Then I realized they were picturing and talking about what the rules were for using there guns on someone and now I was in a rage. Then I heard a person come and turn into the alleyway on the other side of where I was and the creepy murderers were in an alleyway between us. THEN i smelled it, HIM. JACOB was the person coming into the back way. Fuck, I crawled up the side of the building and and got up on the roof, I jumped from building to building until I was up near where the guys were. As Jake passed them, I saw there thoughts target him. I was 2 seconds away from dropping down and killing each other of them but I didn't wanna show myself if nothing happened so I listened to their thoughts for alittle while longer.

They all had alittle bit different of intensions when they saw Jake. 2 of them were thinking of the good old fashioned mugging/robbing Jake for the things he clearly bought. One was thinking of mugging him for his stuff and wallet and killing him if he didn't do as told and that one was on my shit list now but it was the next 2 that really got me to almost attack right then and there. The other 2 of course wanted his stuff but they wanted Jake's submission even more. One wanted to humiliate Jake and make him give them all blow jobs and do exactly as told or he would kill him and the other wanted to straight up rape Jake, he wanted to beat the shit out of him, gang bang him and then take his stuff and leave him laying there. I was ready for a fight now, I was boiling and ready to go over the edge, I stood there and saw every disgusting thing they wanted to do to him play out in their heads over and over again. And if it came to a fight, I would make sure the last one would have a long painful death.

I jumped to the building where Jake had just turned into its alleyway. I heard them start following him and i saw him stop, I didn't understand why he stopped. Was this more of the 'I can defend myself' bullshit he always pulled because I wasn't letting that slide today. I didn't see any near second attempts to kill Jake in their heads, I stood up and watched what was going to happen, I wanted to leave here with no secrets to be revealed but if I saw that first attempt to hurt him in their heads, I was going down there and murdering everyone of them.

When Jake turned to face them they started laughing and joking about how he had a lot of guts to stop in an alley with 5 guys and 2 guns and when they said that they showed Jake the guns. His eyes went wide and he took a sniff and looked up, I stepped back to hide myself because I didn't want him seeing me if nothing happened. They asked him what he bought and he just said 'stuff' and they said 'well its a lot of STUFF for one person huh' Jake didn't say much. I could tell he was getting pissed. The one that pissed me off most walked up to Jake and got right in his face and asked him 'how far would you go to get out of here alive?' and i was livid because I saw the rape situations going and going in his head. Jake just answered him by saying 'not THAT far' and all the guys were getting riled up at all the guts he had.

They once again made sure their guns were shown and I didn't see that they had decided to use them at this second but i was still waiting. I was also making sure that Jake didn't phase, I didn't want his secret to be known. The guys were all talking and planning with each other on what they wanted to do and Jake just stood there looking like he was bored but I could tell he was alittle scared. They stopped talking and were threatening to 'beat the shit out of him' and 'kill his ass' and 'fuck him up' and i was making sure that last part wasn't meant literally. I didn't know why the rape part bothered me even more then the murder that was replaying in the other guys' heads but i didn't like to think about Jake being humiliated and disrespected like that.

Jake was playing tough but even he couldn't escape gun shot wounds to the heart or head and I knew he knew that. The guys would take turns going in his face and trying to mess with him because I saw in there head that the main thing MOST of them wanted was his stuff and SOME of them didn't want to ACTUALLY kill him if that was possible. They would push him and slap him like he was there little bitch but he kept it cool and quiet and that was bothering them, they wanted to get a rise out of him and they weren't getting it so now I saw the other situations that they were conjuring up in their heads and I wasn't liking it, the rape scenarios were becoming more of a possibility and I was becoming even more livid.

Then I saw in the one guy's head, the one that wanted to mug AND possibly kill him, that he was close to pulling out his gun if Jake didn't start giving in and this was the one time i just wanted Jacob to let his tough ego go and just let them have what they wanted but the more and more i watched Jake, the more I realized i'd probably have to intervene to save him from rape or death.

Jake started to get feisty by doing alittle shittalking and making them feel weak by playing the 5 on 1 card and that was pissing every one of them off and I knew something was going to go down soon. And in the next second, I saw what I was praying wouldn't happen. The hothead murder one was about ready to pull out his gun. As soon as I saw it, he did it. The other guys who just wanted to mug or sodomize him were alittle shocked. 2, which were the ones holding the guns, were the only 2 considering murder, one wanted rape or murder, the other wanted his stuff or murder and the second one with the gun had it out to, Jake looked terrified because he wasn't indestructible like I was.

I felt myself becoming out of control and I was trying to calm myself from a murder spree and wanted to have this situation played out with no secrets being told and no one dying but I truly didn't care if I killed these guys right now, they were going to hurt or kill the only thing that mattered to me anymore and I was going over the edge.

I saw that the one guy was going to click his safety off and i jumped from the building and in a millisecond I was on the ground in front of Jake with a huge indent in my stomach. Jake was grabbing onto my back and was scared to death yelling at me for getting in the way. The other guys were shocked that i wasn't bleeding, they were all shitting their pants and the guys with the guns were going at it again, they were shooting me in the stomach, shoulders, chest and nothing was happening.

The other 3 guys ran off towards the back way but the 2 wanted me dead because they knew they would get caught, they kept shooting and they were so wide eyed I thought they would die of shock that I wasn't bleeding. They kept shooting but the one guy ran out of bullets and was about to run but the other guy had some left and in a split second I now had the gun pointing at his head, the guy who ran out was terrified, I think he turned to stone when he saw how fast I got the gun out of his hand. The only reason I waited that long to get the gun is because I didn't want the second guy to shoot Jake while I got the other guy's gun and when the one ran out is when I went for it. And this ENTIRE situation played out in about 1 minute.

I was 2 seconds away from giving the gun to Jake, letting him take care of these guys and going to find the other 3 and rip them to shreds but I didn't, instead, I pushed the one up to the wall and Jake had the other guy facing the wall with the gun to his head. I got out my phone to call the police, the police station was close so I figured they would get here quick, prison always seemed like more torture than dying. Dying in my opinion, was a privilege.

The cops got here in 5 minutes and when they got here they saw that we had the gun and wondered if we were the bad guys but I let them know that I was the one who called and that they tried to mug and shoot my friend. They were so shocked at the fact that i didn't die, that they accidentally spilled the beans and basically incriminated themselves by saying that 'when I shot them, he didn't die' and that pretty much sealed the deal, I told them there were 3 others but I left all that to the police, they said they would call back if this turned into a real investigation and they left.

When all the police cars left the scene, after about a half an hour of alittle questioning for us, me and Jake barely said a word to each other. But our faces said it all, he was so scared but so relieved I was there. I, for once, was thankful for what I was, if I was a regular human, I wouldn't have been able to save him, i still couldn't fathom the fact that I almost lost him tonight if I was even 5 minutes to late. We stayed in the alleyway for a couple minutes, me pacing and him leaning on the wall and then falling to sit on the ground. I couldn't take the silence anymore.

''Are you okay?'' I said while sitting next to him.

''I don't know, how'd you?...'' He said stuttering.

''How what? Didn't I die?''

''No, I know vampires don't die but how'd you know i was here, did you follow us?'' Every time he spoke his voice shook, he was still in shock at everything that just happened.

''No I didn't follow you.'' I said not wanting to finish the answer.

''Then how'd you know exactly where to be, was it Alice who told you?''

''No umm, well um... you know how Alice sees visions and then that time I said Jasper could feel how you felt, well he can control emotions and I can... see peoples minds.''

''WHAT?! So you've been listening to everything i've thought?'' He said probably feeling paranoid.

''No no no. the thing is, is I cant see in your head. You're the only person i've had this problem with.''

''Ohh, but then how did you know I would be here... wait did you see it in the girl's heads?''

''Mhm. And I had a funny feeling about this city and I decided to come here and I followed your scent and then when I heard what those guys were thinking... Jake, you have NOOOO clue how hard it was not to kill them for what they were thinking, i was soooooo close to ripping their heads right off their shoulders, im not even kidding.''

''Calm down, im glad you didn't ruin your non people killing um plan, I don't know what you call it... so what exactly were they planning on doing?''

''You don't even want to know, it was disgusting but I hope they go to jail and then they'll get everything they deserve there.''

''Ohhh so they wanted me to be their bitch?''

''Mhm, I could have ripped their limbs off one by fucking one and let them lay there to die.'' I was getting steamed and he knew it, he was clearly to in shock to be as angry as i was.

He touched the side of my thigh to calm me down but i pulled away, he felt stupid so he pulled his hand back. ''Well don't let it bother you, if it was my day to go then so be it but there wasn't anyway I was going to be their bitch, they should have just gone right ahead and killed me''

''How are you not disgusted and in rage by this?''

''Because im probably still in shock and I usually hold shit in and let it explode later. I'm going to be at dinner one day with my dad and just stand and scream 'I hope those rapists burn in hell' and walk away.'' He said while laughing and I giggled but I still couldn't find this funny, the only person who meant anything to me, was almost taken away from me... well I mean taken away from the world, because he wasn't mine but that was pretty much my fault.

I looked down for so long mumbling more things about what I wished I could have done to the guys and i turned and he was looking at me with his head in the wall, he was so drained, he looked like all this stress really got to him. He looked so gorgeous, I was so tempted to lean in and just kiss him all night but this was not the night for that. I got up and said we should go find his friends and go to where our cars were parked and he should get home.

He didn't like that idea because when I helped him stand up he smacked his lips together and said that he wanted to stay with me, I think he was alittle drowsy because he was being very upfront about how he felt. He leaned in and hugged me. I felt like if i could breathe, all the wind would have been knocked out of me. I actually let this happen, I didn't have the energy and drive to let him go. I leaned in to his neck and hugged him back, he pressed his face in closer to my shoulder and gripped me tighter. My whole body was going numb the closer we got. I took in a big whiff of his hair and I was about ready to lose it so I let go but i didn't let go in a way that hurt his feelings or shocked him.

''We can talk more another day.'' I said quietly now looking at him straight in the face.

''No, cant we leave together?'' I knew he was so loopy from what just happened, his, pretty much, near death experience had him all messed up in the head.

''Jake your just alittle weird from what just happened.''

''No im not.'' He said very quietly and he was shaking alittle.

''Yea you are.''

''No, I just realize that you do care about me.''

We stood there staring at each other, I wanted to just take him right now and go off to the other side of the world and be alone with him. I was physically being pulled towards Jake. We were so close and he was still alittle out of it. I didn't know what my body was doing, i couldn't control it. I stared at him, grabbed his hand and i leaned in, i knew my body wanted to kiss him, i was so close and he started to lean in also and he started closing his eyes. But i had to force myself to stop, i pulled myself all the way to the other side of the alley wall.

I didn't know what to say, I wanted so bad to kiss him and I almost couldn't stop myself but I couldn't do it, not tonight. He looked so hurt and defeated, that he didn't even fight with me about this. I walked towards him slowly and grabbed his hand again. I stared at him with his face down for about a minute and when I pulled his head up by his chin, he was crying. We wasn't balling his eyes out, just one tear that, I think, escaped on accident. I wiped it away with the hand that pulled his head up and I broke all this silence.

''Jake I want to see you. I want to see you again this weekend. Tonight isn't the night and im sorry I keep getting your hopes up just to let you down but I promise if you can just wait alittle and stick with me, I will honestly try. I cant be away from you anymore, its physically impossible. I almost lost you tonight and just the fear I had of the possibly almost killed me inside. I cant be without you anymore, I cant take it and I cant take seeing you hurt.'' I said fast and stern but quiet and calm.

He looked straight at me and smiled alittle. ''Really?''

''Yes. Listen, tomorrow I might need to go out and take care of some business but do you want to see me sunday?'' I asked.

''Of course!.'' He said enthusiastically but quietly.

''Meet me in Forks okay?''

''Okay, where though?'' He said getting very excited.

''Ummm well, I want to be alone with you, and theres a place I go to in the woods, its gorgeous and peaceful and all the years ive gone there, no one has ever interrupted.''

''I like this place.'' He said blushing alittle.

''Um... meet me at the school.''

''Okay, are you actually going to come? You aren't going to bail on me?''

''Noo im never doing that to you, I cant.''

''You promise?''

''I HONESTLY DO''

''Okay because I need you Edward, its not a selfish want like it usually is in relationships at my age, I NEED you. I don't function the same when we aren't talking or together. Its pathetic but so true.''

''Nothing about you is pathetic Jake, nothing at all. I respect you so much.''

He smiled and blushed again and just said ''Aw''.

We stared and smiled at each other for a few seconds and when he realized that it was finally okay to be close, he grabbed my other hand with _his _free hand, so we were now facing each other completely, holding both of each other's hands. I was caressing his hand with my fingers and he would smile and then he would caress my hands with his thumb and we stood there, doing this back and forth for a minute or 2. My nerves were going crazy. But then I heard Bella's thoughts getting closer and I realized she was going to the car and so were the other girls.

''Oh great, um, the girls ate without you and its pretty late and they are concerned and wanting to find you.'' I said making a disappointed face.

''Fuckkk, man they have bad timing.''

''Yah think? well we should go find them and you should probably think of an excuse to why were we gone and you didn't text them.''

''My service went out over here and i met up with you and we tried finding them and couldn't so we hung out all night until I got service back.'' He said not even having to think about it. He was clearly good at making up stories.

''Well how long have you been planning that one.''

''Since you asked me.'' I smiled at him because it barely took a second to answer.

We huffed and then decided to start walking, we kept holding and rubbing each other's hands until we got to the street. We walked to the restaurant where me met up with the girls, they stared at us and whispered and giggled the whole walk to our cars. When we got to our cars I said goodbye to Jacob and the girls looked at me shocked but I just laughed and apologized about stealing Jake. I said bye to Jake and the girls and hopped in my car, I stared at him as I drove away and he looked so happy and now I started feeling what he felt. I forgot about the world and what we could lose and all I cared about was making sure he was always smiling like that.

**Jacob's POV**

The whole ride home, I got questions about me and Edward and how he knew we were here and what we did and I realized they asked more questions than I realized. They kept screaming my name after asking a question that I didn't hear. I was so caught up in my daydreams and my wake up calls about tonight. He really did care for me and he saved my life. This was one moment that I realized that I truly needed someone's help, I had been praying that I would get out of that situation alive and there was Edward, being my little savior. He was so gorgeous, I almost melted to the ground when he was close to kissing me but I was pretty disappointed in the little tears I let slip. I was so stressed about... ALMOST DYING and then seeing him, thinking he was truly mine and then him pulling away just added fuel to the fire.

But I wasn't thinking about the negative, I didn't even realize half the time that I was almost shot to death. All I cared about was he wanted me now, we were going to see each other this weekend and I was in complete bliss, nothing could bring me down right now. When they dropped me off, I was walking like the girl in that movie that just had her first date. My head was down, I was walking slow and smiling to myself. I got in, my dad was sleeping so I didn't have to explain what I did today and I went in my room. I knew I would need a shower in the morning because I knew I smelled of vampire but I didn't even care about that right now. I got out of my clothes sprayed them with stuff that would hopefully go unnoticeable to anyone and I put my bags of stuff in the closet, turned on the tv and layed down. I didn't know how the future would be with Edward but all I cared about was there WAS a future for us and that really helped me sleep at night, literally. The minute I hit my bed, I was out.

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**alright, sorry about the boner kill from them not kissing but it'll happen soon**

**i just want their kiss to be more memorable and not on the night he almost dies**

**review please!! =]**


	14. The Meadow

**_they just might kiss in this chapter... gotta read and see_**

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**Jacob's POV**

When i woke up saturday morning, I still couldn't believe what happened. I almost died, the guy i was falling in love with saved me and he was now going to try and be with me. I knew that last night should have scared me and I should be more concerned about my near death experience but all i could think about was that he actually leaned in to kiss me.

I didn't know what to do today, I got a text from Quil the night before because him and Embry wanted to hang out, so I was juggling with that one. I, of course, wanted to hang out with them, I was just still scared of phasing and having them disown me for my one track mind being all about Edward.

All morning I had been pretty lazy, just watching tv and eating a lot but at least this time is wasn't because i was miserable, I just didn't have anything to do. I talked to Bells on the phone for alittle while and then with Seth. When it was about 3 in the afternoon, I got a call from Embry asking if we were going to hang out, I said that was cool and that they could come over whenever.

At this point, I was going to let fate run its course, if they were meant to find out, they will and if not then my little secret life with stay just that, a secret life. I was on cloud nine since last night and I didn't care what bad shit happened, well I didn't right now at least, id probably be singing a different song when it happened but I honestly, at this point, didn't care.

I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow and how it seemed like weeks away, i was soo anxious about it, I don't think I had any fingernails left. I felt like this wasn't feeling wasnt going away anytime soon, which was the main reason I didn't care what happened to me. I would never be happy if i kept trying to be away from him, it would drive me literally insane. I didn't know if I should tell Edward how I REALLY felt tomorrow or if I should wait and not freak him out.

All evening I just chilled around my house and I actually caught myself singing and that was weird. By the time 6 o'clock came, Quil and Embry were here. I let them in and we chilled in my living room for a while.

The night was fun, they brought some more beer and hard alcohol and we just chilled and had a good time. We shared stories on how school was going. I was informed that my ex-girlfriend was now sleeping with a guy I used to be friends with but now I was actually enemies with. They told me about all the scandals, I told them how there was absolutely NO scandals in my school and that it was pretty lame. Then after talking for an hour or 2, they asked a question I was hoping to avoid, well.. forever.

''Have you meet the Cullen leeches yet?'' Quil asked sounding excited waiting for my answer.

''Ummm yea 2 of them are in my class and they all are in my lunch.'' I said leaving out the being-in-love-with-one part.

Their mouths dropped and their eyes protruded out of their heads. ''oh my god, are you serious dude? Like have you talked to them?'' Embry asked.

''Umm yea i have to, Edward Cullen sits right next to me in science class and Alice Cullen sits in front of me in 8th period.''

''WOW oh my god, i wouldn't know what to do.'' Quil said sounding more excited then any of my other pack mates would sound.

''I would, I would be like 'hey EVERYONE, see this thing right here, its a leech and it'll kill you if you don't get away from him'. I'd be like standing on the lunch table or something.'' Embry said laughing.

''Whats wrong with you dude?'' Quil asked noticing my quietness during this subject.

''Nothing, its just like, I mean I know we're supposed to hate them but they don't seem that bad.'' I said trying to hold back HOW much I liked them, well one of them.

''Ew, are you guys like friends?'' Embry added making an annoyed face.

''No no, I mean I don't particularly like them but I don't know, they don't really bother me. I barely notice them half the time.'' I said lying alittle but I had to or they would tell Sam I was getting along with the Cullens.

''ehh I don't know, id be like on edge the whole time.'' Quil said.

''yeah I was at first, like when I first smelled them, I felt so uncomfortable because I could like feel them staring me in the back n shit but they haven't given me any problems and im just going to leave them alone because i don't want to be kicked out of another school.'' I said trying to act like I had to TRY and be nice to the Cullens.

''true true. I got that, I wouldn't want to either, my dad would kill my ass.'' Embry said.

''yea mines probably thinking about it.'' i said being honest.

For the rest of the night, we just talked alittle more about the Cullens but I just made sure I talked alittle shit about them so they didn't think i was being shady but I didn't want to say anything over the top that would make my friends angry, deep down, I wanted them to think the Cullens were cool. We didn't talk about the Cullens to long and by the time 9 came I was pretty drunk and so were Quil and Embry.

We watched a season of 'Family Guy' i had on DVD and we were so drunk, none of us paid attention to it. My dad got home around 10 and pretty much knew the minute he saw us, that we were drunk. He let it pass since we were in the house and it wasn't a school night and he sat with us for a couple minutes but our loopiness made him annoyed so he went in the bedroom.

We decided that Quil and Embry were going to stay over for the night because of how wasted they were. Quil slept on the couch, Embry slept on the recliner and i, of course, slept on my comfy bed.

By the time i woke up, it was 1 and I was freaking out, I looked at my phone and Edward had texted me 2 times and I hadn't heard it because drinking made me so tired last night. I texted him back and started doing my morning routine.

My dad's door was open and empty so he was either gone or in the living room, when I got to the living room, my dad wasn't there so he must have been gone. I looked at the living room and noticed that Embry was now on the floor and Quil was half off the couch, they must have had a rough night.

I woke them and they were still alittle drowsy but then got up, eyes barely open though, and watched some tv and they finally took notice of what I was doing and asked why I was running around and getting dressed. I told them I was hanging with Bella and her friends up in Forks and that they should probably go soon. They tried inviting themselves but i told them a little lie and said that Angela's mom wouldn't allow more than 5 people over.

When it was about 3, they left and I had texted Edward to let him know my friends were gone and that I was ready. He told me he could be there in a minute so he would just wait for me at the school. The whole drive there, I couldn't stop smiling and daydreaming and wondering if this could really go good. I mean I had had some good times with Edward, but one way or another it always seemed to have its bad points, I wanted one night for me to feel content and KNOW what we were instead of guessing.

I got to the school and it was empty, its was creepy seeing it so deserted. I saw his car at the far end of the parking lot, he was sitting inside of it, acting like he didn't know I was here but i knew he knew, I mean he probably knew where I was the minute I got on the main road. I drove my motorcycle to the other side of the parking lot where he was parked with his window open and I asked him where I should keep my motorcycle.

''umm well why don't you keep it here, the place we're gonna go is closer to my house so you'll have to come back to this area anyways to get home.'' he said totally smiling so I knew we were still good and that made me happy.

Once I parked my motorcycle, around near an area that only had a few parking spots and you couldn't see it if you drove passed the school, I walked back to his car and hopped in the passenger seat. ''so this secret little place we're going to, whats so special about it?'' I asked curiously

''Well I mean I don't want you to think its going to be something so exciting but its peaceful and no one goes there and I want to just talk to you with no one within miles.''

''Oh, thats cool. I mean adventure is the last thing I need right now.''

''Yeah I think almost dying was adventurous enough.'' he said looking like he was getting upset.

I changed the subject, because I didn't want anything to spoil today. ''So does your family know you are with me?''

''Yeah, its hard to keep things from them, I only told Alice because shes okay with the whole situation, shes the only one who is.'' he said looking upset again, good lord, he got upset a lot.

''Yea, I like her but the blondes, im not so fond of them.''

''Why don't you like Jazz?''

''He gives me these weird looks, the same ones Rosalie gives me and I don't like it.''

''Okay okay, damn. But your right, I cant stand Rosalie either.'' he said giggling at how annoyed I got.

The rest of the ride we kept kind of quiet, talking about random things every once in a while. It didn't take long to get to where we stopped. We had gotten to the middle of the highway and turned onto alittle trail and we stopped at some trees, I didn't see what was so special about it but I didn't care.

''Is this where we are talking?'' I asked looking disappointed.

''No no. I stop here so no one takes my car, not that they could get away with it or anything. Its up that mountain'' he said pointing between the trees to the mountain. ''It just takes alittle hiking I guess.''

''Oh okay.''

''Why, would you have been upset if i just wanted to talk here?''

''Well maybe alittle because its not exactly deserted, i mean people could come here easily, thats all.''

''Yeah i know... how fast are you?''

''In wolf or human form?''

''Um whichever is faster.''

''Um im faster in my wolf form and I am pretty damn close to cheetah speed, why?''

''Just asking, cause I hate doing anything slow so I was wondering if I should bring you there''

''Like carry me? Uh uh, I can do it myself but I don't know, phasing in front of you right now would feel weird.'' I said looking down alittle embarrassed. I didn't know if he would find me phasing sexy or disturbing.

''Why?''

''I don't know, it would just be weird.'' while I was talking he got out of the car and so did I.

He walked over to me and stood there and stared. He was smiling and walking closer. I felt like he was attempting to kiss me but I doubted I would get it that easy. Once he got to me, I felt myself fly onto his back in lightning speed, I didn't even have time to think and we were speeding our way through the trees. We were going so fast, I couldn't even see, my hair was about to fall out and I felt like my face probably looked like someone who just ran into a glass door.

Now we started going uphill, I still couldn't think and i couldn't even talk to him, it was probably equal to going down a roller coaster. I held onto him tight but I didn't think i did that because I was scared. Then all of a sudden he put me down and I fell to the ground, i was fine with speed when it was in a car, or me running in wolf form but I had never done anything that fast and I felt alittle shocked and dizzy. I sat on a large rock for a couple seconds with my head in between my knees. I felt him caressing my back and then I came back down to earth, I loved him touching me and now i was feeling another kind of adrenaline.

I looked up because I wanted to be close to him face to face and when i opened my eyes, I looked up and what I saw was gorgeous, not just Edward but everything around him. The leaves on all the bushes and trees were bright and glowing and it looked sort of like a painting. There was a big empty space, in between the trees, of all full, healthy, bright grass and the sun had started coming out alittle in between the trees on the other side of the opening. It reminded me of a rain forest, I saw a lot of birds and animals and everything in this area was amazing and glowing.

I felt like I was literally in a cartoon, none of the trees or anything looked like regular trees. Edward stared at me while i stared around at this place, i was in awe. I was so used to this state being foggy and raining and glooming but he found the one place in this whole city that was fucking gorgeous. He finally spoke.

''Well you look like you like it.'' Edward asked laughing.

''I do, like where did you find this place, it doesn't even look a part of Washington. Then again we could totally be in South America and I wouldn't be surprised by that little run you gave me.'' I said looking at him with a playful annoyed look.

''Oops, sorry. I knew you wouldn't do it if i asked, so I just went ahead and did it anyways.''

''Hmh. Well anyways, this place is great and it is actually really peaceful.'' i said referring to the birds chirping and the wind blowing really lightly.

''Yeah, i thought you might feel relaxed here, I just call it the meadow. I usually go here when I want to be alone and whenever I come here, none of my family follows me because they know its when i really need alone time.''

''Don't you get enough alone time, I would kill myself if I had to be away from people like you do, I mean i like my space, don't get me wrong but I would need people sometimes.''

''Yeah well, its for the best, at least I don't have the guilt eating at me from accidentally killing someone.'' he said looking sad again.

''Stop getting so sad Edward. I don't care about all that freaky vampire stuff, do you really think i'd be here if it bothered me?''

''Why doesn't it bother you?''

''Because now that I know you, I know you cant help it. Before I just thought of vampires as disgusting leeches who were just to lazy to try and control themselves but now that I know you, I cant think like that anymore.''

''Well, there are vampires who don't want to stop killing people. There definitely are bad ones out there.''

''But you and your family aren't and thats all that matters.''

He just smiled and looked at the ground, as i watched him smiling, I smiled and then I got up and started walking around the open grass and feeling the nice breeze, for once it was a breeze and not a wind storm. I felt like such a girl the way I was staring and admiring this place, I felt like I had just got my seeing back after a traumatic accident. I walked to the trees and climbed up one and I looked down at Edward watching me, smiling.

''Having fun?'' he asked playfully.

''Mhm, I like these thick, sturdy trees. Normal trees fall down when I climb up them, well when im in wolf form they do but still, I like them thick like this. And i like going to the top and feeling how breezy it gets when im high up.'' with that I started climbing more branches and I looked down and Edward wasn't there anymore so I called his name silently and BAMM, he was right there above me, on the branch on top of mine.

''Im right here.'' he said laughing.

''FUCK YOU, you scared the shit out of me. How'd you do that?'' I asked annoyed but also giggling alittle.

''Well um do you remember how fast we got here? did you really think climbing a tree would be that hard for me?''

''I hate you.'' I said acting like an angry child. I started climbing to the opposite side of the tree so I would be across from him. ''So what do you do when you come up here?''

We both started climbing, him slowing down to a normal, still fast, but normal speed. ''um just to think and the way it affected you, is how it affects me. its gorgeous and its peaceful and i like relaxing here... and i like to climb the trees too.'' we were both giggling.

By this time we were at the top of the tree, we sat on 2 branches about 3 feet from each other. When I got to the top, it was even more gorgeous, I could see basically the whole state from here and everything looked so little and far and it was so peaceful, the breeze kept hitting me in the face and it was loud up here and i just felt like music might as well start playing in the background.

There was about a 3 minute silence when we got to the top, we just sat and stared off. ''So why don't you tell me about you.'' Edward asked.

''Ugh do we have to, its really not that interesting.'' i said not wanting to talk about my wolf side and my pack.

''eW talked so much about me the other day, i just want that in return about you. Just tell me something.''

''Well im a wolf sometimes... there.''

''JAKE stop it, im serious, I want to know. I mean Carlisle knows a lot about your kind but I doubt any vampire really knows everything about you guys.''

''Fucking right, they don't'' I said sounding frustrated even though I wasn't.

''Well then let me in on it, tell me about it. Like when did you start phasing?''

''Um i started alittle before Bells moved here. About a month ago, so its still pretty new to me, which is why i don't like phasing too much. Yea i ditched Bella for about 2 weeks and she was so mad but i told her and she was pretty shocked but shes pretty openminded and shes okay with it. Like even though me and her seem really close, its only been that way for about 2 weeks before i got to this school. We got close really fast, she came over my house everyday after school and she saw more and more things about my wolf side, so shes like used to it now.''

''Wow, I don't know any human who would be okay with vampires and werewolves.''

''Yeah, shes always been into supernatural things. Shes believes anything is possible.''

''I don't know if thats healthy or not'' Edward said laughing.

''Yeah its probably not but its her and I like it.''

''I would too. Shes nice, I always liked her even though I didn't talk to her, I always saw how like pure and honest she is. And shes got some pretty witty things to say about her friends.''

''Wait she don't really like them that much either? I mean she says she gets annoyed by them but i never really believed her.''

''Well shes more used to them now but in the beginning it was pretty funny.''

''Yeah shes funny as hell, I love her, you should hang with us sometime.''

He got pretty quiet. ''umm I don't know if thats a good idea. I don't want to risk hurting her, shes strong mentally but physically I would kill the poor girl and I don't want to have that chance.''

''Fine.'' I said getting alittle frustrated, not AT him, just at the situation.

''I mean, I want to and maybe eventually, just not right now.''

''Yeah, whatever, its all good. So do you want to get down from here. My eyes are drying out from the wind.''

''Alright.'' Edward said and he already started going down the tree. SHOW OFF.

By the time he got just a few branches down, he jumped the rest of the way. I wanted to but I had never jumped that far in my human form but I wanted to try. I took a deep breath and jumped from where I was. The adrenaline was awesome and I landed on my feet..... but then fell.

''JAKE, are you stupid?''

''Um yea, I think so.'' I said alittle achy but i was good after getting up and shaking it off.

He told me to just stay sitting and then he sat next to me on the grass. I didn't feel like sitting so i laid back onto the grass. I closed my eyes because i was really relaxed and was actually ALITTLE dizzy from falling. When i opened my eyes Edward was looking at me, he was laying on his side and propping himself up with his elbow.

''What?'' i asked smiling.

''I don't know. You just are really gorgeous. I don't know, ive just never found anyone this interesting in any way.'' he said giving me flirty eyes.

''Oh.. well.. thanks.'' I said with a big cheesy smile and then closing my eyes again. Even though I liked for him to think I was so confident and nonchalant, I was nervous everytime I was with him and then him calling me gorgeous, just drive me insane.

''You are.''

''I know.'' I said sticking out my tounge in a cocky way but still with my eyes closed.

''Good, i hope you know.''

''Oh please, if im gorgeous, then you must be extraordinarily beautiful because i haven't met anyone, including myself, who can even compare to you Ed.'' i said sounding as flirty as he was.

''Well even though thats not true, i still appreciate it.'' he said and when i looked at him, he looked all shy and embarrassed like a human would be.

''Good, you better cause i mean it.'' i smiled and then rolled my head back and closed my eyes again.

There was alittle more silence before Edward started talking again. ''so tell me more, when did your dad tell you that you were a werewolf and someday would become one?'' he asked, starting back up with the werewolf questions.

''Umm probably when I was about 11 I guess, maybe 10. I was growing very strong as a kid and very animalistic sort of, like I would crawl when I was young and I would run on all fours when I was a preteen and he wanted me to know so I wouldn't feel different. I also ate a lot and i was always very interested in wolves. I don't know, I guess everything just seemed right when he told me and im glad he did. If he didn't tell me until the day I turned, I would have hated him.''

''Wow, so like why do you guys only start phasing as teenagers?''

''I don't know, I guess we're just mentally smarter and stronger when we hit our teens, I don't know what the good of a 10 year old werewolf would be.''

''Yeah true and MOST little kids aren't confrontational and you guys have to be able to protect yourselves.''

''Mhm that to.'' by now i had propped myself up on my elbow to face him, we were about a foot and a half apart and i actually kind of liked talking about being a werewolf, it was fun.

''Soo, how did you realize you were going through the whole phasing thing?''

''Um well i got really sick... well what I THOUGHT was sick. I got SUCH a high fever and I was aching EVERYWHERE and I was always dizzy and then I started with all the mood swings and my dad just made it come to my attention cause I guess I never let the werewolf thing sink in until it happened. So of course I just thought I was sick but it was the worst sickness i ever had and the fever is what mainly gave it away because i had a fe ver that a normal person would have died from having. Like im still hot but when I was first phasing, it was like the sidewalk in Mexico on a summer day, it was ridiculous.''

''Wow, so it was painful for you?''

''Yeah, the muscle aches were the worst, it was like a growing spurt times a thousand, i felt like my knees were being ripped apart, i just felt like every muscle was being pulled off. It was just crazy.''

''Wow, well i guess we have that in common. If we're going to become freaks, cant it not be painful.''

I wasn't offended by his comment but I never considered myself a freak. ''yeah, well I don't think of myself that way but I get what you mean.''

''No no, I just meant like, something not fully human, I don't know, freaks just sounded good.''

''Don't apologize, I don't care, I just never thought of myself as a freak, maybe alittle in the beginning but not anymore.''

''No your definitely not. I think the whole werewolf thing is cool actually and you were born with it, its not some disease like what I am.''

''Don't say shit like that okay, its not like you asked for it.''

''I know but still.''

We stared at each other for a while and I could tell he was thinking of more things to ask me but I was okay with that. ''So like when you're in your wolf form, are you like a different person or is it exactly you just a 10 foot fury wolf.''

I started laughing. ''What do you mean a different person?''

''I don't know, like do you feel different, like are you an angry wild beast who doesn't remember who his human form is?''

Omy god, i bet you watch a lot of tv, am i right?'' it was a rhetorical question and i knew what he was getting at but it was funny the way he worded it. ''but no im exactly me, just stronger and faster and... well, a.. wolf'''

''Oh okay... can you say words or do you bark and howl like a dog?'' he said laughing. ''Okay okay, that question was just to fuck with you.''

''Fuck you douche... I mean I love it, I love being in my wolf form, the only thing I don't like about it is I get no privacy.''

''What do you mean?''

''like my pack can hear my thoughts and I can hear their's, you cant hide ANYTHING.''

''Are you serious?... so do they know about us?''

''No no, I haven't phased since I met you and its been really hard because they are going to start getting suspicious and its hard to control sometimes, sometimes I feel it coming on and I cant stop it but i have. I don't know how much longer I can go without phasing.''

''Wow, I didn't know you guys could hear each others thoughts, I thought maybe you guys would vibe maybe like animals do but i didn't know you could do that.. I would hate that but then again I go through it everyday but at least theres no one in MY head, im just in theirs.''

''I would hate that man.''

''Yeah, its annoying.. so tell me about your pack?''

''Um what do you want to know?''

''Like how many exactly there are and like who your close to, stuff like that.''

''Well my best friends are Embry and Quil, they are chill.. Seth is my friend but he hasn't phased yet, hes still about a year too young. Leah is a bitch, shes Seth's sister and she used to date Sam, who is the 'alpha' but now hes dating Emily, so Leah just spends her wolf days making us see the different ways he wants to get back at Sam. Paul is an asshole and hes like a fucking child, him and Leah should date. Jared is cool too and Collin and Brady haven't phased yet either. So theres 7 of us but with the other 3, they'll be 10 of us.''

''Oh wow. Do you think ANY of them would mind us being together?''

''Um Seth and Quil COULD POSSIBLY be okay with us being friends but they couldn't know because then the rest would know... because even if Seth knew now, he would still have it in his head when he eventually phases and I don't know if either of those 2 would be ok with us as boyfriends.''

''Oh, Sam seems like a down to earth person but I know I know, hes also stubborn.''

''How do you know... oh wait, I forgot, Sam told us you met him.''

''Yea, he didn't give us problems but I could tell he didn't want us around.''

''Yeah he didn't''

''So have they asked why you aren't around a lot?''

''Yeah but i just give them generic answers and last night I got them drunk so they didn't really care to ask anymore questions ha.''

''Ha, were you drunk?''

''Yeah, just alittle... okay a lot but it was for us.'' I said smiling flirty and touching his hand that was laying on the ground close to me. He pulled away alittle but then saw that I saw getting upset and put his hand back on the ground where it was.

''Well then I cant be mad.''

''Why would you be mad if I was drunk?''

''Because teenagers do stupid shit when they are wasted and i don't want you getting into any trouble.''

''Ha toooo late.'' said teasing about my expulsion.

''You know thats not funny. If you were older and somewhere else, you could have been fined or arrested or something.''

''I know but i wasn't so its fine.''

''Why are you soo stubborn, why cant you just admit that some shit you do is wrong or stupid.''

''Excuse me, don't fucking tell me about.. ME. I know me a lot fucking better than you okay and I don't have to say im wrong if i don't feel I am, sure it was alittle bit stupid but EVERYONE does it, I just got caught.''

''Fine. Be like that, you'll just do it again and get in more trouble.''

''Okay.''

''Whatever.'' He got up and ran off.

I was PISSED. ''FUCK YOU, YOU'RE A COWARD.'' I screamed not knowing where he went. ''YOU'RE RIDICULOUS, EVERYTIME WE FIGHT YOU ALWAYS RUN OFF, YOU'RE A PUSSY AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY I FUCKING LIKE YOU SO MUCH.'' I got up and started walking away.

''Do you really mean that?'' I heard him ask coming from behind me.

''If this is who you are then yes, I don't know why I like you.'' I said with my back still turned to him, like in a soap opera when no one looks at each other.

''I'm sorry, I just needed to cool off. Jake I wouldn't know what to do with myself if something happened to you and when you talk about not caring about what happens to you, it makes me nervous, almost like you like danger, but Jake your NOT unbreakable, you CAN break, even though you think nothing can touch you but it can.'' after he said that he came up behind me and turned me around to look at him. ''why don't you care about yourself?''

''Because if its meant to be it'll happen, if its not, ill be fine. I'm not living my life scared and avoiding every little dangerous thing.''

''But ugh I don't even know what to say to that'' he let go of my arms and started pacing back and forth in front of me.

''Then don't, I am who I am, just like you are who you are, ive accepted everything about you, weird and bad and good and amazing. Why cant you do that for me, I don't want to be cautious, I want to have as much fun as possible, why is that so wrong?''

''Its not. I just... just look at it from my point of view. If it was possible for me to die... okay well good example... theres something that could kill me.. what if i went to Italy and said that i didn't care if i fucked around and had the Volturi kill me, 'oh if it happens, then it happens', would you be mad?''

''Um yea but thats different and who are the Volturi?''

''They are powerful vampires and if we fuck with the secret of who we are, they take care of it, so what if i fucked with them and said i didn't care if they killed me, i know you'd be aggravated.''

''Yeah i would but you just said, 'if i fucked around'. I'm not fucking around, im just letting what happens happen, its not like im LOOKING for danger, im just not scared of it.'' I walked over to him because I could tell he was starting to understand me.

I was standing across from him with my hands in my pockets and he was standing there with his arms crossed and we just stared at each other... I had never talked to someone like this and about this stuff and it was nice. I wanted to be close to him but I knew his boundaries. He didn't like any lengthy close contact, let alone anything on the baseball pads, if you know what i mean.

''Okay im sorry, I just get way to carried away with how protective I get over you. Its ridiculous, its like i feel sometimes I am here just to look out for you?''

I was ALITTLE disappointed because it sounded like he was almost saying he was my bodyguard and not my potential boyfriend... did I just say boyfriend.. ''And thats all, just to look out for me?'' I said hinting alittle and looking down.

When I looked up he was right in front of me, he was staring right into my eyes and he looked so weak and broken, I figured he was torn about what his next move would be... kiss or run away? I doubt he knew at this second. I started breathing heavy but I tried not to get carried away because he did this to me a lot.

He turned away and went to sit on the ground a couple feet from where we were standing. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, is he ever going to kiss me? I followed him but stayed standing, I didn't know if he wanted me around. When he looked back up at me, he patted on the ground next to him for me to sit and I did, I sat pretty close to him but scooted over, giving him some space. He layed back down and I was getting annoyed with this little game. I did the same and layed down next to him. We were silent for a while.

''this is a compicated situation, isn't it?'' i said, breaking the silence.

''You have no idea how conflicted I am in my head right now. I admire how strong you are Jake.'' he got back up on his elbow but I stayed laying down, but this time my eyes were open looking at him. ''You have strong views and opinions on things and you stick to them, I love that and you really don't give a shit about what people think. I love how you are, I wish I was like you and to answer your other question... NO.''

''What question?'' said almost in a whisper.

''When you asked if I feel like im only meant to protect you... NO, I don't. I believe im meant to be a lot more.'' he said then stopping and not saying anything else.

He stared at me for a while and I stared at him, and normally this would be the part of the conversation that someone would feel awkward and look away but neither of us did. As corny as it sounded, its like he were talking without saying anything. He knew what I wanted... well needed and I knew he wanted it to but he was scared.

I felt like I was getting dizzy, I didn't know if something was ever going to happen. Every other time we got close, I always knew in the back of my mind that he would stop us but I wasn't sure if he would this time and I didn't know how i would react to real physicality with him. I thought that I could possibly explode and that wasn't sexy. I wanted to throw my face up to his and kiss him but with how bad I wanted him, I knew i'd probably break my entire jaw and that wasn't attractive either, so I just sat here waiting.... either for another rejection or the moment I had been waiting for since i met him.

Now his mouth was falling open and his eyes were shaking, like HE was the dizzy one but I doubted vampires could get dizzy. He wasn't looking at my eyes anymore, he was looking everywhere else on me, first my lips, then my chest and stomach and down, then his eyes went back to my lips and they stayed on them for a long time.

He looked back at my eyes and he opened his mouth and mouthed something to me, i didn't understand what he said but I thought I knew, he raised his eyebrows and nodded as if to ask me if he could... and now i knew he PLANNED on kissing me but the question was if he would follow through with it or not. He leaned in to me and took a deep breath and then put his head down, looking down at my shoulder. His eyes looked so scared and I never realized how hard this really would be for him because I knew how intoxicating my smell was by the face he made after taking his first deep breath. He looked back up at me, his face about 3 inches away from mine, I was breathing so heavy but I was trying not to so I wouldn't throw my smell in his face. I took my hand that was closer to him and touched his neck, he jumped alittle but i didn't pull away... and neither did he. My eyes were about to roll into the back of my head. I felt his hand being placed on my stomach and now I was a nervous, hormonal wreck, I felt a burning in my stomach now and we DEFINITELY weren't leaving here without at least a kiss.

I couldn't take it anymore, I felt like my insides were being twisted and pulled on. I didn't want him anymore, I NEEDED him. I scooted myself closer to him, now our bodies were touching, not too much but still touching. I whispered 'please' to him and he bit his lip. I felt his hand going up to my chest and up my shoulder and then resting on my neck, his thumb caressed my jaw too and i thought I was going to scream at him to hurry up but the last thing I was going to do was rush him and freak him out so he would stop, uh uh. He closed his eyes and took another breath, he opened his eyes and this time they looked more... lustful then nervous and confused. Now i knew he wanted this as much as me.

He leaned in closer, our faces literally an inch apart, I could lick his face if I wanted too, well I did want to but I wasn't going to but I could. His cold breath washed over my face and his breath was so sweet and smelled so good, I had smelled people who had okay breath or the right-after-brushing toothpaste smell but his was natural and subtle but so nice. My eyelids started shaking and I felt my lower body trying to turn towards him but then his hand was on my hip, keeping me in the place I was in. I whispered 'sorry' and he whispered 'Its okay, just stay still' back. I was so excited but I was going to leave the aggressive, passionate kisses for later, right now I needed him to know it was okay to kiss me at all before i could start seducing him and getting him into bed.

We were stuck in the same position we had been in for the past 3 minutes and his hand had found its way back up to my neck. I whispered 'its okay, ill be okay, I promise' and then it happened, he nodded his head and his lips were on mine, he pulled off right after and it was like being fucked for hours, just for the person to stop right before you finish. But he didn't get up and leave so i knew he was trying to get comfortable with this. When his lips touched mine, it wasn't even really a kiss just a touch, i felt like there was literally a spark. I needed more but i was going to let him take his time.

He leaned back in and this time there was movement, it was a real kiss, not a french kiss but i could deal. I had never felt this excited to kiss someone, I had kissed quite a few girls but there was never chemistry like this. I felt my heart go into my stomach and my lower stomach start turning and shocks going up my spine and i doubted it was from him being cold. I felt myself trying to pull him closer but I wasn't going to ruin this. The kiss was about 5 seconds long and i felt like I had just gone to heaven, i had been dreaming about this for weeks and now it happened and it was better than i could imagine. He pulled away but not from being scared, just so he could look at me and smile. He leaned back in and kissed me harder and I felt parts of his body on my side and his arm was on the other side of me, so half of his body was propped up on top of me, now it was a real kiss, still not a french kiss though, just a hard tongueless kiss. I grabbed his shirt on his lower back with the hand i was touching his neck with, my other hand was grabbing onto his arm. My body was trying to pull itself up closer to him but i would quickly push it back down but then after doing it a couple times, I realized it was becoming more of a humping motion and that was probably worse, so i stopped moving all together. Our lips barely moved but they were suctioned together for a good 15 seconds. When he started throwing his leg over my lower body, I felt his lips leave mine and he was gone.

I looked around and he was up in a tree, turned away from me. I sat up, still dizzy from that, literally, breathtaking kiss. I was on cloud nine, I felt like I was on ecstasy. I felt like I was floating, if only he just stayed here with me afterwards, it would have been even better but i couldn't ask for more than what just happened. I finally was able to stand and I looked up at where he was and I climbed up into the tree, he didn't move, he just stayed turned away from me. When I got to the branch that was behind him, i lightly climbed to the one he was on and sat next to him.

''Im sorry'' he said quietly, not looking at me.

I grabbed his face and turned it to look at me and said. ''I look fine don't i?''

''Yea but what if I went further and lost control.''

''BUT you didn't'' I said, rubbing his chin.

''But what if...'' as he tried speaking, I put my thumb on his lips and told him to 'shuuu'.

I lightly kissed his lips, without any aggression and said ''im not asking for you to throw me down and fuck me, i just wanted you to kiss me. You know ill give you time but im fine, im alive and you did more than i thought you would.'' i said looking at him so innocently and seductively, i still did want him so bad but i was willing to wait.

''Okay'' he said looking sad and happy at the same time, if thats possible.

We sat in the tree for a while, we didn't kiss again but the way our kiss made me feel, made up for DAYS of not kissing him. I leaned my head on his shoulder and would stuff my face in it too. He leaned his head onto my head and we sat there for a while like that, he would tense up and pull away alittle but all in all, things went well.

After a couple minutes of sitting there, leaning on each other, he said he wanted to take he home but he made sure that i knew i wasn't because he was 'running off' just that he wanted to end the day like this and keep it on a good note. He also let me know that he definitely wanted to see me again. I was okay with leaving, not happy but okay, because i believed he really wanted me and that we weren't going home angry or annoyed with the other.

The ride home was quiet, mostly stares and smiles. When he parked in the parking lot, the car went quiet and i sat in my seat for a couple seconds, I looked up and he was looking at me. He leaned in to me and gently kissed me on the lips. I again, felt winded from his kiss, as little as it was.

''Have a nice night Jacob Black.'' he said smiling as I got out of the car.

I got out of the car and waved back at him, not knowing what to say. I walked to my motorcycle, well floated there, thats what it felt like. I could honstly say this was the best ngiht of my life.... so far.

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**yay they finally kissed, happy? =] **

**they'll kiss sexier eventually but i want to be more realistic with the characters**

**edward would not jump all over his ass, im probably making him more risky then the book Edward**

**review pleaseeeeeeee =]]**


	15. Background Information

**_Sorry i havent updated in a while. Work takes most of my time_**

**_But im gonna try and update more often_**

**_JUST F.Y.I: THIS WAS 2 CHAPTERS AT FIRST_**

**_IF YOU'VE READ THEM AS 2 CHAPTERS THEN YOU'LL KNOW THAT_**

**_BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T, JUST KNOW THAT THIS IS LONG BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY CHAPTER 15 AND 16_**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Edward's POV**

I couldn't believe what happened tonight. I knew something would eventually happen between us but I never thought this soon and this intense. I, now, knew what it felt like to kiss Jacob and what I also knew was that I couldn't go the rest of my life without doing it again.

He had this magnetic pull that drew me to him, it physically hurt me to stay away from him. I knew it would be complicated to make this work but I couldn't see myself being able to keep away from him. After tonight it turned into impossible instead of just hard to not be near him.

So I figured out 2 things tonight. One - I was truly in love with Jacob Black and Two - I decided fighting my feelings wasn't an option anymore. Jacob was an amazing creature, interesting. I couldn't leave him alone anymore, he was truly stuck with me now.

Once I got home, I went inside and saw my family sitting on the couch. Alice knew something was up. And by the smile she gave me, I thought she might know exactly what went on. She gave me a nod towards the back door and I had already snooped into her mind and found that she wanted to talk to me about it. So I went down to the river, waited a couple minutes and Alice was now sitting next to me like an ADHD child.

She was fidgeting and hopping around, ready to explode with questions, I assumed.

''Soooo..?'' she started nodding her head for me to assume and answer the question.

''So what?'' I smiled my guilty, embarrassed smile.

''What happened?''

''Like you don't know''

''Well I have an idea but you know how my visions are.''

''Well, what exactly did you see?''

''A kiss'' she was smiling a big, cheesy smile.

I just looked down, smiling.

''Woo hoo, how was it? That part I didn't see''

''It was...'' I was trying to think of the very word to describe it. ''amazing'' I breathed.

''Aw, how did he react?''

''Um, he enjoyed himself ... I almost went to far Alice.'' I admitted.

''From thirst or ... hormones?''

''Um hormones, but that would have led to me getting out of control and out of control would have meant possibly hurting him.'' I spilled out. ''But I couldn't help myself, he was so gorgeous and I wanted him so bad...'' I put my face in my hands. ''I don't think I can stay away anymore.''

''Thats fine Ed. Don't fight fate, clearly something is meant to be here, something undeniable between you guys. Don't fight it.''

''I know but i'm going to ruin his life and I can't live with myself if I do that.''

''You don't know that.''

I couldn't fight with Alice about this, she didn't truly understand being with the person worst for you. But she understood true love and how strong it was, so I figured she had some idea where I was coming from.

I sat looking at the river in silence, I guessed Alice realized I gave up so she got up and walked back into the house with a smile of defeat.

I knew where she was coming from and I understood more than she knew about how hard it was to fight fate. I knew I wasn't going to be able to be away from Jacob, I may be physically strong but I wasn't mentally strong enough to be far from him.

Throughout the night, all I did was replay the day over and over in my head. The way his eyes rolled back into his head when we touched, how he made little whimpering sounds when we kissed. And the part that got most replayed was when Jake would repeatedly push his body towards and away from mine. I hadn't had much experience as a human and no experience as a vampire, so I never had any expectations for how it would be to finally kiss someone I loved... and it was so beyond what I could have ever dreamed up.

When I kissed him, I felt alive again; I felt warm and nervous. I hadn't ever let my guard down around anyone in this life and I never planned to. But thats exactly what happened today and I didn't know if I was more scared or thrilled at how it felt.

Even though my heart was set on being with him and stopping the fight against it, my head was still thinking about ways to save Jake's life before we were in too deep. I thought all night, all different scenarios, leaving without saying goodbye, telling him in person, well lying in person and telling him I didn't want to be with him. Having my family tell him I died somehow or that I found someone. But then I would imagine the look on his face being told those things and I couldn't let it happen.

Once morning came, I got to school early. There was only cars for the associates at the school, no students yet. I was anxious to see Jake this morning, I truly had decided I couldn't fight anymore. I didn't want to be weak like that and give up trying to save him but everytime I tried it was impossible. Like Alice said, _don't fight fate _and I wasn't going to anymore.

As a couple more cars rolled in, I couldn't help but start getting alittle more hyperactive in my seat, I needed to see him now. I started biting on my fingers, repeatedly brushing my hands through my hair and I was pretty sure I caught myself bouncing in my seat. This was ridiculous, in just a couple weeks, this little teenager turned me into a total lovesick pathetic puppy dog and I couldn't understand how he did that.

And then in mid-thought about how ridiculous I was being, i heard something alittle louder and faster then a car pull into the parking lot. None of the other students had motorcycles... but with my luck, another student would magically decide today was the day to show up on a motorcycle and I would get my hopes up for nothing.

I turned and my paranoia was wrong, it was Jake, who was also alittle early for school. This made me ecstatic, was he early because he wanted to see me? Or was I just thinking that out of arrogance?

I watched him from my side mirror and when he turned and saw my car, his face lit up like I had never seen before. Instinctively, I smiled right back, nothing made me happier then seeing his gorgeous, smiling face. I rolled down my window and told him to 'get your ass over here'. He listened and hopped into my passenger seat.

I was soo happy that my windows were pretty tinted, not that I cared who saw us together but I wanted some privacy just in case he just became to gorgeous to keep my hands off of. He didn't say anything at first, just looking at me, then down at the seat and his legs and back up at me. He had the cutest, blushing smile on his face, he wanted to say something but he didn't, so I decided the silence was not gonna happen for long.

''Sooo... how was your night?'' I asked biting my lip.

''My day was better,'' He said smiling and looking down. ''but the night was good too.'' Now he looked back at me quickly, then away.

''Same here.''

''What did you tell your family?'' He asked, not smiling AS big.

''Well, Alice already knew, which I expected but I explained how it went... the others know I was with you but they don't know what happened.''

''What did you say... about how it went?'' He asked lifting his eyebrows in the cutest way.

''I told her the truth.'' I said, not wanting to tell him exactly how perfect it was for me.

''Ugh, but... what is the truth?... How was it for you?'' He was getting frustrated but he was far from mad.

I chuckled alittle. ''I guess the only word thats in the dictionary right now that could come close to describing yesterday is..'' I waited a few seconds, wishing there was a word that meant nothing in the world could ever come close. ''.. perfect, I guess, is all that could do yesterday any justice.''

The smile on his face got even bigger and the color of his face turned bright red. ''Oh.. thats good''

''Well...''

''What?'' He asked, not realizing that I wanted any explanation back.

I rolled my eyes. ''How was it for you?... Were you scared at all?''

He looked alittle shocked. ''Well fucking better than amazing cant even answer your first question and HELL NO answers your second.. Why would you think I was scared? If anything, I wished we could've done more.'' He looked down alittle embarrassed.

''Oh.'' Was all I could manage to get out.

''Sorry but its the truth.''

''I know, you don't have to apologize. I just never expected anyone who knew my secret to want to even be within miles of me, let alone.. whatever you wanted to do.'' I said, avoiding actually mentioning what he really wanted to do.

''Oh, well, don't worry about that. Your stuck with me now.'' As he said that I couldn't help but remember my exact thoughts last night sounding a lot like his last sentence.

''Ugh, I guess I am.'' I rolled my eyes while huffing. Hoping he knew I was joking.

''Shut up.'' He laughed and pushed my arm alittle.

The touch was little and in good fun but it sent both of our thoughts in the same direction. Even the littlest of touches made us both nervous and overwhelmed. He looked down at my hand slowly and cautiously started reaching his hand for mine. He finally got his hand to mine and as he touched me, it sent shivers throughout my body, he saw my hesitation and pulled his fingers away.

''No, no its okay.'' I whispered and smiled at him.

I turned my hand over, palm up and he slowly brung his hand back to mine. He tickled and traced around my palm for a couple seconds and then slid all five fingers in between mine. I closed my hand, as did he, and we started caressing each others hands with our thumbs. I laid my head back against the seat. I stared at Jacob, who was staring at our hands, and I realized how completely in love I was with him.

He looked up at me and then pulled his hand away from mine. He propped himself up on the space between the seats and he took his other hand to my cheek and began rubbing it. It felt so amazing to be touched like this, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but I wanted to wait till we were in private.

Right when he began to bring his face to mine, there was a loud bang on the window. I never really got startled by anything but Jacob practically jumped out of his seat. I guess I had been so wrapped up in our moment that I wasn't even able to hear Rosalie's thoughts so close.

''Come the fuck on, you're going to be late.'' Rosalie said as she glared at us and walked away.

''Oh my god, she scared the crap out of me.. I thought you heard thoughts, you could have warned me.'' He said smiling and holding his heart.

''Sorry, you distracted me.'' I said just staring at him, admiring him pretty much.

''Oh.. well, then I forgive you.'' He said making a childish face.

''But shes right, we're gonna be late.''

''Ugh, stupid school has horrible timing.'' As he was talking he was getting out of the car. I followed.

As we were walking towards our first period buildings, he asked what I was doing for lunch.

''Whatever you're doing.'' I said giving him a flirty smile.

''Ok.. that works.'' He smiled back.

As I walked to his class, I said bye to him and went off to my class down the hallway. I stared at him over my shoulder the entire way down the hallway. My first 4 classes went by fast. During every class, all I could do to make the time pass was listen for everyone who was around him's thoughts. I watched and analyzed every facial expression he made, every word he said, I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes.

After 4th period, I got to the gym locker room exit quick. He was very happy to see me, he smiled big and said bye to his friends. Once he walked up to me, he said a very quick, shy 'hi'. I asked him if we were still on for lunch and of course he was eager to keep our plans.

We walked to my car and he got in even before I did. Once I got in, he asked me where we were going.

''Um, where do you want to go?'' I asked.

''I don't care, as long as you're there.'' He smiled hard.

''Well that narrows it down.'' I joked.

I drove off and we sat in silence. I could feel him looking at me every once in a while. So I broke the silence. ''How are you today?''

''Amazing..'' He said then sighing.

''Why?'' I asked, acting like I didn't know.

''Because this really perfect guy kissed me yesterday.'' During our whole little flirty conversation, he was just smiling out the window.

''Anyone I know?'' I wanted to mess with him alittle.

''I'm pretty sure you know him... I know him better though.'' I didn't understand his exact hidden message behind that little comment. But I didn't dwell on it.

For the rest of the ride we sat quietly, he didn't even question where we were going. Either he meant the fact that he didn't care unless it was with me.. or he already knew. Once we got to the trail, his face lit up, but he wasn't surprised, so I figured he had known the whole time.

''I was hoping this was where we were going.'' He said while smiling.

I just smiled back at him.

''Can we walk?'' He asked. I was surprised by his question.

''Um okay.. why? We can get there much faster my way.'' I smiled a conceited smile.

''I know but theres no need to rush. I don't even care if we don't make it back in time for bio.'' He was trying to hide a smile.

''Um okay then. We're walking.'' I hopped out of the car and was by his side in a second. He flinched, not totally used to my blinding speed.

''How do you do that. I cant even go that fast when I phase.'' He sounded pretty impressed. That naturally made me happy.

I was so happy I could be so open with someone about my secret, but I figured that was only because he had his own little identity secret. ''Well, don't worry, my speed is unnatural, yours is natural. Natural speed can only be so fast, its not like I have any right to brag about what I can do, it was given to me.''

He noticed my somber mood as I spoke about what I was. ''Don't look like that. What you are isn't something you should hate _yourself _for. It wasn't your choice.'' He said rubbing the side of my arm.

I still wasn't used to being touched, so naturally I flinched – just like in the car – but it wasn't from not wanting it. ''Don't stop.'' I slipped out without thinking.

He started blushing, my voice must have sounded a lot more seductive than I meant for it to be. ''Okay.'' And he reached back up and started rubbing my arm again.

All I could do was sigh, if I had a heart it would have been racing a mile a minute. He took his hand off, hopefully trying not to push his luck, and asked, ''So, shall we start walking.''

He started to walk in the wrong direction. ''Um well sure but if you wouldn't mind i'd like to take the shorter way.'' He made a confused face, I pointed in the opposite direction. ''It's that way.''

''Oh I knew that.'' He stomped passed me, now in the right direction.

''Are you sure you don't just want me to take us?''

''NO,'' He said alittle aggravated. ''I can walk, I'm good.''

''Ok ok.''

''Sorry, I didn't mean to yell but it hurts my ego alittle that I need my vampire boyfriend's help to get to where im going fast.'' He made a embarrassed face but I had already been pretty alert when he said the word.

''Boyfriend?'' I asked, smiling alittle.

''Um well I wasn't sure what we are, so boyfriend fit best but I didn't mean it, like I know we're not dating or whatever, we only kissed yesterday,'' He didn't take one breath saying all of this, I could tell he was nervous.

''No, no it fits.'' I smiled and walked ahead of him.

He ran to catch up. ''So is that what we are?''

I stopped and turned to him. ''If your comfortable with that, then yes, I would say thats a pretty accurate label for us.'' I smiled again.

He looked down, blushing again. ''Well im beyond comfortable with that.'' and he started walking ahead of me now.

I caught up easily and the whole walk there was silent for the most part. Every once in a while he would ask me a question about my family and I would ask about what he did for fun. But most of the walk was quiet and calming.

Once we got to our meadow, – I wondered if this was going to become 'our' place – he sighed and went right to the middle and laid down. He looked so peaceful and serene, he was beautiful.

I walked over and laid next to him, I kept my distance but I still wanted to be as close as possible to him. ''So, what exactly do you think would happen if your pack and family found out about me?''

The question caught him off guard, he looked agitated. ''I don't know.''

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked him in the face, trying to figure out what he was thinking. ''Yes you do.''

He turned his head towards me. ''Can we not talk about this, I came to be with you, not put myself in a horrible mood.''

''So it would be bad, ugh I knew this was gonna happen.'' I rolled back over onto my back.

Now he propped himself up on his elbow. ''Listen, im sure it would be bad. I'm sure I would lose everyone but I ain't the type of person to be given ultimatums. I do what I want and no one is going to threaten me into not doing something. I don't follow anyone else's rules. If they cant accept you and get a mind of their own then they aren't worth it.''

I now propped myself back up so we could really talk. ''But they were brought up a certain way, you cant hate them for that.''

He was starting to get up, I stopped him. ''NO, you know what. This is ridiculous, I don't like being fucked with, I don't like being led on. You just said we were together, you tell me how much you care but then right when I think things could go right, you pull away and make up some stupid excuse. Okay, yea, they would probably all disown me, I know that but I don't care, maybe ill be singing a different tune when it actually happens but I care about you and clearly you care more about what my friends think then you do about us.''

I was sad and angry at the same time. ''Do you really think its impossible for someone to care more about your well being then their own happiness? Because thats all this is. I couldn't bear it if I was the reason your life was screwed up. You have good friends and a great family, sorry if I don't want you being to spontaneous and giving that all up for me.''

''I know but I like having a choice. I don't like when people take options away from me because thats what _they _think is better for me. I think I would know more than anyone whats best for me. And at this point someone I can tell anything to, someone I know genuinely cares about me is whats most important to me.''

After getting him to open up, now I wanted to know every little thing about him and every little reason hes that way. ''Who else does that to you?''

''Huh? What do you mean?'' He was alittle confused at my question

''Like who else takes your options away. Clearly its happened before for you to be this aggravated about it. Tell me.''

''I don't know. The whole werewolf thing I guess is the reason it bugs me so bad. Even though I know no one actually made me this way, I just felt like I just never had a say in what happened to me. I didn't want this life, its too complicated and I never had a choice from the minute I found out about it.''

''Oh. That makes sense. I don't mean to make you feel that way again. I just honestly care more about you then anything else in the whole world. If, a couple months down the road, after you've lost everything, you regret being with me and wish you never chose me because you realize im not worth it, it would kill me.''

He looked really pained by what I said. ''I truly don't believe thats going to happen. What I feel for you isn't normal. Its different.''

''What do you mean?'' I truly didn't know what he meant by that.

''Like this isn't the way normal feelings are in the beginning. I feel connected to you.''

He was confusing me, wasn't there supposed to be a connection with every relationship. ''Whats weird about that?''

''No, its not the normal kind. Its not just a spark, not just chemistry. Its beyond that. The minute I layed eyes on you, as corny as it sounds, there was something that drew me to you. I feel like theres literally a connection between us. Like when im with you, I feel like theres something literally holding me to you. I don't know, its hard to word it but its not the usual crush or whatever, its so beyond that.''

I completely understood, he didn't even have to explain it. ''What do you think it is?''

''Well, im not sure. I don't know if its possible but something tells me im right. When Sam found Emily, the minute he saw her, he loved her. Its something called imprinting. They say its like love at first sight times 10. Like the second you just see the person, something ignites in you and you just know. I never really asked about it because ive never really been one of those people who even believed in true love. I just figured it was people who were totally hot for each other and used this 'imprinting' as an excuse to get physical in the first week.''

''Oh, ive heard of that.'' I felt so happy but nervous about what he said.

''Yea. I mean, thats what it felt like when I saw you. I felt like something clicked in place. I don't know how to explain it.''

''Trust me. I know how you feel. Like you found a part of yourself.'' I was looking down at the reality of what I was saying.

He looked at me and smiled. ''Yea... Exactly.''

I shook my head to get myself out of this haze I felt I was in. There was so much more that I wanted to know about him. ''So how are things at home?'' He giggled and I was confused. ''What?''

''Nothing. You sounded like an aunt you haven't seen in a while.'' He was still chuckling to himself.

''Well I was serious but okay.'' I was alittle offended but he probably wasn't used to mature conversation with anyone.

''Oh. Well I don't know. Home is just... home. I fell like im just 'Jacob, the werewolf by night'. Like no one cares about _me_, just what I become sometimes.''

''Really. You and Billy seem close.''

''We are in a sense. But he'll never understand how I really am. Just what he wants to believe. He just wants to think of me as a strong werewolf, not his son the human being.''

''Oh, hes one of those. But does he take care of you?''

''Psssht, he does what he can but physically he can only do so much. Its me who takes care of _him_. Its like im the parent.''

''Do you hate that/''

''Not really. I'm used to it. I'm not mad at my dad for being held back by his disability. I just want to be normal sometimes and with the werewolf thing and then the dad-son role reversal thing, it gets frustrating.''

I felt I was starting to understand why Jake was the way he was. He always acted so independent and strong. Clearly what happened at home was why he was like that. Now I really wanted to know more.

''So do you guys talk a lot, or do you guys act more like roommates?''

''Um I don't know. I love my dad and hes a good dad as far as making sure I have a home and food and things like that, he doesn't neglect me or anything. But I wish I could tell him more. I just wish I was normal.''

''You are normal. You are amazing Jake. Just how mature you are for your age and how independent you are. You're unbelievable to me, just by the little I know about you. And I want to know more. Please, I don't judge anyone. I want you to be able to tell me everything.'' I was becoming very interested in his life story.

''Well honestly, the little ive told you is more than I tell most people. But its just hard, I don't like whining about my life when I know it could be so much worse. I got it good compared to most people. I also don't want people to put on the whole fake pity act. I hate when I know someone's compassion is insincere, it drives me insane. I'd rather someone straight up say they don't give a shit then pretend they care.''

''I totally agree.''

''So is it easy for you to talk to your family?''

''Alice, Esme and Carlisle I can tell most things to. Those three have more compassion then all the people ive ever met. Emmett is more who I go to to talk about irrelevant things and thats okay, I mean I don't need to spill my guts to everyone. His free spirited and sometimes alittle bit inconsiderate personality sometimes perks me up a bit, he doesn't bring morbidity around with him like a dark cloud. But Rosalie and Jasper are alittle bit harder to talk to.''

''Ha, I would have never guessed.'' His sarcastic smile gave his fake sincerity away.

''I bet. Rosalie is a plain old bitch. I mean I don't blame her for the reason she is the way she is but she doesn't handle it very well. And with Jasper, I would know nothing about him if I didn't have my ability. Hes very introverted.''

''Yea, I get that vibe from him. Like getting him to tell you anything is probably like pulling teeth.''

''HA. I actually say that.'' I was giggling.

''Great minds think alike apparently.'' He said very somberly. He was smiling very seductively at me.

''Yes. But enough about me. I want to know about you.''

''You suck. If you are getting anything out of me, im getting something out of you.''

''You will. But you are more interesting.''

''HA. I doubt that.''

''Hmm. You're very difficult. Anyone ever told you that.?' I teased.

''Just a few.'' He leaned towards me and planted alittle peck on the side of my mouth.

As little as the kiss was, it sent shocks through my body. This feeling was becoming addicting. I loved how alive I felt with him, especially when he touched me. The needy look on his face when he pulled away almost sent me into a frenzy but I controlled myself and let the kiss stay as it was.

''Mmmm.'' I couldn't say more. Nothing would be able to describe it.

''Wow.'' He smiled and threw his head into my armpit. Luckily I didn't sweat anymore so the smell wouldn't be a problem.

''Okay. You totally just interrupted my train of thought. Don't do that when im attempting to think.'' I giggled.

He lifted his head back up. ''Sorry. Kissing you seemed more fun then talking about my stupid life.''

''Well, that MAY be kind of true but only because theres probably nothing better than touching you.'' He blushed. ''But I do want to know more about you.''

''Okay. Ask me anything and ill answer.''

''Okay. Do you have any brothers or sisters?''

''Yea. 2 sisters.''

''How old are they?''

''One if just out of high school. Shes 19 and the other is 21.'' He had to think about there ages alittle, I figured they may not be that close. ''They don't live in with me though. One ran off and got married and the other is in college.''

''Are you close with them?''

''Not really. But when they are here we get along good.''

''Do you miss them?''

''Yea.'' He looked alittle sad.

For the next half an hour he told me a lot about his childhood. I found out lot about him.

He was a very mature child. He got along with the younger sister until she became a teenager and neglected him for his other sister. Once his sisters became older teens, they always had their own thing going on and he was home alone a lot. He was apparently very independent since he was younger. He fended for himself a lot, learned to cook early. He had to grow up fast once his dad became disabled and only mobile in a wheelchair. He had to take care of his dad overtime once his sisters left because his dad went into a depression once they were gone.

''Was that hard to see him like that?'' I asked.

''Oh yea. It was horrible. Like it wasn't like he was crying every day and night but he was just willing to do nothing. He slept a lot. He definitely didn't hang with Harry or his other friends. It was depressing just to watch. And it upset me because I was like aren't I enough?'' He said. I could tell he really hadn't talked to anyone about his life. He seemed to enjoy the fact that he could talk to me.

After alittle bit more conversation about his younger years, I realized that the lunch period was over.

''I don't want to go back.'' He whined.

''We have all the time in the world to talk. Do you wanna come here tomorrow or just go somewhere random to talk?''

''Um doesn't matter. BUT tomorrow is my day for questions.'' He said

I smiled. ''Okay.''

We drove back to school and the day went as usual.

Tuesday afternoon at lunch we decided to find a place closer to the school so we wouldn't have to leave as early. It was still in the woods though. We sat our usual way, both propped up on our elbows facing each other.

The questions were about me, just like he said they would be. ''What were you like when you were human?'' He asked.

''Um, its hard to remember exactly. But I know I was very to myself and I worked a lot. Even though I was only 17. I was going to join the army but it killed my mom to think about, so I decided to wait. I didn't have too many friends because I always wanted to be alone. I had one best friend but he died. So I tried not getting close to anyone after that. I got along good with my parents, my mom a lot more though.'' I answered.

''Were you close to your dad?''

''Yes and no. I mean he was good to my mom but he worked all the time. Never really home and when he would get home he was always tired.''

''Oh. So were you alone a lot?''

''Pretty much. But a lot of that was my choice.''

''We're a lot more alike then I thought.''

''I know.'' We smiled at each other for a couple seconds.

We talked alittle more about my human life. He, of course wanted to know about my dating life. But there wasn't much to talk about there.

''So you only had one girlfriend?''

''Mhm. I was never a big dater. I didn't care about the fun and crazy part of life. I took after my dad alot with that. Girls liked me but I was never into any of them.''

That answer he liked. Then after his questioning about what I liked in a girl – which also wasn't a long subject – we asked about my transformation. That caught me off guard.

''Um it was painful. I honestly was wishing I would die the entire time. It felt like I was sitting in flames for 3 days straight. I was alert the entire time, I felt every second.'' I said. He looked really upset by what I said.

''Oh my god. It was that bad?''

''Yes.'' I cringed alittle.

''Baby, im so sorry. That sounds horrible. I thought I had it bad when I was starting to phase.''

''How was it for you?''

''Uh uh. Ill explain it later, today is about you.''

''Ugh fine.''

''So were you a wild beast when you first were changed?''

''Yes. Unfortunately.'' He saw the pain in my face.

''Its not your fault.'' He tickled the back of my palm.

''I know. But I just wished I could have gone right to the 'vegetarian' part of life. I didn't want to have to learn the hard way about the regret you feel taking someone's life.'' I was starting to get upset.

''I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about this anymore.''

''Its okay. Maybe if I talk about it out loud it will make me feel better. I don't know.''

''Then do that.''

I talked more about the beginning of this life. I also explained more about Rosalie being the one meant for me. He didn't like that story too much. It actually got him pretty pissed but he tried to hide it. After talking about me alittle more we went back to school.

Wednesday's lunch was more about him again. But this time I wanted to know more about his friends. I knew everything about his family, now I needed to know more about his pack.

''What do you want to know about them?'' He asked. I could tell he didn't want to talk about this.

''Um which one is your _best _friend?''

''Um probably Quil. Embry is a close tie but id still say Quil.''

''What are they like?''

''Quil is very confident. Hes very intimidating if you don't know him. Hes shorter than me but more bulky. Hes a lady's man. He got in trouble this year at school for asking out a senior's 1 year long steady girlfriend. The sad part is, the girl actually went out with him.''

''Oh boy. Hes the Emmett of your pack. Did he get his ass kicked?'' He started giggling.

''Um no, they tried to fight him but the fight didn't last long once Quil ripped his shirt off, the muscles scared off those guys but of course they pretended they thought the fight was 'lame' and they left. Pussies... Embry is laid back. Hes pretty goofy sometimes. Hes actually taller than me by a little but skinnier.''

''What about the rest of your pack?'' That seemed to get on his nerves alittle.

''Well theres only 4 others.''

''Well are you close with them?'' I asked.

''Leah, hell no. We don't get along at all. She used to date Sam before he met Emily. And yea, so to punish him, she makes _our _lives miserable. Makes sense huh?''

''So she was pretty in love with him?''

''Yea. Completely. She lost her virginity to him. And you know how girls are with that.''

''Just girls?'' I looked at him curiously.

''You know girls get all obsessed and clingy when they lose it to someone.''

''Well, I kind of understand. I mean virginity is a big deal. And the person who takes that away should mean something, you know?''

''I do but people shouldn't expect someone to stick around _just _because they took your virginity. I mean a lot of guys will date you just to take it away. Its like an accomplishment to them, so I don't know why girls act so stupid and fall for it.''

''Wow, I thought you'd have more compassion than that.'' His face looked confused and upset. ''I mean I know when someone is real or not but thats only because of what I can do. Some people are good liars and when they cant do what I can, sometimes girls.. or guys believe it. Its not their fault.''

''I wasn't trying to be an asshole. But sometimes you have to be accountable for what happens to you. Everyone lies okay, if you fall for every lie well maybe you have to look at yourself and what you aren't seeing.''

''I understand that but still, you cant get mad at someone for wanting to trust someone.''

''I don't get mad but when all the complaints come, I just feel like saying 'well maybe you should have waited longer to see if they were real or not'. If you are the one who gives a guy ass in a week and he ends up fucking you over well maybe thats partially your fault.''

''Why are you so bitter about this subject?''

''Mainly because of Leah. She sits around crying about something that no one can fix. It wasn't his fault he found someone else, he couldn't help it.''

''I know. But whats all the lying and backstabbing stuff about?''

''I don't know. I mean ive seen a lot of my friends get lied to and im always the go-to guy to talk about it and im sick of being the one having to give all the advice about shit they could have helped but then no one would ever help me out in my situation.''

''Oh. I see. You want what you give in return. You want someone to be able to give you some advice in a situation you think actually is a problem instead of a stupid situation you feel is immature and that your friends can easily change for themselves.''

He looked shocked. ''Yea. Exactly.''

I just smiled at my correct observations.

''Anyways, Enough about that. What even started this conversation? Oh yea, you were asking me who I get along with.'' He paused, probably to think about who he was gonna talk about first. ''Um Jared is okay, I mean we're friends but we don't have like a close bond or anything. Hes just alittle too whipped, he does whatever Sam says and it annoys me. Paul is a douche bag. Me and him don't really get along. He annoys the shit out of me. Hes very rude and doesn't care about what anyone thinks of him and I know thats good sometimes but not to the extent that he doesn't care. Sam is just Sam. He thinks hes boss and I guess naturally, he is. I just have a hard time being told what to do. But him and Embry did help me a lot when I was first phasing. They talked me through it and stuff so I cant hate him. But he just gets very into his leadership and I guess if I wasn't so independent it wouldn't bother me so much, I just have a problem with anyone but my dad giving me orders.''

''Wow, you're a rebel.'' I smiled.

''I'm pretty sure Seth will be the next to go through this. Then im not sure who will come after that.''

''Do you get along with Seth?''

''Yea. Hes Leah's brother. Hes young though so I don't _completely _relate to him but hes really understanding. He looks up to me and really wants to be like me. Ive never quite figured out of thats a good or bad thing.''

''I guess it depends on how he goes about it. As long as he doesn't follow you into the shower and take notes on everything you say, I think we're good.'' I laughed.

Jake also laughed. We talked alittle more about his pack. Different past stories about them and alittle more about their personalities. But what I wanted to know was about his phasing.

''How exactly did you first know it was happening?''

''Um well I got very sick. I actually didn't know that I was going to phase.''

My eyes opened wide in shock. ''Wait a second.. you didn't know you were a werewolf until it happened?''

''Yep. I was extremely upset. I would to have liked to be warned. I mean when it happened to Embry I didn't even know why he was ignoring me. So the whole time I thought I was losing my friend. It would have been nice to be warned about what was going to happen to me.'' He looked like he was getting alittle angry. ''But I started to get really sick. Everything hurt. I felt like I had strep throat, and the stomach virus and mono and pregnant and everything else at the same time. The worst part was my joints. They hurt soo fucking bad. I felt like I was being stretched on a machine. Like my limbs were being pulled off.''

''Because of the growth spurt?''

''And because my body was slowly turning into the werewolf. Like when it happens now, it happens fast. But it was agonizing. If you would have seen me in the middle of all of this, I was hideous. I looked half man, half wolf. It was honestly disturbing. It took a good couple of days for me to fully form into the wolf and once it happened I felt so much relief physically but mentally I was soo angry that I didn't know this was coming. I mean I would like to have known that I would have to be pretty much tied to my bed for 2 or 3 days slowly becoming a fucking beast. It was so painful, my muscles were being stretched and my joints felt like they were coming apart. Ugh I still dream about it.''

I could barely speak. Thinking about him in so much pain made me so upset. ''Does it hurt to phase anymore?''

''No. Only the first time. I mean when I know im going to phase, I get this burning feeling inside me. But its not exactly painful, its just frustrating.''

''Oh well at least it doesn't hurt you anymore.''

''Yea. Thank god. I wouldn't be able to deal if it felt like that everytime.''

We talked more about his phasing and his friends but I didn't want to know everything in one day, so we went back to school.

Thursday afternoon was just us being silly. We asked the dumbest questions about what our favorite shows were and favorite color and sports teams. I loved to know even the littlest things about him. Just knowing what cereal he ate in the morning made me curious. And it made me happy to see that he felt like that too. He asked me so many irrelevant questions it made me laugh.

Friday morning I had had a talk with Carlisle about meeting Jake. I wanted to know if it was stupid to bring him over or not. Carlisle said to not let them stop me from doing what I want. But I had to really think about this. Bringing Jake over was a huge thing and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable here. With Rosalie hating his guts and everything. But I knew I was falling so hard for Jake, I was beginning to think I was crazy and that this wasn't really happening. I would make my decision during lunch as to whether he would come over or not.

I met Jake in the usual place at lunch. We went to our meadow again and today was alittle bit more of the things we hadn't gotten to ask each other in the last 4 days. But I wanted to really know about us now. I had all the time in the world to know about him but what I needed now was to really talk about us.

After a couple more questions and comparisons about our hunting preferences, I needed to get to the point.

''Okay. Jake these questions are fun but we should save them for another day.'' I said once he took a breath and paused. ''I need to know more about us.''

He didn't look so excited anymore. ''Well, you've always known what I want us to be. The ball is in your court Ed. Honestly whatever you decide is what we'll be.'' He said looking down.

''What I want and what we should be are 2 completely different things. I want you in my life so bad, you don't even have any idea. You bring excitement into my life, you give me something to live for. But the bad it could cause concerns me.''

He looked back down and rolled onto his back. He closed his eyes and I could smell some more salt in the air. Then with the quiet sniffle that came from him next, I knew what I was smelling was his tears. I scooted closer to him and just whispered his name.

''What?'' He asked in barely a whisper.

''I don't want you to be sad.'' He didn't say anything, he just turned his head away from me. ''Please look at me. I know you are crying, I wont tell anyone.'' He chuckled alittleiggl.

''I don't care if anyone knows im crying.'' He said with a sarcastic ge. ''I just want you to want me more than anything and not even remember that anyone else exists in the world.''

''That is how I feel to an extent. If you had my life, alone and away from people, I would take you away in a heartbeat. But you don't have my life, well.. you actually have one. You have friends, family. You have school and you like to have fun. What would happen to all that if I was a permanent part of your life.''

''I. Don't. Care.'' He emphasized each word, looking right at me.

I was quiet for a couple seconds.

Then I couldn't take it anymore when he turned his head back away from me. ''You would honestly be okay with living the rest of your life with _just _me?''

''Yes.'' He made the word sound longer than it was.

He leaned up on his elbow. He touched my face and stared at me smiling for a couple seconds. ''I'm really that important to you?'' I asked low, rubbing my cheek in his palm.

''Yes.'' He whispered close to my face. I could feel his breath on face lips as he said it.

He leaned in even closer and kissed me. This kiss was different than the other one. It was passion, not practice. There was alittle movement. It was subtle but so exciting. I still wasn't sure how far this could go before I lost control but I was happy when he pulled away understanding my fears.

''You're everything to me now.'' He leaned back in and touched his mouth to mine for a second time.

This time, I felt something different. His tongue. It slipped into my mouth for a brief 2 seconds. I felt like I was flying. I had never felt this much energy and life in my body. I felt... human again. There was more movement this time. It wasn't a hardcore, aggressive kiss. But it was enough. It was amazing. He was more vocal during this kiss. Slipping in a couple purrs and quiet moans. I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled away but only my face. I didn't run off, I just needed some air.

He wasn't sad about this. He understood and I was grateful for that. The last thing I wanted him to feel right now was rejection. Because the last thing on my mind was rejecting him. I had never felt so many of my nerves being so active in my body. So I needed to pull myself together.

I looked back up at him and luckily he was still smiling. I smiled back. I knew at that second that there was no going back _ever_. He was the most gorgeous thing id ever seen. The complete opposite of me. He was everything I respected in a person and he was beautiful, his skin, his long hair, his chizzled jaw. Everything. He was more important than anything in the world to me. It hurt me.. physically to think about being away from him. And it made my stomach ache to think about how much I needed him.

I stared at him for a couple more seconds, almost like I was looking at my newborn child. It was admiration. But it was definitely a different type of admiring. He was perfect. After looking at his gorgeous face for a couple seconds, I leaned back in and finished what we started.

I made sure we didn't go to far. I didn't want to get on top of him this time. I needed my brain to know it was _just _a kiss.

I grabbed the side of his face and curled my fingers in his hair. I sucked on his top lip, while he had my bottom. Every second or so we would switch. After about 30 seconds of the gentle, semi-french kissing, I pulled away. I gave him a couple extra pecks on the mouth and asked him a question that I had been wanting to ask the whole time.

''Do. You. Want to. Come over this weekend?'' The question came out in multiple sentences.

He was smiling but also scrunching his eyebrow together, so I wasn't sure if he liked the idea or not. ''You want me to?''

The question shocked me, of course I wanted him to. ''Um, YEA.'' I didn't realize how bad my subconscious wanted him over. ''But I was nervous at how it would go.''

''Well I would be nervous but your house might be mine pretty soon.'' He said nervously.

I knew what he meant and that made me sad. ''Baby. You know you can always come over, you could move in if you want. You always have me. I'm really hoping your friends can understand but no matter what my family thinks, if you have problems with your friends, you come right over.''

He smiled. ''Well if it goes okay. Ill probably be over a lot anyways.'' He bit his lip.

''Okay babe but I don't know if what you think will happen in my room will happen anytime soon.''

''Well I wasn't thinking that exactly.'' I gave him a suspicious look. ''Okay maybe I was but im okay with waiting.''

''But for how long? Because I cant give you a straight answer as to when, if ever.'' He made a face when I said 'if ever'.

''It doesn't matter okay. I can wait a long time.'' He tried to sound sure but I knew we'd have this conversation again eventually.

But I didn't care about the sex conversation, I cared about the fact that he was actually coming over. I was so nervous now that I knew it was going to happen. We got up and went to my car. We kissed alittle more by the car, again not hardcore kissing. But enough to make me crazy. We drove back to school and all of 6th period, we couldn't keep our eyes off of each other.

At the end of the day he told me to call him tomorrow and figure out where to meet him. We ended up talking alittle at night. He had to be very quiet but I just loved talking to him. I didn't care that we were whispering so his prejudice father wouldn't kick him out for talking to me. Once we got off the phone, I was a nervous wreck. I knew this was going to be a long night waiting for the morning. But I could bare it, if it meant seeing Jake the next day.

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**Yay more kisses**

**Reviews pleaseeeee =]**

**another uninmortant f.y.i: in the reviews, some of the ones that say chapter 16 are really for this chapter**

**because i changed it to 1 chapter instead of 2**


	16. Meeting the Family

**Jacob's POV**

Oh my god. His family. Meeting his family. I didn't know if I could do this. What if they hated my guts. What if Rosalie actually tried killing my ass. I was so freaked out.

Getting ready for this day was like pulling teeth. I kept trying to put it off. I would clean my room, go take a shower, eat. Anything to get out of getting ready for today.

And what made it even harder is that I got barely any sleep last night. This little visit drove me crazy all through the night. I even dreamed about different ways that it could go bad - when I actually fell asleep that is.

On a better note, the way we kissed last night was fucking amazingly hot. The first time we kissed, he was very held back and scared but I could see him loosening up alittle. He still wasn't giving me all I knew he could but I would settle for baby steps when it came to our physical relationship. But I, literally, felt shocks go up and down my spine repeatedly when he kissed me. I had never had that before and I had kissed quite a few chicks but this was beyond the spark I ever had with anyone else.

After about 2 hours of avoiding getting ready, I finally had most of my clothes on. When I was putting the last of my clothes on - over shirt, socks and shoes - Edward called me and asked when I would be ready. I of course was honest... I said never. I couldn't make myself relax long enough to really consider the option that this _could_ go okay. But my pessimism just wouldn't believe that was possible.

Edward calmed me down alittle my telling me that Esme, Carlisle and Alice were actually excited for today. That made me feel alittle better. If I ended up in a brawl with Rosalie, at least I had someone on my side. But the main thing that calmed me down was Edward telling me how much he loved last night and that he couldn't wait for me to come over. That made me sensitive side very warm and happy.

I was _extremely _excited to see him, there was no doubt about that. But Jasper, Rosalie and even Emmett alittle were making me nervous. I never got any dirty looks from Emmett but if his girl hated me than i'm sure he wasn't too fond of me. I'd hate whoever put Rosalie in that mood, so I didn't blame him if he despised me.

My dad thought I was out with one of my school friends, my new school friends anyways. He didn't know any of their parents so I think I was good. I thought about saying Bella but I knew Billy and Charlie talked about us behind our backs.

I was pretty much dying of nausea on my way to his house. I thought I would really throw up on my motorcycle which would have been pretty fucking gross. It would have gone right back in my mouth anyways. I wondered if I would be relieved or fucking petrified when I got to their doorstep. Even with Edward there, I will probably have an anxiety attack. That was one thing in the world I knew Edward wasn't going to be able to do for me, as much as I knew he was going to try.

Edward had told me a certain area to meet him, being that I hadn't ever been to his house before. I waited on the side of a road for him for only 1 minute. He came in a different car. He had a truck, a big one with a large back. I think it was an F-350 or something, I loved it. I figured it was so no one would steal my motorcycle. How many cars did these people have? I think this was the fourth car of theirs I had seen any of them in.

When he got out he walked over to me and gave me and big hug and kissed me on the side of the head.

''Are you gonna be okay?'' He whispered into my ear as he was still hugging me.

''Um. If a panic attack, followed by a heart attack is fine, then.. I think ill be okay.'' I answered back. Sarcastic but there was way more fear then sarcasm in my voice.

''You'll be fine. _I promise. _I'm not gonna let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. But you should know that Rosalie is _not _looking forward to this but she's promised to be good.''

''HA!'' I yelled.

''Jake. He grabbed my face. Stop working yourself up. Whats the worst that can happen?'' He asked.

I just scowled at him and said nothing.

''Okay, okay. I know theres things that could go wrong but if we are ever going to be able to be together than one of our families are going to have to be okay with our little visits. And i'm sure we're both aware that its not going to be yours.'' He looked down.

''I know. I wish things were different but I agree. If we are ever going to have time together besides stupid school, then im going to have to suck it up and face this shit.'' I breathed out.

''Good boy.'' He kissed me lightly on the mouth. These little teasing kisses weren't going to fly with me for to much longer.

As he pulled away and I leaned in thinking the kiss would be longer than it was. But all I did was suck on the space between the 2 of us.

''Ugh. I hate you sometimes.'' I said to him while turning towards my motorcycle.

''For what?'' He said giggling. I turned and he was biting his lip, smiling.

Maybe the whole 'cant go to far' thing was just a plan to piss me off. Maybe he had all the control in the world and just wanted to make me crazy and sexually frustrated.

''Shut up.'' I said turning back to my motorcycle and throwing it over my shoulder.

''What are you doing?'' He asked.

''Um. I thought this is why you brought this huge truck.'' I said confused.

''No, no, it is. But let me take it for you.''

''Oh fuck no. I can handle this. I may not run so fast that you cant see me but I can lift a motorcycle.''

''I know but I wanna.'' He was in front of me and he pulled it right off of my shoulders.

''Are you fucking serious?'' I was kinda pissed. I wasn't some fragile human girl. I had the motorcycle just fine and he had to be all macho and take it from me. Asshole.

By the time I finished the sorta question, he was already in front of me. He grabbed my face and kissed me on the side of my jaw.

''I hate doing things slow. I'm impatient.'' He smiled and walked away.

''I wasn't going slow. I was doing just fine.'' He was already in the car.

When I got in, he looked at me seriously and said, ''Baby. I know you do things just fine. I just want to be able to do some things for you, thats all. I know your strong and quick, im not trying to compete with you. I just try to help you alittle.''

''I know but you make me feel so weak sometimes. I just like to feel like i'm capable of things myself. I know it sounds like an egotistical thing to say but I like people thinking im strong, which I know I am. But being around you makes me feel so useless.''

He looked sad by that. ''I wont do that anymore. Because thats not how I feel at all. I know you are strong and quick and useful. I love everything about you. I thought you would like someone trying to help you.''

''Well. I don't'' I said acting like a child.

''Sorry.'' He turned to the steering wheel and turning the car on.

I didn't want someone to feel bad about doing something nice. ''No. I'm being an asshole. I don't mind you wanting to do me favors. But if I say I can do something, can you please listen baby?'' I asked. Being sincere and trying not to offend him but still get my point across.

He smiled. ''Okay. Mr. muscles.''

''Oh my god. You're an idiot. Mr. muscles?'' I said laughing.

''Yea that was stupid. But you still love me right?'' He asked. I was caught off guard. We had never said 'I love you' to each other.

''Yea. I do.'' I said smiling.

''Good.'' He turned and drove down the rode.

With the speed he drove, we got there in about less than a minute. But if it was a normal person, we would have probably drove for about 5 minutes.

We turned off the road, into alittle trail in the woods. The trail was long. But maybe thats because he was driving human speed. I was getting to used to getting everywhere in this state in less than 10 minutes. The trees pretty much covered the trail in the beginning but once we got deeper, the trail started widening and the trees were clipped so you could actually see where you were going.

Once the trail start becoming wide enough for 3 cars, I figured we were probably close to his house. My heart started beating fast as a hummingbird's wings.

He noticed. ''Its going to be okay Jake. I promise. Maybe just alittle awkward at the worst.''

''I know but nothing you say is going to make me not nervous.''

''What are you so scared about?'' He grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers together. ''Rosalie?''

''No. Just what if they don't like me or something? What if they like hate me and don't want you with me?'' I said, speaking fast enough where only he could understand me.

''So you aren't scared that you are gonna be locked in a house with 7 lethal vampires, your enemies but you're scared they wont like you? Do I have that correct?''

I smiled. ''Um. Yea.''

''You're so odd Jacob. But I like it." He lifted my hand and the top of my hand.

I just smiled and stayed quiet until we turned the corner to a large open space that bordered a _huge _house.

The house was amazing. It was so modern and urban but had a twist of that old fashioned style. I started to lean toward the windshield to see the entire house. It was white and 3 stories, probably 4 - including the basement, if they had one. It had a large porch wrapping around the whole house. There was a balcony on one of the second story rooms. There was tons of nicely groomed tree surrounding the house, But it wasn't close enough to hit the house, unlike the trail, where the branches were practically in the car.

He stopped and parked. I barely even noticed, I was too busy admiring this place. ''So. you wanna wait a couple minutes?'' He asked.

''Um. what?'' I didn't hear him at first. Then it actually registered before he answered me. ''Oh. Yea, can we wait a couple minutes.?''

''Of course. Do you think its too fancy and stuck up?''

''No. I mean its pretty fancy but its not stuck up. I don't mad at people for being rich, I get mad when they flaunt it in your face.''

''Well most people think we do.''

''Well, maybe alittle with yours 15 fancy cars but I don't think you're stuck up Ed.'' As I said that and realized they had about 2 others that I hadn't ever seen before. ''Oh my god, how many cars do you guys have?''

''Um quite a few. Emmett and me like working on them. We usually buy cars in bad condition so we can fix them. But a couple of these were brand new.''

''Humph. I bet.''

''Are you okay now?''

''No. But im as good as im ever going to be. Is that your room?'' I asked, pointing to the room with the balcony.

''No. Mines on the other side. You can see it from the backyard. Thats Rosalie and Emmett's room. She sits up there when hes doing 'manly' things.'' He laughed. ''But theres a balcony outside my room too. _And _you can see the river from it.''

''Really? thats cool.'' That brought up another question I had been thinking about. ''Am I going to see your room?'' I asked, lowering my voice alittle.

''Yes.'' He turned away sighing while smiling. "_But _we're only looking. Nothing else. Got it baby? You horny little bastard.''

''Yesss.'' I dragged the word out long and with my voice low.

''Okay. Well I think we should go in. If Alice could go to the bathroom, she would be peeing her pants waiting for this. You wanna get this over with?'' He asked.

''Um. Um. I don't know. Are they all home?''

''No.''

''Good.'' I threw my head onto the back of the seat.

''Yea.''

''I know. I'm just really nervous. This is going to be the most awkward thing ive ever done in my life. I don't get nervous like this ever. Nothing's ever been this important. Like this could make or break us. I'm scared. Like im not good with trying to act a certain way for people. I don't know what things will offend them. I don't know if my sense of humor is the same as theirs. Like how am I supposed to know what to say and not say. But then I don't want to be fake and put on a facade either.'' I was rambling again.

''Stop! Jake.'' He put his hand on my stomach. ''You're going to make yourself pass out. Its honestly not necessary. I think you might actually like them once we get passed the awkwardness.''

''Its not wondering if i'll like them thats the problem, its wondering if they'll hate me.''

''I really don't think they'll hate you.. not all of them at least.''

''Thats comforting.''

''Alright. We're either going in or you're going home. Make your decision right now.'' He turned completely towards me.

''Fine. Let's just get this shit over with.'' Before I could comprehend what I just agreed to, he was at my door, opening it for me.

When I stepped out he stood in front of me for a few seconds, just smiling at me, and held my hands. ''Its going to be fine. If I see any hostility turning into anger in their thoughts, ill get you out of there, okay?''

''Okay. Promise?'' I asked.

''I promise.'' He pecked me on the mouth and started making me walk towards the house.

I, involuntarily, started walking. When we got to the first step up to the porch, I stopped. ''Are you sure?'' He asked me.

''Yes.'' I breathed.

We walked up the steps and he opened the door. I felt like I was walking into a haunted house. I was so freaked out. I shadowed him, staying behind him where you could barely see me if you were in front of him.

When we were inside, no one was there. All I first saw was a huge, wide staircase. The house looked deserted. Now I felt stupid. Were they avoiding me? ''Where is everyone. Good lord, they hate me already.'' I said with my head down.

''No no. They are cooking.'' He said smiling.

I knew I had smelled something when I first walked in but I was too nervous to think about it. ''I thought you guys didn't eat human food?''

''We don't Esme and Alice wanted to make something for you.'' He brung me into the living room to the left.

We sat on the couch so I could relax borfore I met them. I was alittle more relaxed knowing that at least a few of them were actually happy to meet me.

The house was amazing inside. It was surprisingly cozy. I felt comfortable in here. I looked across the house - the opposite direction on the way we came to the living room - and I could see the dining room and some of the kitchen. But I didn't see any people yet.

He leaned back into the couch, I did what he did. I turned my body to face his, he followed my action and faced me. He was trying to calm me down and distract me but the entire time he was talking I was just staring down the hallway, - that was next to the stairs - the kitchen and the stairs to see if anyone was coming.

After him talking to me for alittle, I saw someone bring some plates to the table. It was Alice. She turned to me and smiled. That made me relax alittle.

"I think I can do this now.'' I said taking a deep breath. ''Where are the others?''

''Well you know Esme and Alice are in the kitchen. Carlisle is upstairs getting dressed. And Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are coming back from a hunting trip soon.''

''Are they doing that because of me?''

''I think so. Jasper needs to especially, so Rosalie and Emmett wanted to keep him company.''

''Oh. I feel bad that its causing you guys problems.''

''No its not. They just need to take precautions.''

''Oh boy.''

''It might be good for you to meet a few at a time. Might not be as intimidating. Make nice with the nice ones in my family and you'll feel less awkward if you don't get along with the other ones.''

''Yea thats true.''

''Do you want to go meet them now?''

''Yea. I feel better now. Knowing the other 3 aren't here makes me less nervous.''

''Yea, I don't blame you.''

''Alright, let's go.'' I said as we were standing up. ''Why haven't they come out here yet? Like if they are looking forward to meeting me, why didn't they come talk to me when we first came in?'' I asked as we started walking.

''They wanted to give you some space. I told them you were nervous.''

''Oh. Okay. Thats a relief.''

He smiled at me.

We passed the stairs and were turning the corner to get to the kitchen. My heart was beating. I had already met Alice and Esme but I was still scared.

When we got in, they were giggling and facing the stove. I wondered what was so funny. But the normalness and happiness that they were exuding was comforting.

''Esme, Alice. This is Jake.'' He said. He was squeezing my hand behind his back.

They turned, still giggling alittle. ''You silly. I already know him.'' Alice said as she sped to me and gave me a hug.

Esme got to me alittle after that. ''Hi Jacob. Ive been looking forward to meeting you.'' She held her hand out for me to shake.

''Hi. Yea I saw you at the store once.''

''Yes, I do remember that.'' She smiled at me.

''Sit down guys.'' Alice said, pointing to the dinner table.

We all sat down. Me and Edward on one side and the girls on the other.

''So Jake. What are your intentions with my son?'' She asked laughing. ''No no. I'm kidding. So are you nervous hun?''

I was giggling to her first pretend question. ''Um, yea alittle. I already know your other children don't like me very much, so I was alittle freaked out that they would like freak on me or something.''

''Oh, you mean Rosalie?'' Esme asked me, still laughing. She was very down to earth. It was hard to remember that she was a vampire and not completely human.

''Yea. Jasper doesn't look to thrilled to have me around either.''

''Yea, well Jasper has a hard time around warmblooded people.'' She was still giggling, as was Alice.

I was laughing too. ''Yea Edward told me about that.''

''Yea its a shame but once he gets used to you, you guys would probably get along. And I think you and Emmett will hit it off just fine. I'm not gonna lie, Rosalie might me alittle bit of a struggle to make nice with.'' Alice added.

The next second, I felt a hand on my shoulder. ''Hello. Jacob I assume?'' Carlisle, I assumed, asked.

''I turned and stood up to shake his hand. ''Yes sir. You must just Edward's brother.'' I laughed, startled by how young he looked. ''No, im just kidding.'' I added nervously.

''Thank you, thats flattering.'' Carlisle said after shaking my hand. ''Nice to meet you son.''

''You too. Edward talks very good about you.''

''Does he now?'' Carlisle said, giving an appreciative look at Edy.

''Yes. He talks very highly of all 3 of you.'' I added. Playing the flattery card. Even though I wasn't really 'playing' it. I meant it. They were very nice people so far.

''Aw.'' They all said in harmony.

Edward smiled and looked down. ''Jacob was very nervous about meeting the family but when I said it was you 3, he lightened up alittle.''

They all smiled. ''Well you do know they will be here soon?'' Carlisle asked Edward.

''Really. I cant here their voices yet though.'' Edward answered, confused.

''I know, they aren't that close but they are at the Canadian border. They called me. Thats why I was rudely late to meet your friend.'' He looked how close we were and giggled. ''Sorry. Your lover.'' He smiled at us.

I blushed. I always thought it was corny when people called someone their 'lover' but when Carlisle aimed that word towards us, I actually liked it.

''Jacob, the food is almost done. Are you hungry.'' Esme asked.

''Um, not right now but I probably will be later. What did you make?'' I was actually pretty hungry but I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep any food down until I was introduced to the moodier ones in the family.

''Alot. Pork chops, Stuffing, veggies, mashed potatoes and chicken in case you weren't a pork chop person. We can totally cook anything you'd like. And don't worry. Me and Alice love to cook, its our pleasure.''

''Okay. I love chicken and pork chops, so you wont have to waste anything.'' I said. I felt like a freeloader if I ate their food but now I felt guilty if I didn't take it because then it would of been a waste of their time. Because clearly no one else was going to eat it.

''I like cooking just for the fun of it. you can look around the fridge and see if theirs anything in there that you'd like to eat.''

''I'm okay right now but thank you.''

''You're very welcome.'' Esme was so polite. I almost refused to believe she was a vampire.

''So Jacob. Do you want to watch some tv? Its all yours.'' Alice asked me, while pointing towards the living room.

''No im okay right now. Maybe we can watch something later.''

''Well im not a tv girl. But Emmett and Carlisle are. Maybe you guys can catch a game later. Basketball season is still on right?'' Alice asked, giggling.

''Yes Alice.'' Edward giggled at her.

''Would it be okay if I gave Jake the tour of the house?'' Edward asked.

''Of course. Just remember, don't go in Rosalie's room.'' Carlisle answered, laughing. Rosalie must have ranted and raved before I came, thinking that i'd actually give a shit about her room.

''Oh darn. That was going to be the main attraction on the tour.'' Edward said with fake disappointment.

They all started laughing. Edward stood up, still holding my hand, and helped me up.

''Nice meeting you guys. I was pretty nervous about this but you guys are really nice.''

They all sung a chorus of praises and appreciation for me coming over.

''And that food really does smell amazing.'' I added while we were walking away.

''Thank you.'' Esme and Alice said together.

''We'll start downstairs.'' Edward quietly told me as we passed the stairs.

''Okay.''

Once we got to the little hallway on the living room-side of the stairs. He whispered, ''Was that so bad?''

''No. Its was nice. But they weren't the ones that I was scared of meeting.''

''I know. But they like you. So they would totally defend you if you and the others don't hit it off.''

''I know. I don't want to think about it. I just want the tour. Can we save the best for last?'' I asked, biting my lip.

''Jake.''

''I know, I know. Only looking at your bedroom.'' I made a pouty face.

''Exactly.'' He lightly pushed me to the wall holding the stairs up and kissed me.

''Mmmm.'' Was all that came out.

''Oh Jake. You're to forgiving. All I have to do is kiss you.'' He rubbed our noses together.

''Oh so you were just manipulating me with that kiss. Oh I see.'' I pretended to be angry and stormed off.

He was in front of me in a second. ''You know thats not true. But it's still a nice secret weapon to have.'' He winked at me.

''I hate you.'' I smiled at him.

He stood next to me and put his arm around my waste. ''Okay, well you stormed off to the first room. It _was_ a bathroom but they took the toilet out and made it a 'powder room'. Stupid girls. But theres still a shower in there. I mean we still can get dirty. But Rosalie gets mad when we bring our man stuff in there.'' He chuckled.

''I wanna see it.'' I was interested in what a powder room looked like.

When we went in, everything was pink and maroon. There was makeup, hair products and fluffy rugs everywhere. I needed out of here.

I stepped out. ''Okay, next room.'' I said laughing.

''Alright.'' He was smiling at me.

We walked farther down the hallway to the family room. It was almost nicer than the living room. It had a huge L shaped couch. And a huge big screen tv. I assumed this is where the guys hung out alot.

He showed me Carlisle and Esme's bedroom. It was behind the kitchen. Esme let us look in it. She wanted to show off her interior decorating skills.

Then he wanted to go upstairs. We first walked passed Jasper and Alice's room. Alice sped upstairs, she gave me a tour of her bedroom and bragged about everything she did herself. Then we walked passed Carlisle's office. We went in and he explained all the different paintings to me. We sat in there for a while. Edward told me carlisle's backstory. I found it very interesting on how Carlisle became what he is.

After sitting in his office for about 15 minutes, we went back to the hallway and passed Emmett and Rosalie's room. We didn't go in or else Rosalie would chop my head off. And at the very end of that hallway was the room I had been anxious to see. I felt like I would know more about Edward by seeing his room.

He hesitated opening the door. I think he was worried I would try 'things'. But the truth was, I was too nervous to do that right now anyways.

He grabbed my hands and pulled me towards him. He put my arms around his waist to make me hug him. Then he put his arm around my shoulders and kissed me. He started at my mouth and ended at my ear.

As he slowly pulled away, he whispered, ''Just so we can get it out of our system before we go in.'' He said seductively.

''Why cant we do this in your room?'' I whispered back seductively. We were very close, so I was basically breathing into his mouth.

''Because, the whole idea of kissing you in my bedroom..'' He cut himself off.

''Yea.'' I whispered back and then pecked him on the mouth.

He abruptly pushed me away, and turned towards his door. He opened it and walked in. I followed him.

I felt a strange feeling being in here. In a sense, I felt almost too comfortable in here. He had quite a few of windows, the sun made this room extremely bright. He had tons of music and music players. A huge tv. A sexy couch. Unfortunately no bed but I kinda figured that one.

He walked to one of his cd players and put something in. It wasn't like the music I usually listened to but it was calming. It was classical. Only a piano and maybe some violins.

''Do you like this?'' He asked.

''Yes. Surprisingly. I usually like hardcore music. Like rap and hard rock but this is actually quite nice.''

''Its me.''

''What?'' I was shocked.

''I recorded this. I can play the piano and the violin. I'm not as good with the violin but I long being on the piano.'' He looked so proud of himself. It was nice to see him happy.

''Wow. You're amazing. Anyone ever told you that?'' I said as I walked to him and threw my arms around his shoulders.

He grabbed onto my waist and pecked me on the mouth and jaw. ''Not really. But even if I had, it would only mean anything coming from you.''

I smiled at him and kissed the connecting point to his shoulder and neck. He flinched as I did it but he didn't push me away. If anything, he wanted more. I did as I thought he wanted and nibbled on his neck. I nipped and bit at the skin. I felt his fingers start tightening on my back. He was pretty much clawing at my back. Then he did what I expected to come earlier.

''Okay. We have to stop.'' He said as he unclenched my fingers that were tightly keeping him in place.

''Why?'' I asked.

''Because im getting to carried away.''

''No you're not.'' I kissed his collar bone.

''Jake.'' He held me a couple inches away from him.

''Okay, okay. I'll stop.'' I said as I walked over to his CD collection. It took up an entire wall, filled with 6 foot all CD holders.

''Anything you listen to?''

''Not really but im open minded with music. I'll _try _anything.'' I started looking up and down each of the holders.

I took out a cd. It was a Papa Roach cd. ''You listen to them?''

''When im in the mood, sure.''

''Wow. You surprise me an awful lot.''

He just smiled.

I looked around his room and saw a guitar. ''You play this too?''

''Yea.''

I walked over to it and started playing. I was pretty good at the drums and guitar. Me and Edward could make our own band with all the things we could do.

''You're pretty good.'' He said, admiring me from across the room.

''Come over here.'' I said putting down the guitar.

He walked over and sat down next to me on the couch. I leaned towards him and kissed his shoulder. He looked at me and said, ''How are you so comfortable being this close to me?''

''Because you're not as scary as you think.''

He rolled his eyes and stood up. He went over to the other side of the wall and leaned against it, looking away from me. I followed him, wondering if I said the wrong thing. Once I got to him, I touched his shoulders and he turned around so fast it was a blur. He let out a snarl, it was very animalistic. His eyes were squinted and his teeth were exposed. He knelt down in a crouch. And I had to admit I was alittle freaked out.

He took one step toward me, like a lion towards it prey. He was still letting out some throaty growls. I didn't know if he was really angry with me. In the next second, everything happened so fast. He took one step towards me, growled and the next second I was pinned down to the ground. He was still making very animal-like sounds and his teeth were at my neck.

''What are you doing?'' I asked, my voice shaking.

''Showing you what im capable of.'' His voice was calmer, his body loosening up and he gently kissed my neck.

''Okay baby. You're scary.'' I admitted.

I wasn't really sure what was making me hyperventilate. The fact that in the matter of one second I was tightly pinned to the ground or the fact that this was the first time our bodies were really this close. He was straddling me, still pinning down my hands. He still had his mouth in the nape of my neck, lightly breathing on me. The cold breath was giving me chills and goosebumps.

He took his face away form my neck and looked me straight in the face. ''Are you okay?''

''Yes.'' I got out between deep breaths.

He sat on me, straight up and brought my hands to his face. He kissed a few of my fingers and said, ''You sure?''

''Mhm.'' Not being able to say words and not have them crack.

Edward looked straight ahead, rolled his eyes and climbed off of me. He laid down by my side.

The next second the door flew open and Emmett was standing at the door. ''I'm sorry, I didn't interrupt anything, did I?'' He said laughing.

''Nope.'' Edward said, unamused.

''Ha good. Come downstairs. Rose is... tolerating the thought. So you should catch her now.'' Emmett said, trying to think of a word that wasn't rude but still true.

In the next second Edward was standing over me with his hands out. He helped me up and put his arm around my ribs.

Emmett was already gone. I heard voices downstairs. Some nice and friendly, some irritable and snobby. I guessed who was who.

When we got to the top of the stairs, I saw Rosalie pass, going to the kitchen. She looked at me quickly, well, glared at me and stormed off.

''Ugh. This is gong to be fun.'' I said.

''Then just ignore her. Focus on trying to make nice with Jasper and making friends with Emmett. You'd really like both of them. I've lived with Rosalie for decades and I still don't get along with her.''

''I know, I know. I'm just not good with awkwardness.''

He smiled at me. ''I really would've never thought of you as the nervous type.''

''Fuck you.'' I said, not angry.

We started walking down the steps. When we got to the bottom, I just stayed looking at the door and everything except the kitchen and living room.

He walked me to the living room. When I looked in, Jasper and Alice were getting cozy together on the couch. Jasper took a quick look at me. He wasn't disgusted but he wasn't thrilled to say the least.

Alice was holding onto his arm, her head propped on his shoulder, she was smiling at me. I hoped the smile on her face meantverything wa fine with Jasper.

I heard her whisper, ''Say something.'' very quietly in his ear.

''Hello Jacob.'' He said and then nodding at me out of respect. Almost like he was tipping his hat to me... just without the hat.

''Hi Jasper. How was your trip?''

''Necessary.'' Was all he said. He wasn't giving me attitude but I knew it was still a warning, so I left him be.

Emmett came up behind us from the kitchen, threw his arms over our shoulders and said ''The afternoon game is on.'' He, then, ran to the family room down the hallway.

I was shocked by how comfortable he was around me, and I had never actually been introduced to him. I, now, knew Emmett wasn't going to be a problem.

But that brought another thought, _but his wife on the other hand..._

Jasper and Alice followed him into the family room.

I wanted to get the Rosalie thing over with. I turned to Edward and pointed my thumb to the kitchen. He nodded.

We walked into the kitchen and Rosalie was standing, arms folded, against the cabinets. Esme and Carlisle were near her. Probably trying to calm her down.

I walked over to Rosalie, suddenly growing some balls, and stood about 5 feet away from her. I leaned against a big counter, stranded in the middle of the kitchen, only consisting of a sink and some room for a couple people to eat on some stools.

''Listen Rose,'' I said but was cut off.

''Its Rosalie to you.'' He snapped back at me.

''Fine, whatever. Rosalie. I know we'll probably never be friends and neither of us really even want that in the first place. But I really care about Ed, so I _will _be around. If I could, I would have him stay at my place or something like that but I cant. I hate it just as much as you do. Do you think you can at least tolerate me? Because if not then you're not going to be a very happy camper are you.'' She just stared at me, just like the other 3. I could hear around the corner that Jasper, Alice and Emmett had lowered the tv. ''But im sorry to you guys for assuming im ever invited over. That wasn't my place to say'' I said looking at Esme and Carlisle, realizing that I had pretty much invited myself over.

''No, no sweety. If Edward wants you here, then we want you here.'' Esme said politely.

''Exactly Jacob. You are allowed over whenever you see fit. I think Edward can have whoever he wants over. I mean its not like he's 17 or something with a curfew and rules.'' Carlisle said smiling at Edward.

Edward smiled back at his father figure. I could see the respect the 2 had fr each other.

''Thank you. I got carried away. I shoulda asked if im even allowed over first.''

''No problem hunny.''

Rosalie was staring behind all of us, in a daze. She started walking away. ''_Rosalie!?_'' Edward yelled.

''I'll deal.'' She snapped over her shoulder. ''Not like im gonna have a choice anyways.'' She mumbled to herself, walking into the family room. She sat next to Emmett.

''Well that went well.'' Carlisle said, not knowing what to say.

''Oh yea.'' Edward added sarcastically.

''I'm sorry. It was better than I thought it would be.'' I said

''Yea but it shouldn't be like this.'' Edward said rubbing my back.

''It's okay Edy.'' I smiled at him.

''Well Edward is right, it shouldn't be like this but Rosalie just needs some time.'' Carlisle whispered.

''Why don't we go into the family room and have some family time?'' Esme said inviting us to watch the basketball game.

Me and Edward nodded and said okay and we walked into the family room.

Jasper and Rosalie tensed up when I came in the room. Me and Edward sat together on a recliner until we realized we were both too big. He insisted on being the one to sit on the ground in front of me. Emmett took to me very well. We hadn't actually even been introduced to each other and we were hitting it off.

We bonded over the game, we were both Cavaliers fans, which bugged Carlisle and Jasper. We all had our little sports arguments over who was better and which players were our favorites. Sports always brought me closer to each people. Me and Emmett roared and highfived together frequently, which would cause a silent argument between him and Rosalie everytime. Jasper stayed quiet but would try and invite me into some conversation every once in a while.

We were in the middle of the game, when Esme asked if its hard to deal with the life as a werewolf.

It was a question I wasn't sure how to answer. ''Um its frustrating but its got its perks I guess.''

''Like becoming a dirty animal.'' Rosalie spit at me after I answered.

Everyone stared at her.

Even Emmett looked aggravated by her comments. ''Thats fucked up Rose.'' He snapped back at her.

''I'm just saying. Are those the perks?'' She asked me sarcastically.

I just looked down at Edward who was livid with anger. ''You know what Rosalie, get over yourself. You're not the only one with a hard life.'' Edward spoke through his gritted teeth. ''Come on Jake, lets go to my room.''

He stood up in a second and held his hand out for me to come. ''I don't mean to offend anyone, I know you guys have it hard.''

''Mhm.'' Rosalie was still not keeping her mouth shut.

''Maybe I should go.'' I was trying to not let my anger show.

''_No._'' Edward said. ''We're going to my room. You guys have fun with family time. We'll just leave you be.''

He grabbed my hand and we started walking out of the room at my speed.

''Are you gonna phase when my brother is fucking you?'' She yelled at us from the family room.

Edward was steaming with anger. ''Baby don't.'' I whined.

I was too late, he was already in the next room. I walked in and he was right in Rosalie's face. ''Don't you talk to him like that.''

The whole family was crowded around him. Making sure he wouldn't go too far.

She just glared at him and then smirked the most spiteful smile.

''Jake, im sorry about this. Maybe you boys should go upstairs.'' Carlisle told me politely.

''Yea. Edy come on. It's okay. You don't have to fight with your family over me.'' I yelled to him. He was still in her face, teeth showing.

He sped over to me in a second and flew me upstairs.

Once we were upstairs, he started pacing back and forth, rubbing his temples, mumbling something too fast for me to hear.

I walked over to him and he threw his arm up at me. I flinched, not understanding why he seemed angry with me.

''I'm so sorry Jake. I didn't mean to raise my hand to you like that. I'm just so angry. How could she talk to you like that?''

''I don't know but I expected it. I came here to be with you.''

''I know. I just don't think she has any right to judge you.''

''She doesn't but thats her and I never planned on being friends with her anyways.''

''I know.'' He got in my face and cradled his hands around my jaw. ''But _no one_ has any excuse to talk to you like that.''

''I agree.'' I smiled.

He kissed me on the mouth and then pulled me away.

There was a knock on the door.

''Come in.'' Edward said agitated.

''Listen Jake. That was totally unnecessary. She had no right to act like that. But she'll come around. You still gonna come over?'' Emmett said with his head peeked in the door.

''Only if im invited.'' I laughed.

''Ight. Well you are so don't be a stranger. Her and Jazz will get over it. Just takes more than one visit to break decades of a certain habit.''

''I know. Its Edward who's taking this really bad.'' I looked at him and rubbed his arm.

''Well he loves yah, what can I say. But Edward, don't get in her face like that dude, I thought you guys were gonna have a straight up brawl.'' Emmett said giggling. He sounded alittle protective but understanding Edward's reasonings.

''I know.'' Edward was still trying to calm down.

''Alright. You guys have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.'' She said laughing.

''Which is what?'' Edward said laughing.

''Exactly. Like I said, have fun?'' He winked, laughed and closed the door.

Once we were alone again. Edward turned to me and hugged me tight. ''Lets go on the balcony.''

We walked out to his balcony and there was lawn chairs. It was very cozy looking. The sky looked awesome tonight. We pushed our lawn chairs together and got as close to each other as possible.

Throughout the night, we talked about how things went tonight and then we started asking each other some more silly questions. After a while when the sun started to go down, we just relaxed and barely talked. When I was with him, I didn't even need to be doing anything to be enjoying myself. All I wanted was to be next to him. We cuddled until it started getting late. I had almost fell asleep when Edward had reminded me of the time.

We went downstairs, Rosalie no where in sight. The whole rest of the family was waiting around the front door. All of them giving me there own little mini goodbye speeches. They all enjoyed me over, even though Jasper hadn't voiced it, I could tell he was warming up to me.

We got into Edward's car. He asked me if I wanted a ride home because I looked so tired but I shot down that idea. We drove as close to the border as we could. Edward couldn't hear as voices closer so we stooped on the side of the road.

He let me get out my motorcycle - I was happy he listened to me and respected my pride - and I hopped on it. He kissed me after I got on.

''Mmmm. I'll call you.'' Edward said after our kiss.

''Okay.'' I purred and then drove off.

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	17. Phasing is Inconvenient

**Jacob's POV**

Last night hadn't gone perfect to say the least. I knew it would go horrible but I thought Rosalie would at least hold back her hostility _alittle_. She did not hold back _at all_.

But after I had slept it off, I was alittle less upset about how it went. Because now that we had the first awkward visit over with, I would be less anxious about the next one. Well if I had the guts.. or the invitation for a second visit.

I had been planning on seeing Edward alone today but I had already made plans to see my La Push friends. There was no doubt that I would rather see Edward but I did need to stay close to my friends. Even though I trusted Edward more than anything, my boys had always been there for me, so far.

I didn't want them to start getting suspicious about where I was. I hadn't spent that much time with them lately. The last time I saw any of them was after I came home from school wednesday. Embry and Quil had stopped by to watch a show with me but then they left.

I was still apprehensive about being around them for lengths of time because I was scared of phasing. I hadn't phased _once _since I met Edward. And for a werewolf, it was hard to go a whole day without phasing at least once. I knew they were alittle worried about that but I had made up a lie and said I had phased a few times but I just said they were probably in human form when I did. I was a surprisingly good liar.

I was supposed to go down to the beach with all my boys in about a half an hour. Edward hadn't called me yet so I just text his phone saying, _'I have plans already with the boys. I really wish I could be with you today but I don't want them to get suspicious. Maybe we can see each other later if you want. Txt me back'_

I had started getting ready and Embry called to warn me that there was going to be tons of people at the beach and that when it turned dark, it was going to be a bonfire and people were going to bring alcohol. I was okay with that but ever since I got expelled, I had been alittle concerned about drinking with tons of people in public.

I had gotten ready pretty fast. Embry had told me lots of people were showing up already so I thought I'd just go as soon as possible, so I wouldn't change my mind.

Once I was about a minute away, I had already started seeing cars. When Embry said there was going to be alot of people, he wasn't lying.

Today wasn't freezing but I actually saw a group of girls in bikini's. Attention whores. Then once I looked closer, I realized one of the attention whores was my exgirlfriend. FUCK. I was 2 seconds away from leaving until I saw Quil waving at me from the beach.

I parked and met up with my main boys, Embry, Quil, Jared, Sam and Paul. Leah and Seth were with them too, Leah with her boyfriend and Seth with a couple of his friends. Emily, Sam's girl, was also right by his side.

After all the 'hellos' and 'whats ups', they brought me to where they were all sitting. They had huge set up, tons of beach blankets, tons of chairs. They even brought stuff for me. Was I imagining it or did they miss me?

I sat down and I was all ready being overwhelmed with girls from my school who were extremely excited to see me. They sat around me asking questions about my new school. I doubted they even listened to my answers, all they did the entire time was put on a cheesy 'flirty' smile and push their boobs up out of their shirts. I got aggravated so once they let in one second of silence, I turned and started talking to Quil about a girl he was crushing on.

He was pointing to her and talking about every little thing she did, uh oh, he was sprung. GREAT. But I was happy for him, he had never talked about a girl like this before. But what, selfishly, caught my attention was that her dad was very old fashioned and didn't want her with anyone who wasn't completely white and she also wasn't allowed to date or be alone with a guy. I had hoped that maybe, if I ever admitted my situation with Edward, that he would _possibly_ understand complicated love situations.

After his 5 minute rant about his new girl's exboyfriend, I started talking with Embry. Embry was telling me about his almost-fight with one of the juniors. Apparently Embry was starting to get a mouth on him and couldn't let alittle insult from the football captain go. But I didn't care, I had a temper myself, I just didn't want Embry in trouble or to really hurt someone.

I had missed this, just being able to talk about random stuff with them and not think about my ridiculous situation. I wished more than anything that Edward could be a part of this, I would be so happy, happiest person alive, if my friends accepted him. But I knew I was expecting too much. I knew I was going to have a double life for a while but it was starting to eat at me. I wanted both of my lives to be together. To have Edward as my boyfriend and then still have my friends all at the same time. But I knew one of these days that somehow, someway, it was all going to come crashing down and I would lose one, maybe both of my lives.

I tired to put the thought out of my head. I wanted to have fun today. I wanted to think positive. But then came the question I was dreading.

Once everyone was gone, except Paul, Quil, Jared, Leah, Sam asked, ''So Jake. School must be taking up alot of your time lately. We never see you. When's the last time you even phased?'' He whispered the last word.

''Um. Yeah, school's fine. Everytime I get home, im tired. And then everytime im not tired, someone from school calls and wants me to hang out with them. I mean none of them know who I am, so I have to learn how to control the phasing, ya know?'' I said trying to sound nonchalant.

''Thats true. But you gotta start making some more time for your brothers Jake. Its not healthy to be around full humans for too long.'' Sam said joking but I could see alittle bit of suspicion in his eyes.

''So have you and Bella gotten down yet?'' Paul asked.

''What the fuck?! NO. I already told you guys its not like that and plus even if I did have a crush on her, I would rather be her friend.'' I said truthfully, just leaving out that someone else already had my _entire _heart.

''Sorry, sorry. But you guys totally should be like friends with benefits or something, you don't have to actually date her or anything.'' Paul said.

''Um no. I think im good.''

''But Jake. You need to get some ass soon. No wonder you are always so stressed out, thats what we call sexual frustration man.''

''Oh my god, would you shut up. I'm not going to fuck some random person just so im not stressed out, especially not Bella. I wouldn't use her like that.''

''Okay thats enough Paul. Bella is his best friend. Hes not going to hurt her like that.'' Sam said, pretty much completely making Paul quiet.

After about an hour of going to get some food, hanging with some of their newer friends and having some girls hit on all of us, I went to the bathroom... in the bushes and then got a text from Edward.

'_I understand. I was really looking forward to seeing you but your friends are important. If you get home early enough, then we can, of course, be together. But you still need your rest. So if you come in too late, just text me and tell me your going to bed. And im sorry for last night, I wish things went better, but next time, I promise ill make things run smoother. Bye baby.' _

My heart started fluttering. Everytime he called me little pet names like that, I always got so excited.

I texted him back and told him that I wanted to see him no matter how late it was and that I couldn't stop wishing he was there. I hoped the last part wouldn't make him get all upset.

I went back to where we were all sitting.

''You could have used the porter potty.'' Jared joked with me, pointing to the disgusting area where all the porter potties were.

''And wait in that line, no thanks. And plus I doubt my big ass would fit in that shit.'' I joked back.

''Well if you keep your back arched and your knees bent and your arms at your sides... and okay, I guess you have a point.'' Jared said, and we all started laughing.

I loved days like this, just being able to hang with my friends and feel like nothing can go wrong but I highly doubted this would last for long.

After about another hour - it was about 3 now - I told the guys that we should all jump in the beach. No one else would because there human body temperatures couldn't handle it. I thought it would be fun to show off and act like we were bad asses for stripping down and getting in ice cold water.

They, of course, agreed and we all got in. Everyone was staring at us and wondering how it was possible to stand a second in here without frostbite. I saw alot of the girls whispering to each other - probably about the fact that we all took our shirts off - and giggling. Even though I wasn't self centered, it was nice to get some attention sometimes.

I was enjoying the cold, Me, Jared and Embry stayed in the water. Paul, Sam and Quil got out. We joked to them and called them wimps and pussies for not staying in longer and they faked how cold they were so people wouldn't really think anything about it.

I was just chillen with the boys when I saw Sam and Paul staring at me.

At first I thought they were either looking passed me or at one of the other boys. I looked behind me and there was nothing interesting there. I looked besides me and both boys were underwater. So that left me. What did I do?

I walked out of the water, soaking wet, swinging my hair around near all the girly girls, getting them wet and then walking back to where we were sitting. I tried not looking nervous but when I got a couple yards away I saw Paul put my phone down.

Holy shit. Did he just seriously look at my phone? Did he see the text messages? Did he know who it was?

''Why were you guys like staring at me?'' I asking, laughing, trying to hide my nervousness.

''Just trying to figure you out.'' Paul snapped at me.

Sam held his hand up. ''Enough Paul, let me handle this.''

My heart started racing to the point I thought it was going to explode. ''Handle what?'' I said, playing it off, acting oblivious.

''Jake, whats going on?'' He said sternly but trying not to scare me off.

''With what? I don't know what you guys are talking about.'' I said, still trying to play the 'I don't know' card.

''Jake, please, I thought we were all close.'' Sam said, still trying to hold his frustration in.

''We are. I just don't know what you are talking about.'' By this time, Embry and Jared came and plopped themselves down onto the towels.

''About this you fucking liar.'' Paul held up my phone.

''What about it?'' I didn't know what else to say.

''Jake, stop fucking lying to us. We were supposed to be like brothers. But you cant even tell us you are seeing someone. Why are you keeping this from us?'' Paul was still freaking out on me. Everyone on the beach was staring at us.

''I don't see how me leaving out the fact that im seeing someone makes me a fucking liar.''

''Because we are supposed to tell each other everything. Why would you have to keep this from us?'' Paul said, lowering his voice when realizing we had a new audience.

''Because I just don't like talking about it, i'll jinx it.'' I lied.

''Oh yea right. Whatever Jake. Telling your friends about your girlfriend isn't a jinx.'' Paul threw my phone down at his side and leaned back to lay down.

''Alright Jake, we need to go somewhere private and talk about this.'' Sam said, then getting up and walking towards the forest across the street from the beach.

I followed, Paul pushing me aside, Quil looking at me offended and pissed off and Embry whispering to me about whats going on. I couldn't answer him, I was so freaked out and in shock about what was happening.

Once we got across the street, I started slowing alittle. When I got into the woods, they were all standing in a half circle - Sam, Paul, Embry, Quil, Leah and Jared.

''Okay. im not understanding the big deal.'' I said, my voice shaking.

''How can you not Jacob? We are your best friends, theres obviously something that you are keeping secret.'' Sam said, his arms behind his back.

''Yeah and whats the fucking part of the text when you say you don't want us getting suspicious, hmm? What the fuck does that mean you fucking liar?'' Paul screamed at me.

''Paul. STOP!'' Sam yelled.

''You know what, I don't have to tell you guys _everything, _I wanted this to work before I told you guys. I, I.. I don't know. I'm sorry for keeping it from you.'' I said.

''Jake. Answer Paul's question.'' Sam said. ''What did you mean by saying you didn't want us to get suspicious.''

''Because I haven't been phasing. I haven't because I didn't want anyone know about who I was seeing. So I wanted to hang out with you guys so you wouldn't think I was up to no good.'' I said, trying to play innocent and be a good liar.

''Jake. This is ridiculous. To be honest, none of us really believe what you are saying right now.'' Jared butted in.

''No one is talking to you Jared.'' I snapped back.

''Actually, you are talking to all of us you fucking douche bag.'' He spit back at me.

I started walking away, huffing. ''I cant deal with this shit right now.''

''Jake, stop! Whats going on with you?'' Sam said concerned.

''Nothing. I can't tell you guys. I'm sorry, you guys will never understand. I'd rather you just wonder, I cant tell you the truth. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, thats fine. But this is something that I need to deal with on my own.''

''After all these years, you still don't trust us.'' Quil said, looking really hurt. ''It's fucking fucked up Jake. I'm really fucking offended right now.''

''I'm sorry. This is just one thing I have to keep from you guys.'' I turned back around and started walking.

''I know what it is.'' Paul said. ''I think you and your lover should be fucking killed for this.''

I turned in fury. ''Don't you fuckin touch him!''

I felt fire coming through my veins. I felt the anger taking control, it was the angriest I had been since I had become what I am. I felt the fire all over, I felt the shocks and jolts go up my spine, the muscles were ripping, everything was burning, my vision blurred for a second and then it happened. I had phased for the first time in weeks.

I saw the fear and concern on their faces when they saw how angry I was at them. After a second of figuring out what was going on, they all phased too.

They were in my head, the voices echoed more when we were in this body.

I didn't even realize Edward was in my thoughts, I couldn't bear the thought of them hurting him. But when I actually focused on the thoughts going through their heads, I realized it was a set up. Paul didn't know who it was, his guess wouldn't have even been close to the truth. He set me up, knowing I would phase if he threatened my lover. I felt betrayed, I felt like they were playing dirty.

''HOW COULD YOU JAKE!?'' Sam screamed. ''THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.''

''YOU FUCKING DIRTY MUTT, A VAMPIRE? HOW STUPID COULD YOU BE? YOU FUCKING TRAITOR.'' Paul hissed.

''IS EDWARD CULLEN REALLY WHO YOU'VE BEEN SEEING JAKE?!'' Quil started going off on me.

''YES. HE IS, I LOVE HIM. YOU GUYS AREN'T GOING TO TOUCH HIM. I'M DONE WITH THIS LITTLE 'PACK'. IT'S NOT EVEN A PACK, PACKS STICK TOGETHER NO MATTER WHAT. TOLD YOU I HAD A REASON TO KEEP THIS SECRET. IF YOU GUYS CANT ACCEPT THIS THEN I'M GONE.'' I screamed.

''LEAVE!!!!!!'' Sam yelled in fury.

''DON'T FUCKING COME BACK.'' Paul, yelled in harmony with Sam. ''YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LEECH WILL PAY FOR THIS YOU DISGUSTING FUCKING SAD EXCUSE FOR A WEREWOLF.''

That stung. I bared my teeth, as did Paul. No one was going to threaten Edward like that.

Next thing I knew, I felt teeth in my neck. No one was stopping him. I flung Paul across the woods, against a tree and threw myself at him. I pinned his paws to the tree with my own and scratched his stomach with my hind leg nails. I then had my teeth stuck in his neck and he couldn't get out of my hold.

I, then, felt myself fly across the opening, over all the other's heads. My back hit a tree. I had thought it was broken. I fell to then ground whimpering, when I saw Sam's large self holding Paul back.

''Just go Jake.'' Sam thought.

I wobbled as I stood up. I took one last looked at all my once-bestfriends, huffed and ran off.

I ran and ran until I couldn't hear them anymore. I ran straight to Edward's house. I needed him, he was all I had now. Once my father found out about this, he would disown me too.

I was at his house, I was so weak, so defeated. I needed to see him before I forgot why I just lost everything.

I fell to the ground when I got to the front yard, I was crying harder than I had ever cried before. I curled up into a ball hoping Edward would find his way to me without me having to call him. I couldn't speak, all I could do was cry.

Emmett was outside in the garage. He ran over to me.

''Whats going on Jake?'' He yelled, concerned.

''Where's Edward?'' I pushed out of my vocal cords.

''He's not here. Hes hunting a couple miles away. Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some food or clothes? Are you hurt? Do you need Carlisle?'' He was extremely worried.

''No. I need Edward.'' I was still crying so hard, he couldn't understand me exactly.

''Hold on. I'm going to get you some clothes.'' He ran off.

Next, I saw Jasper standing on the porch, staring at me. After Emmett had run im everyone came out to the porch. Emmett was back in seconds.

''Here, they might not fit so good. I had Alice call Edward.''

''Okay.'' He blocked the view as I put the pants on and the guinea T on after.

After I had gotten dressed, I saw up and put my face in my hands. I was still crying, none of them knew what to do or say.

I heard noise in the bushes and Edward ran out of the forest. He came to me in a second and threw his arms around my shoulders.

''Baby, what happened? Are you okay?'' He asked hysterically.

''They know.'' I cried out.

''Who? Your pack?'' He asked, trying to calm me down.

''They _were _my _p_ack. They saw our texts and then Paul made me angry on purpose so I would phase. He pretended he knew and that we deserve to die for it. I got so mad, I phased without thinking about it.'' I said in one breath.

''Oh my god. Are you serious? I knew this would happen baby. I'm so sorry. Are you gonna be okay or do you not want to be with me anymore?'' He said depressed.

I was shocked. How did he come to that conclusion? ''Baby. Of course I want to be with you. You are the only person that matters to me anymore. I told you, if they cant accept this, then they aren't my brothers.''

''Are you sure? I don't want you choosing me and regretting it.''

''I chose you from the second I saw you but I had some kind of hope that they would accept it but they aren't. They never will.'' I put my head up and kissed him. I wrapped my arms very tight around his torso.

He unhooked my hands and pulled me up in his arms in a matter of one second. He was cradling my like a baby or a wife.

He brung me into the house. We passed all of the concerned faces on the porch and he laid me on the couch.

''Are you hungry?'' He asked me, kneeling at me side.

''No. I just want to sleep.'' I turned toward the back of the couch.

''Okay. Come up to my room though.''

He took me back in his arms and flew me upstairs. He sat me on the couch in his bedroom.

He started to walk out. ''Can you stay?'' I asked.

''I thought you wanted to sleep.'' He said after turning around.

''I do. Can you stay till I fall asleep?'' I asked him, innocently.

''Of course.'' His eyes were warm and filled with compassion for my situation.

I couldn't believe I needed someone this much. But I did, I needed him. I wasn't the same, strong, independent person I used to be. He was necessary, I couldn't be without him, not even to fall asleep.

He sat at the end of the couch where my feet were. I turned to make my head cradle into his lap. I started to let a few tears slip but I didn't want to make it obvious. Clearly he caught on, he rubbed my cheek and then started brushing and combing through my hair with his fingers.

I was out in a couple minutes.

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**reviews please, only if you like it =]**


	18. New Home?

**_sorry for not updating in a while_**

**_havent had internet for almost 2 months_**

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**Edward's POV**

Jacob had fallen asleep pretty quick. I think he was drained from all the crying. He had cried all the way until he fell asleep. It hurt so bad to see him so sad and upset. If I could cry, I would have been crying with him. He was a wreck when I found him in my yard, like a family member just died. But when you have a bond with a group of people that are equivalent to your brothers, I could see how that would hurt as bad to lose them.

He talked alot in his sleep tonight. I had only seen Jake sleep once and he was pretty restless then too. Tonight, the dreams made him more fidgety and vocal. It wasn't brain science to figure out what he was dreaming about. He called out my name a few times and his pack's names a few times. Once he became alittle more calm and still, I got up slowly and went downstairs.

''Is he okay?'' Esme asked as I came down the stairs into the living room where Esme, Carlisle and Alice were sitting.

Emmett had apparently gone back to working in the garage and Jasper needed to go hunt, so Rosalie went with him. I hadn't even thought of Jasper until now, about how this was going to be a problem for him. Shit, I didn't want to put Jacob in danger but there was no way I was kicking him out. We'd have to think of a solution eventually but not right now.

''Yeah, I guess. He finally stopped having nightmares.'' I said as I fell onto the recliner. I leaned my head onto my hand.

''Did he have a hard time falling asleep?'' Carlisle asked.

''Yes and no. He needed me there so he would feel better but he did pass out in a couple minutes.''

''Has he told you exactly what happened?'' Alice asked.

''No. I mean I know they know but I don't know exactly how it went. I'll let him tell me when he wants.. How did you not see this coming?'' I asked, as I realized Alice usually didn't miss big things like this.

''It must have all happened too fast. I wish I would have. I doubt anything was planned.'' She answered.

''It's fine. I'm just surprised. I don't know what im going to do. How can he stay here with Jasper and Rosalie? I cant kick him out, I just cant.'' I said.

''Maybe he could stay with that girl hes friends with, Bella?'' Carlisle said.

''Maybe but I want to keep an eye on him. I want him here. I just wish Jasper was alittle more under control. I could care less what Rosalie thinks. Jasper is my only concern.''

''Well Jasper has told me that Jacob doesn't really smell good to him. He actually doesn't smell very good to any of us but you Ed.'' Alice said with a smile on her face.

''I know but anything that cant defend itself against Jasper concerns me. And as tough as Jake is, I doubt he could fight Jazz and stay alive.''

''That's true.'' Alice looked so proud.

''But I guess you have a point. If Jacob isn't that appealing to him, then maybe it wont be so bad if they just keep their distance.''

''Mhm.'' She still had on her cute but arrogant smile.

''But Edward, besides Jazz and Rose, do you really think its the right time to move in together?'' Carlisle said.

''Maybe if we were a normal couple. But we're not. We're a werewolf vampire gay couple. Its too complicated to think about those little things. I don't know exactly how mad his friends are, I haven't gotten into their heads yet. I don't know if they plan on getting back at him. I need to make sure hes okay.''

''Thats true hunny.'' Esme said, looking at Carlisle.

''I know, I know. I just don't want you to do something that will hurt your relationship.'' Carlisle said.

''Yeah. I don't either. But my decision will depend on _him, _not _us_. I need him to be safe, comfortable and happy. I don't care about how this effects me. He needs to be good before we, as a couple, get closer.''

''Good idea.'' Esme chimed in.

''I just feel for him. In a matter of a couple weeks, hes totally changed himself for me, lost everything for us and we barely know each other. But if I sit here and say that I cant love him until I know more, then its a lie. I'm already to attached. Its like beyond just regular attraction.''

''Yeah. We see that hun. Its like an aura around you guys. I, personally, am totally accepting of your relationship. I think relationships where both parties risk everything for each other is romantic.'' Esme said as she turned to Carlisle. It comforted me that someone understood my situation.

''Thanks Esme. That actually means alot and makes me feel alittle better. I need someone to get the situation im in. And to see thats theres no obvious answer to whats going to happen.''

''We all do. Okay, maybe not all of us. But for the most part, a majority of us do. But it doesn't matter what any of us think. You shouldn't take commands from any of us.''

''I know.''

We had stopped the conversation at that. We all went about and did our usually midnight things. Esme went and made some clothes or something, I don't know. Alice rearranged her and Jasper's room and helped Esme. Carlisle went to his office. And I sat in the living room for a while. When it was about 3 in the morning I went down to the river and thought about all the different scenarios. And which ones were best for _him_.

Alice had came and talked to me for a while and went off again. I had heard a noise from the house. It sounded like someone just got scared. I knew it wasn't anyone in my family, it had to be Jacob.

I ran into the house as fast as I could. I went into the bedroom and Jake was standing, tears rolling down his cheek and it seemed he was looking around for something.

''Are you okay baby?'' I asked as I sped over to him and wrapped my arms around him.

''Yeah, I guess. My dream was weird. And I had forgotten I fell asleep here, so I got freaked out.'' He answered. He sounded so drained.

''Aw baby. What did you dream about?'' I started rubbing his back. He, now, had his arms wrapped around me too.

''Alotta shit. I always dream alot. But these were cryptic kinda. Like alittle disturbing. I don't know, its hard to explain.''

''Its okay. You don't have to explain it.'' I stuffed my face in his shoulder and then pulled away so I could look at him. ''Do you want something to drink or eat? We can run to the store and be back with something in a couple seconds.''

''No, no. Don't do that for me.''

''None of us would mind. It would probably be fun for one of the girls.'' I smiled.

''I mean im alittle thirsty but if you get something, I can always go with you. But maybe in the morning, im still pretty tired.''

''Alright. Esme mentioned something about going to the store tomorrow. Would you wanna go or just write down something you want and let her wing it?''

''I don't know. I'll think about it. But you guys don't have to do anything special. Do they want me to leave? Do you want me to call Bella? Charlie would probably be okay with it.'' He looked upset.

''No, no. They are okay with it. Its me who's alittle more concerned.''

He looked disappointed. ''Oh.''

''Baby. I just don't want to put you in a situation...''

He cut me off. ''Where im in danger,'' He said in a mocking voice. ''I know.''

''I really do want you to be here. But I feel like ive just ruined everything for you. Like not only did I take your friends away, now you have to be in a house with people you aren't comfortable with.''

''I'm comfortable with you, thats all that matters. But if its truly a problem, ill call Bella tomorrow. Just let me know in the morning. I'm sure im going to fall back asleep.''

''Its not a problem. Its a concern. And if you think you'll be happy or at least content here, then you can, of course, stay here. But you're right. I think you are going to fall asleep right here.'' His eyes were becoming little slits and his voice alittle slurred. He nodded and smiled. ''Do you want me to wait till you fall asleep?''

''Will you? please.'' He pressed his lips together, trying not to sound like a baby.

''Of course. Definitely.''

I walked him over to the couch and cradled him in my lap.

After he fell asleep, I layed him down on the couch and went downstairs.

Jasper and Rosalie were back from their trip. I sat next to Jazz and asked him if he was okay.

We had a couple hour long conversation about how this would affect him. What I got out of the conversation is that he would be okay as far as he smell went but even being around a beating heart still reminded him of his thirst. He knew I loved Jake and was going to put himself through hell so I could be with him.

I thanked Jazz and went back upstairs. It was early morning and Jake was coming out of the bathroom. He looked exhausted but I doubted he was going back to sleep.

He smiled at me with a mixture of innocence and embarrassment. He walked up to me alittle apprehensive and hugged me.

''I'm sorry.'' He whispered.

I pulled away. ''Don't you dare apologize for any of this. Don't you dare baby.'' I said almost angry.

''I just mean im sorry for putting your family through all the.. inconvenience.'' He said looking down.

Listen I talked to Jasper this morning. He will be fine. Apparently you smell different to them than you do to me.'' I said giggling at the last part.

He smiled. ''Oh, I smell gross huh. Funny cause they don't smell good to me either, just you smell amazing.''

''I wonder why.'' I said, actually curious.

''I have a couple ideas.'' He said smiling then looking down, embarrassed.

''What are they?'' I asked.

''Nothing. Are we still gonna go to the store?'' He asked. Avoiding my question.

''Um yeah. You need some food here.'' I said, rubbing his face. ''Don't want you starving to death.''

''Guess that wouldn't be good.'' He sounded like he had some disagreement in what he was saying.

''Jake. Baby, don't say it like that. Then you wouldn't be here with me.''

He smiled. ''Thats very true.''

We went into the room. He went over to his clothes and ripped his shirt off. I was basically mesmerized by the muscles in his back. I felt my whole stomach tumble round and round. He was pure perfection. Every muscle was perfect size and shape. His color was amazing. I couldn't believe he was so close to me half naked.

While he was turning, putting his other shirt on, I got to witness his perfect stomach muscles for a quick second. He blushed and smiled once he realized I was looking.

''Sorry.'' I said before looking down.

''I'll forgive you.'' He was now walking towards me. ''I definitely think I can do that.'' Now he was touching my shoulder.

My knee-jerk reaction was to flinch and pull away. He looked down disappointed. He looked at his pants and walked out of the room to the bathroom. Probably realizing that if the chest drove me insane that the thighs would put me over the edge. He was probably right.

After he came back from the bathroom we were both looking at each other in silence.

''You ready?'' I finally let out.

''Definitely.'' He said rubbing his stomach.

We sped down the stairs. My whole family was already ready. They wanted to make him feel like family by all coming. I think it might have affected him different but their attempt was still felt good.

We hopped in one of the cars. We were bringing 2 cars. Me, Carlisle, Esme and Jake in one and the other 4 in the other.

The car ride was quiet. Carlisle and Esme having a quiet conversation in the front seat and me and Jake eyed each other the whole drive there. Not one word.

Once we got to the store, Jake was apprehensive but I could tell he knew exactly where he wanted to go. The other strolled the aisles acting like they really wanted anything, they shopped for the basics, things most humans liked, soda, milk, eggs. general things. We let Jake do his more complicated item shopping. I followed him and watched, he knew the difference between every brand, I hadn't remembered shopping being this complicated when I was human. You ate what was available, what was given to you. It was actually fun to watch. He would look to me for approval before everything, actually insinuating that money was an issue for us, ha.

After a while of getting a couple things here and there, maybe a couple days worth of meals, we met up with the other in the chips and cereal isle. What I saw made me giggle out loud. Each other had a whole cart full of things.

''Wow.'' Jake said, mirroring my thoughts.

''Um you guys do you hes not one of us.'' I said lowering my voice. ''He isn't gonna live forever, what is gonna do with all this food?''

''Oh I can think of a few things. But are you guys sure about this? I mean I can eat alot but still, if im the only one eating, I feel kind of guilty.'' Jake said, his eyes widening.

''Would you like us to eat with you?'' Rosalie asked, clearly asking this question in a sarcastic form. ''Because I can arrange that.''

''Rosalie stop!'' I said walking to get in her face, Emmett holding an arm over my chest.

''Yea that was messed up Rose. But anyways me and Esme love to cook. It'll give us something to do. You'll have a home cooked meal 3 times a day, everyday.'' Alice said, breaking the tension.

We all giggled alittle and were on our way with our $648 bill. It was ridiculous because I didn't plan on him being here too long. He wasn't safe here and I wanted him out as soon as possible, even if it would hurt me to see him go. But apparently everyone except Rosalie, who was thinking the same thoughts as me, thought he was staying forever. We got to the car and filled both trunks and Emmett slipped into our back seat so we could put the rest of the groceries where he would have been sitting.

Once we got back to the house, all the guys basically got most of the groceries in one trip, trying to be gentlemen, but the girls insisted on getting the rest. I didn't argue. My obligation was to Jake, not to make the girls feel like ladies.

Once we got in the house, we all put the groceries on the kitchen floor, in Rosalie's case it was throwing them on the floor. After her little melodramatic throwing of the groceries, she ran upstairs, Emmett followed quickly.

''Whats wrong?'' Jake whispered to me.

''I don't know.'' I lied.

''Don't bullshit, I know you can hear.''

''I know.'' Was all I let him in on. He let it go.

Alice and Esme wanted to put the groceries away them self. Us guys didn't argue, we just went into the living room and turned on the tv. Jazz had sat on the couch and me and Jake followed. Jasper quickly scooted off the couch onto the recliner right before Carlisle sat in it. Clearly he needed his distance. The look on his face acted as if he stayed in the same spot the whole time, eyes focused on the screen. We had put on a basketball game. Jake enjoyed sports, as did the rest of us. Throughout the game I heard Alice and Esme having extreme amounts of fun, im glad they were enjoying this whole situation as well. He was getting into it but during the commercials and timeouts I would see the look of sadness but it would quickly disappear.

Once the game was in its last couple minutes of the last quarter, I smelled todays lunch. Jake smelt it after me, my amazing sensed being quicker than his. I didn't notice anything special about it, but my his reaction, it must have smelled good to humans or half humans. He got up and stood by the entrance to the kitchen. He was asking them questions about it, even though he sounded like he could smell every single spice and ingredient put in it.

I was shocked by his comfort being here. He didn't seem like he felt awkward but I could never tell with him, he was so confusing. Eventually he came and sat down for the last part of the game and gave them space to finish his dinner. His team won and he was very happy about that. We turned on HBO and watched a random movie hat we had all saw a few times.

I could hear Esme and Alice's questioning about whether to bring him his food right here or set the table and sit with him to make him feel at home. My opinion was to let him eat here, just sit with him, so I went in and helped them with there decision by cutting a large piece of meatloaf out of the pan. He scarfed it up in about a minute. He was a big boy so I figured he wouldn't mind having a second piece, especially since no one else was having any.

By the end of the movie, he was done with his food, well he had been done for a while before the movie ended. He ate basically all of it, saving a small piece for when he got the munchies later. Esme and Alice were quite proud of themselves and by Jake's reaction they had every right to be. Who knew vampires who didn't eat cooked food would make such good dinner for a human.

After a couple hours of channel flipping and watching some stupid reality shows, apparently thats all that was on tv anymore, it was already dinnertime. They made Jake lasagna and he loved that to. He didn't leave any of the lasagna though, like he did with the meatloaf. It was getting late now. Everyone was off doing their own thing. Jake wasn't tired yet so we went down by the river.

We talked alittle bit about what had happened yesterday. He didn't offer to much, just that they tricked him to get information and it worked and they were done with him. I felt so horrible, I could see the look on his face talking about it. He was holding back his regret, anger and sadness. He didn't want to show me weakness but I couldn't have cared less.

We went back to the house, he showered and had alittle bit more to eat and we went upstairs. I brought a tv upstairs so he could watch some tv before bed. He insisted I didn't have to but I didn't listen of course. I sat on the couch, the end near his feet, and watched some UFC fighting with Jake. He loved MMA, he was very into every little detail and things they did. I barely even watched one second of it, just peeked out of the corner of my eye watching him holler for hi favorite fighters. He was so sexy and I knew this was going to be hard, being in this house, always so close to him but without to much physical contact.

After watching alittle bit of tv, I could tell he was getting sleepy, he leaned on the arm rest and then sank down so his head was laying on it. I turned off the lamp next to me, I wasn't going to leave till he fell asleep.

''I'm not going to sleep just yet.'' He said while smiling and stretching.

''I know but it'll just be a better vibe for when you feel like sleeping.'' I smiled back. After alittle stare down I kept on, ''I'm going to go shopping for a bed tomorrow, do you want a say so? you would know what comfortable felt like more than me.''

''I trust you with bed shopping but ill still come, I don't want to be here without you.'' His voice was becoming different, I couldn't tell his mood.

His words would drag, his eyes were hooded. I thought he was sleepy but he started biting his lip and smiling. He took his shirt off, claiming 'it is hot in here'. and he stretched again.

He scooted down to where his knees were in my lap. I was alittle apprehensive and very stiff. I knew he had ulterior motives in mind for needing to be so far in the middle of the couch. I also figured it wasn't going to end here. Then he scooted up and threw his covers off. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He sat that way for a couple minutes. Then he crossed them and stared at me with his bedroom eyes.

His breathing and heartbeat quickened and he rearranged himself slowly (quickly for a human but slowly for me) and sat on all fours. He crawled his way towards me, planted his left hand between my legs and his right on my jaw. I backed my head away, scared to be pinned to the couch like this. He pulled my face to his and crushed his lips on mine. He was breathing heavier than any other time we'd kiss. I felt his hand now on my inner thighs and he whispered, ''I'm sorry, I need you''.

I needed him to stop but I didn't want him to. I grabbed his wrist, hoping to keep it still. But keeping his hand still worked but keeping his fingers still was another story. He would squeeze and caress my thigh while still kissing me hard. He was now inching closer and closer to my, his body almost on my lap but still just lingering near my left side. He started to make little moaning and purring sounds. When our lips would pop apart all I could hear was heavy breathing.

Now he was turning himself a strange direction. He was angling himself towards me, with his back to the tv but his legs were extended down the couch, where his head was. He placed his left arm on the arm rest next to me and his right still on my face. I was now also holding his face. He pulled away and started kissing down my jaw, making the sexiest sucking sounds while he was doing it. He held my hand, the one that was holding his neck, and rubbed it with his thumb. That was until he snuggled his face in the curve in my neck and pulled my hand down his torso.

''Please touch me.'' He whispered. ''I need it so bad. You don't understand.'' His voice becoming more and more lustful. His breathing was picking up even more and the feeling of it on my neck almost made me explode.

I stiffened, stopping my hand at his stomach, trying my hardest to resist from going down any further.

''Its okay, you won't hurt me.'' He said, smiling into my neck before kissing and sucking it. ''If you do, I wont mind.'' He said before biting his lip, then nibbling my neck in a way that woulda made a human flinch but to me it was nothing.

He was now turning back around and getting back on all fours. He was attempting to straddle me but in less than a second, he was being slammed against my cd shelf. It all happened so fast. my anxiety exploded and I ended up hurting him. He was wincing on the floor with every one of my cds and stereos falling on top of him.

I stood in shock for a few seconds before running over to him and trying to help him.

He was standing, scratches and bruises all over his back. He looked horrified, I wasn't sure if it was from pain or shock at what I had done.

''You coulda just told me to stop.'' He said close to tears, limping towards the door.

I ran to stop him. 'Oh my god, im so sorry. Baby I was getting out of control, words wouldn't even come to my head. I'm so so sorry.''

''Its fine.'' He was holding the back of his head and shrugging me off.

He opened the door and my whole family was somewhere near my room. some right outside, ready to knock, some coming up the stairs.

''Whats going on.'' They all asked in harmony.

''Nothing, just was being to clingy I guess.'' Jake said as he walked into the bathroom.

Alice looked in my room. ''Edward!? What happened?''

''I couldn't control myself. We were getting to close and and..'' I couldn't finish, I just knocked on the bathroom door.

''Edward, stop. Guys don't like showing weakness. Leave him be.'' Emmett said holding back my knocking arm.

''Your right.'' I said, defeated.

They all went their own ways, some shaking there head out of relief, some out of humor and some out of disgust.

Jake took about 15 minutes in the bathroom. He came out and walked right to the room without saying a word to me. I felt bad but I didn't want to pry. He slammed the door shut and I guessed that was it for tonight. I went downstairs and dwelled all night on what I did until he woke up.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**well hope you liked that little tease. not promising sex soon.**

**ill just keep you on edge but ill definitely make sure theres alot of action.**

**reviews are lovely =]**


	19. Birds and the Bees

**Jacob's POV**

I couldn't believe he did what he did. Even though I slept it off, I was still so angry. I hadn't been able to sleep for hours. I didn't understand the whole physical contact no-no bullshit. I mean I wasn't a fragile little full-human, I wasn't as breakable as he thought. I mean the way I looked at it is, if its my time to go, I definitely wouldn't mind my last moments to be being touched and pleased by Edward. But unfortunately I doubted he would see it that way. All I wanted was alittle attention, we didn't even have to have sex, I wasn't sure I was ready for that anyways but he went and flipped for no reason.

He had let me sleep in his room without coming to check on me. In a sense I was glad because I was never big on needing someone to run after me when I stormed off. But when it came to Edward, I always wanted more attention than usual and kinda hoped he would've come after me.

I smelled some food, thought maybe pancakes, sausage, bacon and eggs. Sounded good to me but I was alittle embarrassed to go downstairs after everything that had happened last night.

But like always, by hunger always dominated any other feeling I ever felt, so I went downstairs.

Esme and Carlisle were at the kitchen table reading todays newspaper. Both looking very intrigued by what they were reading. Rosalie was coming down the hall from the backyard and going into the living room. Alice was cooking breakfast, which I had been completely right on everything she was making. I couldn't find Jasper, Emmett and Edward.

''Smells good Alice.'' I said.

''Thank you very much hun.'' Alice replied, basically answering before I even finished my statement. These vamps had a very quick thought process apparently.

''Eggs, bacon, sausage and pancakes I suppose.'' I said, conceitedly.

''Exactly.'' She smiled at me while scrambling my eggs.

I walked passed the kitchen table, saying good morning to Carlisle and Esme, to stand near Alice. The one I always seemed most comfortable around.

''So um where are Emmett, Jasper and Edward?'' I asked, alittle shy. Not knowing if I sounded desperate or if it was normal to want to know where your guy is every second.

''They are out in the mountains. Hunting.'' Alice said with the most innocent high pitch voice.

''Oh. Last night wasn't what triggered this hunting trip is it?'' I asked, thinking maybe him being very thirsty was why he freaked on me. Maybe he needed this, maybe we could be closer now, or I was probably just getting my hopes up.

''In a sense, yes.'' Alice said, again in a very animated voice.

''Oh. I hate causing all these problems.'' I said as I leaned on the counter.

''Don't, its okay. They needed their guy time.''

''Oh.'' Is all I said. My pride was alittle hurt. Was I becoming the girl in this relationship? I mean come on, hes the one who turned down sex, he should be the girl. Fuck that.

''Whats wrong?''

''I don't know. I just feel like he went just to complain about me or something.''

''No. Thats definitely not it. They do this alot. They get to have their sex talks and vent to each other but from what ive seen,'' She said winking. ''the talks haven't ever been a girl bashing on us so I doubt they'd start just cause you're here.''

''Yeah thats true.'' I said turning to Carlisle. ''How come you didn't go with them Carlisle?''

''Well as Alice said they usually go to have their sex talks and things like that. Usually I know when they plan on having these talks and prefer them to come to me personally about this stuff and plus I haven't had much of a thirst problem since you've been here.'' Carlisle said turning from his newspaper.

''Oh ok. Yeah I kinda thought that was why but wasn't sure.'' I said giggling. I turned back to Alice, while Carlisle turned to his newspaper. ''So how annoyed is he by me, did I irritate him by coming on so strong?''

''I don't think so dear. I mean you are a boy, a teenage boy at that. Hes known since day one he was gonna have to deal with this. He probably just didn't imagine id be so hard to resist. He was more annoyed by himself that he couldn't give you what you wanted.''

''So he talked to you about it?''

''Uh no.'' She said putting her fingers over her mouth and smiling. ''I over heard but he realized I was listening and didn't care but anyways yeah. Hes just disappointed with the situation. He wishes he could give in to temptation completely or resist it completely. Hes caught in the middle.''

''Yeah, I do understand that. I don't want him to be upset with himself, I mean he didn't have to throw me against the wall but what else should I expect from someone with superstrengh.''

''Hmph. well don't blame yourself either hun. Its no ones fault. you guys are in a complicated situation and the odds are always gonna be against you..''

Esme cut her off. ''Alice, hunny. Don't you think maybe him and Edward should have this conversation.''

''This is very true. I wouldn't wanna say too much.'' She said, smiling and winking at me. ''He tends to have alittle bit of a temper when people meddle but meddling is my middle name, I cant help myself.''

After my little talk with Alice, the food was done shortly after. The food was amazing. they could really cook for people who didn't eat.

After dinner I went back upstairs to my new room. I sat and for about an hour by myself. Edward was home alittle after that.

He knocked on the door. I found it funny that he was knocking on his own bedroom door.

''Come in.'' I said quietly, knowing he could hear.

He opened the door and looked up at me quickly. After he closed it he was walking slow, even for a human.

Was he nervous?

''Hi Babe.'' He said leaning against the same wall he threw me against.

''Hey. You can come over here you know.'' I said.

He came over and sat on the opposite end of the couch as me. ''Um how are you?''

''I'm fine. Its whatever. I shouldn't have overstepped my boundaries.''

''Why are you apologizing. I messed up. I threw you when all you were is what every other person in the world needs from the person they're with.''

''Well we aren't other people. I shouldve known. you've told me before.''

''Stop. theres no excuses for what I did. I should have handled it different.''

''Yeah you definitely should have.'' I said with attitude. ''I wasn't going to rape you, you could have just told me to stop.''

''I know but I didn't .. want you too.''

''Um okay. Well.... I don't know what to say to that.''

''I know, im not expecting you to say anything... I just need you to know, the sex cant happen. And if by some chance I ever give in and think its safe, it wont be for a while. If you don't want to be with me then thats fine but im telling you Jacob, it cant happen.''

My heart dropped, although I did love him, I was IN love with him, I couldn't lie to myself and act like the sexual stuff wasn't important. Everytime I was even around him, I wanted to pounce. My heart races to the point of exploding when hes within touching distance and the excitement and pure adrenaline rush I felt being so close to him last night made me think I couldn't handle the no contact rule. I was not a pig. It wasn't about thinking everything was about sex, it was the fact that I truly had the hardest time controlling my urges around him. He did things to me inside that no one had ever done. I'd kissed girls.. and stuff but there was never true thrill about it. Nothing that went beyond just normal horniness. Being around Edward drove my mind and my heart and my body truly insane. I felt like my sexual frustration, for Edward and Edward only, was going to fuck with my head. It literally made my stomach hurt and my mind to dwell everytime he was close and then gone.

''Oh.'' Was all my disappointed mind could give to my mouth.

''I know thats hard for you. Trust me, I want you more than you know. But.. I want you.. alive more than I would to make love to you.''

When he said things like that it always shocked me alittle. He truly believed he could kill me. My stubborn self never bought that. ''Well I want to have sex with you more than I want to be alive.''

As I said the words I realized how serious I actually was. I needed him to be mine, in every form, emotionally, mentally, physically, romantically.. and sexually. I assumed Edward felt the truth to it too. ''Its really that important to you?''

''Yes.'' I sighed, while looking down. ''I mean I can wait.. but only for so long Edward. I need you so bad.'' I was close to pleading with him.

''Don't you just want to be with me?'' He asked. And now I realized I was hurting him. I hadn't thought he would ever think I was just wanting him for my own personal pleasure. But from the tone in his voice, that clearly was the case.

''Edward.'' I scooted to him. ''Of course. But the passion and pure excitement I feel being near you, its truly hard for me to believe id be able to control my self and behave.''

''I understand. I feel the same way. But more than how gorgeous and sexy I find you, I love you. I would never risk hurting you just to give in to a silly human temptation.''

''Its not silly. Its natural.'' I said, almost offended.

''I got that. But ive gone one hundred years without it. I'm sure you'll be fine.''

''Edward. You have been distracted and you didn't have your mate. So of course it was easier. I am human, somewhat, and have certain human needs. And I have my mate, right here, within my reach and im told no.''

''I know Jake. But we have time. I'm not going anywhere. So unless you decide to leave me, we'll have forever together.''

''What if I died tomorrow and you lost your one and only chance to have sex with your true love.'' As I said that he looked pretty upset.

''Don't say things like that. Nothing's gonna happen to you Jake. And what if I take that chance to be with you and then you die anyway.''

''Stop Edy. You wont hurt me.'' I was touching his face, he flinched alittle. ''I'm alot stronger than you think.'' I bit my lip.

''Jake stop. This isn't gonna happen. Thats final.'' He got up and walked out.

''You are such alittle bitch Edward.'' I was so frustrated I didn't know what to do with myself.

I went downstairs and stormed out the back door. All eyes on me. As soon as I got a couple steps outside the house I felt my whole body explode. I only saw red, my heart was pounding faster than humanly possible. I fell down to all four and I picked up speed. I jumped halfway through the river and landed on a rock with my front legs, then quickly switched to stand up on the rock on my back legs to launch myself across the rest of the river.

I started running as fast as I could until even my wolf side got tired. I realized I was basically at the tip on one of the mountains that was located miles from the Cullen's house. I layed there sprawled out enjoying being in this body without voices squawking orders and asking questions. And I definitely was relieved to be without Leah's jealous bitching and revenge stories.

I felt calm but my mind didn't know how to be distracted that long. I started thinking, what if this guy makes me wait years? Decades? What if I died before I ever lost my virginity? I couldn't do it, I was not a sex crazed teenager, if I was I woulda lost it to some random girl from school at a house party. I had morals, I only wanted it with Edward, but the problem was I wanted it more than anything.

Then I started thinking, what if we did have sex and he did actually hurt me. Would I still want to be with him? Could I actually forgive him and understand like I think I would? I wasn't sure. I did remember the reaction to just kissing, imagine how he would react if we were naked, whole bodies touching and rubbing, inside of each other, getting excited and riled up.

I eventually gave up on that thought, I wasn't in the mood to be reasonable. I wanted to be angry, I tended to be more stubborn in my wolf body. I then started to use my time thinking about everything that happened in the past couple days, weeks. There was no doubt that Edward was meant to be mine. I knew with all my heart, mind, body and soul that he was my soul mate. But I wanted to have my mate, my family _and _my friends. Would I ever get my pack back? And even if I did would there ever be that true bond? Would things be the same and would there be any trust or forgiveness?

Ugh I was done with that too. I started getting emotional. After about an hour of lounging in the forest, thinking about my life and a couple minute distraction thanks to a funny looking bird, I heard a noise coming from the bushes to the above and to the left of where I was laying. I rolled over onto my side and looked int he exact direction it was coming from because then out popped Jasper. Jasper? Me and him barely ever talked and they sent him to come after me, odd.

I attempted to ask why he was here but, forgetting I wasn't in my form form, it came out a weird whimpering, howling sound.

''Um Jake, that is you right?'' He said, chuckling.

I just nodded this time.

''Do you want me to leave?'' He asked.

I threw my head back and forth, I wasn't sure why I did want him to stay so bad. Maybe I subconsciously wanted someone to come after me and talk to me, I wasn't sure.

''Does that mean no?'' He was chuckling again.

I shook my head 'yes', not as over the top as my 'no'. I was now up on all fours, tapping the ground with my paw, letting him know I wanted him to stay. My tail was even wagging. That got another laugh out of him.

''Hmm, not as angry as Edward said you'd be.'' I rolled my as at the mention of his name. ''Thats good... Well I brought you some of Emmett's baggy shorts. Didn't think you'd wanna have a conversation naked? Am I right?'' He was giggling now. I had never seen him laugh so much.

I walked over to him and took the shorts in my mouth and ran to the bushes. I calmed myself down, focused on wanting to go back and eventually changed back to human. It still took a couple tries to get myself back. I wasn't great at it yet.

I went back to where I was laying and Jasper was standing there in an army stance. Jasper was always so uptight, I wanted him to relax and chill out.

I sat down and looked at him wondering why he was still friggin standing. ''Come here.'' I tapped on the ground. ''I don't feel like standing.''

He nodded and sat next to me. ''So Jake.. whats wrong buddy?''

''Edward didn't tell you?''

''He stormed off too. Just opposite direction.''

''Oh.'' I was alittle disappointed, I kinda thought maybe he was worried about me and sent someone to find me. ''So Edward wasn't who made you come?''

He looked alittle offended. ''No one made me come Jacob.''

''Oh. Well I just didn't think.. that. I don't know.''

''That i'd care?''

''Yea I guess. You and Rosalie, especially, don't seem to be a part of my fan club.''

''We're not.'' He giggled. ''We're, or at least i'm just concerned about your safety.. and ours, im not gonna lie.''

''Why wouldn't you guys be safe?''

''Well now we do have your pack most likely planning some revenge. We have you and Bella who know our secrets, the Volturi don't like mortals to know about us...''

''Edward mentioned the Volturi once and I already knew who you guys were. When I first changed, they told me why we become like this, my dad said it happens when vampires are here and you guys have been here since Sam first changed.''

''Well yes, that is true but for all you knew it was your dad blowing smoke up your ass. And that doesn't excuse you telling Bella.''

''I'm sorry about that.'' I felt so ashamed telling their secret. Were they all that mad that Bella knew?

''Its fine Jake. You didn't know it had to be a secret. But form now on, no one else can know who we are and if anymore people find out, the volturi will most likely find some way to find out and we will have to leave... without you Jake.''

''Oh.'' I never thought of that.

''Anyways. I didn't come here to lecture you. Just want you to know that my attitude isn't about not liking you, its scared for my family.. and you. But I just wanted to see how you are doing.. being here and what happened the past couple days.''

''Well I could be doing better, we'll leave it at that.''

''Oh I know this. I basically know exactly know you are feeling.'' He said smiling with a wink. ''But I wanted to hear you explain it and get it off your chest.''

''Oh.''

''You don't have to. I'm not normally a nosey person. Tell me to go mind my business and ill leave Jake.''

''No no. Its just that I don't usually talk about my feelings and shit. Its just not my style.''

He made a face and nodded. ''I feel you on that. I'm not a man of expression either.''

''Yeah. Its just, why tell someone something if theres nothing they can do about it. Might as well just keep it to yourself.''

''That is understandable but I can just offer some advice. Cant make your troubles go away but we can still talk about them and figure something out. Maybe ill even help you understand what _Edward_ is going through.''

''What could he possibly be going through. He's got me, hes got his family, hes got tons of money. He can gets whatever he wants with the bat of an eyelash and smile. I don't understand what could possibly be wrong in his life Jazz.''

''Is that truly how you feel?'' He scrunched his eyebrows together, shocked and I just nodded, yes. ''Well you're wrong Jake. I know things are alot harder for you right now, with being in a house you are not used to, around people who not all of them have warmed up to you, you lost your friends and maybe family. And in your head you're feeling rejected by Edward.'' I was surprised he knew that... oh wait nevermind, he had 'abilities' to call us all out on our fronts. ''I'm very sorry you feel that way but you are very wrong about Edward having nothing to worry about.''

''What then.''

''Do you know how hard it is for him to be away from you?''

''_He's _the one who pushed me away.''

''Okay Jake, can you put sex out of your mind for one second please and listen. He's very conflicted right now. His head says one thing and his heart says another. He wants so badly to give you _everything _you want, _everything _you need and he wants to be able to fix things for you and make you happy. But hes very, very scared on multiple levels for many reasons. He loves you so much, words cant explain. I sense a stronger bond between the 2 of you then I do between any of the others, well besides me and Alice.'' He said laughing. ''As much as he loves you is as much as he wants to protect you and keep you safe but in his mind, _he's _the one you should be protected from. He is very scared to hurt you, he would not be able to go on living if something happened to you, especially if he was the cause.''

''I know but how does he know he'll hurt me?''

''Jake, I think you are one of those people who thinks you are invincible, unbreakable. Don't deny it, I know it. You are a typical human who doesn't believe anything bad will happen to them. Or just doesn't worry about it until its too late. He has kept himself very composed around you. He's made sure you weren't around when we were hunting, when we weren't in good moods, when we were thirsty. You haven't seen the negative side of being what we are. You've seen the glam side, the money, the popularity, the beauty, you haven't seen how ugly and scary this life can be.''

My mind was racing. It was hard to imagine these very nice, polite - with one exception - people being anything close to ugly and scary, especially Edward.

''I mean even what Edward did last night will eat at him for _ever. _Whether your dead or alive, whether your together or not. He will remember last night for the rest of his existence and hate himself for it and that wasn't even an ounce of the damage we could do when we aren't under control.''

''I know Jasper. But if its meant to happen, its meant to happen.''

''You cant think of life that way. You have to think of life as one big test. Testing your strength, testing your temptation, testing your morals. Life isn't scripted okay, things are thrown at us to see how we deal and if the way you deal is, okay ill put myself in danger and if the almighty above doesn't think its my time then ill be fine. And thats fine in a sense to be so strong in your beliefs but you cant be sure of anything. What if it wasn't your time to go but you didn't even try to fix it, maybe god works differently than you think and you giving up is you failing your test.''

We were both silent, I truly thought about everything he just said. Jasper was very wise and made way to much sense.

''I didn't want to get into religion or anything. Cause thats always subject to opinion and faith but lets think about what you said in a more logical and realistic sense. Do you know what you would do to Edward if something happened to you?''

I shook my head.

''No. You still don't believe he truly wants to be with you forever. You are a typical human who is insecure about love and doesn't know if someone can truly want them unconditionally. You think he'll move on, maybe be heartbroken for a couple years and find someone else. Well you are more wrong then you know. Do you see how easily I am reading you and you know ive been right about everything else. Do you even know how much more sensitive I am to his feelings. I could tell you more about hows hes feeling right now then he could.''

He was right about everything he said about me, I truly wasn't sure if Edward loved me like I loved him. I wanted to know exactly how Edward felt but I also wanted to hear it from Edward. But if I hadn't truly believed him yet, how would I ever. Maybe I needed someone from third party letting me know how it is.

''Edward is beyond in love with you. Like I said, ive truly never sensed a stronger connection then between you too. Definitely not any humans have come close and not even anyone in my family has as strong of a bond and thats saying alot. Edward is basically incomplete without you. Hes been very distance and very.. broken since ive met him. Ive never seen true happiness or excitement wash through his body for anyone or anything. He's been truly incomplete without you. But when he met you, man let me tell you. It was like a blind person seeing for the first time and not only seeing anything, seeing the friggin sun for the first time. Something lit up and it almost seemed literally, liked something lit up inside his body, like he actually felt life and thrill for the first time. Yes it got alittle clouded with his shock and confusion over it being you he felt this for but that light still showed in his face even when he was concerned.

''Anyone in my family will agree with me but I just have the actually ability to confirm what they think.'' He laughed.

''So like how imprinting is for my kind, is.. like how he felt for me?''

''Um I don't know exactly what imprinting is. I know its like love at first sight but is that all?''

''Um yes but its undeniable. We have the extra sense to know thats our mate and not just hope. Almost like someone comes down from heaven and says 'this is your soul mate'. Your change for them, you do anything for them, you'd fight for them, die for them. Its just like being the same person in 2 bodies.''

He smiled. ''Well then yes, thats how he felt. And from what im sensing, you weren't _taught _that explanation were. You've figured that out yourself huh.''

I blushed. I never had believed in imprinting when it happened with Sam and Emily, I just figured they got lucky. ''Yeah. That kinda just spilled out.''

He smiled. ''Yes. Thats what happened when I found Alice.'' He looked down at the ground and sighed.

''Yea even though you guys are very nonchalant about your relationship. I can see how much you guys love each other.''

''We definitely do. We don't need to flaunt our love. No diss to Emmett and Rosalie, thats just there personality. But I feel love is personal, its between the 2 of you. No one needs to witness it. I mean trust me I understand not being able to control it. Theres times where I just want to take Alice away form you guys and just... you know.'' He sighed.

''Ha ha. Yeah. You are just lucky you actually have that as an option.'' I giggled but he saw through my 'joke'.

''Jake. listen I know its tough. Yes me and Alice and the other even got lucky. We found someone who was equal to us... in strength.'' He quickly made sure I understood the last part and didn't get offended. ''Someone who would be able to hold there own, someone who really couldn't be harmed and even us guy's cases, the girls could harm us just as easily, so its always fair. But Jake you are human, maybe only half but you are. You have a heartbeat, you _can_ die. And We are basically unbreakable. Theres only one way we can die..''

I thought he was about to finish but I didn't really care about that at this point.

''Listen Jake. I'm going to tell you a secret. Its very hard for me to talk about but it needs to be said.''

I was scared at what it would be about.

''Okay way back, before this family, before Alice. I had a different life, I didn't .. um .. preserve humans the way we do now.''

''You've killed people?''

''Yes Jake. And the only ones who haven't are Alice and Carlisle.''

My heart sank.. Edward.. Edward had killed people?

''I'm sorry that wsnt my business to tell.'' He looked ashamed.

''Its okay. I wont say anything.''

''Its okay Jake. I made the mistake, if you feel the need to mention it, ill take blame, plus Edward will know as soon as hes around me. Thats not the point right now. I had been involved with a human once. When I thought I was under control. I thought she was beautiful and shockingly didn't want to... make her dinner. I liked this human, she was interesting. I wasn't in love, I was in lust. She was gorgeous, with a very amazing body. One night, we.. got close. We were kissing, I was alittle anxious but I was fine. We started touching, the excitement was becoming more but I thought of it as.. well normal. We got ...undressed together and I was becoming very nervous. I was beyond excited, my blood was basically boiling.. well if I had flowing blood that is. We started to have sex, that was it. My head was spinning, my fists clenched, I started to hurt her...''

''From the sex or did you hit her?''

''The sex was becoming too rough for a human. And um.. well how much detail can you handle Jake?''

''As much as you are okay with telling.''

''Okay well. Humans are sensitive. And so are females.. bodies. She started to um bleed from the.. amount.. of um.. she started to bleed inside. We'll leave it at that. She was crying. My brain wasn't working properly. I couldn't see straight already and when my nose got a whiff of the blood, my body reacted before I could even think. I pulled out of her and bent down and bit her neck. I sucked until there was no supply to her neck. I pulled away still thirsty and bit her in the thigh being that it was far from her neck. I sucked that dry but she had been gone before I was even done with her neck. After I calmed down, I saw what I just did. I _killed _a human being from having sex. She was laying there naked and bloody. _I _did that. I had liked this girl. Like I said I wasn't in love but I was find of her. I liked her but just because the poor girl bled like a normal human would have from the amount of force she died. She died because I smelled blood and wasn't under control like I thought. I live with that everyday. I've killed a few people in my day but that one haunts me. She was innocent. She cared about me and wanted me like every human wants someone they have feelings for and she died for it.''

My jaw dropped. I felt the pain in his voice when he told this story. ''But like you said you weren't in love. Maybe if you were..''

He cut me off. ''No Jake. Besides feeding, sexual attraction will drive us most crazy. Its the most intense emotion we feel. Now this is very personal and im not going into detail but even when us, my family are.. together, things can get out of control, only we are with someone as strong as we are so you wouldn't really say its dangerous.''

''Oh.'' That made sense. Of course, they probably bit each other and threw each other - I wasn't sure, didn't want to ask that personal question – but the other could take it, the other wouldn't be harmed from it. Damn it. I was wrong. I wanted so bad to say Edward couldn't hurt me and I wanted to believe it but obviously he would. My heart was very disappointed.

''Yea. I know you are disappointed.'' This time I figured I was just obvious, instead of him annoyingly knowing everything about me. ''But maybe with time, he'll learn control. Him, Esme, Alice and Carlisle seem to have _alittle _bit better of self control than me, Emmett and Rosalie. Maybe Edward wouldn't harm you but I wouldn't advise you to take the chance Jake. Give it time. He loves you and is in it for the long run. Maybe you eventually be able to be together in every form.''

''Yeah.'' Was all I said.

''Well listen Jake. If you need to talk about anything ever, im here. But im going to go back. Ill see you later okay. Don't get to down.''

''Yeah. Thanks though Jazz. I do understand better now.''

''Yeah. You were probably hoping id make no point at all and you'd keep seducing Edward?'' He said laughing but I wasn't in the best mood, I just smiled.

''Well ima go. Talk to yah later buddy.''

I nodded. I sat and dwelled for alittle while. So I really was going to go without any.. physicality.. maybe forever. I didn't know how I was going to do this. But I did love him and was going to try but I didn't know how successful id be.

After another hour, I heard more rustling and I turned and it was Edward this time.

''Edward.'' I said. Shocked to see him.

''Yeah, its me baby.'' He said in a very annoyed but sexy voice.

''Are you okay now?'' I said, sort of sarcastic, sort of sympathetic.

''Yes, im calm. I had a talk with Emmett.''

''Yeah I had a talk with Jazz.'' I said at the exact time he said. 'I know'.

I figured he was annoyed and knew what we talked about.

''Don't be mad at him. I do finally understand now and im gonna try and leave you alone.''

''I'm not mad at him, just wish I could of told you instead but im glad he got through to you. He's good at that.''

He sat down next to me. ''Listen, I didn't want to think you could hurt me, I didn't want to believe it but you aren't Carlisle. You cant get excited or have blood spurting at you and have this magical control. I just think you're perfect and could never do anything wrong. But even you could mess up and I should appreciate that you care enough to give up something you probably want just as much as me to keep me safe.''

''Wow. He did get through to you. But you are very right. I want to be with you and have you as mine in _every _form possible. I don't want one part of you to go unclaimed by me. But your safety in higher on the list than pleasure and intimacy. If I knew 100 percent, for sure, no doubt that I wouldn't hurt you, things would be very different but I cant risk it until I feel that way. And my insides still knot up everytime you kiss me... hell I get excited when you look at me, I couldn't imagine what your naked, sweating body and your rapid heartbeat and your heavy breaths would do to me.''

He paused. He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath and kept going, but now he was looking away from me. ''I cant and will not risk losing you for my own selfish needs.''

''Baby. I didn't know this was so hard for you, you always seem so controlled. I'm sorry I didn't try and understand and I kept pushing it and doubted what you were saying.''

''Its okay baby. None of this is your fault. Not one bit of it.''

We looked at each other for a while and then at the view. We were both really having our situation sink in.

''Um.'' I broke the silence. ''Is kissing still okay?'' I asked innocently.

He looked at me, smiled and turned his body towards me. He got up on his knees and crawled to be in front of me. He grabbed my legs to extend and straddle himself over them. He pushed my upper body down lightly and layed on top of me. He kissed my mouth once. Then pecked the corner of my mouth, kissed every inch of my jaw, sucked on my ear. My body was literally shaking. I couldn't help but let out a couple whimpering sounds, because everything in my body was tingling and I was fighting so hard with the urge throw my arms around him and... yeah. After sucking on my ear, he went behind it, which was a very shocking feeling. That was definitely a sensitive spot and he knew it. I placed my hands on his ribs and everytime something was beyond amazing, I would squeeze alittle, that always gave me away. He eventually went down to my neck, which drove me _completely _insane. I could have sworn I almost felt tears forming in my eyes from the intense feelings I got from the nips and sucking. He kissed and pecked lightly down to my collar bones. He licked all the way up to my chin, then came to my lips. He bit his lip before kissing me. His tongue had alittle adventure through my mouth. He now basically had a hold of my tongue my his lips, he had his mouth so tightly suctioned around my tongue that I gave up and just stuck my it out of my mouth. He kissed, licked and sucked on my tongue and I slipped it back in. We both stared at each other for a good couple seconds. My mind was hazy. Certain areas of my body were still reacting to the kiss.

''Yes.'' He whispered. ''Kissing is definitely okay.'' He smiled and rolled off of me. We laid there for about an hour barely speaking a word.

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**hehe teasing is fun**

**review please. might take a couple days to update.**


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